Order by:
Rating:

Baby Tazered by Police

A baby in Bristol, UK, was tazered by police after blowing a raspberry. The police officer said he feared the baby was going to assault him.

written by Xavier, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Don't Know If Anyone Hurt

Two bus loads of carnival people collide in freak accident in Florida.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Now We Know

What happens to your Facebook Profile when you die? A little monument comes up!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Cuba Wants Off List!

Cuba demands removal from United States terror list or else!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Dinghy Hits Japanese Oil Tanker

The United Arab Emirates said Friday that a Japanese oil tanker was hit by an explosives-laden dinghy in the Persian Gulf. Most dingbats are on land.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

US Joins Memorial

US joins Hiroshima A-bomb memorial for 1st time. Japanese have came to Pearl Harbor so why not?

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Churchill Banned UFO Report

Churchill 'banned UFO report to avoid mass panic'. "Our country had already seen enough in the skies for a lifetime.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Republican National Committee Announces Strategy For November Mid-Term Elections Part 2.

RNC Chairman Michael Steele unveiled part two of the RNCs election strategy: Fire Nancy Pelosi, retire Harry Reid. Good Idea, but what's the plan moron? I.e. How do you get to this desired outcome?

written by SirBeavis, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Not Much Difference

Fires lay ghostly shroud of smoke on Moscow. Restaurants tell customers they may as well light up!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

We Came From Sea Sponges? Explains Welfare!

Scientists find sea sponges share human genes. You're a distant cousin to SpongeBob SquarePants!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Stumps, Falls To 41%

Obama Returns to Illinois to Stump for Democrat Amid Scandals, seldom seen in Chicago.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Bio-Bug Runs On Crap

Bio-BUG: The car that runs on 'human waste'. Should be required that all politicians should travel this way.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

NFL to Require San Francisco 49ers To Change Name

Next Season, they will be the San Fagcisco 69ers.

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 06 August 2010
Rating:

49 Other States Insist California Change Name

From now on, it should be called "Califaggot" or "Califaggia."

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Can't Please Everyone

Medical Marijuana Sold at Discount Rate to DC's Poor. Attorney sues, says it's not the prime stuff.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Spanish Police Shut Down Beach For Lady Obama

Spanish police shut down beach for first lady, daughter. Tell naked couple to take that somewhere else!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Social Security In The Red

Social Security in red for first time. Rather numbers on piece of paper are below line. All the money borrowed from there years ago.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Russia Storing Wheat

WE WILL KEEP ALL OF OUR WHEAT, SAID THE LITTLE RED PUTIN!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Kids: We Can Shit & Get It

School bus can reach 367 mph states driver with really funny hairdo!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

You'll Have To Cheat, Kid

Health inspectors shut down 7-year-old's lemonade stand; Demand $120 for license. So much for teaching kids free enterprise.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Coldest Winters!

Argentina Has Colder Winter Than Antarctica, Spurring Record Power Use. Exchange may be worked out between US and Argentina.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Pentagon Bars Visiting Site

Pentagon bars staff from visiting Wiki web site. "But when you do, don't get upset."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Hippocrite Out Flying

Report: Jerry Brown Uses State-Owned Plane to fly around telling people they must quit wasting government resources.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Camden Closes Libraries

Camdon, New Jersey's most impoverished city will close all three branches of its public library at year's end unless a rescue can be pulled off. New banks going up daily.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Almost 100,000 Less Jobs Than Recorded

Gov't revised payrolls for May/June show 97,000 fewer jobs than first reported. "Just an oversight. Could happen to anyone."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Might Drill Again

BP says it might drill in spill reservoir someday. "If you are still with us", say Gulf citizens.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Obama Would Just Veto It

GOP joker in congress introduces bill to change Mount St. Helens to Mount St. Monica because she may blow at any time.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Coffee Not Depressing!

Study shows that drinking morning coffee not a depressant. "It's the morning news on TV, Newspaper or on Internet that causes the depression."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Everyone Drinking!

Study: Lower stock market or higher stock market, most investors drink because of worry, others to celebrate!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Teens Using Rhythm Method

Report: More teenagers using Rhythm Method. "No one's gotten pregnant while 'screw-dancing' yet."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Study Is Revealing

Experts: Teachers no better at teaching when given huge raise! But 'Experts' doing study, study twice as hard!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Fish Tails

Fish coming out of Gulf waters not blackened but chemicals they ate allows them to self-fry in the boat while you're fishing.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Also Provides Much Needed Exercise

California to issue no bags at grocery stores. You carry it individually in cart to car and car to kitchen.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Four-Day School Week?

