Order by:
Rating:

Mark & Spencer Cut Costs, Spencer

Mark and Spencer make a big cutback on costs by laying off Spencer, Mark cut down to three days a week.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Tipper Joins The Pigeons

Asked if she would miss anything special about her husband Al Gore, Tipper Gore said that maybe the fun of seeing him standing still long enough that pigeons shit on his head.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Might Need A Bit More!

Gennie Mae and Freddie Mac say they are very thankful to you through your great great great grandchildren for their bailouts.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

I WAs Glad 30 Seconds Ago

Lady on street in Florida: Is that an oily founder in your pocket or did you overdo how glad you were to see me?

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

ACLU Supports Muslim Rights

The ACLU come to the aid of Muslims in America: "They have the legal right to their religious belief in killing the rest of us."

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Looked VERY Surprised!

The global warming debate heats up again as Nancy Pelosi somehow hotfooted while using gavel over argument.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Saddam Visited Taleban

Script of famous Saddam Hussein novel he said he was writing found in one of his many homes. Surprisingly, it's about his 1988 trip to Afghanistan entitled, "The Mother Of All Ass Whippings!"

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Thought We Had Him!

Top evolutionists disappointed as big idiot found wandering Mojave Desert with knuckles on the ground turns out to be the missing Fink.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

More Healthier Though

New breast implants made from a woman's ass fat a lot healthier but taste like shit", say specialists.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Hawking buys new wheelchair

Stephen Hawking has splashed out on a brand new wheelchair. The chair developed by NASA features SKY Plus and a toaster in the armrest. Hawking said his purchase left him feeling, "Out of this world."

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Stalones Mother wins Beauty Contest

Sylvester Stalone's mother today won a beauty contest. It was in the Egypt museaum and she won most beautiful mummy. When she moved all the guest fainted with shock.

written by Xavier, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Take That Reunion Over Already?

Bandmates, Mark Owen and Robbie Williams have seriously fallen out after Mark was asked what he thought of Robbie's swanky wedding clothes; "It's like sprinkling glitter on dog s**t," he replied.

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Bad Headline Number 66:

HEADLESS BODY FOUND IN TOPLESS BAR

written by IN SEINE, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Bestseller? Maybe

Many disappointed that Diary kept by Lindsay Lohan while in jail is mostly drawings of dongs.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Maybe We Need It

Obamacare may be needed after all due to 60% of Americans being sick that we have him as President for another two whole years!

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Now What?

UFO landing in LA having ten boobs and six penises to complicate definition of marriage.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Other Great Uses For Beer

Overcomes your shyness and get out on the dance floor and puke till they all dance like you, sliding all over the floor.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Pro-Beer Factor

Another good uses for beer: It keeps your feet from being sunburned and it can't shine past your belly.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Going Green

Stimulus: $2.4 Billion to Make Cars Greener! "We have painted nearly a third of ours green so fer", says mayor of one Arkansas mayor. "Got a green thumb too, look!"

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Must Have Been The Right One

Poll: Most Americans say they think they married the right person. "I mean, she's the one who came down the aisle. I didn't even know the others with her."

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Rich Living Is Rough

New York City has 650,000 millionaires. Over 10,000 of them cannot afford an apartment.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

"Lets Go Beat Her Ass!"

Several public schools say that class bullies now wearing Taliban gear.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

World Sauna Championships

It's been revealed that the competitor who died during The World Sauna Championships in Finland yesterday, was "hot favourite."

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Tree-Sitter Stayed Too Long

Tree sitter accidentally ground up in wood chipper. "Whoops! Better stop and pour him out."

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

"Shall I Carry Your Bag For You Sir?"

New Study: No matter how drunk you get, some women and men will just not look good. Your best bet, the old reliable bag. It's out of fashion but it still works.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Copperfield Doesn't Know Where They Went

Families of those on airplane that David Copperfield made disappear on live TV, sue the magician for 20 million over lost loved ones.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

He's Done Similiar Things

large Hadron Collider missing! Interpol checking with David Copperfield.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Toon It Up!

KIM JONG-IL says he will scrap nuclear program for food for NKoreans, complete set of Loony Tunes and Fractured Funnies!

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Bridge To Nowhere

Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin says she's actually been on "bridge to nowhere". "I think McCain and I spent 4 months there in last election."

