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Rating:

Joe Calzaghe cries like baby

Craig Revel Horwood makes Joe 'the Teddy Bear' Calzaghe, blubber like a baby, in strictly come bullying. Calzaghe senior wants 'duel at dawn'.

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Prescott loves lard

John Prescott eschews health food for lard. 'I look good off it'. says rotund politician.
I think not, John boy. It'll kill you. Carry on!

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Why, oh, why

Gateley dies of exhaustion after bed hopping nightmare. Hubby hugs boyfriend in french kiss consolation

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Donald Trump - Patents "Tight Ass"

Cardiff Beauty Queen asks, "Is there nothing safe in Trump's hands?"

written by Tcoah, 16 October 2009
Rating:

By Will-Power Alone; "Balloon Boy" Promises To Fix Welsh Economy

He might be only six years old, but even he knows what a twat job Rhodri Morgan did for the Welsh Economy.

written by Tcoah, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Illegal Hare Cursing On The Rise

But lets face it, if you had a pack of dogs chasing you down you'd be cursing too.

written by Bunsen Burner, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Introducing Huw Lewis, Welsh Assembly Member

He would like to run Wales, but can't open his mail or his pants.

written by Tcoah, 16 October 2009
Rating:

"Meeting of the Minds"

Just in: World Leaders and President Obama plan meeting at the "White Hart Inn" in Bedwas, Wales.

written by Tcoah, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Gordon's Brown Eye To Get Special Treatment

Prime Minister Gordon Brown can't see. Lord Mandelson is an expert in opening up brown eye and hopes to ease Gordon's burden.

written by Bunsen Burner, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Revenge on garage mechanics.

Female shop assistants. When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed, and charge them £50 labour costs for the transaction.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Motorway service station advice.

When visiting a Moto service station for a cup of tea and a slice of cake, make sure you arrange your bank loan or second mortgage before you get to the tills, saving time and embarrassment.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Old people get mugged for a lot not a little.

Pensioners please avoid being beaten black and blue for paltry amounts of money by carrying large sums of cash with you at all times.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Drunk drivers avoid losing your licence.

Drunk drivers when driving home from the pub,put 'L' plates on your car to convince police that any careless driving is the result of inexperience. How to explain a 3am driving lesson is up to you,

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

How to buy flowers without being called queer.

Gentlemen when coming out of a florists with a bunch of flowers, always punch the first person that you see to ensure that no one thinks you are gay.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Baseball cap numpties... look cool.

If your having trouble getting one of those baseball caps with the peak on the back? Simply get one with the peak on the front (available anywhere), cut the peak off and sew it on the back.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Interview tip for the unemployed.

When asked if you have any questions at a job interview, increase your chances of getting the job by asking the interviewer, or the whole panel in turn where they get their hair cut.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Top Gear Presenters.

TOP GEAR sidekicks,take turns to suck Jeremy Clarkson's dick and lick his arsehole.It would save you having to learn lines every week, but it wouldn't change the basic concept of your job description.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Eco friendly lables please

Supermarkets were advised to save money on printing by labelling your 'Economy' goods 'Shit' instead.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Scrot bag warning.

Men are warned to avoid any unnecessary scrotal surgery by removing any genital piercings before using the 'Black Hole' water flume at Butlins, Bognor Regis.

written by Mary Hinge, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Train Unharmed As Baby Carriage Blocks Line

A 250 tonne railway train today avoided disaster when a 200 kilogram 3-wheel offroad armoured baby carriage was thrown on the tracks. Driver says "vandals will cause catastrophe if this goes on"!

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Tony Bliar Pays Respects To Saint's Relics

The former Prime Minister today prayed at the altar in St Paul's where the relics of St Jade the Goody were displayed for the last time. Says "She inspires me and many other chav-minded folk".

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Italian Army Pays Taleban Not To Attack.

British army pays Taleban to attack Italians. Seems fair.

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Postal Strike Called Off

Strike notices held up in mail by postal workers industrial action.

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Madonna, Amy Winehouse & Janet Street-Porter In Nude Lesbian Love Scene

Now there's a picture in your mind that you didn't want!

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Prime Minister Gordon Brown Is Nearly Blind

In a possible explanation for poor government, it has been disclosed that Mr Brown is suffering from rectal tears, caused by jamming his head up his arse. How this affects eyesight is not known.

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Man Found Half-Naked, Drunk In Park

He was wearing a Manchester City replica shirt and had a ring of lipstick around his penis. A 12 inch pink dildo was found in his anus. To save his family embarrassment, police removed the shirt.

written by Blazing Saddle, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Phils Homer-Happy

Homer-happy Phils beat Dodgers 8-6 in NLCS opener as more "Doh's" heard from Dodger pitching than average The Simpsons episode.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Volunteers Needed

Obama and elder Bush team up on call to service. "More free volunteer workers can get these American businesses running again!", states the President.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Santa Changes Name

Santa Claus changes name to "Small-Print Clause" after all the lawsuits over lead toys last year.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Social Secrity Raises Dropped

Social Security freeze means seniors must scrimp, a part of the "death clause" in Obama's new health plan.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Tylenol Could Help Shots

Health authorities say giving babies Tylenol may blunt swine flu vaccines' effects. Also, to take infants to hospital immediately if there's a reaction to Tylenol.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Cutting Costs

Insurers dropping Chinese drywall policies plus life insurance policies on Somali pirates, Iraqi police informers.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

FDA Doing Study

FDA to study negative effects of Lasik eye surgery as soon as they get the patches off.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Balloon Boy OK

The boy who vanished around the time that a homemade helium balloon floated away from his home, setting off a national uproar as authorities is OK, never left earth. "The aliens set me back down."

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

South/Southwest Helped More

Businesses in the South and Southwest benefited most from the first federal contracts awarded under President Barack Obama's stimulus program, according to businesses in the North and Northeast.

written by Bureau, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Earnhardt honored by NASCAR

Following the lead of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, NASCAR has decided to award this year's Sprint Cup Championship to Dale Earnhardt Jr.

written by Douglas Salguod, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Knife and Axe Merit Badge

The Scout Knife and Axe Merit badge will be renamed the Cutlery and Tomahawk Merit badge. The new politically correct name will protect kids against overzealous zero tolerance school administrators.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 October 2009
Rating:

Sorry About That!

Rush Limbaugh won't be buying an interest in the St. Louis Rams franchise. Reverends Jackson and Sharpton are out as the new General Manager and Offensive Line Coach, respectively.



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 October 2009
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