Four day school week approved by bother teachers and students. But parents throw a fit!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Pulled A Hamstring

Policeman injures himself trying to "sign" Miranda Rights to deaf burglar.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

No Water On Pluto

Water discovered on Pluto a myth! It turns out to be early last century Pluto-Water bottled from mineral springs in Indiana.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Al-Qaida #17 Faces Firing Squad

Al-Qaida # 17 accidentally rans over al-Qaida #2. "Just be glad he wasn't carrying his explosives yet", says #1.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Poland Destroys Dummy

Dummy destroyed this morning for revealing state secrets in Poland. Ventriloquist turns state evidence against him.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Menace In Venice!

Venice, Italy with famous gondolas bought by Disney, Inc. for a water park!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Michelle Reigns In Spain

Michelle's reign in Spain falls mainly on the plain (to pay for it).

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

One-Star Afar?

One Star Baboon seems to have left his tree this morning. We shall overcome!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Gulf Clean-up

Some of the oil-covered water fowl on the gulf are a lot easier to clean up. You just about 25 of them through a car wash.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Congress wants to regulate chewing tobacco out of Major League Baseball.

Thank God the USA's economic, border, national security, unemployment, crime, tax and infrastructure issues are solved. Now Congress can focus on something more important like MLB players tobacco use!

written by SirBeavis, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Why Are The Men Wearing Red Shoes & Socks?

Women find men in red more appealing? "Don't fall for this, guys. They're laughing behind your red-clad ass!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Pitino Extorted!

Ky. woman guilty of extension in coach Pitino case. Sorry, that should be "extortion".

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Atlanta Says "Hello Dali"

New Dali "Melting" exhibition exclusively at Atlanta museum.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

They Sure Feel Right This Week, Shake It A Bit!

FDA moves toward tighter medical device oversight, Doctors demanding weekly exams of hip implants.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Ono Against Release

Yoko Ono opposes parole for John Lennon's killer. "All that I'm saying, is give Time a chance!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Oh, These Feel Great!

FDA moves toward tighter medical device oversight, Doctors demanding to review and feel safety of breast implants weekly.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Honestly Fat

Are Americans now more honest about their weight? No, but they sure do the neighbors.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Americans Honest About Weight?

Are Americans now more honest about their weight? No, but appearances causing them to give closer estimate, usually ten pounds.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Best Scenario

Report: Medicare fund will last extra 12 years, social security 10 - maybe.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Cable TV Boosted

Consumer demand boosts cable, satellite TV profits. "Got to keep an eye on idiotic moves by government."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Bats, Vampires Threatened

Fast-spreading fungus threatening useful bats, harmless vampires.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Wolf Release Approved

Wildlife advocates hail Rocky Mountain wolf ruling but squirrel lobbyists say they're nuts!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Gulf Given A Sea

Scientists give Gulf of Mexico a 'Sea' before spill. I'm sorry, that should be a "C".

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Unless More Leaks

AP Enterprise: Scientists think Gulf can recover. Only an amount of time, 5-50 years.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Skidding Backwards

US envoy: Climate talks slipping backward. Blame oil slicks.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Sounds Like Most Politicians, Bass-Ackwards

More jobs needed to lift consumers, drive recovery. So Obama decides to tax the ones who are hiring.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Economy Struggling

More jobs needed to lift consumers, drive recovery as the government can't come up with enough jobs to bring up the stats.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Rats Leaving Ship Early?

Romer, a major key as Obama economic aide, resigning!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Kegan Celebrates

Kagan to celebrate with Obama, be sworn in/at this Saturday.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Lost Summer

Children deal with Gulf oil spill stress too as many can't understand not being able to play on the beach.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Midnight In Moscow

Worst smog yet hits Moscow, planes are diverted but they can't see where.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Smog In Moscow

Worst smog yet hits Moscow, planes are diverted, people given guard dogs, white canes.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Amount Adding Up

First lady under fire for her glitzy Spanish vacation, now headed for Rome, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Hawaii.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

GOP Big In Fall?

GOP cautiously confident of big gains this fall, if "everyone can keep their pants zipped."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Heresa Missesa Wiggens!

Conway talks immigration, subsidies during campaign stop in BG. Tim then introduces Carol Burnett to crowd.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

That's What It Says Here

Jurors hear video confession in Kentucky trial. Also, see taped confession.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Vision For Haiti

AP Interview: Wyclef Jean's vision for Haiti: A chicken for every voodoo ceremony!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Viagra Test Comes First

Free Viagra in new health plan but you have to pass the "Sexy Nurse" exam.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Free Viagra In Health Plan?

