Order by:
Rating:

Magic Fingers Guy Dead

Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed inventor dies at 92 as someone forgot to add another quarter into his life support system.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Obama's Approval Rating Drops

Barack Obama's approval rating has dropped to 56 percent. That's the unofficial report of Bill Clinton overheard talking to Hillary.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Iran Clashes Continue

More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. To disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and those that the Ayatollah has had lobotomized.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Gambling Makes You Short

A new study shows that women who do yoga get taller as they age, but those who sit for hours playing the slots are always short.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Hulk Hogan To Appear On Dancing With The Stars

Hulk Hogan rehearsing for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars got carried away and body slammed Cheryl Burke. Miss Burke says from her hospital room that she does not want a rematch.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Mickey D's McObamaBurger Is Selling Like Hotcakes

McDonald's says that sales of its new McObamaBurger are going through the roof. A Mickey D's executive says that the McObamaBurger is outselling last year's McBushnuggets by 10 to 1.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Conan O'Brien Misses The Big Apple

Tonight show host Conan O'Brien says that he wants to move back to New York. He says he hates earthquakes, smog, wildfires, mudslides, the Santa Ana Wind, Paris Hilton, and Perez Hilton.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan Team

Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan will be starring in a Fox reality show. The name of the show is "Okay, We're Looking For Someone Much More Plainer Than Samantha Ronson."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Sorry, Our Bad

Scientists clear sixteenth century friar of murder in suspicious death. Have his bones dug out of ancient dung heap and placed in a coffin in regular cemetery

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Colorado Man With 312 Teeth!

A dentist in Pueblo, Colorado says that he has a patient who has an incredible 312 teeth. The doctor said that the man functions okay but adds that his weekly toothpaste bill is outrageous!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Amy Winehouse Non-European Tour

The Amy Winehouse 20-City European Concert Tour has been cancelled. A spokesperson for Winehouse said that as of yesterday, promoters had only sold a total of three tickets.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco In The Kitchen

Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco have teamed up to star in a Fox Network reality cooking show entitled, "Baseball Recipes We Have Grown To Love."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Unlawful Amish Teenage Girl

An Amish teenager living in Terre Haute, Indiana has been turned in to the Terre Haute police department for having a cell phone.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Return of Paul Revere & The Raiders

The 1960s band Paul Revere & The Raiders was going to go on a reunion tour but the members have forgotten all of the lyrics and music.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Jennifer Aniston - The Guy Repeller

Jennifer Aniston who has a tremendously difficult time maintaining a relationship with guys says that she needs to find a guy soon because Samantha Ronson is starting to look good.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

JAMA Reports On Sarcasm

Doctor's Study in JAMA say that almost 98% of troubled juveniles use sarcasm daily. Like that's going to help anything.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

40,000 Freemasonry Druids,

40,000 Druids greet the Summer Solstice at Stonehenge, then hurriedly put their clothes back on and go back to their CPA and Actuary jobs.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

World Population Pops

World population to teach 7 Billion in 2012, or 7 Million, according to how this Swine Flu thing works out.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Hope It Was Geraldo

Undercover reporter highly embarrassed as street woman ahead of him in bread line accuses him of bumping into her giant wet behind.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

"First Ever Here In These Parts!"

Preacher in Beverly, West Virginia says he was forced to marry couple at gunpoint. Police say that it's their first reported Shotgun Gay Wedding!

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Few Bad Apples

Scientists and doctors now say they have been able to trace the outbreak of Swine Flu last winter to a few bad apples in several cooked pig's mouths.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Spanish Bar Invites Insults from Customers

A Spanish bar invites frazzled customers to insult their waiters. It has been reported that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are being invited to promote the bar's offer.

written by IN SEINE, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Kissing Ban in School

A Somerset school headmaster has threatened all 1,200 pupils with detention if they are caught snogging. Teachers are now having detention classes of 1,000 plus pupils.

written by IN SEINE, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Zicam Nasal Spray Recalled

FDA announces that Zicam Nasal Spray can cause you to lose your sense of smell, ability to fart. Cite seven cases of people losing ability to smell or taste anything, three to spontaneously explode.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Recommended: Breast Feeding

A new study links breast feeding to higher grades, college entry, better jobs and really bad eyestrain.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Most Would Disagree

A team of scientists reported today that they think Paris Hilton may be mankind's closest living relative.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Steve Jobs' New Liver Having Problems...

