Princess Anne Tweet
Personally wringing the Christmas turkey's neck today. Comfort and joy!
Cameron says AWAY WITH THE MANGER!
Crisis for the Nativity. David Cameron says creche is a tax burden and should be closed down. Holy Manger to be bulldozed to make way for high street banks.
Horse walks into a bar
Bartender says will that be a feedbag of Bud?
No I'm thirsty, give me a trough.
'Ass Of The Year' Finalists Announced
Among them Tiger Woods, Al Gore, Charlie Sheen. Kim Kerdashian also included, but for an entirely different reason.
Alert! Alert! 2
Aliens have been found living in Heathrow airport Immigration centre. Spokesperson says: "How the fuck did they get in here?"
Britain's Most Hated Christmas Song Is...
"I'm dreaming of a White Christmas" by Bing Crosby -- looks like his dreams have come true!
Hosepipe Ban Forecast
The UK weather Centre in London has forecast a hosepipe ban for Christmas day. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
Halley Misses Period
Comet visits earlier than its regular 76-year round.
Bush and Forest Elephants Are Different Species, Say Scientists
Study angers Republicans.
Faux News: "Obama To Host Tea Party"
Desperate move to improve sagging ratings. O'Donnell: "What does he think he is? A wizard?"
Jets coach Rex Ryan reacts angrily to questions about his fetishes
Ryan said sexual foot-fetish videos of he and his wife on a swinger's site are a personal matter. When asked if he sniffs stationary bicycle seats, he shot back, "What do you think, I'm a pervert?"
written by JAB
, 23 December 2010
Heathrow's Terminal 3 closed indefinitely
Heathrow boss Colin Matthews issued a statement: "Terminal 3 will be closed until further notice due to the pong."
written by JAB
, 23 December 2010
Bush found Behind Bush
The man detained after driving erraticaly into the property of George W. Bush turns out to have been his son George Bush bringing a Christmas present.
written by j.w.
, 23 December 2010
Santa no show
Santa Claus will not be delivering presents this Xmas because he has developed clostraphobia and cannot climb down narrow chimney stacks. It appears that Santa will stay home and get drunk instead.
Santa black banned
Santa Claus will not deliver presents this Christmas because he has been black banned by the European Union due to the way he violates trade barriers every year. "Get stuffed" was Santa's response.
No Santa this Xmas
It is believed that Santa Claus will not make his annual sleigh ride this Christmas because of the heavy snowfalls across Europe. Instead he will send an email saying "ho ho bleedin ho" for his fans.
95 year-old granny causes global Skype blackout!
An Australian 95 year-old grnnay is to blame for the global Skype blackout, she thought she was seeing ghosts, nearly had a heart attack and pushed the wrong button!
Oldest dog in the world found in Bangalore, India!
The oldest dog in the world has been found in Bangalore, he's a super canine, but really a Buddhist monk in disguise. Had cancer, did a "Lance Armstrong" and now running the tour de India at a 140!
Madonna Vs. The Christmas Tree
What is the main difference between Madonna and a Christmas tree?
You could eat the Christmas tree if you absolutely had to.
Joan Rivers' Book Is Bound To Be A Million Seller
The title of Joan Rivers latest book is What The Hell I Did To Look Like A Damn Effen Space Alien And What You Can Do To Keep From Looking Like Friggin Me.
The Amazing Reason Why Kate Gosselin Will Never Get A Man
"Graceless" Kate Gosselin has finally admitted that she will never get a man because of the fact that she has a bigger 'pecker' than her ex-husband Jon Gosselin.
Adam Lambert Reveals His Greatest Desire
Adam Lambert was asked what is his greatest desire. He replied that he wants to wear lipstick, eye-liner, and eye-shadow that doesn't make him look quite so gay.
Lindsay Lohan's Newest Perfume
The latest perfume from Lindsay Lohan is Eau Du Rehab Clinic.
What "rhymes" with Tattoo-Gate...?
BA to re-brand after Xmas Travel Fiasco
Will very slowly re-enter the market as Tortoise Airlines with flights starting... well, no one's sure but they're doing their absolute best to decide.
5th Runway for Heathrow Definitely Out
'They don't even use all the runways they've got': critics.
The departing US House Democratic left liberals were given sage advice by the moving people cleaning out their offices. They said "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!"
They're Not All at the Funny Farm
Democratic Ober-liberal left commentator Alan Colmes claims there are no American home grown Muslim terrorists! He thinks these terrorists are all white guys!
Last UN Debate of 2010
The UN General Assembly took up the question of where the ass-hole of the world is located. The six competing countries are Iran, North Korea, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia!
USA to Become a Rat Infested Third World Country
EPA to restrict the use of rat poisons, because of children. This is not a good way to improve public health, as the problem is rats are prevalent in many cities and can pass along serious diseases.
Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Spoofers
It was the night before Christmas, the 111th US Congress has gone home, the 112th US Congress is not due to convene in Washington DC until January 3, 2011 and the UK Parliament is in recess.
Obama's Propaganda Press Conference
King Obama I, the American people "do know" about your socialist agenda to have Washington DC control their lives. Your administration is sucking the economic life (deficits) out of the middle class!