Milwaukee teachers fight for Viagra drug coverage. So does every other group.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

You're Covered

Milwaukee teachers fight for Viagra drug coverage. Told that is covered in Obama Health Plan.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Teachers Demand Viagra

Milwaukee teachers fight for Viagra drug coverage. "We have to deal with the little pricks everyday!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules #5

Petraeus Tightens Rules of engagement: Don't fire until you see the whites of their turbans.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Closing Tobacco Chaw Ready

Final plug nears after crews cement oil well's top. This is the big tobacco chaw collected from US baseball players.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

New Al-Qaida Leader's Plans

AP Exclusive: New al-Qaida leader knows US well. To concentrate on blowing up oil wells under ocean off the coasts.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Damn! That Has Got To Be The Biggest Mother Effen Crab In The Entire World

Filming on The Discovery Channel's The Deadliest Catch is temporarily halted when an Alaskan King Crab the size of a three story building completely swallows the fishing ship The Time Bandit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Probably True

Poll: Language a barrier for Latinos in schools for those who skip English 101.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel Doesn't Care Squat About "Dog The Bounty Hunter"

In the season premier of Dog The Bounty Hunter, "Dog" is captured by members of Mexico's Green Guacamole Drug Cartel. He is seen crying because the mean hombres force him to eat a diet of scorpions.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Vacation To Vacation

First lady under fire for her glitzy Spanish vacation. "Must hurry back home as we have that token trip to the Gulf many call "Vacations".

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

One of The Stars of The Battle of The Wedding Planners Went Ballistic

The Battle of The Wedding Planners with Steve Kemble and Cheryl Dent has been cancelled because things got out of hand when Steve angrily stuck a slice of wedding cake in Cheryl's bikini burger.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Is Sued For $18.7 Million!

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is sued for $18.7 million when one of the show's families becomes upset because the show put in ugly ass red drapes instead of the pretty purples ones they wanted.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Hypocritical Move

First lady under fire for her glitzy Spanish vacation while most Americans are struggling to get by.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Comedian Is Disqualified On Account He Is In A Wheel Chair

Comedian Fritz "Bum Knees" McLettuce is disqualified from the reality show The Last Comic Standing because he is confined to a wheel chair.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Why Are The People of Maine Such An Unhappy Bunch of People?

Maine residents vote 9,382 to 1,348 to secede from the U.S. and become part of Canada. President Obama says "Y'all are messed up sumtin awful. Pour yourself some more molasses and settle down."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Pueblo, Colorado Shows That It Will Not Put Up With Kid's Cliches

Grade schools in Pueblo, Colorado have banned the use of the kids phrase, "For real?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Cost Of Trip Well Over $100,000

First lady under fire for her glitzy Spanish vacation while advising growing own gardens, etc at home.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Tea & Pot Parties Clash

Demos "Pot Party" answers to "Tea Party" not going over well in South, Midwest.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

"Pot Party" Not Growing

A guide to the 'shadow GOP': the groups that may define the 2010 and 2012 elections as "Tea PartY" outnumbers "Pot Party" by 100-1.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Now "Coffee Parties" Also

A guide to the 'shadow GOP': the groups that may define the 2010 and 2012 elections. Now "Coffee Parties" getting together in homes & restaurants to back "Tea Party".

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Tea Party Bigger Than Thought

A guide to the 'shadow GOP': the groups that may define the 2010 and 2012 elections. Tea Party made up of thousands small Tea & Fairy Cake Get-Togethers.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules #4

Petraeus Tightens Rules of engagement: Couple must have known each other for one month before soldier marries Afghan woman.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

New Chinese Weapon

Chinese missile, The Viagra Dong, could shift Pacific power balance

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules

Afghanistan War: Petraeus Tightens Rules of Engagement: Mirandi rights must be on loud speaker before attacks.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules of Engagement #3

Afghanistan War: Petraeus Tightens Rules of Engagement: No more stink bombs to flush out Taliban as they are used to smell!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules #2

Petraeus Tightens Rules in Afghanistan: Grenades must be lobbed, not passed "hail Mary" type.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Petraeus Tightens Rules

Afghanistan War: Petraeus Tightens Rules of Engagement. No more loud broadcasts of Jeremiah Wright during fire fights.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Afghan War Rules

Afghanistan War: Petraeus Tightens Rules of Engagement, including no shooting above the waist.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Where is the oil now?

