Order by:
Rating:

Interesting TV fact #3

The continual loosening of standards as to content on most television shows allows exposure of all kinds of sh*t on tv, but actors still can't say the word sh*t without getting bleeped.

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Voted most naked basement in the land

Arundel Castle = A Nudest Cellar

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Tutus made of regal stuff

Arundel Castle = A Dancer's Tulle

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Shimmering in the grand ducal staircase

Arundel Castle = A Candle Lustre

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Early Roman soup spoon

Arundel Castle = Etruscan Ladle

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Atomic reactor under the West Wing?

Arundel Castle = Nuclear Deltas

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Kinda blot on the landscape?

arundel Castle = Ulcerates Land

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

No child slavery here!

Arundel Castle = Adult Cleaners

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Dymphna, Marigold and Daphne remembered

Arundel Castle = Recalled Aunts

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Suite on the Gunners?

Arundel Castle = Dulcet Arsenal

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Dullards' Pavlovian reaction

Arundel Castle = Lateral Dunces

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Podiatric theories

Arundel Castle = Sandal Lecture

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Tell me it ain't mortgaged!

Arundel Castle = Actual Lenders

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Operatic diva lost her gnashers somewhere in the moat

Arundel Castle = Callas Denture

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Fighting over the East Tower?

Arundel Castle = Ancestral Duel

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Apple Launch New Female Friendly iPad

The New Apple "Fem Pad with Wings" launches Monday & is expected be a huge hit with Women Worldwide as it has a Application that'll tell it's owner exactly how moist they are at any given time!

written by Lightning Conductor, 02 April 2010
Rating:

More like Satanic Verses if you're in a local Asda at Halloween!

Customer Service = True Comic Verses

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin has Epiphany #12

"I just realized that if I wanted to appear smart, I'd have smart people writing my speeches for me."

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

It's catching in the White Hart Lane strip shop

Customer Service = Soccer Teem Virus

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Helpful with top shelf stuff

Customer Service = Sore Crevice Smut

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Bags of balls!

Customer Service = Receives Scrotum

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin has Epiphany #11

"I just realized that companies selling green products don't mean the color of the product is green, but that, oh heck, never mind."

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Kate Gosselin Has Mommy Meltdown

Upset over her poor performance on DWTS, Kate Gosselin reportedly screamed at her kids, "color your own damned Easter eggs then," after one of them complained the ones she did were ugly.

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Hubble Telescope Destroyed!

The Hubble Space telescope was burned to cinders as it focused on the Pegasus Galaxy. It had discovered a huge suspended magnifying glass with a pissed off eye behind it.

written by Cuff, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Shipping Lanes Monster

Anal Sphincter = Channel Rapist

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Biro lodged tight

Anal Sphincter = This Carnal Pen

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Symptomatic of something or other...

Anal Sphincter = A Thinner Scalp

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

All kinda crap get lodged up there

Anal Sphincter = Shrapnel Antic

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Proctologists' fav nickname

Anal Sphincter = Chinstrap Lane

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Psychic's beastly message

Anal Sphincter = Channels Tapir

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Jamie Oliver is crucified by David Letterman as he gives him a "Fat Chance" of beating US obesity!

Jamie Oliver needed the help of Ricky Gervais on US TV, Letterman called Jamie a naive twat, Ricky called Yanks FAT BASTARDS, they loved it and now all of the US is on Jamie's diet, FAT CHANCE!

written by Jaggedone, 02 April 2010
Rating:

English Channel monster?

Anal Sphincter = Channel Rapist


written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Grows where the sun don't shine!

Anal Sphincter = Spartan Lichen

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

If you inherit a dodgy one of these you also inherit the other...

Anal Sphincter = Paternal Chins

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Hires arsehole Padre

Anal Sphincter = Rents Chaplain

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Bum's rush secret platform

Anal Sphincter = Arcane Plinths

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Churchmen and altarboys...

Carbon Neutral = Anal Bun Rector

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Blame Pavarotti for all this global warming nonsense!

Carbon Neutral = Curb Anal Tenor

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Gentle touch needed

Carbon Neutral = No Carnal Brute

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Buns are made of this !

Carbon Neutral = A Noble Currant

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Grizzly at night

Carbon Neutral = Nocturnal Bear

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Macho in space

Climate Change = Galactic He Men

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Come up and see my hump back, sometime!

