Order by:
Rating:

Obama Wins 'Nuther One

President Obama receives another Nobel in Meteorology for calm this year and the lack of hurricanes.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Madoff Hospitalized

Bernie Madoff hospitalized after falling for the old "Dropped Soap In The Shower Trick!"

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Nigeria To Bail Out US?

Government of Nigeria offers United States 10 trillion dollars for only 100 billion up front so money can be released from bank. Over 300 billion people qualifies US for bulk rate.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

"La-La-La-La Lola!"

Judge rewards The Kinks $50,000 for US Government playing of "Lola" over one million times to prisoners at Gitmo.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Pilots Let Go

Pilots of plane that overflew destination by 150 miles and have been fired, married today. Join "Mile High Club".

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Hermel Recall

The Hermel people have recalled all cans of Donkey Fazoo with the dates 2-10-10 through 10-10-10 on them as they contain Donkey Patoo.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Obama Denies Race Card

During the campaign, it was said that Obama played the race card. When asked about it yesterday in Washington, Obama stated, "All I know is that I wound up with the Joker as VP!"

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Terrorist Plot Fails When Everyone In Line Checked

Arrested terrorist apparently tried to get by bomb-sniffing dogs at airport by spraying others in line with "Eau de Dog's Ass #7".

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Carter's Mind Slipping?

Former President Jimmy Carter's mental state being questioned after surrendering to police in Plains, Georgia for growing peanuts that may have killed some people with allergies.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

John Kerry Objects To Horse's Name

Senator John Kerry is asking thorough breeder James Lipscomb to rename his racehorse, John Kerry. Lipscomb says he will keep the name, after all, the horse has already won three races by a head.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Banner Can't Make Up Mind

David Banner switches to aggressive member of the Green Party, then switches back again.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

No More Shaking Tins

Poppycock! Remembrance Day collectors banned from shaking tins to avoid 'intimidating shoppers'. Say this year's hired ass-shakers will bring in more money, anyway!

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

What Was He On?

Drugs tsar sacked, for claiming Ecstasy, cannabis and LSD are less harmful than alcohol, thrown into river.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Brittish Police Apologize

Police apologise after including actors on 'wanted' posters of football hooligans. Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart freed. Anthony Hopkins had already escaped.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Rod Serling Sues 'Twilight' Franchise From The Grave

In a startling lawsuit from the ghost of 'Twilight Zone' creator, Rod Serling, is suing the producers of the 'Twilight' movie series with the following; "Submitted for your approval, my lawsuit..."

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Thankfully, It Didn't Reach Pilots Cabin

Medical alert after series of passengers mysteriously faint mid-flight on their way to Britain. Airline blames 96 year old's visit to toilet & door left open.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Economy Holding Marriages Together

Poll: More marriages staying together over bad economy. Also, to make their spouses life as miserable as possible.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Planet Venus Renamed

Horny scientists across the world have renamed the planet Venus, 'Meganfox'. In a statement the scientists revealed, "Who cares about some ancient chick when Megan Fox is ten times hotter?!"

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Number Of Suicides Up In Japan

Number of suicides up among Japanese youth over the loss of facebook.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Gas Up Again

Gas prices chugging higher as holidays near. This year's number one gift among adults: Gas Certificates.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Obama Vs. Fox News

The Obama administration has apologized to Fox News for ignoring it and not taking them seriously, because they were under the impression that the reporters were actually actors from MadTV.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Obama: Signs Of Better Economy

Obama highlights fresh signs of economic growth as unsold house prices jump 10%. Employment now up to 79%.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Glenn Beck Turns Deserts into Rain Forests

Cuckoo tv personality and professional weirdo twit Glenn Beck has found his calling in life. His non-stop tears of paranoia have been used to flood the Sahara Desert and turn it into a rain forest.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Sweat Hog Lodge Lawsuit

First lawsuits filed in Brooklyn, New York sweat hog tragedy at James Buchanan High, reports teacher Gabe Kotter.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

General Motors Surrenders

Auto manufacturer General Motors has gone out of business, thanks to a car manufacturer that has outsold them since 1970. GM bosses said, "We give up! We can't compete with Hot Wheels any longer!"

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 31 October 2009
Rating:

None High-Risk Groups Getting First Shots

Some who get flu vaccine not in high-risk group. Most, though, are in high income group.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Stooge Football Injuries

Experts: HS football concussions merit more study. Also, many hit in the balls who fake limp to sidelines, eye gouges during pile-ups.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Side Effects To Shots Explained

Side effects not always due to swine flu shot say experts. "A few people are allergic to small amount of hog piss used in vaccine."

