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Rating:

University Challenge Winners Disqualified Because One Team Member Had Left Uni.

Seems that it was the only thing Gail Trimble didn't know.

written by Roy Turse, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Oasis Gig In China Cancelled

Oasis have had their gig in China cancelled. Because they are shit.

written by Earl Grey, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Jade Still Alive

Jade Goody is still alive. Tabloid editors rejoice. Story continues to run. Who exploits who?

written by Earl Grey, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Fat Duck Food Furore

Headline makes Chris Moyles absolutely livid - until he realises it's a 'D'.

written by Roy Turse, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Man murdered make-up artist wife

An East Sussex spiritualist minister was found guilty of murdering of his TV make-up artist wife. Derek Accora said; "His wife said from beyond the grave 'It was him alright, you couldn't make it up'"

written by norma snockers, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Girls doing their bits for America

Tonight all women have decided to shave their 'bits' in support of Obama - meaning no more bush

written by norma snockers, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Snow A Surprise

A surprise weekend snow has hit the south and eastern U.S.
leaving a foot in Alabama. The foot is believed to be from the body of a local weatherman who predicted rain, who's body was found today.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Snow-Covered GOPrincess Ann Coulter

A severe winter storm is pounding the East Coast. A newsman for a New York City radio station reported seeing Ann Coulter, who is 6 foot 3, and weighs 81 pounds knocked down by a snowflake

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Most Congested City In America

Traffic Jam Magazine has named L.A. the Most Congested City in The Nation. In next month's issue they'll reveal which of the following Sudafed, Nyquil, or Actifed they recommend to relieve congestion.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The New Denver Eagle

Philadelphia Eagles fans are upset that the Eagles allowed 13-year veteran Brian Dawkins to sign with the Denver Broncos. One fan said she knows of 17 people in her office who are moving to Denver.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

AIG - What Does The Letter "I" Really Stand For?

American International Group (AIG) had 4th quarter losses of $61.7 billion. The highest in U.S. corporate history. President Obama remarks, "I'm thinking that the letter 'I' stands for incompetent."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

It's All About Punctuation

President Obama taps the governor of Kansas Kathleen Sebelius...to be his Secretary of Health and Human Services.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Chinese Probe Crashes On Moon

A Chinese TV commontator announced that their lunar probe crashed into the moon Sunday, as was completely planned, with a straight face, longer nose.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Here I Come, Ready Or Not!

The Japanese Emperor will pay a visit to Pearl Harbor this week, the first Japanese Emperor to do so since Pearl Harbor. He called ahead to make sure it wasn't any surprise when he shows up.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Destroyed Interrogation Tapes

The Associated Press stated today that the CIA destroyed interrogation tapes. CIA claims they were destroyed because of major water damage.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Global New Deal?

President Obama is ready to talk "Global New Deal" with U.K.'s Prime Minister. They hope to work out life insurance clause for suicide bombers, Taliban ringworm outbreak.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Wall Street Shits Peach Seeds

Meanwhile, fears of inflation, troubled banks and auto industry, several inches of snow continue to rise on Wall Street.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Ryanair's Proposal Toilets

Europe's largest airlines, Ryanair, has dropped it's proposal to start charging customers for use of toilets on their planes, after the big stink over tha weekend announcement.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Trades Description Act Ruling

After falling foul of the UK Trades Description Act, Road Works are to be renamed Road Doesn't Work.

written by IainB, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Pelosi Keeps Lists

Nancy Pelosi's roster of those whom she believes have screwed up, betrayed her, challenged her or merely annoyed her is kept on file at all times, stated a former secretary. "Check under "Shit".

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Hillary: No Funds For Hamas

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton stated Monday that no U.S. funds will go to Hamas. Instead the 900 million will be spread around Hezbollah, al-Qaeda and the Taliban.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Spending, Incomes Up!

Consumer spending, incomes rebounded in January according to today's report. Neither dropped as much as the first January during The Great Depression, but still too close for comfort.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Economy Brings Cattle Problems

Monday, the world's stocks fell once again because of the U.S. economic woes. In parts of Africa, stocks have dropped to their knees and could not rise so they were shot and eaten. Argentina Crying.

written by Bureau, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Jade Goody Suffering From A Pain

She shouldn't have married him in the first place.

written by Earl Grey, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Ministry of Death reports success

The Ministry of Death, responsible for counting deaths, has exceeded government targets. In 2008, deaths increased by 8%, against a target of 3%. Employees are to be rewarded for their hard work.

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Barbie (Doll) Turns 50!

Barbie doll turns 50. To commemorate the milestone, Mattel will be putting out its latest Barbie doll complete with cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, and that "I know it all attitude."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Argentinian Pampas Are Outta Here

The Senate in Argentina has voted to change the name of the Pampas to the Plainos. They said that they were getting tired of all the diaper jokes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Arctic Heat Wave

Global Warming is a very real thing. A team of Arctic explorers recently reported seeing penguins wearing sweat head bands.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Cave Babies

Noted South American cave explorers Nick and Natalie Maydell have just named their newborn twin boys Salactite and Stalagmite.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

The Not-So-Bad Badlands?

In an effort to attract more tourists, North Dakota and South Dakota have both agreed to change the name "Badlands" to "Goodlands."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

That's A Lot Of Damn Earthquakes!

Last year the state of California experienced 2,398 earthquakes and 4,651 aftershocks. The word 'aftershocks' was coined by the department of tourism. So actually, California had 7,049 earthquakes!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 March 2009
Rating:

Octomom Career Option #1

Human clown car.

written by Mr. Lizard, 02 March 2009
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