Order by:
Rating:

Home Business

To help stimulate the ailing economy , Vice President Biden's wife is selling oral for two dollars: she'll give you. Biden is having his anus enlarged to compete.

written by bartolomeo7, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Dora Reports On Old Folk's Home

Dora the Explorer says Cartoon Old Folks Home a shambles and has reported it to three national TV Networks. "Ever since the e.coli spinach thing, the staff have referred to Popeye as "The Soiler Man".

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Economic Recovery?

Survey: Most leading economists see recovery beginning after big woolie worm roundup! "Corn has thick shucks too", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

LA Seeking Transient

Los Angeles County detectives seek transient in fire probe after 300 confess in turn for a free meal, clean jail uniforms.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Ostrom Wins Nobel

Elinor Ostrom became the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in home economics after house husbands dominate for over 40 years.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Obama, Fidel Talks?

President Obama says that he may visit Fidel Castro next month and talk about the future of our countries, but Fidel had told him that Raul is in one of his snits and isn't even speaking to him.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Fashion Designer Warns

A leading New York fashion designer has warned that if hemlines get any shorter, women will be afraid to sit down and men will be afraid to stand up.

written by IN SEINE, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Taliban Better Financed

Treasury Dept: Taliban better financed than al-Qaida, own five times as many goats.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Energy Crisis Averted!

Energy crisis is postponed as new gas rescues the world and Taco Bell wins a Special Nobel Prize from committee in Oslo.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Greenpeace Attack!

Greenpeace activists clamber on to side of Houses of Parliament in climate change protest remindful of Ahab alongside Moby Dick.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Just The Same, They Are Still Mad

Non-sports enthusiast finally claims that basketball's March Madness elimination games could make sense. "There's a method to their madness", states Ferd Feebleblister III.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Apparently He Doesn't Like President

Sean Hannity admits he wouldn't care if the whole planet would explode into smithereens, "Just so long as we knew in the next world that it was Obama's fault!"

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

That Time of the Month for Microsoft

Microsoft are due to release their monthly fix tomorrow -- it has announced that it will be the biggest one by far!

written by IN SEINE, 12 October 2009
Rating:

US Showing Some Missile...Muscle!

After hitting the moon with a missile last week the US say they may have to blow up Iran's nukes, send 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan and break up that big ring around Saturn.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Monkey Puzzle

Scientists going back over statistics on monkeys in a room with typewriters as it was discovered that Shakespeare also threw shit while he was writing.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

"If You'll Pardon Me!"

After discovering that "Tiptoe Through The Tulips" being played for days brought better results than water boarding, Army has trouble keeping guards because of Gitmo inmates constantly singing song.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Dolly Doing Better

Authorities in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee say that Dolly Parton was rushed to the Sevier County Hospital this morning for emergency breast reduction after she couldn't get up out of bed.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Historians Discovery

Historians surprised surprised at old records discovered that showed Billy The Kid's actually middle name was "The", William The Bonney, short for dad's Theodore.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

German Chancellor

Angela Merkel has been re-elected as German Chancellor. Gordon Brown offered his congratulations and said one day he hopes to be elected, too.

written by Thompson & French, 12 October 2009
Rating:

I do, I do, I do, I do.

A South African man who married four wives together says he intends to spread himself in four separate homes. Much like his wives, then.

written by Thompson & French, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Knife crime stats

Doctors must now report both knife and gun injuries. Senior police chiefs are doubly pleased with the ruling as there's still no space on the forms for truncheons and tasers.

written by Thompson & French, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Obama Moves To Help Economy

President Obama orders all state's national guard units to drive people from their homes to a shopping center!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Nigeria Sets The Example For Nkorea, Iran

Nigeria agrees to stop their nuclear build-up if UN agrees to pay them $10 Million, promise to allow in inspectors.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Fuel Prices Causing Some To Blubber!

Because of higher than ever fuel prices, blubber returns to grocery store shelves after 90 year absence.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Big Drop On Wall Street

After 27th business bailout by congress, Wall Street changes it's name to "Easy Street".

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Family Fight's Late Admiral's Request In Court

Late retired Admiral's request in his will that he be "moth-balled" upon his death being fought in court by his family.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Cheney Has A Mild One!

Dick Cheney suffers from mild heart attack. "I gotta quit watching those guys getting hit in the balls videos" laughed the former VP.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

More Gas Taxes?

Drivers should be forced to pay per mile to save the planet, finds climate watchdog, just before being flattened by seventeen automobiles.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Better Hurry Before Holidays

Retailers warn they may sell out of must-have gifts and gadgets weeks before Christmas. "We're already low on fruitcakes, Chinese handcuffs and kaleidoscopes", sales one retail giant.



written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Mobster's Cut Loan Rates

Lending up 29% on last year as mobsters lower loan rates to 30% with a "no-kneecap bashing" clause. Still must sign name on wet cement in big tub.


written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Now It's The Food Scrap Fine

£1,000 fine for putting any food scraps in the dustbin as 'zero waste' policy could lead up to five-bin headache, jokers dropping one chip into each bin on the streets.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

The Disability Polka!

Britain's Got Talent's breakdancing pensioner ordered to pay back £3,000 he received in disability allowance! Explains that he was on a lot of pain pills!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Cleaning Up (Hee Hee) Politics! Snort!

'It's time to clean up politics': Brown tells MPs they must repay expense claims! (loud laughter) 'No, I'm serious!' (Even more laughter with one shout of Stop It! Stop It! My sides are splitting!)


written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

"I'm Sorry...I'm Sorry!"

