Spoof news snippets from August 2010
There were 3,120 spoof news snippets published in August 2010. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Cher, Who is 89, Explains Why She Is So Upset
The former singer known as Cher says that she is really upset because she just noticed that her wrinkles now have wrinkles.
Will All of The NBA's Japanese Players Please Stand Up
A group calling itself The White Oriental Folk of Louisiana protest in front of The New Orleans Arena saying that the NBA has way too many black players and not enough Japanese players.
The Williams Sisters, Venus and Serena Are Gonna Be Fit To Be Tied
The Williams sisters Venus and Serena are both getting so fat that tennis officials are considering asking them to please dress in raincoats.
The Pennsylvania Amish Are Starting To Roll Into Modern Times
Pennsylvania declares that the state will purchase automobiles for the entire Amish community. One Amish leader Sol Burkerwitz asks if the state can also throw in garages.
All of Mississippi's Restaurants Say That They Will Comply With The New Restaurant Directive
The state of Mississippi has just banned the use of the words "Road Kill" in any of its restaurant menus.
"Hey Baltimore - Play Ball!"
Many people truly believe that Baltimore was named after Lord Baltimore. The city was actually named after the baseball team The Baltimore Orioles.
Capital News, Denver, Colorado
Denver is experiencing the hottest summer in their history: Denver has only received 24" of snow in the month of July.
Is the moon shrinking?
Yes. The moon has been dieting, working out, and spending time on a fat farm.
The Amish People Are Tremendously Upset With One Particular Teen
Police were recently called to an Amish community in Altoona, Pennsylvania. It seems one of the Amish youths had gone berserk and was saying things like fa shizzle ma nizzle, bling bling, and yo ho.
"Hey Hon, Do The Chopsticks Taste A Little Funny To You?"
China denies rumors that chopsticks manufactured in China contain lead. A representative for the Chinese government said that there is no lead in the chopsticks...a little mercury yes, but no lead.
Capital News, Sacramento, California
Rep. Dan Lungren was ticketed after he was pulled over during an interview on his cell phone with a radio station. " I had to be the 97th caller: They were giving away Jonas Brothers tickets!
You Would Think That The Grand Lady Would Have Been A Little More Modest Huh?
In the no one, but no one knows this department. The Statue of Liberty is not wearing any underwear.
The State of Massachusetts Is Sorry For Burning Up All of Those Salem Witches
Massachusetts apologizes for burning dozens of Salem witches at the stake. One senator said that just because a woman just happened to look like a witch was no reason to turn her into a brisket.
Capital News, Little Rock, Arkansas.
Lawyers for a plastic surgeon accused of masterminding a bombing that disfigured a Medical Board member offered an alibi: l: "He was only trying to create business for his practice.
The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel Doesn't Care Squat About "Dog The Bounty Hunter"
In the season premier of Dog The Bounty Hunter, "Dog" is captured by members of Mexico's Green Guacamole Drug Cartel. He is seen crying because the mean hombres force him to eat a diet of scorpions.
Delaware Has No More Homeless People And The Interesting Way They Accomplished That Little Feat
The state of Delaware is proud to say that they no longer have any homeless people hanging around on street corners. The state gathered them all up and shipped them by U-Haul trailer to New Jersey.
One of The Stars of The Battle of The Wedding Planners Went Ballistic
The Battle of The Wedding Planners with Steve Kemble and Cheryl Dent has been cancelled because things got out of hand when Steve angrily stuck a slice of wedding cake in Cheryl's bikini burger.
New Hampshire Wants To Take Arizona's Tourists
The state of New Hampshire plans on changing to a new tourist friendly slogan: Come To New Hampshire, It's A Whole Lot More Quieter and Peaceful Than Arizona For Effen Sakes.
It Is Unbelievable How Everybody Hates Chris Has Suddenly Changed
The CW Channel drops Everybody Hates Chris when all of a sudden everybody for some strange reason starts liking Chris.
