Order by:
Rating:

Peter Mandelson in sticky business

Peter Mandelson, the gay British minister for business had green goo tossed in his face today. He said, "It's not the first time I'm had some sticky goo in my face, but the green colour scared me!"

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Obama - "Scotland's For Me!"

President Obama has renewed America's special relationship with Scotland by vowing to pay more for Scottish oil and gas than England and Wales do!

A new trans Atlantic pipe line will flow by 2010!

written by iscrivener, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Great Melting Polar Icecaps, Batman!

Scientists say that the melting of polar ice caps could possibly shift the earth's rotation, suggest everyone should store up some duct tape.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Airways Accused

U.S. Airways, which began charging a $5.00 puke fee last month have been accused by passengers of having pilots fake "air pocket" drops.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Post Office Open 5 Days?

The United States Postal Service said again today that they may have to soon be open only 5 days per week. Also, they have requested closings for Ground Hog Day, Fat Tuesday and April Fool's Day.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Mayor, Council At Opening

The Mayor and five city councilors of Bear Wallow, Kentucky use six-handled shovel to shovel dirt for the opening of the new town cemetery.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

GM Lays Off 10,000 More

General Motors says it needs more bailout money as another 10,000 workers are laid off after the last Chevy Vega rolls out the door.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Mandelson attack

A green activist who threw a large yellow pie at business secretary Lord Michael Mandelson is in police 'custardy' tonight.

written by IN SEINE, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Obama Wants Pot-Bellied Pig

President Obama announced today that instead of a pet dog
at White House he wants a pot-bellied pig. Michelle admits her husband has had a few problems since bumping his head on Air Force One.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Sixty-Seven Computers Still Missing

The Los Alamos Nuclear Weapons Lab says it's still missing those 67 computers but wants to reassure everyone that those launch codes are pretty daggone scrambled.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Message From Prez, VP

This is President Barack Obama and my friend, Joe Biden: "Please America, help our economy today and go out and buy something silly that you don't need. Thank you."

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

FBI Switches Focus

The United States Federal Bureau Of Investigation has announced that it is shifting its focus from counterterrorism to bank frauds and the Senate and House tax cheats.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

...And A Cheesecloth Umbrella!

An amendment to the bank bail-outs requires that Golden Parachutes be replaced by Golden Showers.

written by Mr. Lizard, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Oldest Surviving Son Doesn't

The oldest child of Hollywood movie legend Charlie Chaplin has died at 82, the Los Angeles Times reported. Mr. Chaplin died when he was accidentally hoisted on his own cane during a bathroom visit.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

The Latest Porn Film

Noted porn stars Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy have been signed to star in the new X-Rated film, The Stimulus Package.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 March 2009
Rating:

You Wanna Eat Where?

Long John Silvers and Hooters have decided to merge. The restaurant's new name will be Long Hooters.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Ba-rute!

Vance has changed; he used to open cans of whup-ass, now he pours cordials of face-slap.

written by Mr. Lizard, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Presto!

Little Timmy decided to become a magician when he learned his big sister was making $100 a trick.

written by Mr. Lizard, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Kangeroo Jack Out Of Rehab

According to The National Enquirer, a bar in Melbourne, Australia has hired former film star, Kangaroo Jack as their new bouncer.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Radical Amish Group

A suicide buggy attack last night in Lancaster, Pennsylvania believed to be that of the radical Amish group, Born To Raise Barns!

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Male Monkeys Prefer Male Toys

In an experiment, male monkeys were found to prefer boy toys to girl toys but flinging poo is still number one by a wide margin.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Charles A Pod So What Else Is New?

In England today the British Air Force have released still more of their secret files on UFO's. Surprising few, Prince Charles is definitely a pod.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

It Makes Sense

In Miami, Florida a study has revealed that most Catholics there are giving up showing their belly buttons for Lent.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Snake Thefts Increase

Like California, people in New York City have begun stealing pet store snakes. However, in NYC the authorities are finding most there have been released outside Bernie Madoff's penthouse apartment.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Another Schwarzenegger Brainstorm

With 10% of workers in California being unemployed, Gov. Schwarzenegger has asked workers there to take one day off every other week so someone else can work that day. So check your doctor's schedule.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Gore In Japan

Al Gore is in Japan this week to not only speak about global warming, but they believe he's the best model for their latest advancements in making a human robot.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Oprah Has A Puppy?

