Order by:
Rating:

Obama Drops THE Bomb?

Yesterday Obama had a press conference to publicize his new stimulis package. When blurting out some large number THE f-word was clearly placed in it. He quickly apologized and moved on.

written by Craig.K, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Supremes Make Decision

Yesterday the U.S. Supreme Court handed down the decision that prevents the prisoners at Gitmo to be released into Cuban society, because that would be cruel and unusual punishment.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Detained Parrots Let Go

United States Navy ship that had detained seventeen suspected parrots, told to let them go.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

FEMA Unveils New Mobile Home

FEMA: They're clean, shutterless and decorated with a rainbow of beige hues. They're mobile homes built for future disaster victims and, so far, have safe levels of formaldehyde, radon gas, rat poop.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Pfizer Helps In Hard Times

Pfizer Inc. says it will provide 70 of its most widely prescribed prescription drugs _ including Lipitor and Viagra for free to people who have lost their jobs, health insurance and erections.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Credit Card Taxes?

President Barack Obama urged Congress on Thursday to quickly send him legislation ending abusive credit card practices that the government can't tax yet.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

"Monkey Shit"

Technical problems at Google are preventing an unknown number of people from using its Internet search engine, e-mail and other services. Tells customers..."monkey shit...monkey shit!"

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Craigslist Drops "Bombshells"

Craigslist to drop "erotic services" ads really soon, so get them while they're hot!

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Obama Wants To Know

The Obama administration has begun serious talks about how it can change compensation practices across the financial-services industry. Begins asking all Americans, "What do YOU carry in your wallet?"

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Oprah Robs Poor To Feed The Fat?

'Superfood' Acai, promoted on Oprah's site robs Amazon poor of staple! "Let them eat cake!" states daytime mogul.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Pelosi Accuses Clone

House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi says she learned of water boarding in 2003, not 2002. "That was a clone of me in that room!"

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Salad & Scrabbled Eggs

David Hyde Pierce, "Niles" on Frazier, says he may star in a new Frazier spin-off about a bar in the Boston area.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Boomers Children Staying Home

Report: More and more children of the Baby Boomers are staying at home into their thirties and forties. "Whenever I leave, they go back to their pot and LSD", states one.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Watch That Finger Pointing

Washington: Finger-pointing between Michelle Obama and her mother over the girls has given President Obama a black eye!

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Imitator's Identity Stolen

According to police, Elvis Presley Imitator, Charles Lucas of Nashville, Tennessee, has been the victim of an Identity Theft!

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

FCC Informs Obama

The FCC has informed President Obama that before any of the prisoners are released from Gitmo, they need to see if any of them are those who appeared years ago on the news naked, so they can be fined.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

British Women Targets

Rape audit ordered as figures show Britain has 'lowest conviction rates in Europe'. Also explains the arrival of over 20,000 creeps in the past year.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Airlines Must Clean Up Ads

Budget airlines told to clean up 'misleading' websites and show true cost of fares upfront. No such thing as $30 flights to New York City, welcome by nude models.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Justice Has Prevailed

Caught in the act: Burglars allowed to walk from court despite being pictured breaking into home. Man in audience yells to "Shoot them with something else next time" immediately arrested for threat.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

"Just One More"

Keep watching the birdy! The snap-happy father who took pictures of his children every single day for 13 years blames himself for their migraine headaches from flashes.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Students Drop Saying Grace

Cambridge students axe tradition of saying grace before dinner as it is 'too religious'. Thirty Seven immediately get the shits, die.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Jamie "Red" Foxx?

Jamie Foxx was asked to star in the HBO special The Jamie Foxx Story, but he declined saying that he felt that he just wasn't quite black enough.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The Extended Bruce Willis Family

In a move to solidify their family relationship Bruce Willis has adopted his ex-wife Demi Moore's 'Boy-Husband' Ashton Kutcher.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

"I Wanna Go Where Everybody Knows My Name"

Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson, and Kirstie Alley have been signed to star in the movie, Cheers - The Belly Years.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The Paparazzi Group Photo

A group of paparazzi who reside in Arizona have decided to form a union. Their organization will be known as The Hot Flashers of America.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The Highly Troubled Thornton

Billy Bob "Mr. Testy" Thornton reportedly exploded at a Wal-Mart when the checkout girl asked him if he wanted "Paper or plastic?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Piggy Confronts Michelle

Michelle Obama was on "Sesame Street" last week, where Miss Piggy asked her, "So, have you and Oprah settled on what lady in America is #2 and what lady is #3 yet?"

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Jesse Jackson Repents

President Obama has become the first president to not have a prayer service for National Prayer Day. Still, Jesse Jackson opened a service by asking forgiveness for wanting to cut Obama's nuts off.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Biden's Foot In It Again

During the Cinco de Mayo celebrations last week, President Obama tried to honor the Mexican people by speaking Spanish, while Vice President Joe Biden dishonored the Mexican people by using Pig Latin.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The Wonderful Music World of Ronco

Ronco has just developed its version of the iPod. They call it the iPea.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Lindsay Lohan's Ten Day No Food Diet

Lindsay Lohan still upset over being dumped by Samantha Ronson hasn't eaten in 10 days. She is down to 38 pounds and her manager says that Lilo weighs as much as one of Kirstie Alley's knees.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Edwards: A Better Place

John Edwards says he and his wife are getting to a better place and most Americans agree, anywhere but the White House.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Jessica Simpson's Future Baby Girl

Jessica Simpson has said that if she ever has a baby girl she will name it 'Lipsyncette' in honor of her little sister Ashlee Simpson.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

General Motors and Chrysler Shutting Down 3,000 Dealerships

General Motors and Chrysler plan on cutting 3,000 automobile dealerships throughout America. They'll leave three open. The ones in Pontiac, Michigan; Dodge City, Kansas; and Lincoln, Nebraska.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Edward's Mistress Responds

On Oprah, Elizabeth Edwards attacked her husband's mistress last week. Today, the mistress admitted, "Yes, it was the hair. No woman can look at that hair and turn away from his tender groping."

