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Two Buck Chuck Changes Name

Due to the economy, Two-Buck Chuck wine that won a blind taste award, has changed it's name to Four-Buck Chuck. There's still a cheaper version for $2. It's called "Two-Buck Upchuck".

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Have To Look Close In Arkansas

A report last week shows that Mississippi is America's fattest state, Colorado is it's thinnest and that Arkansas had the most twins, triplets and quadruplets.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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On "Not-Wanted" Poster

Photograph of the winner of the national hotdog eating contest being passed around in All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Restaurants!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Red Wine Fine!

Another test, this time in Houston using white rats, concludes that red wine is good for you in moderate amounts. PETA now visiting rats at rehab.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Long & Lean

"Longer penis" company loses lawsuit after nearly 1,000 men complain about 14 inch, pencil-circumference results.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Mime Found Dead

A mime was found dead in his cube this morning on Roberts Street in Atlanta. No one had seen him since Halloween. One family there said they had noticed the odor when passing that spot.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Did You Say, Bayfromwhat Daddy?

Local Shriner forgets and uses mystic masonic curse after stepping in his daughter's dog shit for the third time today.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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First 100 Get Free Goose!

With their "First 100 in store gets a free goose" ads this year, WallyMart hoping to avoid anymore stampedes.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Maradona warns Fab Capello, "get me in or I'll shoot your brains out"!

Diego has warned England coach Fab Capello, "get me in the World Cup or I'll blow your f*****g brains out!" Maradona was high on coks at the time and landed on his belly! The Mafia are looking into it

written by Jaggedone, 10 November 2009
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General Mills Decorated

President Barack Obama presented the fifth star to General Mills in Washington today. "With the addition of fiber to Fruit Loops, you've earned it, General!"

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Fab Fabio Capello warns Michael Owen, "get younger or your out!"

Fab Capello has warned Michael Owen to get younger or face the consequences, Owen replied, "f**k off in perfect Liverpudlian Italien" and sent him a frozen pizza from Pizza Hut!

written by Jaggedone, 10 November 2009
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Fab Fabio Capello warns Rio Ferdinand, "get fit or else"

Cape"llo has warned Rio Ferdinand get fit or you can go on holiday! Rio replied, "thanks Fab, I've just booked my fortnight in the Bahamas!

written by Jaggedone, 10 November 2009
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Heads Up!

Baseball Home Run King Barry Bonds was rushed to a hospital in New York last night when his enormous head got stuck in a bar bathroom stall commode after he got sick.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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I Won't Lower TheSpoof's High Standards

Former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore stated today that....Oh I'm so sick of his predictions, I could puke. Go to Drudge or somewhere and read it. We give you news here, not the S.O.S.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Arkansas: That's Our Gal!

Asked her reaction to Monica Lewinsky's statement that she felt sorry for her, Hillary Clinton stated today that she was "Madder than a Bigfoot with toe fungus", apparently an old Arkansas saying.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Black Bears Usually Unharmful

Rangers in the Great Smokey Mountains tell visitors that black bears there are usually harmless unless you catch a female with her cubs or while taking a crap, as they are easily em-bear-assed.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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US/"Nam" Exchange

In an announcement from the Pentagon, the United States will return primitive artifacts to Vietnam in exchange for John Kerry's balls.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Dolly Credits "Taters With Skins!"

Singer Dolly Parton, famous for voice & chest size, told reporters today that she credited eating so many potatoes with the skins on for her size. "Back then, were usually just called them "Titters".

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Obama's Third Oath

After being sworn in as president twice, President Obama has launched his third oath at VP Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Britney's Ancestry

According to the National Questioner, Britney Spears has traced her ancestry all the way back to Mammoth Spears, who usually hunted completely naked.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Casual Friday At The Nudist Colony

After ten years, Casual Friday still a pretty much humdrum day for most of the nations nudist colonies. "We just don't bother to wipe our ass", one told a reporter.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Justin Timbelrake to marry his weirdo, ex-female stalker!

Justin is to marry his ex-stalker, he's totally in love love and finds her KINKY, DOMINANT,SEXY and WEIRD!
"At last someone to fill my kinky diversions, a marriage made in heavenly hell!"

written by Jaggedone, 10 November 2009
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New Reality Show

New "Jackass-type" TV reality show next spring: "Dancing With The Cars!" Losers to get free med care from new health bill.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Bobbitt Has New Life

Lorena Bobbitt, out of the news for awhile, was tracked down to Tuscan, Arizona where she does nails for "The Clip Joint Salon".

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Bomber Wants Jessica

Captured suicide bomber injured, asks for Jessica Fletcher he saw on TV to write his story, "Martyr, She Wrote".

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Octomom Was Trying For Record

Doctor who helped deliver octuplets says their mother was trying for a record and crapped trying to bring out another one.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Many Police Out Of Bullets Although Factory Running 24 Hours

Gun sales sky-rocket, up 500%, after President Obama says that gun control will be the next on his list after health care.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Turned Down By Popeye, Olive Oyl

Now that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae have their bailout money, Wimpee Mac has came forward requesting a hamburger today, which he promises to repay by next Tuesday.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Jeffs New Book

Jailed Mormon polygamist Warren Jeffs will have yet another book coming out in time for the Holidays entitled, "How To Fake Orgasms".

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Another Dollar Drop

The United States dollar declined once again this past week against the euro, the Japanese yen and the Alien hern.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Kareem Abdul Jabbar announces that he has a rare form of Leukemia

No word on whether or not Lew Alcindor suffers the same condition.

written by Jalapenoman, 10 November 2009
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International Business Wales Taps Welsh Lottery Winners

Near the bottom of just about every economic league table beleaguered IBW asks for a 10 million dollar loan from winners of the Euro-Lottery.

written by Tcoah, 10 November 2009
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Wooden UFO

Paleontologists exploring new areas of the Amazon Forest report the finding of Primeval aliens!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Big Japanese Find!