Climate Change = A Camel Etching

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Preying on the brain damaged

Climate Change = A Glitch Menace

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

US female GI dies in Scotland, her tyre exploded!

After calling at a Q8 garage in Scotland to get a tyre repaired a female GI has become the victim of a TYREOIST attack, the tyre exploded after being pumped up by a suicide TYREOIST dressed in a kilt!

written by Jaggedone, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Jewel in carbon conspiracy nutters' crown

Climate Change = A Technical Gem

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Buried treasure under those defrosting glaciers?

Climate Change = A Melting Cache

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

NCAA Basketball: New Rule

NCAA rules committee has approved the if-a-3-pointer-touches-the-rim it's worth .5 points. The rule applies to overtime only. Panic last second shots mean another overtime, and more revenues.

written by C. Cranium, 02 April 2010
Rating:

As in old dogs, new tricks

Climate Change = Teaching Camel

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Blame adulterous drummedaries!

Climate Change = Cheating Camel

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Agent Orange blamed for this mess

Climate Change = Chemical Agent

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Attracts holy grail of nutters

Climate Change = Chalice Magnet

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Red skies at night....

Climate Change = Magenta Cliche

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Local Man Thinks He's the Duracell Bunny

Was spotted shoving batteries up his backside.

written by Jesus Budda, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Local Gambler Quits

"How much do you bet I can stay away from the bookies? I bet ya fifty I can!", he said.

written by Jesus Budda, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Accidents Will Happen

….A local hospital has so far correctly predicted.

written by Jesus Budda, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Interesting TV fact #2

Due to the historically high rate of unemployment, Gilligan's Island is again the most popular daytime television show in America.

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

April Fools Day Aftermath Results in Various Injuries

Emergency room statistics spiked in the aftermath of AMC's Three Stooges Marathon. 42,123 poked eyes, 8,987 broken legs, and 12,897 assorted head injuries.

written by Cuff, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Chaz Bono Replaces Rascal Flatts' Lead Singer

Rascal Flatts lead singer was recently replaced by Chaz Bono. Band spokesman: "We didn't know about it until we noticed something missing in the dressing room. However, the fans remain clueless."

written by Tawdry Soup, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Interesting TV fact #!

If you stood all the reality stars who have appeared on television in the last 5 years shoulder-to-shoulder, they'd reach all the way to hell and back.

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Rock Band Judas Priest Changes Name to "Priest"

The rock band Judas Priest has formally changed its name to simply "Priest," claiming the new name is much more scarier.

written by Tawdry Soup, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Obama's Daughters Kick Barney's Ass

President Obama's adorable children ripped the stuffing out of their purple dinosaurs in protest to Barney Franks 'Leave no Child's Behind' initiative.

written by Cuff, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin has Epiphany #10

"I just realized that I'll never have to survive on moose jerky again during the winter months!"

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sarah Palin has Epiphany #9

"I just realized that if I looked like Susan Boyle, no one would give me the time of day."

written by Charpa93, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Dust Bin Union Refuses to Pick Up Trash under EU Mandate!

Citing 'Human Rights', collectors refuse to make collections which require evicting 12 family members from Romania that have taken up residence.
Garbage remains under control due to eating habits.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

New Plague in UK: Thousands of Kids Left Hanging in Trees like Bats!

Parental problems continue as 1000's of spoiled kids now climb trees to avoid school and chores at home. Under Health & Safety laws no one is permitted to help them down and sidewalks 'full of shite.'

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

UK Gold Fish Freed: Pet Store Owner Still in Lock Down

Animal rights activists celebrated the return of 'Hu Nhu' the abused gold fish into his home waters of Macau. The pet store owner who sold him into slavery has been fined and confined to her home.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Michelle Misspeaks When Meeting French President!

Taken aback after looking down at 5'3" Nicolas Sarkozy, Michelle blurted,"I've got snails in my garden bigger than you!" Onlookers said the President didn't take it well, and retreated into his shell.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Obama Mandates New 'Mileage' Requirements

Doctors tell Pelosi, 70, she's gotten all the mileage she can get out of current medical enhansement techniques. Under pressure, Obama issues executive order exempting Speaker of House from law.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Obama Opens all Prisons and Pushes for Criminal Integration into Society!

West Coast Pundit to head council to rehab killers, gangsters and serial rapists. SFO tagged as Den Mother for Half Way House program: "He always wanted to get in bed with those guys..go for it!"