Jacqui Smith ordered to apologise over £116,000 second home expenses, but she WON'T have to pay it back. Apologizes to start with every single person in London.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Better In A Few Day

Harry Potter film star Daniel Radcliffe pulls a grown muscle over the weekend.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Make Asses Of Themselves

Donkeys get dye-job, take on zebra role in "Life Behind Bars, The Reality Zoo Show"

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Marge Really Large

Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy, Chester The Molester makes cover on Hustler!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Be Could Play Anything!

Bluesman who recorded under the names of Freddy Robinson, John Belushi, dies.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Kanye Avoids Prison

T.I. wins BET awards from prison; Kanye a no-show. "Beyonce made a great video but forget that going to prison shit."

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Swine Flu In ICU!

Swine flu put many hospitalized patients into ICU. "It was very sloppily handled states one.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Taken To Hospital In Small Car

Russian spacecraft with circus clown tycoon lands safely into huge net!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Schwarzenegger Taking The Piss?

Schwarzenegger calls session to discuss water deal. Can huge "Piss to water" machine bail out California water shortages?

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Gay Marchers In DC

Gay rights marchers in DC: 'We won't back down'! It's Brokeback Time for Obama!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Pennant Bring Highest Price Yet

Rodriguez, $750 Million Dollars and Posada power Yankees back to the ALCS!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

New Jackson Single

A new Michael Jackson single, "I'm Dead" debuts this week online.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

NKorea Launches Short Missiles

Report: North Korea fires 2 short-range missiles. Actually, according to the CIA, they were long-range Dong missiles that petered out.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

US Backing Troops As Usual

Weapons failed US troops during Afghan firefight as powder for muskets furnished by US government somehow got moisture in it.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Still Housing Risks Out There

Housing risks still lurk even as buyers return, as illegal squatters being hauled out of attics, crawl spaces.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Insurerers Vs. Obama

Insurers mount attack against health reform. Michelle's mother being held hostage! Obama: Doesn't bother me one bit!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

But A Lot Fewer People

2012 isn't the end of the world, Mayans insist. "Just the end of the way we know it"

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

More Nobel Winners

Americans Ostrom, Williamson and Britain's Ebenezer Scrooge win Nobel economics.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Fat kids say they don't want surgery!

They want more chocolate cake and buckets of lard instead.

written by Frank Miller, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Bernanke: Depression Is Over!

Treasury Secretary Bernanke: The depression is finally over. I feel better now. Oh, the nation? Going to hell in a hand basket!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Paying His Debt To Society

Bernie Madoff gets 30 years knocked off his sentence after swindling China out of $500 Million of US debt.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Obama Changes Name

President will officially change his name tomorrow to Barack Hussein Winner Of The Nobel Peace Prize Obama, even though he still claims he doesn't deserve it.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

You Never Know

45-year-old tall gangly spinster and her eleven cats all taken away after confessing to causing global warming, icebergs melting, oceans to rise.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Schools Getting Out Of Hand

Rough year for school discipline as nuns forced to exchange sharp, sturdy rulers for wet noodles.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

"Come Look At This, Martha!"

To the nation's shame, Donald Rumsfeld's "See the water boardings" website goes immediately to #1!

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

KC Fans Upset With Offense Line!

After allowing their quarterback to be sacked or hit over 20 times, KC Chiefs fans began chant for linemen to increase their intake of steroids. Chants of "Steroids! Steroids!" embarrass announcers.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Obama Begins Journey Of Destiny

President Obama to tour the nation in a loudspeaker truck, announcing his health care plan to every small town in the US by 2011.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2009
Rating:

The Biden Plan

VP Biden's Afghanistan plan has Hamid Karzai chairing ACORN's voter registration drives and the VP becoming the Afghani King. (Czar was ruled out due to Afghani sensitivities to anything Russian!)

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Pinocchio 2010

Michael Moore's next movie is rumored to be "Pinocchio 2010." It is a documentary film about the White House spin machine.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

No More Czars

President Obama gives in to congressional pressure, such that there will be no more Czar appointments. Any new presidentially appointed advisors will be designated as Emirs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

No More Food fights

Hungry signs a non-aggression pact with Turkey, Greece and Chile. China acts as an intermediary.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Booby Prize

Americans may differ on whether President Obama should have received a Nobel Prize. However, Americans agree that the Venezuelan people got the Booby Prize when they elected Hugo Chavez.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Lobbyists

Furniture lobbyists descended on all Washington DC hotels to redo the lobby decor. Their efforts were postponed as the lobbies were filled with political lobbyists, lobbying the Obama Administration.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Taliban Proposal

Taliban will agree not to support al Qaeda in Afghanistan if they are included in President Obama's health care reform plan. Their only condition is that there must be no public option.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Diplomas Demanded

Failing high school seniors walk out of classrooms, demanding diplomas. They argue if the president can get a Nobel Prize for doing nothing, they should receive diplomas also.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
Rating:

Delusional Thinking

NYT editorial indicates Speaker Pelosi may be delusional, if not insane! She keeps repeating "the American people want a public option," while independent polling continues to indicate the opposite.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 12 October 2009
« Sep 2009 October 2009 Nov 2009 »
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65
2nd
14
3rd
12
4th
20
5th
43
6th
72
7th
51
8th
79
9th
35
10th
54
11th
64
12th
69
13th
72
14th
70
15th
71
16th
38
17th
21
18th
40
19th
38
20th
22
21st
31
22nd
58
23rd
25
24th
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25th
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26th
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27th
31
28th
38
29th
127
30th
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31st
54
 

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