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The Snookie Goes on Sale Today

The Snookie is a pullover blanket that has 3 additional strategic openings besides those for the head and arms. Ladies can still stay warm and enjoy their husband's attention on a cold night.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 March 2009
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Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow caught in studio brawl

When Robbie Williams appeared at the same studio where his former bandmates were recording, a fight broke out. Gary Barlow was heard to say "Take That" as his fist connected with Robbie's big head.

written by norma snockers, 29 March 2009
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Groping Mascot Wanted!

Fake high school mascot wanted by police for groping team cheerleaders, kidnapping the real team mascot.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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What Smells Delicious?

Meat packing company burning during the night causes everybody in Westchester to wake up this morning hungry enough to eat a bear.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Pete Rose Back

Pete Rose makes an appearance at the Circus Circus Hotel in Las Vegas to be inducted into the Gambler's Hall of fame.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Gore Comforts Families

Al Gore comforts families who lost love ones on Mount Everest avalanche, "We'll find their remains when they resurface in 5 or 6 years."

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Catholics priests to marry

Catholic preists were told by the pope to conduct a life of celibacy by marrying a lezzer "It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet."

written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
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Catholics tell god to anoy 'gays'

Catholic priests asked god to annoy gay cyclists by making sure that the wind is blowing in their faces whatever direction they cycle in.

written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
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Britain Obese given warning by Government.

We have told supermarkets to Help promote healthy living by putting cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through.

written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
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Police tackle car crime.

A senior police chief warned car thieves "Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat".

written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
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Rev. Jeremiah "The Bullfrog" Wright's Book

Rev. Jeremiah Wright's book has just hit the bookstores. The book in titled, Okay So Tell Me Sean "Shithead" Hannity, What The Hell Was All That Damn %#$@&*! Commotion About Anyway?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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China's Richest Couple

Huang and Du Guangya, the richest couple in China have just purchased France's Eiffel Tower. The Guangya's plan to move it to their backyard in Shanghai, China.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Threatened Species Status

Polar bears, republicans, Amy Winehouse have been given limited threatened species status.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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UFO Release Blocked

The British Defense Ministry was ready to release still more secret UFO files but that they are now being held up in court by aliens, who say that it would violate their inalienable rights.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Tell Me Later

A new poll shows that 110% of Americas think we're on the road to nowhere, but in an all-fired hurry to try to get there.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Americans Last In Something

Science Magazine claims American consumers rank last in the world in something called environment consciousness. What IS that?

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Lookin' Out For Us

Space storm alert: As we're moving closer and closer to the edge of a disaster from sun storms blasting earth with heat, cutting off technology, congress is still debating the Football Polls.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Rating:

A Street Renamed In Dick Cheney's Honor

The town of Devil's Lake, North Dakota, has just honored former Vice-President Dick Cheney by renaming a street after him. Devil's Tail Drive has now become The Dick Drive.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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NASA's Land Rover

NASA officials have announced that land rover "Spirit" after being on Mars for five years has just been assigned the Martian vanity plates, "Mars-1"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Generic IUD's

The Kinetic Sex Institute reports that due to the sky-rocketing costs of IUD's they have suggested to the manufacturer that they look into the possibility of making IUD's out of cardboard paper.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Mt. Sarah Palin (The Volcano)

A majority of Alaska's residents are extremely upset with Gov. Sarah Palin's rejection of the economic stimulus package. Some have even started a petition to sacrifice her to Mt. Redoubt Volcano.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Rating:

Amy Winehouse's New Product

Amy Winehouse will introduce The Amy Winehouse Do-It-Yourself Tattoo Kit. Amy says that now sweet little girls everywhere will be able to put the same ugly tattoos that she has on their little bodies.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Dolly Parton's Two Puppies

Dolly Parton wants the rumors that her breasts are a result of her taking steroids stopped. She told Wolf Blitzer, "Wolfster, my puppies are real. They're a product of cornbread, okra, and taters."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Tina Fey's Newest Tattoo

A highly reliable source has stated that Tina Fey has just had the words, "Sarah Palin in 2012" tattooed just underneath her 'right' one.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Sis-Boom Bah

Research studies on education have shown conclusively that 90 percent of high school girls who became pregnant did so between the hours of 11 p.m. and midnight on Friday.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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And Now Here's Jay's Chin

A well-respected Beverly Hills physician has revealed that it is unbelievably astonishing but Jay Leno's chin is now actually bigger than Beyonce's butt.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Chanel's Eau de ESP

The Chanel Perfume Company has stated that sales of their latest perfume, Eau de Economic Stimulus Package have already surpassed the sales of Chanel No. 5 by 400 percent.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
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Obama On Both Sides Of Fence

President Obama toughens up border, eases up on Illegals. "Shoot them on sight until they make it across border, then find them some food, jobs.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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U.S. Joins Drug War?