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Another Day, Another Biden "Classic"

Biden Claims going to the Moon an "IMPOSSIBLE mission - just can't be done" Errr - NASA has ALREADY gone to the moon!

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Obama: Finally, Peace in My Time!

Nukes are out, Rubber Bullets in. Barry claims disarming America will enable people throughout the world to leave their caves and practice their religion in peace. His job done, takes sabbatical.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Britney's lice ridden hair extensions

Stars and Stripes = Spread Star's Nits

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Turned it blue!

Stars and Stripes = Tints Draper's Ass

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pastor's waywardness

Stars and Stripes = Starts Padre's Sin

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Cucumbers Gone Missing from Michelle's Garden!

DC Cops say search narrows to either Barney Frank or Nancy Pelosi, while insiders say Michelle's dissatisfaction with Presidential Sex Life may have led to comments: "Finally, a Penis I'm Proud of!"

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Probably Nicholas II or a previous Romanov?

Stars and Stripes = Ardent Tsar's Piss

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Postal urine sample?

Stars and Stripes = Tartar Sends Piss

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pope 'Comes Clean' on Newest Scandal!

Italian cops called after ceremonial footbath touting humility and the'Love of Man' turns ugly as Pope caught in shower performing full body scrub and claiming absolution whilst fondling.

written by Morse, 02 April 2010
Rating:

It's all in the linguine sauce

Stars and Stripes = Stirs Pasta Nerds

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Unclothe the devil

Stars and Stripes = Strip Satan Dress

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Really upset Greek foes

Stars and Stripes = Spartan Distress

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Ancients wore it like a toga

Stars and Stripes = 'Tis Spartan Dress

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Cute Chinese bears get aggravated by it

Stars and Stripes = Stir Panda Stress

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Ouch!

Stars and Stripes = Spinster Ass Dart

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Blame that waterboarding disclosure

Stars and Stripes = Partners Sadists

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Flagging up ancient upset

Stars and Stripes = Spartan Distress

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Destroy big boss poison

The Crucifixion = Ruin Toxic Chief

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Blame Herod's attorneys

The Resurrection = Hence Terror Suit

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Georgia "More Fun" Than Texas

For Pisces, Jupiter moves more deeply into your sign. The moon indicates research. If you are single, a meeting with an intoxicated isotope hydrologist at a ukelele recital will lead to embarrassment and soiled clothing.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

All about tumescence

The Resurrection = Re: Hurt Erections

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Kim Kardashian's "Throbbing Breasts"

Said poly-alloy spokesperson: "We just switch the poly-alloy on and off."

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sea Shanties Becoming More Popular

Neptune encounters Mercury in Aquarius. Turn that talent into money. Strong indications include false ears, miniature prisons, and pantomime hippos.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pilgrims Progress

The Resurrection = O, Heretics' Return!

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Life is a bowl of them

The Resurrection = Rent Out Cherries

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Ghostly goings on at the Nation's Capitol

House and Senate "to disappear" behind poly-alloy sheeting; Obama staffer: "One option for the President to deal with the expected Republican (GOP) tsunami expected to hit this coming November".

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Oranges and Lemons

Mercury moving into Capricorn indicates an ordering of home and hearth.. Mystical Pluto, though, matches you with someone unexpected. A defrocked priest with a drug problem will ruin your life.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Thick skinned beastie

The Resurrection = True Secret Rhino

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

How To Bake Your Own Pitta Bread

Sagittarians: a text from a loved one means more than it says. Employ a private detective to follow their every movement. A combination of edible underwear and Miley Cyrus can only mean trouble.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Sexagenarian birthday poser

The Resurrection = I Turn Threescore



written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pope Denies Rape of the Lock

War-like Mars figures for Scorpios. Now is the time to strangle that traffic warden or poison a coypu family. A psychotic friend will need your help to dismember the body of a Market Research Assistant.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Britain Losing Consciousness

UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has hailed the Christian churches as the conscience of the country. It is very clear that in five years time Britain will be unconscious. Gee thanks Gordon Brown!

written by IN SEINE, 02 April 2010
Rating:

AC/DC thunderbolt out of the blue

The Resurrection = Current Theories

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Poly-Alloys will hide "President's Men" and "Teleprompters"

At future press conferences, "You will see the President, but not Axelrod or Rahm Emmanuel whispering in the President's ear and Obama's much criticized teleprompters will disappear."