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Cow found in swimming pool

A couple rushed to their swimming pool when they herd a splashing noise to find that a cow had burst into their garden and taken a dip. Prince Charles can sympathise as Cowmilla often likes a bath.

written by IN SEINE, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Southern states obesity crisis "could catapult Canadians"

"If every obsese person in the Southern states jumps up and down at once, some Canadians could find themselves swimming in the Gulf of Mexico," American scientist Brad Raybury has warned.

written by neilwatson, 14 May 2009
Rating:

You'll Just Have To Wait

The new Susan Boyle Swimsuit Edition OF The Farmer's Almanac is scheduled to be released right after her final appearance on British TV Show.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

New New Orleans Movie

Warner Brothers have announced that they may begin shooting their new movie about the Swine Flu hitting New Orleans next month. It's title will be, "The Pig Easy".

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The Country With The N-Word Name

The West African country of Nigeria has decided to change its name. The official reason given is that the present name sounds too much like the N-word. Nigeria's new name will be HipHopia.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

PM Netanyahu Apparently NBA Fan

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visits Jordan, asks for former NBA star's autograph, secret to getting open for jump shots.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Susan Boyle - It's The Eyebrows

Donny Osmond has revealed that he has a secret crush on Susan Boyle. He said that he can't help it. Donny said, "The woman's got the sexiest eyebrows since Brooke Shields."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Chrysler Buys Gitmo

The Guantanamo Naval Base (Gitmo) has been sold to Chrysler. They will use it to store their millions of unsold cars.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

The SeaWorld Band

Wynonna Judd has signed to tour with The Jonas Brothers. An insider says they are considering calling it The Jonas and The Whale Tour.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Gibson's Simple Math 101

Mel Gibson announced this week that his next movie will be titled, $1 Billion Minus $500 Million.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Obama Makes U-Turn

The release of more photos of prisoner abuse by US soldiers is "of no benefit" and may inflame opinion against the US, President Barack Obama has said, even though there are "a couple of beauts".

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Pope To End Trip

Pope Benedict XVI will finish out hid trip and perhaps his popedom with a final visit scheduled for the Somali pirates and the Taliban.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Bono ecstatic after Elvis exorcism success

Bono has thanked the Catholic church for ridding his house in Ireland of Elvis Presley's spirit. "Elvis has now left the building," Bono confirmed, but said the experience had left him "all shook up."

written by neilwatson, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Amy Carter's New Organization

Jimmy Carter's daughter Amy has founded a new organization to build outhouses called "Honeypots For Humanity", the first 100 to be built in Haiti.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Bubble Bath Tanker Runs Aground

A huge bubble bath tanker has ran aground near Alaskan coast, cleaning up the whole shoreline with birds and seal. Many ask why this couldn't have happened in 1989.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Judge Rules In Pirate's Case

A judge in Mogadishu, the capitol of Somalia, rules to allow same-sex pirates to marry on the high seas.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Royal Mail profit doubles from £162m to £321m

Royal Mail has posted a huge annual profit, but doesn't expect to receive it for several days, as it was sent second class.

written by neilwatson, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Home Of Slumdog Millionaire Demolished

The Mumbai slum home of one of the child stars of the Oscar-winning film Slumdog Millionaire has been demolished by city authorities. Multi-millionaire movie makers vow to build him a new slum home.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Spce Junk Nearing Hubble

Space junk raises risks for Hubble repair mission as a good size chunks from old UFO to come pretty close.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Obama Considering Court Appointees

President Obama in considering six for high court, half a dozen for the others.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Big Meth Seizure

Biggest meth seizure in eastern US made in Atlanta. "There must be a couple dozen of them jerking around on the floor, trying to bite their tongues", says Police Captain.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Museum Acquires Michelangelo Painting

Texas museum acquires Michelangelo's 1st painting, that of a horsey and what appears to be Mr. Sun peeking over a cloud.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Astronauts Begin Spacewalk

Astronauts begin spacewalk marathon to fix Hubble Telescope, raise more money for charity.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Japanese Committing Suicide

More young Japanese commit suicide amid job fears, Godzilla being seen again in neighborhood.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Bad Weather Continues

Weather delays containment of California wildfire plus more fire and brimstone expected again today.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Don't Tell Anybody

The number of confirmed cases of the new Influenza A (H1N1) flu has climbed to 6,497, including 65 deaths, the World Health Organization said on Thursday, but shhhh! Mums the word.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Obama Extends Mortgage Aid

The Obama administration is expected to expand its mortgage aid program, announcing new measures that would help homeowners avoid a blemished credit record, even if they never made a single payment.

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
Rating:

35,000 year-old model of Jordan found in cave

A 100% anatomically correct model of Jordan has been found in Germany. Scientists are stunned to think that even 35,000 years ago, breast implants were available even if they were rocks from a stream.

written by IN SEINE, 14 May 2009
Rating:

Huge Reefer Disappearing!

Scientists in Kingston, Jamaica today said that the Madness Reefer off the south coast of their island is disappearing by being gobbled up by the Munchy Fish!

written by Bureau, 14 May 2009
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