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Oscar Winner Dies

Oscar-winning actress Patricia Neal dies at age 84. Or she's doing a darn good job acting like she's dead.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Lennon Killer Up For Parole

John Lennon's killer up for parole again in NY. Yoko Ono: "All we are saying is give piece of his hide!"

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Might Take Awhile

Statue of Liberty to get new staircase for safety: "In case of fire, run down 357 steps.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

One Down, One To Go

Police: 1 of 2 Ariz. escapees captured in Wyoming, while playing with deer and antelope.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Death Wish Driver Caught Speeding

A terminally ill motorist was caught doing 100 mph in a 60 mph zone, smoking a cigarette and gesticulating at other motorists. He was given a 3-year ban from driving. Let's hope he lives that long!

written by IN SEINE, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Brussels Tax Britons

Now Brussels wants to tax Britons directly with EU-wide levies on banks and air travel. Cameron: Kiss IT!

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Rwandan Prez Expected To Win

Rwandan president expected to win election handily, or handless, voters choice.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Some Really Sick!

NYPD cops probed for 'faking' mental illness for benefits. Even worse, many aren't faking.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Tiger Off His Game!

AUGUST DAZE: Tiger Woods Slumps To All-Time Low; Worst Tourney of Career...but had a great time off the course.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Everybody's Talking About Me!

KUDLOW: Panic at White House over stalled economy. PAPER: Time to admit Obamanomics has failed. Bernanke: Time for all good men to come to the aid of their country through their pocketbooks.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Hawking Trying To Help

Physicist Stephen Hawking: Abandon the Earth! Come with me back to my own planet!

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Female? How Can You Tail?

Robot expresses and detects emotions. "You're horny as all get-out', sat scantily clad female Robot.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

More Bailouts Needed

Freddie Mac needs $1.8 billion more from taxpayers. Michelle another 1.5 million for trips with other grieving friends. To apply for trip, Sen name, phone number and who you lost to mourn.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

About Michelle's Trip

EAST WING FIRES BACK: First lady took vacation with 'dear friend' whose father recently died in January 2007.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Woman To Head Intelligence Agency

First woman to head major US intelligence agency. Archie Bunker grave collapsed from spinning body.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

No Dog Food

Fido's food could be making kids sick, report says. Parents warned not to allow kids to eat Gravy Train no matter how good it looked on TV.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Heliocoptors To Fly Over In Salute

Former enemies US, Vietnam now military mates. Vietnam to rename hotel, McCain Hilton Minh.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Sponges Noticve Difference

Crabs provide evidence oil tainting Gulf food web. SpongeBob says boss has mellowed.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Crabs Hold The Answer

Crabs provide evidence oil tainting Gulf food web. Some Gulf Restaurants say they're twice as crabby.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Kim Jong Il, Genius!

N. Korea fires 110 rounds of artillery near sea border. Has fake opening for a tunnel painted on mountainside rock, hoping SKoreans will think it's a real tunnel and run into it.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Kim Pissed Again

N. Korea fires 110 rounds of artillery near sea border, over 10,000 firecrackers on the SKorean border to provoke them.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Lanky footystar Peter Crouch beds a Hooker half his size!

Very tall Peter Crouch has bedded a Nigerian hooker half his size and explains why, "she just reached my 'dicky' with her mouth without bending and blew me away!" His fiancee wasn't happy!

written by Jaggedone, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Zombies Best With Adults

'Twilight,' 'Vampire Diaries' dominate Teen Choice! Mummies, Werewolves object.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Stallone Misses Parts Of Movie, Most Of Them

Stallone back to big action in 'The Expendables'. Breaks hip in second scene. Stuntman fills in rest on the movie.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Fundraising

Obama on the road to promote higher-ed, raise cash for Michelle's next vacation.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Protests Continue

German mosque used by Sept. 11 attackers shut down. Will reopen at Ground Zero in New York.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Scurrying About

House members scurry back to pass jobs bill. Scurry being the perfect word to describe them.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

US/Vietnam Buddies

Former enemies US, Vietnam now military mates. Jane Fonda to launch protest.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

NKorea Fires Missiles Out To Disputed Sea Area

NKorea fires artillery off west coast. Several whales dead an GreenPeace sore now. Will try to scramble Kim's catoon channels.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Korean Troubles Continue

North Koreans seize South Korean fishing boat. South Korean soldies piss across line into North Korea. Tension builds and both sides moon each other.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Some Good News

UPDATE: 7-year-old girl can run lemonade stand without license. Hey, a victory for free enterprise. However, IRS to keep a watchful eye.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

What About Kid's With No Library?