Lindsay "LiLo" Lohan Will Quickly Have Her Own Reality Show
Lindsay Lohan will be starring in a new reality show titled, Count My Freckles Quick Before I Go Back To Prison.
"Hey Bartender, The Drinks Are On Me!"
VH-1's Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew is fined by the FCC when Dr. Drew belittles two of the celebrities by calling them hopeless hardcore alcoholics.
The "Rehab" Reality Series Is Really, Really Getting A Bit Out of Hand
Coming this fall the 'Rehab' reality show series will introduce yet another new 'Rehab' show. This one is entitled, Homeless Person Rehab.
The Utah Mormons Have Made The Network Change The Title of The Cooking Reality Show - Hell's Kitchen
Due to the Mormon influence in Utah. The reality cooking show Hell's Kitchen in Utah will be known as Heck's Kitchen.
Damn! That Has Got To Be The Biggest Mother Effen Crab In The Entire World
Filming on The Discovery Channel's The Deadliest Catch is temporarily halted when an Alaskan King Crab the size of a three story building completely swallows the fishing ship The Time Bandit.
The Emmy Winning Sit-Com Modern Family Has Two Imitators
The Emmy for Best Comedy went to ABC's Modern Family which shows there's a market for straight actors to play gay actors. NBC begins filming The Gay Family and CBS begins filming The Real Gay Family
Remember The Phrase, "Let Them Eat Cake!" - Okay, But Just Be Forewarned!
The reality show Cake Boss has been put on temporary hiatus due to secret footage taken of one of cake boss Buddy Valastro's brothers-in-law which showed him spitting in the cake batter.
Capital News, Hartford, Connecticut.
A Hartford's vigilante group that is lobbying to capture Jersey Shore's Snooki will no longer be able to use the name Hartford Whalers. Cuz, you know, she's fat, and.... Forget it.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Is Sued For $18.7 Million!
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is sued for $18.7 million when one of the show's families becomes upset because the show put in ugly ass red drapes instead of the pretty purples ones they wanted.
Comedian Is Disqualified On Account He Is In A Wheel Chair
Comedian Fritz "Bum Knees" McLettuce is disqualified from the reality show The Last Comic Standing because he is confined to a wheel chair.
The Q-Tip Has Just Barely Scratched The Surface of The Ear Drum
The Q-Tip was invented in Quebec, Canada. It was first known by the name 'that little itty bitty stick with two little itty bitty pieces of cotton on each end.'
The TV Reality Show America's Smartest Model Is Gone and The Interesting Reason Why
VH-1's America's Smartest Model is cancelled when producers learn that there ISN'T one.
Lindsay Lohan Caught Cheating at Poker
The Bravo Network's Celebrity Poker Showdown is fined by the FCC on account of Lindsay Lohan is caught with counterfeit poker chips tucked in her groin region
Jeff Foxworthy's Big 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?' Surprise
Jeff Foxworthy has stated that his hit show Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader will air in Arizona, Arkansas, and Alaska as Are You Smarter Than A 1st Grader for the obvious reason
The Kardashian Sisters May Lose Their Reality TV Show Unless They...
The Kardashian sisters, who star in Growing Up Kardashian, have been told by the producer to please lose a lot of weight in their butts because their butts are taking up the whole TV viewing screen.
William Penn Was One Hellacious Quaker Oats Eating Dude
Everyone knows that William Penn invented Quaker Oats Cereal, but hardly anyone knows that he also invented the penncil, which was later misspelled pencil.
Why Are The People of Maine Such An Unhappy Bunch of People?
Maine residents vote 9,382 to 1,348 to secede from the U.S. and become part of Canada. President Obama says "Y'all are messed up sumtin awful. Pour yourself some more molasses and settle down."
Capital News, Montgomery Alabama
State Republicans hope to elect enough GOP politicials that Republicans will have a majority in the Legislature for the 1st time in 136 years!
