Order by:
Rating:

Just another fishy tale?

Mermaids object to excess of fish restaurants in Padstowe, Cornwall. Pescatraians launch coastal counter-attacks with rods and nets.

written by Nate John Won, 29 September 2009
Rating:

No more night-flights for the Bat

Airline companies insist on reflective night clothing for flight-capable superheroes. Batman corporation and Superman industries threaten to withdraw public help in protest. Robin happy to conform.

written by Nate John Won, 29 September 2009
Rating:

No more bellies

New government ruling on trousers created in the UK. British clothes manufacturers to follow traditional USA 'big pants' design, with belt around waist. Fines to be imposed for overhanging bellies.

written by Nate John Won, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Must Have Been Janet

A California state trooper thinks he may have pulled over Janet Jackson last night. He told another officer this morning that she looked like Michael used to look. and she had one headlight out.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Think Tank Backed Up!

Think Tank finally emptied by sewer workers. "It's not a pretty sight in there", worker warns relatives.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

A Firm Believer

Meeting of cosmetic surgeons urge more breast implants for women to help bolster the economy.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Biden On The Loose

Big-mouthed Vice President Biden tells reporters about Obama getting Israeli leader and Palestinian leader to shake hands. "Of course, neither one would shake hands with Michelle, she being a woman."

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Kids!

Same senior student wins best-dressed, worst-dressed male awards at Florida high schoo,l after shitting pants laughing over worst-dressed female.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

So They're Still There?

Thousands of 2000 election butterfly ballots found nesting in Mexico for yet another winter.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Probably Delivered To Wrong Cave

Osama Bin Laden turns down special invitation to winners of
$10Million at Publishers Clearinghouse.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Saudi Hooligans are publicly lashed, only crime, they like metal music!

Listening to "metal music" in Saudi on a religious holiday is forbidden, Saudi hooligans rioted and after being caught they were publicly lashed 20 times, next time they will lose their left hands!!

written by Jaggedone, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Madonna to marry her baby, Jesus

Madonna has shocked the Christian world by announcing she will marry her "Baby" Jesus, the Pope has had an heart attack and asked for Madonna to be burnt on the stake!

written by Jaggedone, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Honking Clowns Asked To Avoid The Area!

Big fight in New York City last night between mutes and mimes finally settled this morning by monks.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Gore Escapes Temporarily

Al Gore escaped from the nuthatch long enough today to warn President Obama to make bean dip at all Super Bowl parties illegal.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Many Losing Interest

Mount Everest conquered by the Good Time Girls Of Duluth, Minnesota Quilter's Club!

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

A Gipper For A Kipper

Republicans pissed over President Barack Obama's joke of putting Ronald Reagan's photo on all food stamps.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

We Have Been Punked

Both the Nielsen ratings and Gallup polls admit they have been making things up for nearly 40 years.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

How To Kick That Habit!

Today's Ask The Doctor: Dear Doctor, why do my toes itch every time my chronically unemployed son-in-law walks by?

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Hard Times Good For You?

Cheer up! Study of Great Depression shows hard times are good for your health. At this rate, we'll all live to be 200, but very very slim.


written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Snuggling With Pet Dangerous

Can snuggling up to your pet give you MRSA? And, what if it's a thirty-foot-long Boa Constrictor? Not good, say experts.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Book Reveals Why

New book reveals why women cry more than men, why horror films are scary, and why Barack Obama won't shut his yap about a health care bill every...single....day.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

ICC Championship: New Zealand thump England

Tearful England captain blames it on Onions

written by Strini Pillay, 29 September 2009
Rating:

"Nor Is He Snoopy"

My husband, my hero: Sarah Brown comes out fighting for her husband. "My husband is not a blockhead. That's his brother, Charlie, a Roundhead."

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Blood From Turnips

Brown goes for broke with last-ditch bid to win over Britain's 'squeezed middle classes, squeezed upper classes and squeezed lower classes'.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Evil Bastard Peer in Second Home Scandal

Dark Lord Peter Mandelson has hit back at allegations of expenses fraud "a coffin is a legitimate second dwelling when I'm not hanging upside down in the Westminster Crypt" he hissed earlier today.

written by Ulver, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Mandelson / Antichrist linked ?

Peter Mandelson has today rebutted claims by his Barber that the numbers 666 found on his scalp are the number of the beast, "It's a reminder of my ATM PIN number" stated the evil fucker today.

written by Ulver, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Accident In W. Va.

