Spoof news snippets from April 2010
There were 1,209 spoof news snippets published in April 2010. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Supermarket Bans Bruised Fruit.
Oranges to launch a peel.
Egg On Their Face.
Army finally admits Humpty was pushed.
Until Further Notice
It will no longer matter, if it's the Twin Towers or an Abortion Clinic. A terrorist will be prosecuted as a terrorist. The god being honored, being the only difference.
Katie Price To Undergo Tit Reduction.
She plans to leave Alex Reid at home more often.
Lies! Lies! Lies!
Readers of The Sun admit they can't read.
AIP newsflash...FDA to Ban "Natural" Foods...
An out break of death by natural causes has the FDA halting all sales and consumption of natural foods. Organic & Natural Farms will be quaranteened until chemicals and preservatives can be applied.
They mishear about an increase in Stamp Duty
Mexico to tighten border security
Mexico has decided has had enough. They are tired of Americans stealing citizens to work in low paying jobs while offering them no benefits. They will consider a slave market arrangement with the USA
Free to good home
10 adorable puppies are offered to good homes. Mother is a full blooded German Shepard and father was a Super Dog able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Westboro Baptist Church Says god Hates Spoofers
Reverend Phelps announced that those who freely practice the spoofer's lifestlye, are going to hell with those damned homosexuals. Supporters(inbred kin) carried signs stating "God Hates Spoofers"
New series of bumper stickers launched
Millions of Battered Women and I'm Still Eating Mine Plain
Cheryl Has World's Best Arse.
Personally I never rated Ashley as a footballer or a human being!
Eastenders To Ban 'Real' Slapping On Set.
Let's hope they plan to replace it with 'real' machete attacks instead!
Ashes, Ashes we all stay on the ground
Ring around the larva
All of that palarva
We all stay on the ground
One-legged man says he is 'hopping mad' at the candidates standing for election. Blind man says he can't see the point. Deaf man said, "What?"
I walked on water - just like Jesus
It's true. I did walk on water just like Jesus. It was called a frozen lake. What's the big bloody deal?
New series of bumper stickers launched
You Keep Prayin' For Me and I'll Keep Thinking For You
Jesus made a long awaited return to NYC today and saw so many people wearing crosses, severe panic attacks set in. He was last seen running down the Hudson River screaming, no friggin' way, not again!
Sod it! I've got writer's block.
Priests to be given PENANCES by Pope
Priests to be given Penances for sexually abusing young boys.'Say 3 Hail Marys + 2 Our Fathers. All sins will be forgiven'.
What about the victims? Sell the Vatican. Divide the proceeds amongst them.
Cable company president apologizes to parents for accidentally showing section from Playboy Channel. Will be sure they are only cartoons blowing each others heads off from now on.
Ash, ash, ashoo-oo-oo. People around the world are sneezing uncontrollably as ash from the Icelandic Volcano gets up their noses. People are unable to function normally as they can't stop sneezing.
John Terry "I know nossing".
John Terry told reporters he never knew about his dad's involvement with drugs. He'd wondered where all the money came from, but believed his dad when he said he was moonlighting as a male escort.
Image of Jesus Appears in NYC Central Park.
Hordes of religious pilgrims flocked to Central Park today to see an image of Jesus that has appeared in a homeless guy's crap. Some waited 8 hrs to file thru the public toilet and murmur, Holy Shit
Single Japanese Women Flocking To America
A noted Podiatrist's discovery of a direct correlation between foot size and penis size, has thousands of single Japanese women flocking to America in search of Bigfoot.
Docs Term For Erectile Dysfunction #11
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The flubby chubby"
Strange things we see when they aren't there
I'm scrolling down today April 11th, and see 'Featured Writer'. I only saw the 'tip' of the accompanying photo and thought it was a penis. I continued scrolling and saw it wasn't. So sad!
Stacy Keibler - The Woman With The Longest Legs in America
Ex-Wrestler and Dancing With The Stars contestant Stacy Keibler has just written her first book. It is entitled, "Yes Guys, My Legs Do Go All The Way Up To My Belly Button."
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #4
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The half Monte"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #6
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The worm has turned...down"
Snippet King Releases Statement
"Thanks to all concerned, but I am not currently recovering from a vasectomy." :- Bureau
Tigers keeping his balls clean
Tiger Woods has promised to keep his balls clean as well as his putter. His balls and putter will be checked daily for any sign of foreign matter, or even, American matter for that matter.
