Order by:
Rating:

FT hood suspect paralyzed

The government is not concerned about Maj Hasan contacting wheelchair manufactures and asking about gun turret modifications. They say this does not prove he is a terrorist,only creative.

written by disciple, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Braking Records Fast

Man who left North Carolina in a helium ballooned lawn chair first to cross the Atlantic, English Channel, Russia. Plane reports only skeleton and nesting buzzard in chair.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Dead Sea Drying Up

Reporter at Dead Sea says it is drying up. "Today I stand right here by the Sea where this time last year...now where's it gone to?"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Family Rushed Away

Riot police form ring around building where Obama is meeting with Chinese leader after baby drops bottle on sidewalk.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

"Aye, Ye No Whut Thot Be, Captain?"

Captain of Carnival Cruise says he hates seeing people seasick! "Especially young brides on their honeymoon. I stepped in some and finally threw my shoes overboard."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

"Well, Bush On A Segway! Is That Right?"

Somehow "Bush On A Segway" has became a part of Washington DC politician's curses.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Iceland Moves Two Inches

Most sea ice in the Arctic could be gone in 30 years, sooner than most thought. Iceland beginning to bob a bit.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Not All Bad News

North Korea blaming missile launch failures on air over buried cabbage. However, say they are looking into burying cabbage around perimeters of country to bring down rockets launched AT them.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

NKorea Draws Line In The Ocean

Tenth straight North Korean missile lands harmlessly in ocean, short of target General: "If they attack from that part of ocean, we very well prepared."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Obama, U.S., President in China

Obama remarked, I am happy to be in the ancient home of the "Great Wall", the "Compass" and "Shrimp fried Rice".

written by disciple, 16 November 2009
Rating:

New Fad Diet?

New popular diet, "Eating In Moderation" criticized by radical infomercial experts, their audiences.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Traffic Injuries Up

Rise in 2009 of number of people injured in traffic accidents up for the first time in ten years. Officials think it is due to people having to live in their cars, trailer hookups.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

UN Suspects More Nuclear Sites

U.N. suspects Iran concealing more nuclear sites as scientists in different parts of the country glow after dark, as seen from satellites.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

People Are Superstitious

This year's worst amusement ride at Disney World? "It's A Small, Small World When The Swine Flu Strikes!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Nimoy Picks On Shatner

Leonard Nimoy entertains Star Trek crowd at convention. "I have more old man hair in my ears than William Shatner has under that rug."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

RIP Robert Ernke, all football fans hearts go out to you and your family!

All Spoof soccer fans, please join Jaggedone in offering our sad regrets at Robert's tragic death and our thoughts go out to his wife and family.
RIP Robert, the football world will not forget you

written by Jaggedone, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Another Peac Talks Holdup!

Hillary aide at Mideast Peace Talks states that one holdup of over 157 is that in exchange for the West Bank, the Palestinians must take Simon Cowell.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

The John Glenn Diary

From the John Glenn Diary: "In space no one can hear you fart, but at my age, they always blamed me...for two days it circled and I could no longer even stand it myself."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

New Gitmo in Rural Illinois - Cause For Concern?

Thomson, IL, USA - Townsfolk and politicians need not worry of Al-Qaeda backlash if Guantanamo prisoners are brought to the empty prison in Thomson. Even Al-Qaeda wouldn't visit such a shithole.

written by Geneva Slim, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Talking Turkey

Number of your friends who've had relations with a turkey carcass: 16. Number of friends arrested for it: 2. Number of friends at your Thanksgiving table: 14. I'd keep an eye on the Tom.

written by Geneva Slim, 16 November 2009
Rating:

A Natural Match

In San Francisco yesterday, Jerry Matthews, "The Beaver" and Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford have announced their marriage.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Tis The Season

A poll of doctors concludes that the swine flu is the #2 reported problem during football season, second to HCA syndrome or "Huge Couch Ass".

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

New Movies So-So!

Not a good weekend for most new movies as "The Grinch That Stole Hanukkah" draws lowest number of viewers, while the low-budget "Precious" does pretty well.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

New "60 Minutes" Contract Signed

The "60 Minutes" show on CBS signs another five year contract with Ajax Stool Softeners, "The Choice of 95% of Senior News Analysts".

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Getting His Exercise

Giant ape found on remote island and brought to California & still running the state as Governor, seen climbing US Bank Tower in Los Angeles.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Tipper Gore Has Had Enough

Tipper Gore says marriage could become shaky if Al doesn't get off the climate change subject and quit mumbling about boxes of old 1999 Florida ballots sent to him in the mail.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Doctors Study Obesity

New group of graduating medical students having to study obesity will be required to take an Hippopotamus Oath.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Moon Water

Water discovered on the moon reveals evidence that there were once whales there.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

If you are Worried About Your Boss

Think of the poor truck driver impaled by a pole, "Hey Boss, I'm in a spot of bother" - Quote from the Daily Mail, Nov 16, 2009.

written by Tcoah, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Scotland sack their manager and insist the new manager must be red haired and wear a kilt!