All in favor of lenient gun laws, vote Republican!
Billy "The Umpire Hating" New York Yankees Manager Has Left The Stadium
New York City's Empire State Building was originally known as The Umpire State Building. But due to complaints from Yankees manager Billy Martin, who hated umpires, the name was changed.
The Sundance Film Festival Is As They Say In Baseball "Outta Here!"
Due to financial constraints, The Sundance Film Festival which has been held in Utah since 1978 is being outsourced to Pakistan.
The Army Wives By Any Other Name Are Just As Sexy
The reality show Army Wives is being investigated by the CIA due to the fact that many of the scripts actually contain Air Force terminology.
DANGER: Melted Frozen Ice Up Ahead
The reality show Ice Road Truckers is postponed due to the unusual heat wave which melts all of the ice on the road.
Delaware Says "Just Say No To NASCAR"
The state of Delaware has outlawed NASCAR racing. State officials say that they just got sick and tired of the smell of cornbread, cheap beer, grits, and Daisy Duke short shorts.
The City That Is Now Know As Buffalo Had A Horribly Stupid Name Before
The city of Buffalo was originally named Anteater, but it was changed because Buffalo sounds one hundred times better than Anteater!
The Reason Why The Cameraman On Keeping Up With The Kardashians Was Suspended
The cameraman on the reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians is suspended on account of 76% of his shots were of the Kardashian sister butts.
WARNING: The Flames May Appear To Be Far Away, But Trust Me The SOB's Ain't!
Production on Hell's Kitchen is suspended when one of the rejected chefs angrily burns down the entire kitchen.
If Memory Serves Me Right - The Answer Is William Penn
William Penn who invented oat meal also invented the nation's first memory stick, but no one seems to remember.
Spurs Win 6-3 On Aggregate
Harry Redknap says they would have scored more if they were playing on grass!
Capital News, Phoenix, Arizona.
1 day after a federal judge knocked down the key parts of Arizona's anti-immigrant legislation, police stopped arrested Mexicans because it is too f--king HOT to chase Beaners across the border.
Pueblo, Colorado Shows That It Will Not Put Up With Kid's Cliches
Grade schools in Pueblo, Colorado have banned the use of the kids phrase, "For real?"
Wyoming Will No Longer Tolerate The Unwarranted Wearing of Cowboy Hats
Wyoming has outlawed the practice of wearing cowboy hats unless you are actually a cowboy or a cowgirl. Violators will have their hats confiscated and donated to the San Francisco Home For Gay Pokes.
The Country Formerly Known As Afghanistan
Afghanistan finally bows to world wide pressure and has agreed to change its hard to spell and hard to pronounce name to Affyland.
And So Now The Outsourced Are Having To Outsource
Pakistan has so such phone business it is outsourcing some of their overflow to Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and Phoenix.
Bill Clinton - The Man Who Never Met A Woman He Did Not Want To Boink
Bill Clinton has finally admitted that he has had more sex with Hillary Clinton than with all of his countless girlfriends combined.
Hurricane Katrina Was One Mean, Windy Bitch - Kinda Like Naomi Campbell
President Obama told the Senate that he wants to retire the hurricane name Katrina. One somewhat tipsy Republican senator shouted out "No sir, no one gets to retire!"
The Food Network's Cooking Show "Barefoot Contessa" Was Truly Misleading Its Viewers
Barefoot Contessa with Ina Garten, has been fined by the FCC due to the fact that on two of the shows Ms. Garten was clearly shown to be wearing high heels.
Capital News, Juneau, Alaska
A dead whale was discovered pinned to the bow of a Princess Cruises luxury liner near Juneau Thursday. Princess will only charge the whale's family for a one-way ticket.
Vanessa Perroncel Back In The Headlines
Nobody certain why. Some interview possibly. Experts describe it as 'Silly Season Syndrome.'
