Order by:
Rating:

New Winter Olympic Event:

Hot Breath Ice Cube Melting

written by Nik Voelz, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Sit & Rock A Spell

Researchers say that people are getting out more, going over to their neighbors and sit around together just talking. Mostly about reality shows on TV.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Serious Escalation

US Military says that there are now more hummers in Afghanistan than Hollywood & Beverly Hills combined.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

'Lack of bipartisanship within the Democratic Camp'

Pelosi wants Obama's head.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Biden on Iran: "We are making significant progress"

We have got Iran to agree to using the word "container" instead of "nuke bomb casing".

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Americans More Positive

Poll: Average American much more positive about the nation's future after Washington DC closed all week because of snow.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Rushdie Cancels Saudi Invitation

Salman Rushdie cancels appointment for book signing in Saudi Arabia, although he thanks them for the invitation.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

The Hulk Strikes

Hulk Hogan apologizes to Donald Trump after breaking chair over his head. "I swear, I thought that thing up there was eating his brains."

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Sarah Measuring Up?

Democrats say that they believe Sarah Palin is exaggerating in her new book and want to use a tape measure to affirm facts.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Good News From Barack

President Obama tells reporters that for the last time, we are NOT in a depression, and to go away and leave him alone!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

"The Scream" Maybe For $10 Bills

Copies of Andy Warhol's "200 One Dollar Bills" to be placed on $20 bills. Treasury hoping this makes dollars worth more.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Space Walk! Wow!

The latest messages from the space shuttle after docking at Space Station is that they are doing the mandatory space walk. Average cost: $3,000,000 per step.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Iran admits that it can't convert enriched uranium into fuel rods

so plans to store the enriched uranium inside "containers"

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Pentagon laundering?

Marilyn Monroe = Army Linen Room

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Some Like It Hot actor was favorite for her next spouse

Marilyn Monroe = No I Marry Lemon

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bedtime serenade

Marilyn Monroe = Moan Merrily On

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Upright and upstanding chaps only

Marilyn Monroe = Moral Men Irony

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Saudi currency nightmare?

Marilyn Monrie = Riyal Omen Morn

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Pining for President Reagan?

Marilyn Monroe = Immoral Ron Yen

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Mother's kidney stones woe

Marilyn Monroe = Renal Irony Mom

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

At behest of Obama, Pentagon announces Biotech Breakthrough

Turning algae into coal - to power military jets and hardware.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Standardbearer for cynics

Marilyn Monrioe = Male Irony Norm

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Some dumb blonde

Marilyn Monroe = My Linear Moron

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

I see one of her husband's there!

Marilyn Monroe = Yon Norm Mailer

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Can U believe This Guy?

Under Obama's 'leadership' the USA turns its nose up at Canadian Oil only for China to move in with big license deals for Canadian oil

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Something for that frown line

Clint Eastwood = Scowl Antidote

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

She's smooth-skinned of course

Clint Eastwood = No Latticed Sow

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Are ever the same!

Clint Eastwood = No Two Dialects

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

New movie title?

Clint Eastwood = On Two Citadels

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Filthy lottery

Clint Eastwood = Cad Swine Lotto

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Some competition prize...

Clint Eastwood = Won Cad's Toilet

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bereavement for moron

Clint Eastwood = Condoles A Twit

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Nonplussed at lack of an Oscar

Clint Eastwood = A Stoic Letdown

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Extremely uncomfortable!

Clint Eastwood = A Twisted Colon

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

He's into sweaters!

Clint Eastwood = Woolen tits cad

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Oldendays avian contraceptive?

Charlie Chaplin = Archaic Hen Pill

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Don't use these numbers in an ATM

Charlie Chaplin = Archaic Hell Pin

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Mustache muzzle?

Charlie Chaplin = A Harelip Clinch

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bestial filth...

Charlie Chaplin = Chinchilla Rape

written by queen mudder, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Man Bites Dog

In a bid to see if anyone would read one of his snippets a man bit a dog earlier today.

written by Earl Grey, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Notes from the Olympic Village

Canadian pride and enthusiasm for home team is evident when Zamboni driver gets standing ovation.

written by Jalapenoman, 14 February 2010
Rating:

News from the Olympic Village

Local libraries receive requests to send people to read Chinese athletes their bedtime stories.

written by Jalapenoman, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Notes from the Olympic Village

Male lugers must now begin race at the women's starting point....calling the first part of the race the pussy push-off.

written by Jalapenoman, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Notes from the Olympic Village