One dead, 13 injured as AA member, who fell off the wagon in West Virginia, was ran over by a turnip truck which lost it's passengers.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

It Doesn't Work

Poll: Nearly 25% of the people who voted for Obama, who previously voted for Bush, say they will never again change horseshit in midstream.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

More Trouble For Madoff

PETA now after Bernie Madoff also after learning that he had stolen over one million dollars from Leona Helmsley's dog, Trouble.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Belts Let Out

Study: Both the Wheat Belt and The Bible Belt have let themselves out another notch. Washington Beltway expected to expand next.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Save Some $Millions

Hollywood directors and producers hire trainer for their own bomb-sniffing dogs. Woody Harrelson's next movie is the first victim.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Iraqi Soldiers Getting Smarter

Tricked suicide bomber blows up 21 stuffed dummies sitting near street wearing robes and turbans. Iraqi soldiers quickly stuff some more.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Scottish Crime at Lowest in 30 Years

Recorded crime in Scotland is at its lowest in 30 years - this is allegedly because the disk containing the records became so full that it got corrupted and police were unable to recover the data.

written by IN SEINE, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Local Cat Doesn't Give a Shit What You Say

Davenport native cat Mittens knows he shouldn't jump in your lap when you are eating, but then again hey, fuck you.

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Washington Bails Out Detroit Again

Washington once again has helped a city down on it's luck with a track record of consistently poor management and rich, undeserving personnel when the Redskins lost to the Lions Sunday afternoon.

written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Changed His Tune

Last week at the U.N., Barack Obama told world leaders, "Don't expect the U.S. to solve all the world's problems." He then led a cheer of "No We Can't!"

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Suckers Paying Him Again

Michael Moore's Indictment of Capitalism opens strong, bringing him in still another $5 million.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Watch The Other Guy's Texting

One in five U.S. drivers admits to texting while driving, one in ten, having sex.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Drunk On Board

Drunk who called flight steward a 'poof' is jailed. "It was just a sneeze!', claims Grant Smith, 36.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Brown Turns To Crime

Brown turns to crime as Labour falls to third place for first time in 27 years. "Although I plan to replace him, I hate to see anyone turn to crime", states one opponent.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

I'd Say So

Eyewitnesses say Guinea soldiers fired at a rally killing at least 125 people. The reports emerged as the military leader Captain Camara admitted some of the security forces had lost control a bit.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Gorillas Tweeting

Tweeting Ugandan gorillas make friends online. 12-year-old male poses as 3, asks 2-year-old to meet him behind the tree.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

O'Brien Back On "Tonight"

O'Brien back on 'Tonight,' joking about accident where he hit his head, suddenly yells AFLACK!! every ten minutes.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Is It Hot In Here?

Warmer weather threatens moose in Minnesota. Bullwinkle hospitalized with heatstroke.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Starbucks Goes Instant

Starbucks rolls out Via instant coffee nationwide. Instant coffee to begin with smaller $200 jars.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Limit De-Icing On Planes?

EPA seeks to limit plane deicing chemical runoff. Provide maps for all rivers that plane can land near airports.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Alzheimer's Walk A Success

Alzheimer's walk surpasses goal, raises over $43,000. Over 20 walkers still out there somewhere this morning.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Polanski Asks For Release

Court: Polanski appeals for release from custody. Offers solemn promise never to rape anymore 13-year-old girls.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Banks To Get FDIC Loans To Pay FDIC Fees?

FDIC expected to ask banks to prepay $36B in fees. Ask if they need a bailout on these.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Also Need The Cash

IAEA chief hails US, Russian move to cut nuclear weapons. some already spotted on ebay.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

China Finds Dinosaur, Flees

China finds bird-like dinosaur with four wings. Only two make it back to report the creatures.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

Brown Book Covers A Lot

New Dan Brown book: How many present-day members of Congress are Freemasons? Also, how many British leaders are members of the Hell-Fire Club? How many snake handlers in Appalachia? Sands in the sea?

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

And These Are Experts?

Experts: Religious life won't be the same after economic downturn, especially for those monks who took a vow of poverty.

written by Bureau, 29 September 2009
Rating:

PM Gordon Brown to fight anti social behaviour

He'll wear a mask and cape and be known as "The Masked Putty". He only comes out at night since daylight causes his face to melt. It's happened twice already; he's only 25

written by Frank Miller, 29 September 2009
« Aug 2009 September 2009 Oct 2009 »
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54
8th
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46
10th
70
11th
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12th
81
13th
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78
16th
57
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67
18th
56
19th
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22nd
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24th
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26th
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27th
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30th
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