Scotland have sacked their manager Burley and now insist that the new one must be RED HAIRED AND WEAR A KILT, 5 STAR CHEF, GORDON RAMSEY HAS BEEN CONTACTED!

written by Jaggedone, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Papa's Got a Brand New Bag... of Germs!

THE INSTITUTE, GSTAAD - Scienticians have found that all humans, even the cute ones, are just giant bags of communicable germs and bacteria. Think about THAT the next time you play tonsil hockey!

written by Geneva Slim, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Howie Mandel, RIP

Howie Mandel has been killed by a germ, which pretty much was his worst fear. Had he grunged it up like the rest of us and developed an immune system, he'd still be alive. And Howard Hughes, too.

written by Geneva Slim, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Home Seat Advantage

Experts agree; 9 out of 10 of us have fallen asleep on the toilet. Which pleases plumbers no-end, as the fee to unweld an ass from a toit seat is steep. Owie owie ow!

written by Geneva Slim, 16 November 2009
Rating:

US announce a 2009 "BLACK Santa" KKK start a national riot!

It's official, 2009 will present it's first all BLACK Santa, the KKK, Aryan Brotherhood start riots, burning crosses, swastika tatooes and white hoods are the Christmas rage you just must have!!

written by Jaggedone, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Don't Meet Here Ever Again!

Washington DC traffic at a standstill while members of Narcoleptic Group meeting there hauled off city streets, sidewalks and parks.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Highbrows Say Surgery Overdone

Several highbrows in Hollywood call for less cosmetic surgery in the future.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Now It's Biological Warfare

A moderate muslim terrorist group takes credit for recent attack on troops by shoes, fungus coated socks.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Streisand New Czar

Barbra Streisand beats out several others by a nose, as she's named Entertainment Czar by President.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Welcome Back Kotter..Kotter?

Several "Sweat Hogs" die of dehydration at New York high school due to global warming.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Obama Apparently Nutty As Fruit Cake

Joe Biden: We may HAVE to send more troops. No one in their right mind wants a war in Afghanistan, and neither does President Obama!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

She's Probably Right

Make up and clothes don't make girls into bimbos, claims headmistress. "They're more of a bimbo without them."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Preacher Gets New Taps

Hate preacher Abu Hamza gets new £650 taps fitted in his prison cell, so he can operate them with his hook, spill on his wooden peg.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

What Mom Wants To Be Average?

The average mother relies on just nine different meals to feed her family, a study has found. Ten, if you count the Colonel's secret KFC recipe.


written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Royal Ass-Kicking Fun

Labour candidate who described the Queen as 'vermin' and a 'parasite who milks the country' is forced to apologise, have his ass kicked all over Buckingham Palace.


written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Price War

Debenhams joins High Street price war by launching four-day sale, free turkey dinner, six weeks before Christmas.


written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Petrol Prices Pumped Up!

Petrol 'to hit £5 a gallon' as motorists face record fuel bills at the pumps this Christmas. This year's predicted top gift? Petrol!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Didn't Get Off So Easy After All

Mother who left her four under-five children home alone to go on a 24-hour drink and drugs binge walks FREE, right off the car parking building.


written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Florida Man Makes Discovery

Republican man in Newport News, Florida discovers "$4,000 for Pelosi "whip and outfit" in new health care bill proposal. "It's on bottom page 10,094 with an asterisk."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Unless It Comes With Dolly's Big Taters

"PeeWee Herman's Cocktail Weiners" taken off the menu at The Hollywood Favorites Restaurant at Dollywood.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Plastics Study Released

Chemicals in plastics alter the brains of baby boys making them "more feminine", say US researchers, after study of why balls falling off.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Finally Putting Humans First

The new head of Greenpeace, South African Kumi Naidoo, has told the BBC he will make human life more of a priority for the environmental group. "Terrorism is now placing humans on endangered list!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Russia Delays Iran Nuclear Power Station

Russia has said a nuclear power station it has been building at Bushehr in southern Iran will not be completed by the end of this year as planned, causing Ahmadinejad's head to spin once again.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

We're In A Depression, Alright

Joblessness, Divorces, Loss of homes Fairs being held across the US and Europe. Motivation Speeches, free alcohol helping many.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Warhol Painting Brings $43.7M

Andy Warhol's "200 One Dollar Bills" sold for $43.7 Million to unnamed called in bidder. "Shows that our greenbacks are recovering", says Fed Chairman, Bernanke.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Classifieds - Polo

For sale, Volkswagon Polo, 05 reg, one careful owner, £1200. In mint condition.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Bigger Than Titanic?