The oil from the the BP disaster has worked it's way into the Mexican eco-system. Obama will be sending a peacekeeping force to stabilise the Mexican government soon; this has nothing to do with oil.

written by IainB, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Jeff Foxworthy's Big 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?' Surprise

Jeff Foxworthy has stated that his hit show Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader will air in Arizona, Arkansas, and Alaska as Are You Smarter Than A 1st Grader for the obvious reason

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Army Wives By Any Other Name Are Just As Sexy

The reality show Army Wives is being investigated by the CIA due to the fact that many of the scripts actually contain Air Force terminology.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Sundance Film Festival Is As They Say In Baseball "Outta Here!"

Due to financial constraints, The Sundance Film Festival which has been held in Utah since 1978 is being outsourced to Pakistan.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Food Network's Cooking Show "Barefoot Contessa" Was Truly Misleading Its Viewers

Barefoot Contessa with Ina Garten, has been fined by the FCC due to the fact that on two of the shows Ms. Garten was clearly shown to be wearing high heels.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

The Country Formerly Known As Afghanistan

Afghanistan finally bows to world wide pressure and has agreed to change its hard to spell and hard to pronounce name to Affyland.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

And So Now The Outsourced Are Having To Outsource

Pakistan has so such phone business it is outsourcing some of their overflow to Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and Phoenix.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Delaware Says "Just Say No To NASCAR"

The state of Delaware has outlawed NASCAR racing. State officials say that they just got sick and tired of the smell of cornbread, cheap beer, grits, and Daisy Duke short shorts.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Rooney Scores

Spoof News hears that Wayne Rooney did score in S. Africa. She was 73, grey, 45Kg & has 6 grand-children.

written by Xavier, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Favre Is Schrodinger's Cat

Sports Illustrated has Brett Favre on it's cover with label "Schrodinger's Cat, Is He Or Isn't He?"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Honesty In Advertising

Beans and Frank eaters say that there is only three franks in can of beans. Want label changed to beans & Three Franks.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Missing Child Found

Missing child found with another family camping out. Refuses to allow searchers to take him home.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Hiding People

Russian dolls inside of doll inside of doll drives former census worker crazy, wipes out entire family.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Local Poet

Local poet claims he does his most romantic poetry while slopping the hogs.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Dad Overdoes Wedding Filming

Honeymoon couple's dad comes out of closet with camera, "I got it all here son, on your first night. Something for you two to remember forever."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Bees On Fly-Out

Worker bees stage fly-out, demanding a democracy within the beehive!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2010
Rating:

President has a Boo-Boo

Missouri voters tell President Obama he has made a "boo-boo" by mandating that every American must carry health insurance.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Mr. Republican Vice President

Gov Sarah Palin asks Spkr Newt Gingrich & Govs Mitt Romney, Haley Barbour & Mike Huckabee to submit their resumes, as potentially her vice presidential running mate in 2012. The silence is deafening!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Foot-in-Mouth Disease Spreading

Sarah Palin has contracted a case of Foot-in-Mouth Disease. NIH is investigating how Democratic Vice President Joe Biden and the former Republican governor of Alaska came in contact with each other!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

WikiLeaks Shuts Down Operation

A lawsuit brought by WikiLeaks Plumbing and Heating Inc of Honolulu HI for name infringement has stopped the unauthorized leaks of classified information by a firm with a similar name.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Here's One for Harry

SML Reid made disparaging remarks about the 71% of Missourians who disapproved of the health care insurance mandates. USS Missouri seen off the Pacific coast, readying missile shot for Searchlight NV.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Wisdom

King Solomon was in the CA courtroom during the latest gay marriage ruling. He said "let's just call it a civil union with all the rights of heterosexual marriage and fix the state's budget deficit!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Environmental Protection Arseholes

The EPA is mandating that the green Biomass Industry (wood chips etc) be subject to similar carbon emission rules as fossil fuels. Kiss this industry and more jobs good bye!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

Engagement Announcement

Mr. and Mrs. Schmuck of the Hamptons NY announce the engagement of their daughter Brenda to another Schmuck, who is a distant cousin living in California.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

I wish I had said this

When Congress goes Republican in 2010 & the arrogant, elitist, ideological, incompetent Democratic liberal far left loons are history, the American people will once again have their voices heard!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
Rating:

All in the Family

A conservative family Court Judge has ruled that a couple's three foster children, two sons and a daughter, cannot be renamed Barack Obama Jones, Harry Reid Jones and Nancy Pelosi Jones.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2010
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