Order by:
Rating:

Pelosi Tricked Again

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says CIA tricked her over the telephone, having her hop on one foot and crow like a rooster.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Ford Presents New Models

The Ford Motor Company presented three beautiful new models today at their national showroom in Detroit, plus their new cars for 2010.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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Neanderthals Not Stupid

Study: Neanderthals were not stupid. Record found of one who is challenging others, calling himself "Rushball". others "Feminazis".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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Biden Blabs Washington's Secrets

Vice President Joe Biden has signed to do a regular section in the Washington Post entitled, "Dear Gabby".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Lost Billfold, Cash

Metropolis, Illinois man, who lost billfold with $200 in cash and half a dozen credit cards, says he's sure glad it wasn't his.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

New Pat Buchanan Book

New book out by Patrick Buchanan says that if Sarah Palin had been elected Vice President, she would have been the nation's perkiest VP since Richard Nixon.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

What Do You Call It?

Great new multi-use cell phone provides net access, e-mail, games, file sharing, sex toy, massage vibrator and cigarette lighter but company forgot to include receiving telephone calls.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Big Oil Explains

Big Oil Companies explain high prices despite oil being under $60 a barrel: We need it to finance research and development on how we'll be able to raise it more easily in the future.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Emeril A Spy?

Former Russian Intelligence officer seeking asylum in the US says that not only was Julia Child a spy but that Emeril Lagasse is too. "More than 1 secret listener's eardrums destroyed by sudden "BAM!"

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Big Family Squabble

Family fight over who's turn it was to do the dishes leaves 72 injured in Cedar Creek, Utah

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

One Al-Qaeda Leader Gone

The US Military say they believe they have shot and killed al-Qaeda Leader #3 this morning. He was disguised as al-Qaeda Leader #5.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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Walked Right By

Passers-By said they thought blown-up peanut allergy man lying in aisle three was a balloon advertisement.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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Conductor Injured

L & N Railroad say one of their conductors was hurt yesterday when a cow strayed onto the tracks and braking, hit his head on the steering wheel.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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Yo Ma Ma!!

Musician officially Yo Yo Ma changes his name to Yo Ma Ma as he begins new career as a rap singing comedian.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Patient Is OK!

Surgeon injures his back, accidentally stabs anesthesiologist with scapple after stepping on a slick kidney stone.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Brit Farmers Disappointed

Gathering of farmers turn off "Britain's Got Talent" after watching a recent episode. "We heard there was something big about a 'Bull' named Susan & a Cow, but all we saw was singers", stated one.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

JAMA Reports On Premature Ejaculation

A study by the JAMA magazine shows that one out of four men suffer from premature ejaculation, while four out of four of their partners say they also suffer.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Patients Want "Real" Doctors

A new study released today says that patients want their doctors to wear white coats and act like a doctor. No more sneakers, jeans, deerstalker hats and pipes while leaning back & studying them.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Everest Getting Crowded

Two mountain climbers fell off of Mount Everest yesterday when there were almost five hundred celebrating on the peak. "There's even a cat up here", stated one annoyed climber.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Queen Enjoyed Hug

Queen Elizabeth II has told friends of the family that, although a surprise, she enjoyed the hug from Michelle Obama. Friends say that the Queen has really came out of her shell since her Mum died.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

798 Priests Cleared

According to the Pope, 798 priests have been completely cleared of child molesting. "While we realize there are 50,000 others, we are doing the best we can. Remember this had been going on long ago."

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Ghurkas story is Lumley PR hogwash...

The butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-arse actress's self-publicity campaign fools no one, especially the Fraud Squad.

written by queen mudder, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Grassing up Madoff: where's our consultancy fee?

Inside job? Three men accused of New York synagogues bomb plot/aircraft missile target practice claim Bernard 'Ponzi Scam' Madoff owes them millions.

written by queen mudder, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Atari Wants Loan

The Atari Company has gone before a congressional committee today to ask for a bailout of their "Pong" game.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Chucky Is Back

Chuck Barris has agreed to come out of retirement at his Bowling Green, Kentucky home to host the new Falun Gong Show!

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

US, Russia Agree

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Reid have been asked to step down after a new treaty between the US and Russia on the number of pinheads allowed in office.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Does It Stink In Here Or Is It Me?

First Lady, kids, mother-in-law, personal security guards really pushing President Obama to curb emissions.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Tales Of The Titanic

Divers who recently went down to review the Titanic give a final report, including the fact that there is no sign there ever were any deck chairs. Cliche writers dispute findings.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Sorry About That

US fears that yesterday's off-course drone bomber that blew up the Dome of the Rock will create even worse relations with Muslims.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Kerry's Feeling Hurt

Friends of Senator John Kerry say he is irritated at Obama not appointing him to a special post after all his hard campaigning to win the President the horse-headed vote.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

EPA Delays New Rules

The Environmental Protection Agency has delayed installing new industrial pollution rules until further talks, coughs, hacking and wheezing completed.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Obama Visits Space Station

President Barack Obama makes surprise visit to space station. Asks if his mother-in-law is in there. Once all-clear given, goes inside.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Winehouse Signs Three-Year Deal

Singer Amy Winehouse signs new three-year contract with The Sun Newspaper's "Bizarre Section".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Ronald Mac Arrested

Ronald McDonald is arrested in Chicago, Illinois after being accused of super-sizing children. Pleads: Honk!!