A lot of snow and ice in Vancouver is melting....maybe too many S.I. Swimsuit Issues were imported?

written by Jalapenoman, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Notes from the Olympic Village

The Chinese team has bought more training pants and acne team than any group from any other nation.

written by Jalapenoman, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Valentine's Day Message

Does "thinking outside the box" drive you mad? Marriage counselors say you should also consider her personality.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

More Supreme Court Rulings

The US Sumpreme Court ruled Friday 5-4 that Al Gore is full of shit on global warming, even if he's right.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Supreme Court Rules

The Supreme Court rules that the US was definitely the winner in Iraq. However, vote on Afghanistan still deadlocked.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Still Another Party Crasher

Couple not the only uninvited guests at White House party. Abraham Lincoln seen in photos shaking hands with Biden who's too busy talking to notice.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Also Seen Walking Halls At Night

Couple not the only uninvited guests at White House party. Dick Cheney photographed after coming out of undisclosed location in tux.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Openess!

President Obama appears before the United Nations to get approval for sneak attack on Iran.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Kenyans In Somalia

Kenyans recruited to fight in Somalia. President Obama told that he will probably get an exemption, at least until 2012.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Government Motors: US Being Repaid...Eventually

AP Source: GM to begin repaying aid. Dealers agree to take the "First Dollar" made out of frame and sending it to Uncle Sam.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Warning Taken Seriously

From the Government that gave us 24-hour drinking, a £7m ad campaign on the perils of that extra pint. So we thought we'd drink it first", say regular customers.


written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Everyone Satisfied

School lets back head boy barred for kissing a girl as he takes the kiss back.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Economists Warn Brits

Top economists warn that Britain's economy is at risk and call for rapid deficit cut, older citizens to kick off!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Pick On Someone Else

'This shark isn't getting the better of me': Brave grandmother escapes by punching attacker on the nose, nearly pinching it's cheeks off.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Fergie Embarrassed

A Little Red-faced: Fergie's latest children's book sells just 159 copies in the UK. Critics say "A Little Red-faced" horrible title for children's book.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Postman Fingers Grasping More Money

Postman wins £3,000 after damaging darts finger in letter box. Now suing for £20,000 over damaged middle finger.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Pensioner Denied Bus

Pensioner stranded 10 miles from home after bus driver refuses to let him on with a tin of paint. "Has to use money like everyone else, doesn't he?"

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

More Crying As Somebody Has To Lose

After Gordon Brown's tears, emotional David Cameron tells TV of his regrets following son's death.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

No Global Warming Since 1995

Climategate U-turn as scientist at centre of row admits: There has been no global warming since 1995. Somebody tell Chicken Little in Tennessee.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

The Tax Man Cometh

Stars fade after facing massive payback demands as HMRC probes
£2bn film tax loophole.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Anatomy-Boosting Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

Hundreds of British men are risking a Valentine's Day anticlimax for their partners by stocking up on anatomy-boosting underpants ahead of the most romantic weekend of the year.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Gore The Bore

Airlines cancel flights as global warming winter storm hits South.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

All lost in the supermarket

A mountain guide has been reported lost in a busy supermarket in Reading. Police have no firm clues however they suspect he may be located in the frozen goods section of the store. Here's hoping, eh.

written by whatinthe world, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Microsoft Seeking Comeback

Seeking a comeback, Microsoft searching for a smartass answer to competitor's quips.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Reading On The John?

NASA launches lavatory to study The Sun. I'm sorry, that should be "NASA launches observatory to study the sun."

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

One Big Mess Of Fish

Surf contest reminds bystanders of sea's power as giant wave with 50 sharks come over the flood walls.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Singapore Opens Casino

Singapore tries luring foreigners as casino with 15 bars and 50 slightly clothed helpers opens.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Blowing In The Wind

Activists: Whalers hurt by their own pepper spray as they spray into the wind at anti-whaling group.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

UN says: "To Save the Environment Offer to shower with a celebrity - "a thousand times a day"

see supra

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

We Couldn't Stop

Two bank robbers to sue Toyota after high spped chase by police around & around parking lot.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Might Want To Watch That

Traffic cop warns driver of Toyota that was parked that the brake lights were coming on & going off by themselves.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Brown headed for Gold at Vancouver

UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has announced he will fly to Vancouver, Canada to participate in the Winter Olympics. His chosen sport: speed skating, where he can run around in circles all day.

written by whatinthe world, 14 February 2010
Rating:

