Spoof news snippets from Monday 15 June 2009
Mahmood Ahmadinajad accuses Tehran of overreaction
Following his shock win, the Iranian President urged people in Tehran to calm down. "We didn't see these scenes in the capitals of Britain and the US when Susan Boyle and Adam Lambert lost." he said.
Microsoft to give away virus killer - What's the catch?
Microsoft are to give away a free virus killer called Morro. It is so powerful it will kill the nasty virus called Windows Vista. It is due to be launched tomorrow!
The Crazy North Koreans Are War-Hungry
North Korea is serious about their threat to go to war. An unnamed source says that last week North Korea purchased 40 refurbished hand grenades from Syria.
Happy 103rd Birthday Hef
Hugh Hefner celebrated his 103 birthday. As he was blowing out the candles he accidentally caught his wheelchair on fire. Three bunnies quickly jumped on him dousing the flames and his erectionitus.
The 911 Non-Emergency Call From New Mexico
A man in Clovis, New Mexico discovered a volcano in is backyard. He called 911 and was arrested for making a non-emergency 911 call.
A Twist On The Somali Pirate Hijackings
A group of law-abiding Swedish citizens hijacked a Somalian pirate vessel. No one paid the ransom money. The pirate ship was sunk. End of story.
Oh, We Don't Care!
Traces of Valium and Xanax show up in the Mississippi River! Residents along it's borders say they are not in the least concerned. "We all gotta go sometimes!", laughs mayor of Natchez.
Hotel Owners To Protest
"Hotel & Motel Owners Without Borders" plan massive trip to Washington, DC next month to protest economy.
Nkorea Looking Into Nuke War
Sabre rattling in North Korea drowned out by steady drum beat, ticking of the doomsday clock.
New Mid-East Agreement
Israel's Netanyahu agrees to sign a special "till hell freezes over' contract with Palestinians.
Here She Comes!
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years announces scientist that's all hot and bothered.
Aim Your Chocometer
Astronomers have learned for the first time that dark matter is in fact dark chocolate, and is incredibly delicious with wine.
Facebook Rolls Out New Motto
Facebook: Where you can find out just how little time people have for you.
Trump Missed Uranus
Donald Trump fires controversial Miss California restoring its high moral purpose and declares 2008 winner, Miss Uranus, back to head the Miss Universe organization. "We missed Uranus", admits Trump.
Mexican Hooters Closing
Hooters Restaurants announced that they are closing all of their Mexican restaurants, "Pooters".
Over 50% GOP Undecided
A new poll shows that over 50% of republicans can't tell you who speaks for the party. "Just as long as there are parties in Las Vegas", say most. "Better left undecided until we have some drinks."
Obama Cuts # Of Deaths
Obama announces that thus far his administration has had fewer deaths reported in every security department except for food tasters.
TV, Analogs Hurting Poor
Television ends analog broadcasts. Many elderly say they can't afford new TV or converter boxes. Anyway, they're spending more time in bathroom, trying push through anal logs.
A Division Of Hooters, Inc.
The economy mess forcing many grannies to go back to work. Hooters now hiring Cooters for early bird specials.
Wizard Condemns Nazis
Grand Wizard of the Ku Klutz Klan announces that today's skinhead Nazis are nothing more than a bunch of punks.
Sorry But It Was Extinct Anyway.
Workers in the Amazon Forest clearing land with chain saws report they have discovered two halves of a small species of animal thought extinct 10 million years ago.
Swine Flu Threatens Pork Barrel Spending
Politicos are worried about the fate of pork barrel spending as swine flu threatens pigs with extinction.
Your Number Please?
Several locals drop new cheaper phone service after operator says "Your number, measurements please?" followed by a dial tone that's definitely a kazoo.
Illinois lady flees Dr. William Anderson's chiropractor office only semi-clothed after hearing doctor proclaim, "Here comes Mr. Bill's little vibrator!"
Florida Restaurant Bummer
Old hippies in Florida community told that if they want to get the Early Bird Special at restaurant they'll have to trim back shoulder-length ear & nose hair.
Manson Has This Also
U.S. President Barack Obama says Fidel Castro isn't too bad. He was just born with this urge to kill people.
Can't Believe Everything You Read
Bright kid at middle school failing history after believing Spoof story of Columbus thinking the American continent was India because of all the turbans worn by cab drivers.
Limbaugh Receives Favorable Press
Rush Limbaugh finally got some recognition yesterday for his appearance on stage for the past two weeks in the title role of "Free Willy".
The Findings of The International Institute For Water
The International Institute For Water has stated that recent findings show that water-based water is definitely okay to drink with or without a straw.
Where's Mel "Where's My Drink" Gibson
The number one movie in America is currently "Hangover." And contrary to what many people think, it is not about Mel Gibson.