Word out of Chicago is that Oprah Winfrey has adopted a puppy. The rumor got started when people began seeing a GM executive asking the puppy for a $500 million bailout.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Obama's White House Dog Almost Ready

President Barack Obama and his family may have picked out the White House dog. Thus far, over 1,000 dogs and Ralph Nader have applied.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Fertility Clinic: No Guarantee

That fertility clinic which is offering parents the wonderful opportunity to select the eye and hair color of their children say they can't guarantee the same if there's eight of them.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Madoff's Wife Claims $69 Million Hers

Bernie Madoff's wife is saying that $69 million of that money is hers. It's not part of the money Bernie swindled but money she won in Las Vegas after getting a loan from Bernie, which she has repaid.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

A-Rod May Get Stint

Doctors examining Yankee's slugger Alex Rodriguez's cyst on his hip say the third baseman could be out for three months, as they may have to put in a stint.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Despite being doused in blancmange, Lord Mandelson says he's not to be trifled with.

Protestor manages to avoid custody, as Mandelson has now been nicknamed by the press.

written by Roy Turse, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Nice In N.Y.

It was a beautiful day in New York City today. It was so nice in Central Park that Bernie Madoff robbed three robin's nests.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Joe The Plumber Sues Joe The Prober

"Joe the Plumber" is suing three former state officials in Ohio, saying they violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search, looking to get some shit on him.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

The Unemployment Breakdance

The Labor Department will release a report today that is expected to show the unemployment rate will jump to 7.9 percent, skip to 8.0, hop to 9 percent by April and it's last waltz with 10 in June.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Jack Tweed Plans Pro-Celebrity Golf Tournament

Jade Goody's husband, Jack Tweed is to organise a golf tournament to help raise funds for her boys. He told reporters "Jade said I should do something I'm good at and I'm a natural with a golf club"

written by Mrs Kensington, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Shit Hits Fan

Amy Winehouse has been charged with an assault on an enthusiast.

written by Roy Turse, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Michael Jackson denies having surgery to create his cleft chin

Examination of photographs suggests it was achieved by the insertion of Butox.

written by Roy Turse, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Corrie Easter Gay Shocker!

Granada Television has confirmed that it is set to shock viewers on Good Friday when it screens a saucy gay encounter between Gayle's dad Ted and newsagent Norris Cole. Norris Cole gay? - a shock?

written by Mrs Kensington, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Brown and Straw's 'Endless Love' Will NOT Be Screened

Downing Street sources have confirmed that Gordon Brown and Jack Straw's karaoke duet 'Endless Love' at Jade Goody's wedding will NOT be screened by Living TV next week.

written by Mrs Kensington, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Katona's Brain Sucked Out During Liposuction

Kerry Katona's husband has revealed that she slurs her words because surgeons accidentally sucked her brain out during routine liposuction on her face. "They managed to put it back in though" he said.

written by Mrs Kensington, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Release of Long Awaited "Snakes on a Soul Plane"

Snoop Dogg and Samuel L. Jackson team up for the first time since their appearance in Steven Spielberg's Stereotypical Black Men Have a Frantic Adventure (With Yelling). In Theaters this Friday.

written by Wastro, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Moby That's The Reason

A woman in Tijuana Mexico, when asked why she agreed to marry a bed-ridden 700-pound man, pulls back sheet to reveal a six pound penis.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Sorry You're Leaving, Here's Your Hat.

NASA has announced this morning that by the year 2020 they hope to make a very very quick visit to the sun and back.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Place A Mess

Police in a raid in Baton Rouge, Louisiana last night discovered 27 cats, 36 dogs and 49 illegal aliens at an old lady's home.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

A Few Good Bellies

The United States Marines say they're tired of career men becoming fat and are beginning to crack down on desserters.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Museum Attendance Down

A just completed study of museums in the United States has revealed they are now a thing of the past.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Man "Backs Out " Of Chiropractor Appointment

Local man "backs out" of his chiropractor appointment and then calls all his friends to tell them the pun which, somehow, no one else seems to find funny.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Congress Poll Numbers Down Again

Congress approval poll numbers are now below that of the number of households called by a drunken Willie Nelson on Saturday nights.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Tooth Gap Growing

A new survey of the American south says the tooth gap between the rich and the poor is still growing.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Calvinists On Time Travel

Today's leaders of the Calvinist Movement say that time travel will only be here when it's SUPPOSED to be here and when its time to be here.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
Rating:

Stephen Hawking Removed

Super scientist Stephen Hawking was quietly removed from his office yesterday after making some "black hole" remarks in a recent interview.

written by Bureau, 06 March 2009
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