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Rating:

Tomorrow's Horoscope

Your day is going to be just awful. Sorry. On the up side, your car's day is going to be even worse.

written by icybluepen, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Boxing Promoter Don King Busted by Airport TSA

King was stopped while preparing to board a plane at the Cleveland airport. He was reportedly carrying more than 4 ounces of liquid in his hair.

written by JAB, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Bad Headline Number 72

Dog Owner Ordered To Pay $1,000 To Bite Victim

written by IN SEINE, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Canadians: OMG WTF is BTB:ASVFPSAC ?

According to leaked documents, the title of a tentative deal "Beyond the Border: A Shared Vision for Perimeter Security and Competitiveness." To be signed by Stephen and Barry in January.

written by JAB, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Clegg isn't organising Royal Stag Night

Clegg's offer to arrange the Royal stag night has been declined by the Palace "I wanted to see what it was like to organise a party before I take up a job in Brussels" said the Lib Dem Leader.

written by John Ball, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Camilla Poked by Comoner, Home Secretary reacts

The Home Secretary was said to have been angry on hearing the news, telling Met Police supremo Sir Paul Stephenson, "if anyone tried to poke me in public I would expect them to be damn well hung".

written by John Ball, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Republicans Don't Like Santa

Republicans don't like Santa because Santa believes in giving to the poor and the good boys and girls of the world.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Republicans Don't Like Santa

Republicans don't like Santa because Santa believes in giving to the poor and the good boys and girls of the world.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Glenn Beck Only Hates Himself

Glenn Beck admitted he only hates himself and blames his self-hate for the reason he dresses like a Nazi and goes after a certain ethnic group.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Fed Says Spoof Worse than WikiLeaks

The federal government claims The Spoof is worse than WikiLeaks because The Spoof has more believable information that could hurt important politicians.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Carrie Fisher Still Bitter

Carrie Fisher is still bitter about John Travolta taking her to a McDonalds on their first date, so she is calling him gay.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Johnny Boehner Cries

Johnny Boehner likes to cry because it is a skill he believes is important when screwing over the American public. He claims he learned it from Norm, the lovable Cheers' character.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Ja Rule's 2 Years in Jail Not Enough

Ja Rule's Two year prison term not enough to make up for the horrible acts he committed against music listeners during his career as a rapper.

written by UWGB-Beek, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Crazed Man Turns Woman Upside Down Looking for Chocolate Covered Cherry!

The man, said to be severely addicted to sweets, said he was driven to the act
"because even a blind pig knows they hide the good stuff in the bottom of the box!" He was cautioned and released.

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

British Secret Service to Use Public Transportation for Charles' Travels!

Agents say by using passengers on The Big Bus Tour as human shields for the Prince of Wales, risk of death or injury to HRH will be greatly reduced, especially if he stops waving at the BASTARDS!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Al Gore Suffers Frost Bite in Can Cun!

Global Warming Guru remains mum, but is roundly denounced even by Pope as holy water in font freezes over. Pope calls him 'testa di cozzo', but the asshole pretended he didn't understand Latin!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Indian Bus Overtuns, 38 Injured in Bizzare Incident!

Passengers said they panicked when Bargis Tryhol accidentally released his pet snake from his knickers and it reared it's ugly head. Victims all rushed to right side of bus causing it to capsize!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Arsonist Sues Town After Lamppost Incident!

The yob suffered a broken thumb, cut eye, and pissed himself after he set himself on fire during bungled arson attempt and ran into a lamppost in foiled escape attempt. Seeks $7m for 'mental lapse!"

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Avid Bikers Warned Hobby Leads to Low Sperm Count!

Spoof Editor Mark Lowton said he wasn't worried, "I'm in charge of accounting here, my count can be anything I want it to be. You guess mine and win bonus points! CJ sez, "3 pts, Big F**g Deal!"

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Terrorist Breaks Hunger Strike, Eats Cellmate!

Self proclaimed terrorist Mohamad el ShaBoom, proudly confessed saying," this should get me out of here and on my own reality show. You seen the shit they're putting on TV these days?"

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Yorkshire Lad in Shoe Scam Nightmare!

Local Yorkie, Birbee, caught up in 'buy 1 get 1 free' Paki shoe scam. "Sure I went fer it, " he said, " then I got home and found I got one blue and one pink one, and they weren't even the same size!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Goofy Bastard Encouraged to Buy Hat by Wife!

"What's a man to do," said a dazed Martin Shuttlecock," she told whe was tired of me shit and to put a lid on it. Cost me 10 quid just to get some respect and quiet in me own house! Bitch!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Writer Claims He's Being Stalked by Crazy C**T!

Colonel Juan claims he is being stalked after a story featured a 13th century term for a woman's sex. "It ain't fair, innit? Say the word onst, write about it, and now I'm the F***g C**t Master!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Escaped reindeer killed on Norfolk road

A reindeer, called Cupid, died when it was hit by a car shortly after escaping from a Norfolk tourist attraction.

Stupid Cupid.

written by ExiledRoyal, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Brittney Spears talks about her male Fans---"I'm beating them off with a stick!"