U.S. Secretary of State Clinton vows to help fight Mexico's drug war, trying to decide which drug gangs we're for, against.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Iran Responds To Judge

A U.S. Judge has ordered Iran to pay $25 Million for Hamas killing. Iran agrees to send it by flying pigs.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Polars Apart

Russia is planning to create a dedicated military force to help protect its interests in the disputed Arctic region. Meanwhile Australia arming penguins in Antarctic region.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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N. Korea Set To Launch Missile

North Korea says that it is set to launch missile soon. Surrounding countries set to try not receive it.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Late Husband Takes Remote With Him

Smiling local Boogertown husband looking serene in coffin has no idea that wife has had his TV remote shoved up his ass.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Aussies Battle Poisoned Toads

The Australian state of Queensland have taken part in a mass capture of poisonous cane toads as part of a collective effort at pest control. Meanwhile an army of toads gathered forces in the south.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Rating:

Obama May Have Cool Reception

President Obama's first European trip could dampen his hopes that a new diplomatic style will convert once-reluctant allies into cooperative global partners as "We Hate Obama's Guts" signs everywhere.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Rough Weather On Saturday

Storms sow snow, thunder, tornadoes, hailstorms, frogs, fish, somebody's clothesline full of underwear, broom riding witch, flying monkeys from Plains to South

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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News From Canada, China?

A cyber spy network in China hacked into classified documents from governments in 103 countries, including computers of the Dalai Lama, a faked report from Canadian researchers said Saturday.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Pol Pot Lucky?

He was one of the greatest mass killers of the 20th century, but that doesn't stop the hopeful from praying or pissing at Pol Pot's grave for lucky lottery numbers, job promotions & beautiful brides.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Major Disarming Requested In Iraq

Iraq orders Sunni gunmen in Baghdad area to disarm. Sunni leaders in Adhamiya ask Shiites to disarm. Both asked to disarm by Kurds in north.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Smokers Taking Hits

Smokers face a hit as tobacco taxes spike. May drop tobacco for marijuana altogether as it's a lot cheaper and without taxes.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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The Redneck Mystic

Redneck mystic in Arkansas can levitate a coon hound out from under the front porch of his double-wide trailer and into the bed of his pick-up truck.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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FBI Leak, Mole

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has reported a leak discovered in their DC headquarters bathroom. Also, a mole in their front yard. Still seeking more info.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Newspaper Reports Strange Happening

The Salt Lake City News & Times reveals that there is actually a 27-year-old never married single guy living in Brigham City, Utah.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Salmonella Mary Found, Arrested

Salmonella Mary discovered and arrested in Trenton, New Jersey. Now blamed for huge outbreak while visiting peanut butter manufacturer in January.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Atari Festival In Cuba

Havana all set to host Cuba's first ever Atari Game Festival and International Competition. Few booking thus far.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Highway To Homeless

Highway To Nowhere, which cost the U.S. millions of bucks, now leads to a homeless tent city. "See", states congressman who got pork project passed.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Males Eventually Disappearing

Geneticist claims that males face eventual extinction but, beginning when it gets down to 4 to 1 female, will enjoy really happy lives.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Bad Sign For Economy

Report: Army Corps of Engineers seen patching levees in New Orleans with $20 bills not a good sign for the economy.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Suicide in cricket board

An agriculture minister is running world richest cricket board still farmer are committing suicide. Wish I can run the Wall Street with all money in my pocket and no-one dying out.

written by Lostinrandomworld, 29 March 2009
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'Fritzl-mania' reaches global proportions

First Austria, and then Italy and now Colombia. Fathers are having children with their daughters. How many more such crimes will come to light? Maybe Arkansas will not come as a surprise!

written by norma snockers, 29 March 2009
Rating:

Didn't Help Bush, Children

Study of Bush administration's reading program hasn't helped at all. Neither has it helped any of the school children, according to U.S. Dept. of Education.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Twenty-Inch Penis

Neanderthals were entirely different species from humans claims new study. Twenty inch penis made them more thoughtful.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Taliban Leader caught

Leader of Afghanistan Taliban arrested, Vice President now their leader, Speaker of the Turban becomes new V.P.

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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Marines Ease Restrictions

U.S. Marines ease up on big brutes with former police records in recruitment efforts. New slogan: We're looking for a few bad apples!

written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
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11th
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12th
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13th
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21
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34
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50
18th
63
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