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Rating:

WalMart Weiner Wrappers

WalMart drugs announces another big holiday season roll-back on condoms, most brands, sizes, dimples, danglers, extenders, colors and favorites including big peeled banana .

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Burglary Sores In Town.

A burglar sustained extreme blisters, whilst running away from Police.

written by Nick Hobbs, 23 November 2009
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Breaking News........Kenwood!

......But apparently Barbie wouldn't.

written by Trip Nasti, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Latest Football Scores.

Leeds 1 - Bolton didn't.

written by Nick Hobbs, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Albania: Government Bars Lunatics From Zoos


Albania's government said today that it was banning mental patients from visiting the country's zoos because many Albanians seem to think that lions eat nuts.

written by Chester Arthur, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Women Who Snore Are 87% More Likely To Die Young.

If they sleep next to me.

written by Nick Hobbs, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Pam Spreads Out!

Pamela Anderson has announced plans to tour the U.S. and boink one person from each state. "I've done it before, but I thought it might be funner now that I'm in my 30's," said the deluded bombshell.

written by Geneva Slim, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Got Implants??

Pamela Anderson has announced her new line of breast implants, "Malibu-loons." They will be available at sub-par plastic surgery clinics in L.A. and near the Mexican border beginning in 2010.

written by Geneva Slim, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Hence The Phrase, "Lucky Turkey"

PETA supported Pamela Anderson will pardon, then sleep with a turkey for Thanksgiving. Interested turkeys may apply at her website: pamboinksaturkey.com/entryform.

written by Geneva Slim, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Kill + Boink = Average American

The Fester Institute of Des Moines has announced that the Top Two pipe dreams of Americans are to kill their boss and to boink Pamela Anderson. Not necessarily in that order... and not only for men.

written by Geneva Slim, 23 November 2009
Rating:

JFK Anniversary

JFK Anniversary marked in Dallas at shooting site as Muslims gather to honor the memory of Lee Harvey Oswald.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
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Learning US Lingo

Sunni National Guard in Iraq starting to come under "Shiite Fire! Save a-tha mitches!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Gas Is Up Again!

A recent Gallup Poll indicates that gas is hitting the elderly hardest! "You can hear 'Grandda' over in the next house with those blasts."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Hijackers Sick

Somali pirate's numbers down as they mistakenly hijack French ship smuggling nuclear wastes to a secret island.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
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Won't Give Up

Ousted Honduras leader gives political talks until One AM. Wife and kids move in with her mother.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Obama Makes 27th Cover

Newsweek Magazine puts Barack Obama on the front cover of their magazine for the 27th time. This time it reads: Twilight sets movie records. Picture shows Obama on phone with Robert Pattinson.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Old Farts Passed?

President Obama defends call for broad health care overhaul. "Our new health care will take care of all you old broads and old farts once they're passed.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Weren't Sick Earlier

Public says it is sick to death of hearing about the pukin' health care!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Shlmo Just Removed Shoe To Scratch Fungus

Meeting between pacifist Israelis and Palestinians ends in massive shoe fight.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Is That Shit On The Ceiling?

Astronauts on space station say they won't try fixing pancakes again after mix floats away & staff get battered while asleep.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Most Disapprove Spoof

Many claim that new spoof song "Here Comes The WalMart Crowd, Right Down Santa Claus Lane" in bad taste.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Not So Good In English Either

Thirtteen out of eighteen students in these United States doing bad in math according to random poll of twenty-two.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Supreme Court Ruling

Outcome of terrorist's trials in the United States depends upon what exactly the term. "mass murderer" means.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
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MP investigating MP's expenses is found fiddling himself

An upright MP investigating the expenses scandal in the UK is found out fiddling himself, house of Commons is now employing Broadmoor inmates to investigate further

written by Jaggedone, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Anti-Obama Gatherings

Country could be headed for a second civil war as police having trouble finding enough bullets, all through the hills and hollows there are gatherings of the "Bibles & Bullets" crowds.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Hadron Collider Latest

That Hadron Collider giving people causing some serious shit, says neighbor out to sue for black hole in the kitchen.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
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Sally Struthers Leaves Post

Sally Struthers leaves charity as spokeswoman. "I've simply got too much on my plate right now. Kirstie Alley is taking over."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Oprah's Inspiration

World suicide count at 100,000 and counting. Most messages simply say, "I don't want to live without Oprah!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

"Renting Beer Possible"

Brew Masters say that "renting" beer actually possible after invention of piss-drinker machine. Only side effect might be yeast infection.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

New Tush Reducer

Thighmaster comes out with the "Assmaster", not to be confused with the Bass Master.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Put 'Em Up!

Sperm Bank held up once again. Lady with same bandit still not pregnant. Tells donors there to "put them up!" Police think he's got a teeny one.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

In Line For Black Friday

Man already in line for Black Friday sneezing his head off, no one will line up close to him. Now he's lying down, kicking. May be the old Swine Flu fakeroo!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

The Dark Side Of Nader

Ralph Nader really serious about 2012. To call his followers "Nader's Vaders"!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Oprah No Superstar

Survey: Most people say that Oprah is not a megastar, just the nice lady down the street, that owns the city.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

First Quarter Bottom Out?

Economic survey: Job losses to bottom out in 1Q so you might as well bend over and take it.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Henry Vacuum Cleaners Face Sales Downturn in Ireland

Football fans in Ireland have boycotted the purchase of Henry vacuum cleaners in protest at Thiery Henry's handball which robbed Ireland's chances of a world cup place.

written by IN SEINE, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Women Worry about Their Bodies up to 252 Times a Day!