The Remarkable Statue of Helen Thomas
Long time White House correspondent Helen Thomas, 90, to get a statue in her honor in Dearborn, Michigan. The slouching statue will be placed in front of the police station.
The Alaskan Dogsled Team Had One Very Interesting Member
A dogsled team in Juneau, Alaska's 88th Annual Dogsled Races was disqualified when it was learned that one of the dogs was really a cat.
The Amazingly, Amazing, Talking Japanese Female Dolls Are So Gosh Darn Life-Like!
A scientist in Japan has developed the most life-like female doll yet. It walks up to you and says, "Ah most kind sir, so sorry to say you reave toiret seat up. Prease go put down now."
What The Hell Happened To Wars With Plain, Simple Names?
Remember when wars had simple names like World War I and World War II. Now we have The Iraq War - Storming The Damn Hot-As-Hell Effen Desert and The War In Detroit - Carburetors Be Damned And Shit.
New York City - The City That Never Sleeps Sure Does Snooze A Lot
New York City has just announced that it will start closing between the hours of 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. to give the homeless panhandlers time to go out shopping for a home.
Crouchy Reveals How He Wows The Ladies
Apparently, it's the robot dance. They can't get enough of it.
Yes, Monica Lewinsky Did In Fact Attend Chelsea Clinton's Wedding
Reports are that Monica Lewinsky attended Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Monica was apparently disguised as a black usherette. No one recognized her because she was not wearing a blue dress.
The Very First Political Lie Was Sure A Doozy
Historians say that the very first political lie was "Ah no, Tyrone, we don't call it The White House because only White people are allowed inside."
British Barbecue Season Gets Under Way
96% chance of rain. 4% chance of snow.
Are The Williams Sisters, Venus and Serena Really Bro's?
Venus and Serena Williams are mad at reports saying the two are really males. Serena spit on the floor, grabbed her crotch, and said that the bulge in their tennis shorts is just kinky hair.
Attention Homeless People: Come On Up To Green Bay - You'll Love It - Trust Me
Green Bay, Wisconsin, has the saddest homeless people in the nation. Experts point to the freezing weather. The city has decided to remedy the problem by providing them with free prescription wine.
Michelle Obama, "The First Mama," Talks About Her Presidential Tramp Stamp Tattoo Rumors
Michelle Obama has denied reports that she has a tramp stamp that reads, "My Barry He Be Da Man Uh Huh!"
Prince Poppycock Steps up Game for Next Week on America's Got Talent
He's decided to add a character to his act. Baron von Balderdash. It should be quite the show.
Louisiana No Longer Has Any Off-Shore Buoys
The state of Louisiana has voted to change the names of buoys to floaties in the interest of making it so much easier to pronounce.
You Can Now Get McNuggets At The Old Watergate Hotel
The old, infamous Watergate Hotel has been turned into a political McDonald's. Employees now ask customers, "You want clandestine fries with dat?"
The Cows Formerly Known As Sacred Cows
India declares that cows are no longer sacred and can now be eaten. Millions of Indian cows seen stampeding towards the Pakistani border.
The Man Who Invented The Sports Phrase USA! USA! USA! Has Been Arrested
Charlie Crackdiddy, who is credited with inventing the sports phrase, USA! USA! USA! has been arrested in South Carolina, for yelling out at Senator John Edwards, SOB! SOB! SOB!
Where Oh Where Is The Wisconsin Tundra Going?
The state of Wisconsin says that due to its horrible financial state it will be selling off 2 by 2 inch commemorative pieces of its infamous tundra for $97.98 plus tax.
The Brand New Showering Habits of Al Gore
Al Gore says that he is so 'gun shy' about the masseuse situation that now whenever he takes a shower, he does it with his shirt and pants on.
Isle of Wight More Popular Than Ibeza
Tourism up 800% in a month. Nobody quite sure why.
Isle of Wight Pulls Record Crowds
Despite shit weather and temporary closure of Bembridge floral clock.