!!! BREAKING NEWS ALERT !!!
Nothing to worry about folks, it was just an ant breaking wind. Go back to your terror filled life that makes you jump at everything labelled ALERT
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #2
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Tragic Johnson"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #3
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "On the Dole!"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #5
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Head bowed in shame"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #7
According to a new study, most urologists who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Aint-Aconda"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #8
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Lonely Baloney"
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #9
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "The Salami Tsunami"
Stevie Wonder 'in shock' at latest revelation
Stevie Wonder in shock following his PA's revelation.
Stevie said, "What do you mean I'M BLACK?"
Also confused with The Muppet Show.
Ann Coulter's Brand New (And Appropriate) Nickname
Ann Coulter says she is tired of people calling her "Trigger Face." Okey dokey, guys and gals so from now on Ann will be known as "Horsey Face."
Westboro Baptist Church To Support Tea Baggers
Reverend Phelps's church WBC is contributing to the tea baggers in the next round of elections. Signs are getting confusing, One says god hates fags and another says that god loves tea baggers. WTF?
Global Warming Update
The primary source for greehouses gases in North America has been traced to an illegal mexican operation reportedly raising an extremely toxic Pinto Bean variety in green houses across Southern Texas.
Westboro Baptist Church Angry About Gay Hospital Visit Law
Reverend Phelps has spoken out about Obama forcing hospitals to treat gay partners as family. This means that all GOOD christians risk exposure to second hand gayness while visiting ill loved ones.
Whitney Houston croaked at her first concert in 11 years in UK. Veterinarians were called responding to a 999 call from someone passing the concert hall believing an animal inside was being tortured.
A rather plump girl served me my order in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, "Sorry about the wait."
I said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually."
Jenna Jameson's Husband Files Complaint
Claims she refuses to mix work and pleasure.
Bureau - Back to Work NOW!
Lowton claims Snippet section going to hell in a handcart while you're off lazing around.
Nick Clegg Denies Cash For Questions Allegations
States that he never appeared on Bullseye with Jim Bowen.
TV Viewers Switch Over
Millions switch from Leaders Debate to Atletico Madrid v Liverpool. Then hurriedly switch back.
The Bitch Known As Madonna
Madonna, ever the businesswoman, has said that she will not end her on going feud with Nancy Grace until Grace gives her $200,000.
Arizona Immigration Notice
In an effort control the use profiling while enforcing Arizona's new Immigrant Law, officers have been instructed to arrest anyone found outside their homes between the hours of 12:01 AM and 1159 PM
AIP Reporter Stump Parrish Kidnapped, Ransom terms announced
AIP's crack, head reporter, Stump Parrish was kidnapped from his lalaland penthouse today. Kidnappers have demanded that spoof readers offer 150 positive votes on his stories or they will release him.
TeaBaggers Vow To Stop Another Obama Movement
During a cabinet meeting this morning President Obama excused himself for a visit to the crapper. Joe Watson R, SC hollered, you sh*t?. Teabaggers took up the cry stating we've had enough Obama crap
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
Lesbians Against Bush plan 2 year celebration
The National Chapter of Lesbians Against Bush has announced plans to celebrate the two year anniversary of Obama's waxing of that little bit of useless fluff.
New series of bumper stickers launched
God Bless America - Except Dallas - Screw Dallas
Westboro Baptist Church To Picket Itself
Reverend Phelps has announced A protest to be held outside of The Westboro Baptist Church on Sunday. He explains that during his morning rounds of the church 2 Deacons were discovered in a closet
New series of bumper stickers launched
Born Again Atheist
Texas Governor Rick Perry Don't Take No Shit From No One
Governor Rick Perry of Texas has emailed Elin Nordegren and Sandra Bullock and offered to bring Tiger and Jesse down to Texas and personally 'de-nut' the two womanizing shitheads.
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction #10
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "Bone, Postponed!"
Works for me
Years ago it was suggested, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since most doctors are now Muslim, I've found a bacon sandwich works just as well.