Researchers have found that women worry about their bodies 252 times a day - whereas men only worry about their appearance maybe six times a day. However, gay men worry about theirs 500 times a day.

written by IN SEINE, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Palin The Polarizer

Many in GOP say that the actions of former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin starting to polarize their party.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Detective Arrested

Detective arrested over alleged sex assaults on female suspects. "It's bending their heads so they don't hit them on car top. It tilts their rears out and I get all excited."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Tripping The Light Fantastic, Falling

Al and Tipper Gore to star in new Broadway musical to be called, "Environmentally Yours". No threat to "Dancing With The Stars".

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Obama Outraged

President Obama upset over finding stickers on his back from recent visit to Japan, China "Honorable Greenhorn, Take Advantage!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

He's Back & He's Different

Wild man Ralph Nader and his buddies, the Lebanese Mafia, already planning their strategy on his 2012 presidential run, how to make offers public cannot refuse.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Al Gore Ten Foot Tall

Al Gore still at it with the ocean's waters rising. He's investing heavily into producing fiberglass stilts!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Mime Events Start Today

The first ever International Mime Games to begin in France Tuesday. Look for big Charade Parade today.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Volkswagen On The Market?

Volkswagen offers to merge with two other companies, told to quit bugging them for now.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Drain On Everybody

President Obama's new health care bill offers seniors incentives to top themselves.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Boston Says No!

Boston says they do not want to take part in today's tea parties. "We've done our share many years ago."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Big Bang Machine Bangs

Scients say that the Big bang machine is beginning to give off pretty good sized bangs, smoke already.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

So Stop Worrying

NASA: Odds of any space junk falling on anyone of any importance, at least 1,000 to 1.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

A Cure For Something

A cure for coughing could be in the offing...I'm sorry, a cure for hacking could be in the offing.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

John Paul Whipped Himself

Pope John Paul 'would whip himself before he ordained priests'
just in case one of them "later attacked alter boys".

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

World Economy Edgy

World economy still 'highly vulnerable' to shocks, warns IMF chief. "Let's say all the computers get hacked and all nuclear missiles fired immediately..."


written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Children In Tears

Children in tears as primary teacher 'tells them to imagine your dad had been killed in 9/11 or that Hannibal the Cannibal had sauteed their livers in wine sauce."


written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Male Employees Embarrassed

Woman airport boss accused of bullying and 'humiliating' three male workers. Told to "speak up like you got a pair!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Coma Patient Was Awake

Rom Houben: Patient trapped in a 23-year 'coma' was conscious all along. Taking secret notes and hiding them in mattress.


written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

TV Doctor Beaten Up

TV doctor punched unconscious after asking couple to be quiet. "You can't fix a TV with all that loud sex going on."


written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Art World In A Spew

Rare Charles Darwin book found on toilet bookshelf. Van Gogh painting used for toilet paper.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Astronaut Suit Problem

Astronaut suit problem delays spacewalk No. 3 as No. 2 kicks in three days after Taco Bell meal.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Gold Top Commodity?

World markets rally as gold hits new record high. Experts agree, "If times get hard enough, you can always eat gold."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

"Oil Well, There's Plenty More!"

Oil rises above $78 amid Iranian war games as seventeen oil wells blown up accidentally.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

FBI Needs Help

FBI wants public's help in prostitute killings. "We can't be killing them all, ourselves", states one official.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Med Pot Out There

Medical marijuana finds social outlet in Oregon cafes, mall kiosks!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Michael Jackson Wins Four

Michael Jackson wins 4 at AMAs; Swift top artist as many in audience are surprised at seeing dead star accepting awards..

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Sign For Today

A sign of the times: "Will Work For Breast Implants!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

China Denies Spying

China slams US report warning of spying by Beijing. "We did not do any spying...especially during women's sports.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Northeaster Drops The Ball

Northeastern drops football program after 74 years. "Too expensive, we're punting", says Superintendent.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Request Before Any Execution

Transgender murderer renews electrolysis request. Tells everyone: "I want to die like a man!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Daycare Kids Taken Care Of By TV

Study: kids watching hours of TV at home daycare, watching video games. Many Mimicking SpongeBob.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Unkno Sea Creatures Found

Thousands of strange creatures found deep in ocean. Several boarding UFO's. Two Nessie lookalikes!

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Boa Constrictors Multiplying

In Florida this morning snake experts were called to go with police who had received a call from Rush Limbaugh saying, big snakes were all around his house. Expert says it's the snakes mating season.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Jasper Death Reported

Old guy in Jasper, Georgia who was asphyxiated after getting stuck in gas station bathroom for two hours apparently died from his own fumes. He was 79.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Both Heads Agree

Both heads of the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission says the small amount of radiation detected at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant is not significant.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Both Really Wanting Rain

Naked girls plow fields in India for rain once again for rain as young men watch from behind bushes, hoping for mudfights.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

Wallabys At The Border

Once again, massive quake moves New Zealand closer to Australia. Crocodile Dundee, Kangaroo Jack say, "No closer, Mates!"

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
Rating:

W.Va. New Motto

West Virginia announces new motto: "West Virginia: Keeping it in the family since 1776."

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
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We're Only Grunts

Production slow on Swine Flu vaccines, with public servants, congress trying to go whole hog before elderly, children.

written by Bureau, 23 November 2009
« Oct 2009 November 2009 Dec 2009 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
62
2nd
66
3rd
68
4th
68
5th
56
6th
74
7th
85
8th
81
9th
75
10th
70
11th
81
12th
76
13th
69
14th
91
15th
61
16th
85
17th
80
18th
57
19th
68
20th
58
21st
75
22nd
63
23rd
76
24th
74
25th
66
26th
58
27th
96
28th
61
29th
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30th
83
 

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