It continues to spontaneously reboot and needs constant updates.

written by Wire Piddle, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Word From WHO

The World Health Organization has announced that there will be plenty of Swine Flu vaccinations available for most areas this fall & in case it mutates, vaccinations for those vaccinations are ready.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Country Once Known As Iran

The Iranian Senate has voted to change the name of their country. They say that it sounds too much like Iraq and that gets confusing. Iran's new name will be New Indiana.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Ku Klux Klan Closes Their Kenyan Office

The KKK has decided to close their office in Nairobi, Kenya. Grand Wizard Billy Bobby Bob Buckles said that the Kenyan people are extremely prejudiced, bigoted, and racist.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Incredible Louisiana State Bird

The state of Louisiana has finally gotten with the program. The state has officially made the mosquito the state bird.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Sammy Sosa's Incredible Eating Regimen

Sammy Sosa told a reporter for ESPN that he never ever took steroids. He said, "I get the big muscles by eating tacos, enchiladas, guacamole dip, and lots of pinata candy."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Mexico: Se Habla English?

The Mexican Senate has just approved, by a vote of 31 to 23, to make Spanish Mexico's official language.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Massachusetts: 13 Letters or 11?

The state of Massachusetts in order to save on official state letterhead ink will be dropping the first "S" and the second "T."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Glenn Beck Gets The Last Word

NYPD officers took political commentator Glenn Beck into custody for violently arguing with himself.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Chu Promotes Solar Energy.

Energy Secretary Chu: Paint world's roofs white would reflect sun's rays. Also, recommends that everyone shave their heads.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Mammals In Trouble

One in four mammal species faces extinction says scientists. "More like four out of four", claims Al Gore.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Microbe Awakens

Microbe in Greenland ice wakes up after 150,000 years. Asks for a cup of strong coffee, morning newspaper. "I could murder someone for a bacon butty."

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Maher Faces Two Lawsuits

Bill Maher who has called President Obama another Lindsay Lohan is being sued by the President, Lindsay Lohan.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

PETA Accuses Obama

PETA says fly that President Obama executed on live TV left a wife and 10,000 children. Ask for turd bailout.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

W.H. Blocks Visitor Logs

White House blocks access to visitor logs! "All our visitor logs have been flushed down the toilet.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Giant Kangeroo Screwed Out Of Existance

A fossil study of the extinct giant kangaroo has added weight to the theory that humans were responsible for the demise of "megafauna" 46,000 years ago. Powdered toenails considered an aphrodisiac.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Brown Admits Assault

R&B singer Chris Brown has pleaded guilty in the US to one count of assault on his former girlfriend, pop star Rihanna. Claims he was possessed by Ike Turner.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Alaskan Quake Reported

Quake jolts Anchorage, Alaska, but damage minimal. Sarah Palin's house looks to be fine, say Russians.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Topless Convention

The first ever topless waitress convention is moving to a larger venue after subscriptions exceeded expectations. Please note: it will now take place in Central Park, if it's big enough.

written by IainB, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Seeking Greener Cars

AP source: Ford, Nissan, Tesla to get government loans for "Green" vehicles. John Deere tractors reminds public they have been green for years.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

"Nice Bright Colors"

Singer Paul Simon cracks up, sent to Bellevue Hospital in NYC after Kodak took his Kodachrome away.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Bad Results Not Reported

Bad test results often not reported to U.S. patients. Doctors claim that it would only get them all upset, hurt their feelings.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Hard To Get A Grip On

Pets Pass Superbug to Humans, humans pass Superbug to animals, Superbug passes animals to humans.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Teachers Paid To Do Nothing, Underpaid!

700 New York City teachers are paid to do nothing are considering going on strike for higher pay.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Iran Approves Fraud

Iran's top electoral body rules out vote annulment. May stop this whole silly voting process altogether as it only causes trouble.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

The Suspended And Highly Bored Manny Ramirez

Suspended Dodgers player Manny Ramirez says that he is so bored that once he gets back from being suspended he will not even so much as take a Fred Flintstone vitamin.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Walt Disney Pictures Lays Off Several Dalmatians

Disney Pictures announces it will film another 101 Dalmatians movie. The studio head reveals that because of strong budget restraints the film will be titled, 91 Dalmatians.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Oprah Winfrey Wants To Buy Mount Rushmore

Oprah Winfrey has decided to buy Mount Rushmore. She plans on replacing Theodore Roosevelt with her boyfriend Stedman Graham.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

For Sale: The Golden Gate Bridge

Governor Schwarzenegger facing a tremendous state deficit is selling the Golden Gate Bridge. An Osaka, Japan investment group will buy it. The new name will be The Fried Rice Bridge.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 June 2009
Rating:

It's Always The Unexpected

Doctors say the "Very Worst" has happened, despite all their efforts. The Swine Flu has mixed with the Macarena.

written by Bureau, 23 June 2009
Rating:

Foot Odor Contributes to Climate Change

Al Gore tells Congress human foot odor fosters climate change, adding 7 billion tons of noxious gases to the air. He alerts people to this plight via his jet, causing 14 billion tons of toxic waste.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 June 2009
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