Order by:
Rating:

Isn't That Always The Way It Goes?

Meanwhile in Paradise, a young suicide bomber receiving his 72 virgins, is horrified to find that the explosion blew away his family jewels.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

One Early Test

Doctor now say that the onset of Alzheimers may be when loved ones suddenly can't remember the Alamo, Pearl Harbor.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

A Winning Offer

Nigerians offer to plant ten million trees to offset anyone's carbon footprints for a mere $10,000 up front.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Fooled Us Completely

Aliens in aircraft shaped like weather balloons came in while we slept during the night and have now taken over the earth.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Mars Screwing With Us?

Mars Probe suddenly sending back Scooby-Do cartoons. NASA says someone or something is screwing with us out there. UFO anal probe victims: TELL us about it!"

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Picketer Accidentally Shot

Woman picketing doughnut shop because of their still using transfats accidentally shot by three policemen who say they were cleaning their guns when it happened.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Dumb & Dumber

Vice President Joe Biden says former VP Dick Cheney had control of several nuclear missiles because he saw the red buttons. However, "nothing happened when I pushed one, so they must have moved them."

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Latest Cold Snap

Latest cold snap blamed on man who completely lost it when he came outside and found windshield frozen, shoots up his whole neighborhood.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

The National True News

New grocery market news magazine printed in Nigeria made up mostly of ads promising riches, women and a bigger penis.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Haiti, Dominican Republic Go Nuclear

Haiti today announced that they are sharing a nuclear weapon with the Dominican Republic after one washed ashore from a Soviet submarine.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Britney Lose Again!

The National Enquirer has been caught bailing out Britney, Winehouse and others from rehab over the past few years so they can do better stories.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Cigarette Companies Apparently Lied To Us

A US appeals court has largely upheld a landmark ruling that cigarette makers lied about the health risks of smoking when showing the manly Marboro Man, legs like the woman inside the dancing package.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Piss On It!

Thus far this year, the worst attended section of the Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, Florida is using a machine there to drink your own piss.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Men Give One-Arm Salute To Hero!

Robert Furchgott, a leading US scientist whose work helped lead to the development of the anti-impotency drug Viagra has died. Many men proudly 'saluted' the hearse carrying the body as it drove by.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

"Clean" Coal Tester

President Barack Obama shows up unannounced at Tennessee Valley Authority, to give the new "clean" coal the old white-glove test!

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

27 Award Shows!

Twenty-seven Award Shows to be telecast on one cable network alone in 2008. This week? "The New Country Music Star's Best Pickups, Corn Pickers and Tractors!"

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Obama's Titanic Quest

Obama: Can we change the color of the chairs on the deck of the Titanic?

Crowd: Yes we can!!

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Drones Patrol Border

US unarmed drone airplanes are now ready to fly along the Mexican/US border. They will be taking photographs of anyone trying to cross the border illegally, to get cheaper Mexican Prescription drugs.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

MLB: 2008 Report

Sports Report: During 2008 Major League Baseball season, not only were the balls juiced, but so were most of the player's ass as well.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Parrot Now Knows 1,000 Words

Researchers say that the 950-word parrot can now do 1,000 words, but most are not fit to be put into print.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

No Bird Needed

KFC has announced a major breakthrough in it's cloning of chickens. Now just the breasts, drumsticks and wings by themselves can be cloned.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Electric Car Hairdo Of The Future

In test drives of the new General Motors electric car, the 2010 Volt, Car & Driver reports that it has caused drivers, passengers hair to stand on end.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Texas Man Hyper

Texas that has been hyper for the past three months has discovered that the blood pressure medicine he bought in Mexico are Jumpin' Beans.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

The Very Well-Endowed Dolly "Yep, They're Paid For" Parton

Playboy Magazine has just named singer Dolly Parton as its "Country Music Trio of The Year."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Jeff Foxworthy & Tatiana Del Toro

CNN is reporting that American Idol's Tatiana Del Toro, The Puerto Rican Singing Drama Queen has taken up Jeff Foxworthy's offer of teaching her English.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Mr. and Mrs. Sean Penn (Robin) - The Reality Show?

Sean Penn and wife Robin separate. Sean Penn and wife Robin reconcile. Sean Penn and wife Robin separate. Sean Penn and wife Robin reconcile. Sean Penn and wife Robin separate...NEXT!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Clay Aiken & Adam Lambert - Just Two Tough Runners Up

American Idol season 2 runnerup Clay Aiken apologizes to American Idol season 8 runnerup Adam Lambert for calling him feminine. Lambert said that Aiken actually challenged him to a 'purse off.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Tatiana Del Toro To Marry Ryan Seacrest?

