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Rating:

Hawking Has A Biggie!

Leading scientist and bestselling author Stephen Hawking admitted on the Jerry Springer Show yesterday that he has a giant penis, but it had to be dragged from him.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Two Thumbs Down!

Missing bomb-sniffing dog discovered at policeman's friend's house sniffing TV showing movie, "10,000 BC".

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Dog To Vet

I hope PETA is happy now that I took the dog to a vet and had him neutered. I didn't know it wasn't going to cost me anything. I also didn't know that some Vietnam vets had never done it before.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

We Give Up!

The Wisconsin Northrup High School football team have canceled the rest of this season's games after being beaten last week at Homecoming Game by team from a home school.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Stephen Hawking Applies to be Writer for The Spoof -- Is Rejected

Hawking, the renown scientist, failed the application's math section by selecting "6" as the answer to "What's 2 multiplied by 2?", thereby proving that he is not a real person but an automated robot.

written by Paris Silton, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Favre Not Iron Man

Brett Favre says he 'may not' be an ironman this season for the Minnesota Vikings but would settle for Captain America.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Lincoln Had A Black Ass?

Bored treasury department employee sends out 100,000 $5.00 bills with his version of Lincoln's ass on the back side.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Widows Complain Again

The football widows say that not only are they left alone for much of the weekend during football season and that a slap on the ass is definitely not foreplay.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

New Gene Discovered

Scientist say they have discovered the kelly gene that makes people want to get up and boogie.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

He'll Never Make It

David Blaine is trying to set a new world's record by being the first person on earth to actually read every word in President's health care proposal.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Evening News Bobbleheads

President Obama tells CNN that tonight's speech "Why The US Should Turn To Socialism" is not about socialism. News Anchor nods his head in agreement.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

UFO In DC

UFO spotted by ordinary citizen as it leaves Washington, DC after collecting it's monthly toll of brain matter from congress.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

"You Can Tell By The Way I Walk"

The last two BeeGee's are getting together for a concert. For the first time, Barry confesses that they are eunuchs.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

PBS Desperate For Funds

PBS hopes to raise more funding this year with the naked bluegrass band. Will show close-ups of nuggets going up and down with really high notes.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

A Welsh Canteen Is Far Too Offensive!,

A canteen in Wales has changed the name of 'Spotted Dick' to 'Spotted Richard' in case it offends anyone only to find there are 3 employees there, all called Richard. Worse still, all 3 have acne.

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Little known model tries to break into show business the old fashioned way

Discovers silent films are obsolete.

written by Mr. Staypuf, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Robotics Scientists Hard at Work!

Having developed a prosthetic hand that includes the sense of feeling called the 'SMARTHAND', robotics engineers are very excited about their next project the 'SMARTASS'!

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Oprah's bra gives way, injures first row of audience.

Most treated for blunt force trauma and released.

written by Mr. Staypuf, 09 September 2009
Rating:

New Willie Nelson Fundraiser

Willie Nelson, George Jones and John Mellencamp say they will do a fund raising concert this weekend to help bail out their boat they sunk while drunk last weekend.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

More Alike Than Previously Thought

Former First Lady, Rosalynn Carter, says Jimmy is with Billy now. "No, he's not dead, but he spends his days sitting at the gas station eating peanuts he's placed in his bottle of cola."

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Better Go Feed Them Mules

Barren County, Kentucky man runs entire household electricity on mules on exercise tracks with carrots dangled before them on a stick.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Counting Worse, More Messy Than Flu

Swine Flu outbreak in Maggoty, Arkansas traced back to county fair where people were asked to guess how many beans were in a can of beans & they counted them together after each guess.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

The Bush Doctrine?

Charles Gibson, leaving the News Anchor spot at ABC, says his most embarrassing moment was when he asked Sarah Palin what was the Bush Doctrine, then she asked him and both simply sat silent.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

At Least Ten A Day

TheSpoof writer Bureau finally confesses he got most of his snippets by copying quotes from George Bush records.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Either Way We Go We're Screwed!

Scientist: Dinosaurs committed mass suicide when one saw a vision of Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh in the far future.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Dollar No Longer World Currency?

President Obama objects to dollar being replaced as world currency, saying it won't be long until cashless currency cards will be here to replace all currency. Cashless society already here, say many.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Breast Day Website Most Popular

National Breast Appreciation Day website getting more than 20 Million hits a day. There, 20 million and one.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Cheney In Honduras

The role of President of the Honduras was settled today when new Honduran President Dick Cheney and his bird-hunting friends took power.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Worse Than In India

Even after two months, Mother Teresa still working hard on the body of Michael Jackson. "The worse I've seen yet", says gentle lady.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Not Funny Anymore

Long time lead singer Aerosmith, Steven Tyler, told reporters that he never thought he'd reach the age where he had fallen and couldn't get up!" after his hard fall from the stage a few weeks ago.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Knock It Off, Harold!

Close childhood friend has had just about enough of coming up with excuses for his old nurse-butchering buddy.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Rubber Bullet Up Wazzoo

At Congressional Hearing over the safety of being shot with a taser, ex-protester states, "A rubber bullet up the ass can be a whole lot worse!"

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Struck By Lightning

Texas man struck by lightning survives even his shoes melting. However, his toes are now six inches long.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Israel Sues Egypt, Poland Sues Germany

Custer descendants sue prosperous Casino tribe over the mistreatment of their beloved ancestor, Golden Hair.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Mr. Roger's Replaced

Mr. Roger's Neighborhood may be back new on PBS as lovable old Dick Cheney to play Mr. Roger's Cousin, Mr. Smiley.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

China Calls In Loans

China calls in its US loans, repossesses the country. Leaders say they will keep Barack Obama as President for now.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Bear Left

Bear from Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Baily Circus first bear to climb Mount Everest on a unicycle.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Irish Have Less Flu Victims

H1N1 flu stops in Ireland as the Blarney Stone gets a covering of Tamiflu.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Soft Targets Sought

Study: Terrorists shifting focus to 'soft' targets. Home Security encourages obese Americans to lose weight.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Oil Hovers

Oil hovers near $70 again. Historians gathering information on exactly when oil took to hovering.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Kids Recall Obama Speech

Obama's back-to-school speech inspires some kids. "We all got doughnuts and Larry farted", states one.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

The Latest Line

Wedding deals combine as numbers align on 9-9-09 without reason or rhyme but to be a good sign that marriage will be fine.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Name Change Working?

Hurricane Fred may not hit any landfall. Part of plan to give Hurricanes non-threatening names. Hurricane Goober next. Then, Hurricane Huckleberry Hound.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Iran Still Working On Bombs

U.S. says Iran nearing ability to make atom bombs. I'm sorry. That bit of news was from two-three years ago.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Obama-Rama

Chief White House spokesman Robert Gibbs says President Barack Obama's speech to American can be heard live or you can play back his last speech as they're mostly the same.

written by Bureau, 09 September 2009
Rating:

Small boy finds whole potato in bag of Crisps

A small boy was surprised to find a whole potato in a packet of crisps. He was lucky because crisps no longer have any potato in them. Manufacturers have known this for years!

written by IN SEINE, 09 September 2009
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