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Ecclesiastical estate agents

The Resurrection = Rectories' Hunter

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

EmasculateThe Sopranos

The Resurrection = Neuter Chorister

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Beyond the Big Bang: the Magnetic Monopole Problem

Librans are always rational and handle emotions well. The moon is in your money chart. Your partner need never know that the extra income comes from a sideline in prostitution and BDSM.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pull the other one!

The Resurrection = Honest Recruiter

written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Spawned church fatcats

The Resurrection = Enriches Torture




written by queen mudder, 02 April 2010
Rating:

New Poly-Alloys Will Turn Average House-Wife into Vogue Models

"Apparently".

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Disney to Film 3D Version of Richardson's "Clarissa"

The enigma of Pluto and the beneficient influence of Jupiter figure for Virgo. A giant Queen of Puddings containing an elderly centaur, or a riverside picnic at which a dryad appears, are both equally likely.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Stealthy Breasts

Jordan bra designer claims that "Jordan's breasts are actually 'twice the size' people think they are - our poly-alloys bend visible light around her breasts thus reducing their apparent size".

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Pentagon takes a close look at Jordan's breasts

Surprised to hear that their F22 stealth coating which incorporates above-top secret wonder-alloys is used to support Jordan's assets.

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Jordan's breasts trigger airport alarm

Turned out to be her bra which contains new poly-alloys with 500 times more strength than spider-silk.

written by Tcoah, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Whale Spotted Near Whitby

Leos could find extra motivation to pursue personal goals. Mars fuels your love-life. A meeting at a sporting venue looks likely. A new one-legged friend will help you to win the three-legged race.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Royal Family Mere "Empty Ceremonial" Says Anarchist

Cancerians must choose between old and new. Will it be Edam again this week? Or will the presence of Jupiter help you to explore new horizons - why not try Wensleydale or Crumbly Lancashire?

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Dutch Elm Disease Strikes Bishops

The moon can bring calm and efficiency into the lives of Geminis. Now is the time to dspose of those unwanted body parts where they'll never be found. Pluto stimulates odd desires. Periwigs and Canada Geese are strongly indicated.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

New Head for Milk Marketing Board

Taureans can rely on Mercury to help clarify their goals. If you are contemplating a murder, then lingerie and the number 2324189765409870009.009 are strong indicators. Beware of Nepalese Firemen.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Nostradamus Wrong Again

For Aries, with Pluto in your ambitions chart, it could be time to start your own rook-slaughtering business. If you're single, a drink problem and a restraining order are indicated.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Advanced Automobile Technology

New cars produced in 2016 have to meet new government fuel efficiency and emission requirements. Additionally, a bitchy environmentalist squawking "not good enough" will be installed under the hood!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Breaking News

NEWSCASTER: California Democratic far left wing liberal tries to blow himself! NEWSCASTER to PRODUCER: Is the word up missing at the end? PRODUCER: No!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

UN Drive-In Facility Opens

The UN is instantly awarding climatology degrees in a Northern California City. A noted climatologist said "why did I spend 12 f**king years studying this s**t when any moron can now get a degree?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Cable Apology

Cable company president apologizes to parents for accidentally showing section from Playboy Channel. Will be sure they are only cartoons blowing each others heads off from now on.

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Political Philosophy

A dog first smells an item, then tries to eat it and eventually craps on the item! Sort of reminds me of the Democratic far left liberal loon's philosophy!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Breaking News 2013

President Sarah Palin and both Republican controlled Houses of Congress disband the EPA!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

New Findings

The 50% of climatologists who believe in man-made climate change have been shown to use a lot of laxatives. In other words these scientists are full of shit!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Democratic Liberals get Religion

There is an impending feeling of doom among far left wing Democrats! Mother Pelosi is seen as leading her flock to Armageddon in November 2010.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Docs Term For Erectile Dysfunction #11

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The flubby chubby"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #10

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Bone, Postponed!"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #9

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The Salami Tsunami"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #8

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Lonely Baloney"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #7

According to a new study, most urologists who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Aint-Aconda"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #6

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The worm has turned...down"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #5

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Head bowed in shame"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #4

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The half Monte"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #3

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "On the Dole!"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #2

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Tragic Johnson"

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
Rating:

Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction

According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "He's down in the humps."

written by Bureau, 02 April 2010
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