Underdog Shawn Johnson wins "Dancing With The Stars." Underdog Kris Allen wins "American Idol." Wow, it looks like there is still hope for Tatiana Del Toro afterall.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Breakthough Computer Chip

New Japanese computer chip makes people around you in theater look less real than those in the film.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Surest Sign Of Bad Economy Yet

In yet another sign of a bad economy, fast food stores with boxes with "Take A Penny, Give A Penny" to make sales easier say 95% are taking a penny.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Kevorkian Loves New Job

Acquaintances of Dr. Kevorkian say the doctor is doing fine since his release and very much enjoying his job at the animal shelter.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Tsunami Coming

Republicans in congress warn US taxpayers to be prepared for the soon coming Obama tsunami of taxes.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Pirates Ante Up Their Bets

In the latest financial news, the dollar is about to drop from it's AAA rating. If so, most of the world will fix their monetary unit to the dubloon.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Pelosi: CIA Sneaks In Truth

Yesterday during a speech, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that the CIA misleads us all the time. Those guys mess with your mind by sometimes sneaking in the truth, unlike politicians.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

The Torture Debate

President Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney spoke on torture on the same day. Where Obama quit talking for five minutes when his teleprompter went down, Cheney just kept giggling.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Stimulus Not Working

Many wives are complaining that the recent stimulus package is not working at all. "Same old sports crazy, night time headache-prone couch potato."

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

The BBC announces Junior Apprentice

The BBC is to show a group of youngsters going through their paces with Sir Alan Sugar. Next they plan to show the baby apprentice for the children up to five years old.

written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Ovrebo on Fair Officiating

I made up my mind before leaving Norway that I would give give Chelsea and Barcelona fair officiating - and let Barcelona advance.

Tom Ovrebo

written by Anietie Ukpe, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Really A Mess In There

In Bowling Green, Kentucky yesterday, a man was arrested for sneaking ten shit-throwing monkeys into a theater Thursday night during it's showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show!"

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Bad Hailstorm

During that bad storm that hit earlier this morning, hail the size of large kidney stones were reported over near city hospital!

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

"Good Job, Pass It Around!"

The Central Intelligence Agency, using high-tech monitors, say they are hearing more chatter than usual coming from Major League Baseball's infields.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Bread Outlet Loses Its Buns

Day-Old Bread Outlet closed by health department after it began selling day old hamburgers, French fries last month.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Another Deadly Pillow Fight

Pillow fight in Carson City, Nevada turns deadly after three choke to death on inhaled feathered.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Not Always In The Last Place You Look

Local man finally finds his car keys in NEXT to last place he looks, after deciding he may as well complete search in that direction.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Just Like Old Times, Almost

Police raid at the back of closed-down auto dealership, find illegal gambling casino,bathtub of homemade Meth,

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Tarred, Feathered Drunk Back

Town drunk that was tarred, feathered and rode out of town on a rail yesterday evening, back and stuck fast to favorite bar stool this afternoon, shedding feathers on the floor.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Experts: Arsenic Milk Bad For You

Rice milk arsenic contamination prompts food watchdog warning for children to stop drinking it. However, older people can use it since they'll probably die soon anyway.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

MP's Ask Public For Help

Worst household squeeze since 1955 as wages suffer record fall. MP's say Britons must tighten their belts if we're going to be able to live life of luxury.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

So How Was Your Weekend?

Labour MP Mahmood spent £2,575 staying in 'riot of gold, marble and silk' hotel with girlfriend. Claims "girlfriend" only there for forty-five minutes.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

"Whole Government Stinks"

MPs' expenses whistleblower: I wanted to expose the system to its rotten core. The whole government stinks of crooks.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

First Sextuplets In 25 Years

Six babies in five minutes: Mother's sextuplets are first in UK for 25 years. "I was only 20 years old back then, so this is my last six", says Mum.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

NZ Couple In Financial Hole

A New Zealand couple nearly found themselves in a financial hole when their three-year-old daughter bought an earth digger, 10,000 condoms in an internet auction.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

Ahmadinejad Begins Rum For Presidency

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has begun the campaign for June's presidential election with a defiant speech against Iran's enemies, beginning with the letter "A" for Australia.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

WHO Flu Warnings

WHO chief warns H1N1 swine flu likely to worsen and kill millions, but perhaps not. Who knows? WHO doesn't.

written by Bureau, 23 May 2009
Rating:

"If You Can't Stand the Heat, Don't Go into the Kitchen!"

A Muslim chef has lost an appeal at a tribunal, claiming that he has to handle pork products in a police canteen. However, the tribunal ruled that he has no case as he already works with pigs.

written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2009
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