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Balloon Boy Family Strike Back!

"Balloon Boy" family in the news recently, fight back by accusing government of faking moon shots. "Those were helium-filled suits their were bouncing around in", claims dad.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Rubber Products Polluted

An American-owned rubber company is disputing claims by the Liberian government that the company's waste products are polluting cheeks....creeks.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

"Death Clause" Still In Health Plan

President Obama admits "Death Clause" still in the health care plan but adds that it also includes $2500 towards family funerals.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

GOP Urges Simpler Health Plan

GOP urges simpler, less expensive health care plan. Claim their "Take two aspirin & call doctor in the morning plan" a lot less expensive.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Members Scrutinized

Ethics panel scrutinizing dozens of House members. House members scrutinizing dozens of House member's aides.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Natural Gas Up!

Natural gas costs lowest in six years as dropping economy forces more & more families to switch to beans and turnips.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

"The Rest Of The Story"

Chart-toppers Mock Jagger, Bruce Bedspring and the Bug Eyed Peas join jam at Madison Square Garden according to Paul Harvey!

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

In Time For Christmas

Credit-card rates up from 25% to 200% before new law goes into effect.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Winfrey, Clooney At The White House

Revealed: Winfrey, Clooney were among the first White House guests. Jeremiah Wright was the first to be tossed out on his ass.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Cheney Hasn't A Clue!

Cheney to FBI: No idea who leaked Plame's identity, but Joe Biden has blabbed everything else.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Madoff Overdid It Confesses SEC

Madoff: Had 'too much credibility' with SEC. "No Shit?" says 100,000 victims!

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Middle East Peace Pushes Ahead

Secretary of State Clinton continues push for Mideast peace as she reports that they have already came to "Shoves".

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Political Parties Investigated Over Parties

Ethics panel scrutinizing dozens of House members, especially those of the opposing political parties.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Plans Made For Sexy Clock Change

When clocks change, body may need time to adjust! Lots of couples planning to join the "One Hour & Ten Minute Club".

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Nine Banks Seized

Nine U.S. banks seized in largest one-day haul as bank robbers disguise themselves as US agents.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Iran Rejects UN

Iran lawmakers reject UN-drafted uranium plan but hope to keep discussions going about future discussions until bombs completed.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Abdulah Rejects Runoff

Sources: Abdullah to pull out of Afghan runoff. "The shit has merely gotten too deep", claims Abdullah. "No more runoffs!"

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Clinton Brothel Lawsuit

The Dalai Lama was not permitted to enter the Clinton - Obama Save a Penny brothel because it could not be determined whether he was white, black or gay.

written by bartolomeo7, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Still More Nixon Tapes Found

Still more old Nixon tapes found at White House have Nixon apparently practicing to be a guest on "Laugh In". "Sock it to ME! SOCK it to me!" "Sock IT to me!" "Sock it TO me!"

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

"Well, Shi....Gurgle"

Three bodies found in Fort Knox, Kentucky were apparently criminals trying to dig way under the gold vault for the past year. Finally blew their way into septic tank.

written by Bureau, 31 October 2009
Rating:

More Whacko Economics

Economists advise people to buy a new car & spend money on consumer goods, as the recession is over because the GDP is up. Perhaps they missed the fact that over 10% of the work force is unemployed.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Nuclear Football

Lucy pulls the football away from Charlie Brown, as he is about to kick it! Notice a similarity with Iran doing the same thing to the Obama administration, with respect to a nuclear weapons agreement?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
Rating:

What Did She Say?

Several senior citizens had to be taken to the emergency room for shock. They heard House Speaker Pelosi say the House health care reform bill would provide affordable health care for adolescents!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Political Economics

The federal government is going to tax businesses, who will then lay off workers. The collected tax money will then be used by the politicians to subsidize other businesses to create new jobs! What?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Feel Better?

Don't you feel better that the House health care reform bill has a provision written by the food police? A section is devoted to posting food calories and fat at fast food restaurants and on menus.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
Rating:

Food police Scandal

Members of the food police were caught in a fast food restaurant eating double cheeseburgers, onion rings and fries. They said, "this is better than sex, but you must do as we say, not as we do!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2009
« Sep 2009 October 2009 Nov 2009 »
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1st
65
2nd
14
3rd
12
4th
20
5th
43
6th
72
7th
51
8th
79
9th
35
10th
54
11th
64
12th
69
13th
72
14th
70
15th
71
16th
38
17th
21
18th
40
19th
38
20th
22
21st
31
22nd
58
23rd
25
24th
21
25th
14
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24
27th
31
28th
38
29th
127
30th
91
31st
54
 

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