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Doing Their Share

Highway workers only partially fill potholes along shopping strip because part of the road is on private land. Also, mail delivers only half of mail.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

The truth shall set you free.

George W. Bush is severly intelectually challenged. It's funny because its true.

written by The SSaint, 21 May 2009
Rating:

New Hillary Interview

In a new interview with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, People Magazine quotes her as saying, "Monica Lewinsky just about sucked all the joy out of our marriage."

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Pope Allows Indulgences

Pope Benedict XVI has agreed to allow carbon-footprint indulgences over the next twenty years, say Vatican spokesman.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Cockroaches Deny Nuclear Winter

Global warming, nuclear war are all a myth say world's cockroaches. "Just set some off and see!"

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Columbian Drug Cartel Arrested

Colombian security forces have arrested 112 suspected members of one of the country's most powerful drugs cartels. "That's one down, 249 to go", says President Uribe.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Jackson Still Delaying UK Concerts

Michael Jackson's concert promoter denies reports that the star delayed the first four nights of his UK tour because of skin cancer. "It's that he keeps trying to settle on wearing the proper nose."

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Police Fired Over Beating Film

Five US police fired over beating film. "It was bad enough them beating an unconscious man, but when they began beating the film, that was too much", says prosecuting attorney.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Gurkha's To Settle In UK

All Gurkha veterans who retired before 1997 with at least four years' service will be allowed to settle in the UK, Home Secretary Smith has said. "They have helped a bit over past 200 years."

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Iraqi Bombings A Surprise

Sudden bombings in two Iraqi towns comes as a complete surprise to guy living out in Alaskan wilderness for the past
ten years.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Britain's Debt Outlook

Britain's debt outlook lowered to negative, upper lip now pliable, rubbery.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

A.A. Pilot Needs AA Classes

An American Airlines pilot failed a breath test at London's Heathrow airport, the airline said Thursday. He also failed the line walking test, test for following finger with eyes. "Drunk as a skunk".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Victims Of School Molestation Protest

Irish school victims angry that abusers not named that molested them while they were kids. "Oh, we all had names for them, but you wouldn't want to print them", states one victim.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Clue To Autism?

Breakthrough clue to why Autism affects boys more. An early attempt to get away from woman and their mothers.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Many Students Stressed

AP poll: Many students stressed, some depressed. Not at all like the rest of the country, who are completely suicidal.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

The missing link not missing anymore.

After years of searching the missing link has finally been discovered. He turned himself in to authorities yesterday. Turns out his name is Bubbah Johnson and he lives somewhere in Arkansas.

written by The SSaint, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Google Street View blur out Colonel

"Can You See what it is yet?" Google are following in Rolf Harris's footsteps by blurring out the image of Colonel Sauunders in a bid to stop advertising. When are they going to'do' Viking Direct?

written by IN SEINE, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Susan Boyle in snack shock

Scottish singer, Susan Boyle, picked a nice spot for a picnic in a Dunfermline park yesterday. She sat down on what she thought was a thistle, but it turned out that she was bitten by a haggis.

written by IN SEINE, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Jung Il World's Craziest

Kim Jung Il of North Korea once again regained his title of the world's craziest leader from President Ahmadinejad of Iran after purchasing GM stock on Wall Street.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Isn't He Cute? What'd He Say?

To ease the news of his passing several new higher tax laws, President Obama considering doing it with hand puppet, Cutie Pie.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Uhoh, That Is Uncle Elmer

Family visiting New Orleans for one week for Uncle Elmer's funeral and seeing to his estate, alarmed two days after funeral when son sees Uncle Elmer working in the funeral director's garden.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Sure Sign Of Inflation

Inflation is on everyone's mind this morning as Drudge noses out fact that Obama has ordered the US Treasury run off 100 million, million-dollar bills.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Solar Flares No Fun

Scientists now predict that if there is a solar flare equal to the one recorded in 452 BC, 95% of the earth's population will shit their pants.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Kid Screws Up Hubble

Kid on earth screw around with family GPS system somehow causes Hubble Telescope photo show us moving around on the earth.

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Saudi #1 Sticker

According to recent Saudi Arabian study, the number one bumper sticker there is "Honk if you still have hands".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
Rating:

Bush Working On Biography

President George W. Bush is busy working with Laura on his biography. So far his working title is "Curly, My Favorite Stooge".

written by Bureau, 21 May 2009
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