Japanese youth uncovers nuclear "Shadow" of Godzilla on parking lot of Hiroshima.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Castro On Visit

Fidel Castro pays a visit to former president George Bush in Crawford to try to cheer him up.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Hospital Sued Over Mix-Up

A hospital in Portland, Oregon is being sued after a drunk surgeon accidentally leaves removed penis instead of appendix. "They were the same size & a sex operation was next", claims doctor.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Beer Good For You

FDA Release: "Beer may be just as healthy for you as red or white wine. Homer Simpson may be healthiest guy on TV.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Christie Classic On

A new version of a Agatha Christie Classic on this week, "The Wheelie Bin Murders", with guest appearance by John Cleese as a wheelie bin.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Mr Carroll's Wonderland Is Back

100 rapists are let off with a caution! Wheelie bins with wrong trash given five years.


written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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I'm A "Call Girl", Let's Show Some Respect!

Call Girl sues city police chief for calling her a "pole dancer", "lapdancer", "prostitute". "I'll have me proper respect", says uh..Call Girl.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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As Bad As Dumbo

The jumbo that was scared of a mouse: Delta Airlines cancels flight after rodent spotted in cabin. "Couldn't fly with all the ladies, one poofter standing on their seats" says pilot.


written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Nader's New Book

Ralph Nader launches new book, "Unsafe At Any Speed, Part II" about the safety of clown cars.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Midget Loses Digit!

Maclaren recalls ONE MILLION pushchairs in U.S. after children suffer finger amputations, midget loses digit.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Answer Was Simple After All

Old rock group, Led Zeppelin wins $2 Million Space Elevator Competition with old-fashioned "Stairway"!

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Bush Admits Mistake

Bush, in Japan, Finally admits a mistake. "I should have never came here", says ex-President.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Sao Paulo Objects To Short Dress, Thongs OK!

In Sao Paulo, Brazil, student expelled after row over, under short dress.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Almanac 75% Last Year

The Farmer's Almanac releases airline delay list for December, January.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Coffee House In Colonial Times?

Coffeehouse opening at Colonial Williamsburg. Ye Auld Starbucks due to open Friday.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Still At It!

Letterman scheme suspect to ask court to drop case. Sends judge some 'personal' photos.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Team Still "Up In The Air" Over Winning

Seattle team wins $900,000 in Space Elevator Games! Still waiting to be rescued by helicopters.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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"Solar Sail" Coming?

Planetary Society plans new 'solar sail', once project: 'solar flashlight' completed.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Stocks Down

Stock futures point to lower Wall Street open as cattle expect to be butchered soon.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Obama To Vist Hiroshima, Probably To Embarrass US Again

Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in future. Republican time traveler offers to take him there in the past.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Obama: Still Mulling Over Afghan Health Care

Sources: Obama near decision on Afghanistan troops...really. This time we're not kidding...any month now.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Obama National Healer?

Obama pressed into role as national healer, as many revive whenever his shadow passes over them.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Somali Pirates List Demands

Somali pirates demand $3M in pieces of eight for ship with 18 crew.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Ida, Godzilla Come Ashore

Ida comes onshore in Alabama as tropical storm. Godzilla comes ashore in Pyongyang as highly pissed, over N.Korean missile nearly took of his head while sleeping.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Salvation Army Accepting Ding-A-Lings!

New Salvation Army leader settles into role. Announces bells cannot have clapper but workers may 'ding-a-ling' all they want as that has not been outlawed. Checking volunteer "dingalings" closely.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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"Uh Oh" Still Unsettled

Mutual of Omaha settles 'aha' suit against Winfrey. Could the settlement of the 'Oho' suit be next?

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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More Trouble Between Koreas

Navies of both Koreas exchange fire near border. Moon each other from their boats. North Korean hit in the ass.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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About Those Online Pics?

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You, Your obviously homely family.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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Bill For Bill

Bill Clinton meets with Senate Dems on health care, promising 72 virgin aides to all that support it.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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FBI Covering Butt

FBI reassessing past look at Fort Hood suspect. "We could have been wrong that he posed no threat", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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"We're Rich..er!"

Predictions that oil could hit $100 a barrel has Saudi's doing back flips.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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It's That G.W.

woolly worms bright orange color and birds flying north for winter scary sights, say scientists.

written by Bureau, 10 November 2009
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EPA Study

Caracas Venezuela's water supply is tainted with large quantities of LSD. Former President Bush and President Obama agree, this revelation completely explains the behavior of Venezuela's president.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 November 2009
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Ailing Economy

Mr. US Economy showed up at the hospital emergency room with 11% of his body not functioning. Dr. Pelosi said she was a Bureaucractoligist and the patient would have to wait for a real physician.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 November 2009
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Democratic Party Run Railroad

The train does not have enough space! Instead of adding a few more cars, liberal left loons rebuild track while the train is running in hopes of accommodating a second train. Result is a train wreck!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 November 2009
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The Disease of the Week

House health care bill, without tort reform, has lawyers sponsoring "a disease of the week" ad on TV. This week's "if you or a loved one has contracted Gonorrhea, you may be entitled to compensation."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 November 2009
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Athlete's Foot Pandemic

Speaker Pelosi asks Congress for $100 billion to foot the "fight the fungus" bill for an Athlete's Foot pandemic. Joe the Pharmacist says we already have 100 products at less than a dollar each!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 November 2009
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