Joan Rivers and Her Amazing Underwear
Joan Rivers has just celebrated her 102nd birthday. She blew out the candles and then for some inexplicable reason then proceeded to shove all of the two-tier birthday cake into her panties.
Earthquake In China
Caused by trapped coalminers banging the walls to alert rescuers
The Truth About Sharon Osbourne (Finally!)
Sharon Osbourne admits that the reason that she acts giddy and stupid is because she is giddy and stupid.
The Amazing Youthful Looking Old Macaulay Culkin
The star of the Home Alone movies, Macaulay Culkin is 28, and he is thrilled beyond belief that he finally looks like he is 18.
Social Security Update
After Bush announcement that we would run out of social security by 2042, Obama updated that yesterday, saying we ran out this morning. "Businesses will have to pay more..if they come back."
The NBA at a recent meeting, unanimously agreed that all players would refrain from getting more tattoos until 2011, and the 3.4 million dollars saved would be donated to charity.
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
Animal rights group stages a demonstration in protest.
Survey Shows Women Spend Three Years Of Their Lives Shopping
And six years returning what they bought.
Obama's Easter Present
Obama hails 'shared spirit of humanity' at Easter. "I've just laid the biggest rotten egg in the history of the United States!"
All Eyes On Nick Clegg
Checking out the hairy nostril rumours.
Countdown To The Leaders Debate
Easily confused with The Muppet Show
Great Conservative Giveaway
A free jar of Marmite for anyone not voting for the BNP.
If Katie Price Is Pregnant, The Big Question Is...
Will the baby bump be bigger than the other two?
Brett Favre: Have Football - Will Travel
Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre plans to announce his retirement in May, his unretirement in June, and his retirement in July.
Carrie Prejean & Senator John Edwards
Wal-Mart reports that this years sale of its Carrie Prejean action figure doll has now surpassed the Sen. John Edwards action figure doll by 7 dolls to 5 dolls.
NASA Provides HD Photos of the Sun
The sun is not pleased and comments, "They didn't get my good side and they refused to airbrush the photos."
Director shouts "Action!" and Cameron craps his pants.
Michelle McGee Says "Bullocks To Boll..."
This headline isn't going to work out, is it?
Mike Tyson - Once A Cannibal, Always A Cannibal!
Mike Tyson has been permanently banned from Disneyland after biting off one of Minnie Mouse's ears. Tyson reportedly said that the rat bitch disrespected him.
French and Henry
In an interview, Dawn French said there was a "slim chance of reconciliation" with Lenny.
'Fat chance' more like.
I'm dead against them.
If volcanoes are God's crack pipes, he's on one massive rock bender right now.
"Obama plays more golf than Bush".
I play more football than a tree.
I believe my son is too right wing and could get in trouble.
I'll play him more central next game.
Disproving what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
We're All In This Together
Translates from politicalspeak to - You're on your own mate!
Scottish Nationalists Manifesto
Rebuild Hadrian's wall and legalise Haggis hunting.
David Cameron Makes His Mind Up
"I'll have this one...no...that one...no...D'oh!"
It will be mainly crap, with occasional crappy spells and the odd outbreak of crap.
Clapper plus Crapper is an Ass Zapper
Dan Dapper's Granmammy T. Rapper Dapper the ex-Flapper Lapper activated her Clapper sittin on da Crapper and flushed her Dapper ass away. Da Dapper Flapper Funeral Capper is music by Frank Zapper.
The New Reality Show Starring Amy Winehouse and Jesse James
Amy Winehouse and Jesse James have signed on to do a new reality show on the Fox Network. The show is titled Show Us Your Most Intimate Tattoos.
Thirty days hath September
So what? Anyway, nobody says 'hath' anymore.
Premier League Will Be Won By The Fattest And The Fisters
Sorry...the fastest and the fittest...
So Far, Not Many Sales
New 60MPG hybrid car to run on coal water drained off former mountaintops that have been blasted away and Great Spotted Owl piss.
Doc's Term For Erectile Dysfunction
According to a new study, most urologist who talk to their nurse in front of others usually calls the patient's erectile dysfunction: "He's down in the humps."
Prime Minister Calls "Pot, Kettle, Black! "
... when he called Mrs Duffy a Bigot. "It's a good job I'm deaf" said Mrs Duffy. David Cameron said "what's a bigot?" Mrs Duffy said just one word "what? "
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