Order by:
Rating:

Live From Houston

"Orbiting shithouse expected to pass near space station with old guy throwing crappy corncobs", announces drunk who somehow sneaked into Houston Center.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Blaine Takes Blame

Illusionist, stuntman David Blaine finally admits to George Bush that he hid WMD's in Iraq because he was never invited to Bush White House after completing a great stunt.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Biden Packing

After latest foot-in-mouth comments, Obama sends VP Biden to Afghanistan for 100-day fact finding tour.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Treasury Dept. Complimented

The US Treasury Department receives over 1,000 calls congratulating them on design, color of new $100 say they haven't printed any of those.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Loner's March Planned

One million "Loners March" planned for Washington DC next Spring to "get government off our ass".

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

In Most Products Today

Makers of high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate ask congress for bailouts.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Rookie Aboard Wears Mask

Space sights and smells surprise rookie sstronauts! "You wouldn't believe how long one small fart can last in here", choked one.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

UK Miracle Skydiver Paul Lewis: Transcript of fall to earth released

You can spot main chute failure, reserve chute deploy then failure and eventual landing. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRHHHH...Phew! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHH...Ooof! Phew!"

written by Frank Miller, 06 September 2009
Rating:

New sponsor for Andy Murray in bid to win US open

Andy Murray reveals Mafia to sponsor him for remainder of US Open. The deal obliges him to use a protection racket.

written by Mark Mywords, 06 September 2009
Rating:

"You The Man!"

Even some Washington, DC reporters getting a little sick and tired of all those "You the man!" shouts by democrat congressmen during Obama speeches.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Butt Who Won?

After three years, feuding neighbors in Mobile agree that $10,000 spent on Toilet Paper War was senseless.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

"Get Funky!"

Missouri man doesn't realize what "Get funky" actually means until he discovers they've been saying, "Git! Funky!" and remembers he hasn't changed underwear in a month.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

So What Do We Do Now?

Thirty-five year married couple in Little Rock, Arkansas manage to get through stupid romantic weekend getaway, a gift from the kids, without killing each other.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

No Raise For You!

President Obama says Social Security receivers will not get a raise for two years. That's part of the death proposal in new health care bill.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Government Prying Too Much

US citizens accuse the government of interfering into their personal lives as hidden mikes & bugs discovered, 295-pound hairy bald girl scout delivering cookies at the door.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

But No Chicken Plants

US satellite surveillance reveals that there are at least a dozen hidden WalMart Training Centers in Mexico!

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Spoof Writer Refuses to Write Story About Being Sick of Writing Stories About Rob Pattinson

Oh, come on. Do I really have to explain?

written by The San Francisco Onion, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Smoking Removals Completed

Disney, Warner Brothers finally complete removal of all old cartoon smoking scenes in order not to influence children. "Everywhere we could, we replaced cigarettes lighting bomb fuses with matches.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Women's Complaints About Breasts Proven Correct

Women have long complained that their faces are often the last thing men look at, and now a scientific study has proved them to have nice, full, bouncing melons!.... Where was I?


written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

"Oh Nooo!"

Police arrest 30 after violent street clashes between skinheads, anti-fascists, somebody named 'Mr. Bill and right-wing 'English Defence League' protesters in Birmingham

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

G-20 After Banks

Finance ministers from the world's most powerful economies have agreed to a series of measures to try to regulate (translation: "Dip Into") the global banking system.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Kazakhstan Blames Russia

Decades of Soviet nuclear testing on the steppes of Kazakhstan have been blamed for an alarming number of Keith Richard lookalikes!

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Train Passengers Facing Problems

Thousands of rail passengers are facing problems after a train firm canceled all but one of its Sunday routes because of a lack of decent drivers. Some are driving trains all over the countryside.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Report On UK Economy

The UK economy should bounce back next year say economists. I'm sorry, UK "checks" to bounce back next year say economists.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Bad-Luck Doll?

Another row over cultural heritage has broken out between Bolivia and Peru, over the origins of a "good luck" doll, both countries having been so well off for so long.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

We Were Wrong, Mooo!

Nepal has expressed regret over an attack on Friday on two Indian priests by protesters at one of Nepal's holiest Hindu sites, the Pashupatinath temple. Ask that livestock be turned back into people.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Cigarette's Subtle Warnings

Subtle branding on cigarette packets is misleading smokers into believing some products are less harmful than others, research suggests. Terms like "Slow, easily treatable cancer.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Libya Not Pressed Over IRA

PM Brown'did not press Libya over IRA.' "Why should I care if Gaddafi has an Individual Retirement Account?"

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Tom Selleck Defeats Horse In Court

Tom Selleck wins California court battle over horse. Horse used little horse sense, according to attorney. Tried to stampede jury.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Guard Against Flu

Day care centers urged to be vigilant against flu. If child comes in coughing, set him or her outside until someone can come and get him, hopefully the parent.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Obama Promotes Savings, Spending

Obama promotes ways to encourage savings. "Placing common marbles in nest egg encouraging till real eggs come along."

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Warning From Junk Cousteau

Big chunk of space junk misses space station, as Junk Cousteau warns that it may be become involved in cleaning up the world's space trash.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

New Diet Craze

Hollywood's new diet craze: "How To Convince The Brain From Over-eating" not working because of shrunken, leaking brains.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

California Not Out Of The Woods Yet

Fire no longer threatening LA-area communities, but huge cloud of brimstone seen approaching Hollywood area.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Van Jones Resigns

Barack Obama's environmental adviser Van Jones, who was embroiled in controversy over past inflammatory remarks, has resigned his White House job after a "vicious true smear campaign against me."

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Funeral Directors Thrilled Over Obama "Death Pill" As Huge Boost To The Economy

R.Stiff, of the Association of Dead People Handlers, is thrilled over the decision to "cull the herd" to help medical expenses. "Wow what business! I'll be putting the extras in our home freezer."

written by tlmedia, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Health Care Public Option Practitioners

If the Health Care Reform bill has a public option; think about someone like Speaker Pelosi, Representative Frank and Senator Dodd as your Gynecologist, Proctologist and Urologist, respectively!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Spin, Spin and more Spin

TV news is reporting that the Presidential Press Secretary had facial surgery to remove splinters and shorten his nose. He was an assistant to Baghdad Bob prior to accepting his present position.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Academic Bidding War

Yale and Harvard Universities are outbidding each other to buy the 62 story John Hancock building in downtown Boston MA. Yale would like a presence in Boston, while Harvard needs more dormitory space.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Green Czar is a Real Toad

The Green Czar put his far left wing foot in his mouth with his absurd rants. Empress Pelosi kissed the Czar, turning him into a frog and prompting speculation that frog's legs is soon be on the menu.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 September 2009
Rating:

Day The Music Died

A rumor has resurfaced that the Hell's Angels had planned to kill Mick Jagger at 1969 Altamont but failed. However, they did manage to make off with Keith Richard's brain only five years later.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
Rating:

New Fantasy League Closes

Fantasy Curling League closes after only one season. Players claimed they had heart palpitations during excitement.

written by Bureau, 06 September 2009
« Aug 2009 September 2009 Oct 2009 »
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49
2nd
63
3rd
64
4th
56
5th
51
6th
42
7th
54
8th
38
9th
46
10th
70
11th
68
12th
81
13th
42
14th
63
15th
78
16th
57
17th
67
18th
56
19th
56
20th
44
21st
79
22nd
47
23rd
57
24th
54
25th
36
26th
82
27th
42
28th
51
29th
54
30th
64
 

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