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Rating:

Democrats and Republicans Unite Against Teabaggers

WASHINGTON, DC - As incumbents from both sides of the isle realize that most Americans despise them, they are now uniting against America's best hope - the TEA-Party.

written by Moose, 29 August 2010
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International Cricket Council happy with scandal...

finally something to make cricket less boring.

written by matthatt, 29 August 2010
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Local man kicked off Dragons Den...

...told Deborah Meaden to nip off and make tea while the men talk business.

written by matthatt, 29 August 2010
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Besides, Iran Says You Don't Exist!

PLO Pres. Mahmoud Abbas warned Sunday that he will not back down from his threat to pull out of new peace talks with Israel if it resumes construction in West Bank settlements. So I guess that's that!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Brain Still On Vacation?

Obama in New Orleans: 'We're all in this thing together. I do care ...ice cream melting on my hand...here, hold this..I do care about what I just said!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

New Cold War? #2

Norway 'bomb plot' underscores al-Qaida pitfalls. Is cold war returning? This time between Islamic/Non-Islamic forces?

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

New Negotiations On Peace Off To Rough Start.

Abbas, Palestinians should die: Israeli rabbi, who doesn't exist.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Highest Hilton Ever Built

Paris Hilton arrested on cocaine charge. Lard can full in the back seat. States she was only holding it for a friend.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Hold The Mayo!

Archaeologists find new clues why the Maya left in discovery of centuries-old jar of Mayanaise!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Next Cold War?

Arson reported at Tennessee mosque construction site. As Gilda Radner said, "It's always something."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Hip Replacement Recall

J&J unit recalls hip replacement products! "We've all got the ass at that company", says local receiver!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Minimum Egg Cooking: 15 Minutes

Egg industry resorts to blaming the victim in recall, critics say. "You're supposed to cook them till you can bounce it off the floor."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Obama: Yes We Can Vacation!

President Obama wraps up two-year vacation, heads to New Orleans.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

69-Car Pile-Up!

Sudden downpour causes 69 car crashes on Ariz. interstate. "Old Fart still had his left turn signal on...on the Interstate!", claims driver behind first car to slide.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Earl The Pearl!

Hurricane warnings issued as Earl nears Caribbean. Weather Channel happy again. Send out 200 reporters.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Volcano Eruption

Quiet Indonesian volcano erupts. Usually they do it with a roar. This one is sneaky.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Congress to Consider Single-Payer Lawn Care System

WASHINGTON, DC - Harry Reid announced today that he will introduce legislation next week that will mandate that all homeowners subscribe to the American Lawn Care Program (ALCP).

written by Moose, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Now On Endangered List

PETA: Owners of vuvuzelas have been added to the protected species list.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Someone Has To Rune The Country

State of Arizona, Washington DC agree upon one thing: It's illegal to kill rattlesnakes in either.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Tiger Woods: On Women!

Tiger Woods in first interview since divorce claims that he was simply making sure that America had plenty of good golfers in the future.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Here's The Lowdown!

Americans jobs availability, especially those who make teenager's pants, falls to a record low.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Sorry. You Can Try Back-Up List

New Bikini Airlines already booked through December, 2012.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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New Bikini Airlines

New Bikini Thong Airlines says you may feel funny, especially men, but you won't have to go through body scan and fly completely safe with them!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Just Rock You Back On Your Feet

COMMERCIAL TELEVISION CLAIMS THAT THEIR COMMERCIALS ARE NO LOUDER THAN SHOWS!!!!!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Gore In A Doomsday Panic!

Tipper said to have filed for divorce after claiming that Al runs around fighting squirrels over storing edible nuts, freezing berries, yelling about "It's Almost Here!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Album Sales Hit Lows Again

Album Sales Hit Record Lows. Again. Study shows buyers say there is no talent, many sound exactly alike.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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UN May Have To Help Mexico, Also!

Afghanistan election: five campaigners for female candidate shot dead. UN really making a difference here.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Prosecutor Fired!

Graft-Fighting Prosecutor Fired in Afghanistan. "We have always used the Bribe System!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

We Once Had Ethics Too

3 nominees for SKorean Cabinet positions, including prime minister, withdrew from consideration Sunday amid a growing controversy over ethical standards & alleged misconduct. US was once like that.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

They Love Me Here!

Uganda's president announces bid for 14th term, once again with no opponents.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Everybody's Leaning

Obama, Dems got 88% of employee contributions from ABC, CBS, NBC....001% from FOX!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

It's Gum Versus Sandwich

Russian subs stalk Trident in echo of the Cold War.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Called: The Firing Squad

Medicare expands coverage to program to help killers quit!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Codes Cracked

Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code, Bob Dylan's mumbling!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Danielle Fading

Danielle now lowest-level hurricane far offshore. Weather Channel back to showing fire tornado!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Danielle Now Lowest Level Hurricane

Danielle now lowest-level hurricane far offshore mumbles guy on the Weather Channel. "Throw a fit if you want", says cameraman. "Nobody's watching."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Certainly Brought It Back To Life

9 years later, signs of life emerge at ground zero as over 100,000 show up for pro/anti mosque building.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Fry Me Kangeroo Nuts, Cuts

Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' "We're having a Ball!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Kangaroo's Protest Against Serbia

Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' Hop on down!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

French Chefs Jealous

Kangaroo testicle? Chefs in Serbia say, 'Yes!' French chefs upset that they weren't cooking them first. Say they're 'not so good'.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Kim Still Wandering Around

NKorean leader Kim tours Chinese border cities, still trying to find his way back to North Korea.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

You May Not Feel Good For Long!