World's biggest cruise ship, "The Oasis Of The Seas", finally arrives it two Florida ports!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Classifieds - Satellite dish

Satellite dish for sale, £30 ono. Highly collectible, 12 inches across, depicts Sputnik. The accompanying mug was broken in 1968.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Mexico Has Big Plans

Mexico plans big Gulf tourism center near Texas featuring lower cost grocery products, medications, pure sugar Coca Cola and hookers.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Classifieds - hole

I am pricing this 6'x12' hole for a quick sale at £20 because it is in an awkward place right outside my garden gate. Buyer collects.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Classifieds - home cinema

For sale, home cinema system, any reasonable offer accepted because the queue for my bathroom has reached twenty people now. And there's no popcorn left in my cupboard.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Effects Of Flu Vaccine Delays

With the number of vaccines delayed, over the counter meds for Swine Flu are Flying off the shelves.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Great Screaming Cox!

Courteney Cox ready to shriek again in 'Scream 4' after intense study of Fay Wray in original King Kong.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Always Worked Before

Feds ignored Medicare scam warnings for years of hearing, "I've got a bone in my leg, my elbows are halfway up my arm and my bare face is hanging out."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Jellyfish Raiding Northern Waters

Jellyfish swarm northward in warming world as several seen in the Antarctic, pulling penquins into the water.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Summit Gives In, Gives Deadline

Summit urged to set climate accord deadline finally agrees. "We'll all be dead by the year 2100."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Lowe's Sees Signs

Lowe's 3Q profit falls but co. sees signs for hope, including "Men At Work" and "Must Wear Hard Hat To Be In This Area!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

GM To Begin Repaying Debt

AP Source: GM to begin repaying aid by year-end. The first dollar will be framed and placed on the wall.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Afhhans Accused Of Corruption

Afghan government launched anti-corruption squad accused of corruption.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Kenyans Being Recruited

AP IMPACT: Kenyans recruited to fight in Somalia. President Obama told to report to draft board.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Palin Book Checked Closely For Facts

Palin's book goes rogue on some facts. For instance, Barack Obama really was born in the US, most think.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Gotta Learn The Lingo!

CREP aids family farms! CRAP helps family farms to grow more healthy and larger CROP.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Latest Report From NASA

NASA fuels space shuttle Atlantis for liftoff. "Always best to do this first", say officials. "Makes it move, you know."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Native Americans Claim "Strawberry" Racism

Arrest at Walmart, naming candy chocolate, vanilla leads to charges of racism.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Five Lessons For Obama From China

Five Things the U.S. Can Learn from China: #1. Having money owed to you is better than you owing money to everyone else.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Sex Infections Not Cured Yet

Sex infections still growing in U.S., says 75-pound CDC spokesman, while scratching himself.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Obama's Wise Word To Fledgling China

Obama to China: Uncensored society is healthy. China needs to open up some casinos, show some dirty movies, lighten up!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Metal Playing Monk Retires From Limelight

Italy's heavy metal playing monk says he's retiring from the limelight, spending the rest of his days in a Heavy Metal monastery.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Watch The Fine Print

AP Poll: Fine print in health care prompts worries. Like people 70 & older being set adrift on air mattresses into the Pacific Ocean.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

GM Learning To Spin Truth

GM reports $1.2B 3Q loss, says it shows progress. Shows that since government takeover, it has learned to spin the truth as well as most political parties.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Classifieds - dicshonary:

Four sail won dickshonary. Apears too bee ful off speling misstakes, ence £1.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

2012 bombs at the cinema

New disaster movie 2012 has bombed at cinemas following its release this weekend. "I thought it came out in three years time," said one ignoramus.

written by IainB, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Britney Flees Australia

Britney & Her Traveling Hooha Show have left Australia after a good portion of her audience left because she was lip-syncing her songs. Should have known I'd have trouble 'Down Under', she stated.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Judgement Day Coming

Is it more than just a coincidence that on the Mayan calendar's last day happens to correspond exactly to the day that thousands of laid off postal employees draw their last unemployment check?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Another Peace Prize?

President Obama says that in his talks with Medvedev they have decided to discuss with the other nuclear power countries on cutting their weapons from enough to destroy the earth from 100 times to 10.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2009
Rating:

Jedward - They're Good

At What?

Big question remains unanswered.

written by Skoob1999, 16 November 2009
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