You Asked For It

Vice President may sue after getting what he's always asked for, a 'Penis Colada'.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Obama Debriefed

Obama getting debriefed on Afghanistan operation as joker escapes without being caught. Police to review security tapes.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

"I have a package"

can mean delivering a Valentine Card or a greasy burger to former President Clinton or that package that well endowed male ballet dancers sometimes carry about their person while on stage.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Police stuff up again

A man has been arrested and charged with imitating Susan Boyle however, on closer inspection, it was revealed that the alleged "man" was really in fact Susan Boyle. Police are naturally embarrassed.

written by whatinthe world, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Hugging Record Set

Embracing history: Man sets hugs record in Vegas by hugging three winning slots, the most anyone ever won on.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Head Of Oil Firm Dead

Police: Alaska oil firm head dies in avalanche, after Greenpeace spotted in the area.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Obama's White House

to use psi-ops on the next "Christmas Day Bomber", but will send the "Boxing Day Bomber" to "Breakfast at Tiffany's".

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Clean The Grease Trap EVERY Year?

New food safety code important to eateries, customers, but hated by their owners.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Is It Ever Lowered?

Utility Companies announce that the cost of electricity will be going up for the month of March, same as every month.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

White House 'out to lunch, dinner, breakfast, tea - "the whole shebang"'

White House throws a Didgeridoo party to show the Middle East that "America really does Care"

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

High Tide

Surf contest reminds bystanders of sea's power as one surfer winds up in Palm Springs.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Biden: Cheney Up To No Good

Biden says Cheney is misinformed or misleading or ready to shoot me in the face.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Biden: Cheney Up To No Good

Biden says Cheney is misinformed or misleading or missing as new VP, FBI still cannot find Cheney's undisclosed location.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Before Obama was 'agnostic' about Pelosi he was

agnostic about the growing budget deficit, out of control government spending etc.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bidne: Cheney Up To No Good

Biden says Cheney is misinformed or misleading or something bad like that.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Hillary Visiting Persion Gulf

Secretary Of State Clinton visits key allies in Persian Gulf, Kuwait.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

President Obama in secret moves

To give Al Qaeda operatives more leeway 'to communicate their message'.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Most Liveable City?

Olympics host Vancouver ranked world's most liveable city. Naturally one person killed the first day.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Obama 'at sixes and sevens'

The President is still 'conflicted' about Al Qaeda's motives

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Sub Still Missing?

Gone fishing: Secret hunt for a sunken Soviet sub as Russia refuses to move from favorite fishing area where US already fished out sub in 1970's.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Al Qaeda learning spycraft from watching latest Chuck episodes

"not true" - "but we are monitoring the situation" said White House spokesperson.

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

49 States Have Snow

49 states dusted with snow, 49 dusted with snow. Take one down, all melted on the ground, 48 states dusted with snow!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Greece has 'come up' with so many things

including Europe's largest deficit:GDP ratio

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

US Debt Will Continue

US debt will keep growing even with recovery, as it has for the last 30 years.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bombimg In India

Nationalists blame Pakistan for bombing in India. Socialists blame society in general.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Taliban Headed To The Hills

Gunfire as some Taliban fight Marines in Marjah. But most creep away in the light & return when Marines leave, like cockroaches.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Iran has a perfectly good reason for enriching uranium

to make nuclear bombs

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Al Qaeda operatives use "secret words" to avoid searches at airports

"Can't make this stuff up"

written by Tcoah, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Boyle lanced and reinvented

Scottish warbler, Susan Boyle, has been apprehended, hermetically sealed and whisked off to Vancouver to appear as a ski jump at the Winter Olympics. Her singing career apparently in tatters; typical.

written by whatinthe world, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Trouble with the Extra Room (with windows) at the Space Station

Intergalactic real estate agent suddenly appeared and said, "Hey, the reservation wasn't for a room with a view."

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Original Features Can Still Be Seen on Ancient Spider Fossil

No facelift necessary.

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Pill helps to cure osteoporosis in mice and rats

Way to go, scientists. Now we'll have a nice strong rodent population to battle.

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Research Shows Drinking Beer May Strengthen Bones

Since Super Bowl Sunday, bones seem to be doing just fine.