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Scream by James Brown at the first of "I Feel Good" is popular, especially at restaurants, libraries & theaters.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Make Your Own iPhone

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. The Ned Beatty Squeal from "Deliverance" Becoming Popular!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Vikings, Favre Win

Vikings win as Favre has up and down Dome debut. Pretty much describes last year's season, also.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Scientists Crack Corn?

Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code. "Now we're out to crack corn, if anyone cares."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Scientists Crack Code

Scientists: We've cracked wheat's genetic code. If wheat ever attacks, we will be able to understand them.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Boomers Getting Older

Boomrs who were once the Pepsi Generation now the Poopsy Generation!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Opponents Say There Are Other Places For Mosque

Imam behind NYC mosque faces divisions over center, even from other Muslims.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

The Anti Generation!

German government officials and immigrant leaders are condemning remarks by a board member of Germany's federal bank as racist and anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim. Everything today is anti-something.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Everything on the Net

Internet wiping out printed Oxford Dictionary. Say they will be changing to all online in the near future. Plus the last encyclopedia salesman retires.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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Ono In Iceland

Ono to mark John Lennon's 70th birthday in Iceland, which seems appropriate somehow.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Try Eating Healthy

Study: More omega-3 fats didn't aid heart patients. Instead of omega-3 fats, look up coffee, wine, vitamins, herbs, etc for the same wasted studies. All get pro/con results.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

What Next?

A volcano in western Indonesia spewed hot lava and sand high into the sky early Sunday in its first eruption in 400 years. Is the earth in rebellion?

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

"Cocaine, All Around My Brain!"#2

Vapor trail' leads to Paris Hilton's Vegas arrest. "Oh that's just what I use to Powder My Nose!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Cocaine, All Around My Brain!"

Vapor trail' leads to Paris Hilton's Vegas arrest. Paris Hilton's big secret: She loves burritos!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

It Will Probably Happen Again

La. residents rid grief in symbolic Katrina burial. Time to move on and quit the blame-game. Lots of mistakes. The main cause is that New Orleans is BELOW sea level and in a bowl. It still is.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Beck rally signals election trouble for Dems

Beck sights tremendous debt that grandchildren will have to pay for today's "Vacations & Spending!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Reversing The Sixties!

Beck rally signals election trouble for Democrats as the anti-establishment is growing stronger daily.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Making Your Own Ringtones #2

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Try placing a recorder under your Grandparent's bed or "Snores & Farts Galore!"

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

How To Make Ringtones

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. "Try slipping a recorder under your parent's bed."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

How To Make Your Own Ringtones

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Uncle Fudd calling in the hogs makes a dandy, especially on a date.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

New Ringtones

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones. Try Aunt Hilda talking about her hemroids.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Everyone Will Move Away When Someone Calls

HOW TO: Make Free iPhone Ringtones such as dad cutting loose a wall shaker!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Golf In The Gulf

Obama visiting New Orleans on Katrina anniversary. Plans to look concerned. Have reporters show him hugging a few. Play some more golf.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Big Political News...Not!

W.Va. governor wins Dem primary for US Senate! Yada yada yada!
Try not to get too excited. Remember the bad heart.

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Bristol man found to have vagina...

Sorry...angina...

written by Skoob1999, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Real Comedy

Comedy is when a story or joke makes you laugh. Real comedy is when the same story or joke awakens you at 3:00 AM causing you to laugh hysterically!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Another EPA Regulation

EPA may regulate "fly ass" pollution in late 2011. Oops, that should be EPA may regulate "fly ash" pollution in late 2011!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

What's Next

New study by Democratic far left liberal researchers blames inner-city crime on lead poisoning. Didn't the previous study by these same researchers blame inner-city crime on global warming?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Are We Green Enough Yet?

The National Rifle Association and rabid environmentalists have compromised on using lead in bullets. All new manufactured lead ammunition is to be tinted green starting in 2050!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

They Can't Smell the Roses

EPA determines rabid environmentalists have had their heads up their butts for too long. Thus environmentalist's sense of smell has been lost, such that they don't know their trumped up issues stink!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

No Green on their Horizon

SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint flight decks of all US Aircraft Carriers green. He said "US Navy pilots will not land on a ping pong table to satisfy you loons!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

I Take That as a No

SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint all US Submarines green, so as not to scare whales. A Submarine Navy Chief said "you loons @*$! #%* and the horse you rode in on!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

No Tank You Very Much, Hoorah

SecDef Gates turns down a request by rabid environmentalists to paint all US Army/Marine Corps Tanks green. He said "Listen up loons, tanks are painted green for jungle & brown for desert warfare!"


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Why Seniors are Mad at Obama and Congress

Democrats have F**ked-Up seniors in retirement who planned ahead with IRAs and investments, during their 50 year working life. They're stuck paying for wealth redistribution programs for deadbeats!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

A Kinder OSHA Warning Label

OSHA is trying a new motherly approach to condom warning labels. The new warning label reads "DON'T COME OUT WITHOUT YOUR RUBBERS ON!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

FDA Worried About Vending Machine Food

FDA government bureaucrats that approved the plastic cheese and meat products that go into vending machine food are now specifying menu labeling requirements to tell the public how CRAPPO the food is!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

FDA Vending Machine Food Labeling

Vending machines should have a single warning label saying "Food herein is not to be eaten unless you have pulled an all-nighter, you have already eaten your elbow & your office mate looks delicious!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Home-School Drop-Out!

Home-schooling mom in Kentucky disciplines son for disturbing others, makes him go to school!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Fleetwood Mac Still Doing Well

Ginnie Mae and Freddie Mac both having problems because of weak economy but Fleetwood Mac urges us "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, we'll still be here."

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
Rating:

Overdid It Old Boy!

Limbaugh: Tests show no ailments after chest pain. Maybe too many purple pills!

written by Bureau, 29 August 2010
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