Matt Cardle Wins The X Factor
Only the great British public could vote for a crap pub singer. Aretha Franklin wouldn't win the fiX Factor. She'd probably come second to Jedward or Wagner.
Shock X-Factor Final Result
Shock breaking news - A reasonably attractive man has won a gameshow watched predominantly by women.
Britain to get another eight inches
Many hopes dashed upon realizing it's eight inches of snow.
Police to trick Uni Protestors
Secret plan to tell them water cannons filled with beer.
It's beginning to look a lot like Spliffmas!
New video shows Miley Cyrus red-faced after smoking a poinsettia.
Anti Royalists Student Link
Following raids on the Queens facebook page by Anti Royalists an alliance between students and the group will see the monarchy is disolved by 2020. Opponents to the cause will face public execution.
Royals No Ball Game...!
Ex Royal spokeswoman Jane Andrews reveals that Sepp Blatter told her that England would not host the World Cup unless Queen in waiting, Kate Middleton, slept with members of the FIFA governing body.
Princess Anne Tweet
At Camilla's age, an unexpected poke is a good thing.
Queen furious after inspecting damage to the family car.
Clegg popularity plummets on uni fees
Come into my cabinet, said the spider to the fly.
Politics making estranged bedfellows?
Nick Clegg wondering if he's got involved with the wrong man.
Ahmadinejad posts lonely Heart
Little kind man, never even killed a ant, used to be teacher, likes uranium, favourite color brown, could do with a shower, enjoys watching asphyxiation, looking for Arab friends.
Arsenal Not Scared Of United.
They should be. They should be VERY scared.
Miley Cyrus gets stoned, listens to father's music
Cyrus: "Sorry guys. I had no idea. Just heard this stuff for the first time myself. I'm so sad."
Say it ain't so, Joe
In a speech yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden reiterated, "the number one issue for the middle class is a three-letter word: J-O-B-S."
written by JAB
, 12 December 2010
Bernie Madoff under suicide watch
Prison officials have set up a 46 Inch Plasma TV along with lazy boy chairs in the prison guard lounge for those that want to watch Mr. Madoff's monitored cell.
written by JAB
, 12 December 2010
Peter Barlow's Son, Simon, Survives Corrie Carnage
Never mind. You can't win 'em all.
Sir Elton John Admits He Was Once Really Messed Up On Drugs.
Denies being fat, bald, and a tad gay.
David Cameron Makes Something Else Perfectly Clear
Seems a bit sad that only he can see it. Everybody else needs glasses.
Stockholm Suicide Bomber Kills Self
Two injured but nobody else hurt. That was a good day's work then, wasn't it? About as useful as a one armed window cleaner.
Matt Cardle - More Than A Painter And Decorator.
Apparently he knows a bit about carpentry too. Which is just as well, because he can't sing for shit.
Cher Lloyd eXracted From X-Factor
Remains defiant. Insist's she'll be BIG! SEN's Buffty Ginslinger recommends she put horse shit in her shoes. And a lot of it.
Pink Floyd's Dave Gilmour Appalled By Stepson's Behaviour On Student Demo
"He looked a right namby pamby nonce" grumbles guitarist.
Tevez Wants Away From Manchester City
"I don't think Carlos will ever settle down," says grinning agent.
Liverpool Crash 3-1 At Newcastle.
Roy Hodgson says they didn't score enough goals.
Coronation Street Rocked By Second Gas Explosion And Second Tram Crash!
No...hang on...it was the Omnibus Edition. Phew!
Wikileaks: Pope Wanted Turkey Out Of EU And Thanksgiving
Leaked cable shows the Pope's religious bias when it comes to Europe and dinner. Preacher Terry Jones calls for burning the turkey when it's cooking.
TSA Worker Sent To Trauma Center After "Exhausting" Pat-Downs
Hideous, obese passengers possible cause of trauma, say psychiatrist.