Male fans in the U.S. line up after hearing her announcement.
She calls it "hands free" crowd control.

written by Dax L'Amour, 13 December 2010
Rating:

British Police Decline Offer Of Water Cannon For Crowd Control

Reason given: "It's too bloody cold!"

written by Skoob1999, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Chess Grand Master Studies Next Move Carefully

Monkey Woods either working out a big finish in Spoof Chess Championship or he's gone AWOL

written by Skoob1999, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Take That! Add More Guest Slots To Busy Schedule

Additional gigs to include Newsnight, Emmerdale, Corrie, The Apprentice, Alan Titchmarsh, Dickinson's Real Deal, Baywatch and Knight Rider.

written by Skoob1999, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Princess Anne Tweet

Shoved stupid bouquet in donation kettle during visit to Salvation Army. V. Attractive uniforms, however.

written by Catherine the Average, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Clinton Thankful to be Back in White House & In Charge!

Celebrating his return to power, the gregarious wart hog from Arkansas, graciously volunteered to lead new intern orientation briefing scheduled for Dec 31 including tour of oval office broom closet.

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Crack heads from around the world heading to Minneapolis

According to Jeff Spicoli, "Dude, did you see all that white stuff at the Metrodome on youtube, awesome! Totally awesome! All right, Hamilton!"

written by JAB, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Kate Gosselin Shamed In Alaska After She Shit Herself on TV!

The dour diva refused to leave her tent during Palin camping episode due to fears rain would make her mascara run, leading to a TV first and debunking self aggrandizing reports 'my shit don't stink."

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Prolific Spoofer Claims Writing for The Spoof is "big pain in the arse!"

Top writer, Bureau, announced his temporary sabbatical until stress in his aching back improves. "It doesn't help that I have to hunch over the computer waiting from my stories to be approved, either.

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Joran Van der Sloot: My Human Rights Violated!

The imprisoned sociopath claims someone put coal in his Christmas Stocking
whilst he was sleeping. Said 1 official, "Obviously, Joran has been a very, very,
bad boy. Get over it!

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Bernie Madoff Distraught over Son's Suicide!

Prison officials say the disgraced financier is under sedation, but all things considered, "Is hanging tough!"

written by Morse, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Hot water cannons prepared as Police switch tactics from 'Kettle' to 'Cafetière'

'It works for the Frogs' says Commissioner...

written by pinxit, 13 December 2010
Rating:

'Poke the Duchess with a Stick'...

...has overtaken 'Twister' as the UK Christmas Party Game of 2010.

written by pinxit, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Indian Actress Shows Children Where Babies Come From

"No-panty" girl Yana Gupta lauded for her initiative in demonstrative sex education.

written by Hawking's Chair, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Palin To Return To Haiti With Her Shotgun

"I'm gonna nail down that Cholera creature."

written by Hawking's Chair, 13 December 2010
Rating:

What Were Mark Madoff and Taimur Abdulwahab al-Abdaly Thinking?

Experts say last thing to go through a suicidal mind is the thought of loved ones.

Loved ones say first thing to go through their minds is "that's a strange way to show your love".

written by SpaceElevator, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Assange Gets the Prize

WikiLeaks Founder Julian Assange to receive the No-Ball Prize!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Fall Asleep Fast

Scientists discover new method of falling asleep very fast without using drugs. Turn on MSNBC TV and watch either the Rachel Maddow or the Keith Olbermann show!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Better than Mrs. Murphy's Chowder

San Francisco CA homeless man claims he found two Rocky Mountain Oysters floating in a bowl of ox tail soup he was eating at a downtown soup kitchen!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Don't Fool with Mother Nature

The NY Giants are ranked No. 2 in their division and the Minnesota Vikings are ranked No. 3 in their division. Neither team is out in the cold, except for the weather in Minneapolis MN!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Cancun Climate Conferees Issue Statement

190 delegates, sitting on the beach drinking Margaritas, issued the following communiqué. We feel the 17 inches of snow & 18 degree Fahrenheit temperature in Minneapolis MN is due to global warming!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

They Still Don't Get It

Both Democrats & Republicans still haven't heeded the American people. They don't want any more $853 billion stimulus's, but want Washington DC to stop deficit spending that raises the US debt!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Democratic Flame-Out


House Speaker Pelosi is riding with her Democratic liberal far left posse into the flaming sunset of history, over the Bush tax cuts!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Latest From the Loony Left Liberals

HS Pelosi said "a high federal Inheritance (Death) Tax insures the next generation of Americans starts out economically equal to their forebears." VP Biden said candidly "what a crock of s**t!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Boy Am I Relieved

NYC Mayor Bloomberg (I) said "I'm not going to run for president." President Obama breathed a sigh of relief saying, "now I only need to worry about Palin, Huckabee, Romney & those other Republicans!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Just a Walk in the Park

President Obama seems to be glued to his chair in the Oval Office. President Harry S Truman would have walked down to the US Capitol and had a chat with Empress Pelosi about the Bush tax cuts!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

The Presidential Communicators

GREAT: William Clinton (D), Ronald Reagan (R). NOT SO GREAT: George W Bush (R). OVERRATED: Barack Obama (D).

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Former President Clinton's Press Conference

A Democratic Party supporter's 10 year old son, watching the Clinton speech about the Bush tax cuts, said "Mommy who was that man standing next to President Clinton?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Recent New York Times Headline

"PRESIDENT CLINTON ADDRESSES THE NATION" The former president talked about extending the Bush tax cuts being good for the American middle class, while President Obama went to a Christmas Party!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 December 2010
Rating:

Princess Anne Tweet

Staff Christmas party to be less fun this year as have loaned water cannon to Metropolitan Police.

written by Catherine the Average, 13 December 2010
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