Another Impoverished City To Close All Libraries. Michelle's trip to Spain could have saved them.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Nominated For NBA Hall Of Fame

Shoots ball with NBA players - before wounded warriors. "I remember when we could do that", says one offended vet.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Bachelor Omama

BACHELOR: Obama caps weekend alone with golf, hoops, bbq, plans to drive small business out with higher taxes.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Not The Same Party

Obama still spending his web. Can you believe this is the same party as that of Truman's humble leadership or the guts of John Kennedy?

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Same Old Politician

Millions of voters had hopes that this would be different, but same old bullshit, only more of it.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Hope He's Forgiven

King Barack Obama to fall on his knees before Vietnam to apologize for horrid war. He's not being forgiven here yet.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Outlook Downgraded.

FED SET TO DOWNGRADE OUTLOOK! We had to include the Queen's trip to Spain.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

"Drug Lords, What Drug Lords?

United States asks to borrow one trillion from drug lords on Mexico border and their partners on this side.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Trip Coating Taxpayors

Trip costing U.S. taxpayers $75k a day. Trip may add China to list as we'll need to borrow a bit more.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

The Reign In Spain...

While president preaches sacrifice, his family frolics in Spain. "Obama says she came bring back one thing for him, "Spanish Boots of Spanis Leather." (See Dylan)

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Michelle's Hefty Bill

BAKER: 'Lady Michelle Leaves taxpayers with hefty bill. If we wanted a hefty Bill, we would have given Clinton a third term!'

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Keep Sharp Eye Out For Weapons

Jane Fonda appointed special ambassador to Vietnam.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Oh, That's OK Then!

Gazpacho, turbot, veal & ratatouille with the king, Lavish Obama vacation in time of economic turmoil raises eyebrows.
Obama claims trip paid for by profits from Vivtory Garden at White House.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

"Let Them Eat Oil!"

Gazpacho, turbot, veal & ratatouille with the king, Lavish Obama vacation in time of economic turmoil raises eyebrows.
Lowers Democrat's hopes for November.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Lady Obama's Vacation

Lavish Obama vacation in time of economic turmoil raises eyebrows. Nancy Pelosi'd are on top of her head.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Dinner With The King, We Pay For

Gazpacho, turbot, veal and ratatouille with the king, Lady Obama asks about his Royal Highness's gout.

written by Bureau, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Let them Eat Burritos

Michelle Antoinette is dining with the Spanish King and Queen on fine Iberian cuisine. Unemployed American workers are eating bean burritos and rice at Taco Bell!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

White House Anti-Obesity Program

Republicans have announced that when they take over Congress, the White House food budget will be reduced to zero. Michelle is advised to expand her garden to include the entire south lawn.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

A Bad Decision

A day after Elena Kagan is sworn in as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court she pissed off Chief Justice Roberts. Court watchers think it was her ordering pink robes & lavender courtroom drapes!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Obama asks Congress to Fund Border Fence

The funding is for a 30 ft high, 3 ft thick concrete wall to completely surround Iraq. A wall is cheaper & safer than stationing US troops. Iraqi Muslims can continue to blow each other up unabated!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Lost in Translation

The controversy over building a Mosque near ground zero in NYC has led to a new translation of the word. A group of language scholars believe the word Mosque is Greek not Arabic, meaning Trojan horse!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

An Observation

A heterosexual atheist observed that "how can chasing single women between 21 and 40 years of age be a sin of the flesh, when human females are so cute and alluring."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

Finally an Explanation for Deficit Spending

Christina Romer, President Obama's most important economic adviser, is quitting her post. A White House source said the president was furious when he found out she couldn't balance her own checkbook!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
Rating:

The Ultimate Sex Tax

Obama administration to mandate an implanted Vagina/Penis Chip that gets into everyone's pants. It radios back to the IRS any form of intimacy heterosexual, homosexual or unisexual for tax purposes.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 09 August 2010
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