Lady Gaga Screams Out About The Bulge In Her Crotch
Lady Gaga says she's sick and tired of being asked about the noticeable bulge in her crotch. She screamed out at a female reporter for Fox, "Yes, bitch, it's a pee pee! it's a pee pee! it's a pee pee!
The End of The Russian Spies For American Spies Trading Business
Russia says they don't have any more American spies to trade for Russian spies. They ask President Obama if he will accept Vodka instead, "Why hell yeah, ship dat shit on over here ya hear?"
The Louisiana Souvenir Tar Balls Are Here!
The story that vending machines in Louisiana are dispensing Tar Ball Souvenirs has proven to be false. The Souvenir Tar Balls can actually be purchased over-the-counter at most drug stores.
Abraham Lincoln Was One of America's Most Popular Inventors
Abraham Lincoln invented the five dollar bill and the Lincoln Logs, but he did not, in fact, invent the Lincoln Town Car, as many people wrongly believe.
The Los Angeles School District Knows What It Wants
The Los Angeles School District has voted that the word Hmmmm is not really a word and will not be used in the classroom or the playground.
Bristol man found to have vagina...
The Geographically Challenged Sarah Palin Refuses To Answer Geographic Questions
Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin was asked by a reporter for National Geographic if Alaska is a state. The puzzled Palin stated that she will no longer answer any trick questions.
From the front page of the Milton Keynes Mercury...
In Milton Keynes today, a greengrocer attacked a thief with a price labeling gun. The police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.
The Unbelievable Thing That Eating Two or More Corn on The Cobs Will Do
Food researchers say that eating two or more corn on the cobs can make you ugly. Amy Winehouse, Ann Coulter, Courtney Love, and Joan Rivers all remark, "Great, now you tell me."
Bangkok Man Goes To Bed Early
A Hull man masquerading as an English teacher in Bangkok has gone to bed early tonight, it's been reported, as he has a busy day ahead of him tomorrow.
Have You Lost a Wallet?
A lady by the name of Miss Helen Hunt has found a man's wallet.
If any man out there has lost a wallet, he can go to Helen Hunt for it.
Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) Reveals An Amazing Secret About Kate Hudson
New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, (A-Rod) reveals that yes it's true his ex-girlfriend Kate Hudson had little, itty, bitty titties. Oh and Alex, Gabourey Sidibe kinda looks like an orca whale.
Americans Asked Who They'd Like as Next American Idol Judge
A large majority overwhelmingly picked Krusty the Clown not realizing he was nothing more than a cartoon character.
Tea Party Has New Manifesto
They now go by the creed "Give Us Liberty or We'll Shoot"
Circus Takes on New Act
Lowton Brothers Circus in Lancashire have hired a new contortionist from the Philippines. The Filipino will be known as "The Manila Folder"
No Seahorses in Navy
There were three horses on a ship including a sick bay.
Killing Themselves to Get in
The Hare Krishna movement have opened a new Cash and Carry warehouse in Birmingham today. It is to be called Hare Karry and people are just killing themselves to have a look!
The Stalking Capital of America Is Giving Up That Title
California is the nation's first state to outlaw the practice of binge stalking.
Naomi Campbell Gives Man Black Pudding As a Gift
Supermodel, Naomi Campbell has given a Dorset man a black pudding as a gift. Consquently, he ate it in a sandwhich and broke 4 teeth. The pudding was found to contain no less than 30 blood diamonds.
Obese People See the GP More Than Smokers Do
Fat people see the doctor more frequent than smokers do. There is no longer any room in the surgery waiting room, so the smokers have to resort in having a cigarette outside while they wait.
"The marriage of Miss Norma Snockers and Willie Bendit, which was announced on this Website a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct."
Mecca Is Confirmed to Be the Least Attractive City
The Egyptian National Research Centre says that 'there is no magnetic force in Mecca' - and so it's OFFICIAL, Mecca is the world's least attractive city
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