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Voting Democrat Unhealthy According to Science

Researchers at A Really Impressive University have announced today that voting Democrat causes blackheads, sickle-cell anemia, high blood pressure, marathon shitting, and a craving for chitlins.

written by Daniel Bristol, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Still Above New York Times

The National Enquirer celebrates getting their seventh facts straight in an article, although five have been about John Edwards.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Harmony All Wrong

Surviving Members of the Beatles call it quits, decide to go solo!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Predictions

Fed Chairman Bernanke says that the good news is that we may be out of the recession soon. The bad news is that we will then be in a depression. Still, it will be nice for a change.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Bipartisan Redefined

Bipartisan means involving two major political parties in drafting legislation. Too bad, President Obama defines "two major political parties" as House Speaker Pelosi & Senate Majority Leader Reid!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Climate Change Crappy Theories

EX-LAX: Global warming is caused by constipation! IMODIUM: Global warming is caused by diarrhea!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

I'll Be Back

A 1968 Democratic National Convention Vietnam War protester said "If Congress tries to use the nuclear option to pass health care reform, the Chicago IL protests will look like a walk in the park!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Republican and Democratic Party Bravado

Each party has hired a consultant to come up with a bravado "Buzz Word" generator. This computer program quickly allows campaign committee chairmen to write ridiculous inane fund raising letters.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

The Ventriloquist

Did President Obama say "No New Taxes on the Middle Class?" I'll bet you didn't know the president was a ventriloquist!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Third Party Candidate

President Obama plans to run on the "No Nothing Party" slate in 2012, as he knows nothing about, the economy, health care, energy, homeland security, the military and lacks being bipartisan.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Water Boarding to Officially End

The town of Jones AR, population 23, has disbanded its water board and transferred its members to the sewer board! Town residents are stunned as they have only wells and septic systems.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

A New Spin

Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs is leaving government service. He is taking a new job with Toyota Motors to do the same type of spinning job, but at four times his current salary!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Come November



LONE RANGER: Do you realize that after November 2010 we may have to do Snippets about Republican right wing loons? TONTO: Not to worry, Washington DC politicians will still talk with forked tongues!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Dual Use

The onion has been proven to be a cause of gas and diarrhea! However the onion may also be used as a cure by employing it as a cork.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Love Conquers All

Saudi Arabian Religious Police again crackdown on Saint Valentine's Day gifts. Every year they do the same thing, but never seem to notice the birth rate continues to increase anyway!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

No new taxes on Middle Class Americans

President Obama approved raising the national debt ceiling by $2.0 billion and will only tax the wealthy. The president has also proposed lowering the definition of wealthy from $250,000 to $25,000!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Eating Road Kill Approved

The food police have approved eating fresh road kill. Only organically raised road kill having FDA certified fat, calorie and salt labels attached is allowed. Vending machine road kill is forbidden!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Trial Venue Selected

President Obama selects the south lawn of the White House for the Khalid Sheik Mohammed terrorism trial. Eric Holder, the US Attorney general objected to using his office, as it is too small!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Congressional Poll

A poll was taken in both houses of Congress, asking who Thomas Jefferson was. The majority of respondents identified him as the lead singer for the Jefferson Airplane!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Lonely

Police warn lonely old maid to leave roadside with her "Will work for sperm" sign.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Snow Blindness You Say?

President Obama having a hard time explaining to republicans and some democrats why he insists that Michelle start wearing a veil.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Shut Your Yap, Barak Honey!

Michelle Obama say they need a vacation alone somewhere where she can make him shut his mouth before he breaks it from everyday speeches.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Palin Didn't Know

Palin says she didn't know Bristol was having sex. "They were supposed to be making a snowman, not a baby!"

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

No Hybrids

Authorities outlaw human/animal hybrids but agree that it would be a hoot!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Yellow-Bellied Low-Brancher

Bird watcher's adding special place in journal for tree-sitters and details about them.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Biden Outraged

Vice President Joe Biden's got the ass after Senate votes down Vice President's Day, 100-0.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Word From Internet Cops

Hackers have broken into you e-mails with your girlfriend. Look for everyone to treat you differently from now on, Mr. Penis!

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
Rating:

Arrested D & D Anyway

Convertible drivers say they are getting high off the fumes of cars that run on gasohol, not the partial case of beer in bad seat.

written by Bureau, 14 February 2010
« Jan 2010 February 2010 Mar 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
1st
86
2nd
147
3rd
172
4th
155
5th
154
6th
142
7th
123
8th
109
9th
183
10th
146
11th
0
12th
163
13th
115
14th
136
15th
133
16th
93
17th
180
18th
185
19th
183
20th
211
21st
121
22nd
99
23rd
134
24th
166
25th
99
26th
113
27th
109
28th
150

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 5?

9 10 24 22


Go to top