Agent 18's Latest "i" Product
Agent 18, makers of iPhone announce their new iGrill. Now you can grill steaks and listen to Lady GaGa at the same time.
The Palin's Are Still Very Unhappy (Alaskan) Campers
David Letterman's new book, "8,001 of My Favorite Knock-Knock Jokes" has presently been put on hold. His agent said that they want for Dave's stupid 'knocked up' remark to die down.
The Coast-to-Coast White Out
A scientist in Vermont states that one way to stop global warming is to paint the roofs of every house white. He says that way mother nature will think that it is snow and she will back off.
David Letterman's Favorite Flower
Comedian Zydeco Dupree says that the word around the plant nurseries is that David Letterman's favorite flower is the pussywillow.
The Lakers Win, The Fans Lose
The Los Angeles Lakers capture their 15th NBA title by beating the Orlando Magic. Meanwhile back in L.A. police officials report that as always about 3 million rowdy fans were arrested.
UFO's In The Sky!
Campers treated to night-time display as 'UFO' lights move across the sky. Military says they were simply slower than usual meteors.
Gender Hate Crime?
Cambridge students celebrate 'Suicide Sunday' with binge drinking and all-women jelly wrestling being sued by male who was denied wrestling event. Police considering it a gender "hate crime".
Back To Natural Rubble
Couple's £400,000 dream home is torn down after they flout planning laws as council says it would destroy the area's natural beauty. They plan to leave the rubble until 2020, after bids for disposal.
Iraq Inquiry In Secret
Fury as Brown reveals Iraq war inquiry will be held in secret and won't be finished until after the election. "I did my best but was over-ruled."
The American Idol Auditions Are Here (Already?)
America Idol auditions in Foxborough, Massachusetts attract 2 million hopefuls, including 200,000 who are gay, 150 who are bi, three nuns, a Republican, and an Amish buggy builder.
David Letterman's Smithsonian Museum Visit
The Smithsonian Institute is reporting that over the weekend someone stole Willow Palin's baby rattle. Museum officials will soon be questioning David Letterman.
The Internet Is Definitely A Powerful Tool
Demonstrating the power of the Internet, A hospital in Berkeley, California reports that just last week, a total of seven new born babies were named "Twitter."
Prime Minister Brown's Iraqi Inquiry
Britain's Prime Minister Brown says that his country will be examing England's Iraqi errors. The initial inquiry finds that the first error was 'going there in the first place.'
Conan O'Briens's Advice To David Letterman
NBC's Conan O'Brien, whose Tonight Show is opposite David Letterman's show suggested that due to the Palin-Letterman controversy that Dave needs to do the honorable thing and just simply resign.
The Brett Michaels Set Prop Fiasco
The attorney for singer Bret Michaels has stated that due to the head injury he received on the Tony Award Show his client has been rendered sterile. Michaels is seeking $10 million and three Tonys.
The Zero Factor
Venezuela has banned Coke Zero. Vietnam bans Zero Candy Bars. And the Vatican bans Zero Mostel. No word as of yet on the biggest zero of all...Joaquin Phoenix.
Singer found dead
Sting has been found blown to pieces in suspected Tantric sex session that went on too long.
Blond Returns Lottery Winnings
Blond gay guy returns $1 million winnings to lottery after finding out that his stuffed billfold made his ass look big.
Surprised Space Station Visitors
Astronauts and cosmonauts aboard space station surprised by early morning Mormon missionary visitors.
Swahili Spoken Here
The social-networking website Facebook has launched in Swahili, targeting more than 110m speakers of the language. Spoof writers rush to learn Swahili political jokes.
Fidel Kids Raul
Fidel Castro teases his brother that every time mom took them to the zoo, a rumor would start about lady with son and monkey loose in zoo area.
Obama Admits Name
President Barack Hussein Obama admits that his father dad original name for him was Bozo Hussein Obama.
Music Festival Warnings
The music festival season is upon us and with it come the usual health warnings after 10 crushed to death trying to pass 400-pound fan across mosh pit last year.
Bahrain Victim Of Scam
For three decades, Bahrain has been the banking capital of the Middle East. It is home to 150 banks, employing more than 14,000 people, admits Bernie Madoff "wiped us clean".
Spoof! website dupes Castro's son
Antonio Castro's online romance bombs as mystery love interest blogger identified as Monkey-AWOL-Woods...
Another Embryo Mix-Up
Second embryo mix-up in less than a week after Scottish woman gives birth to orangutan in Edinburgh.
Not To Worry
Health officials have insisted the risk swine flu poses to the public remains low after the virus claimed its first UK victim and its first in Europe. "90% could easily survive", say experts.
Palestinians Reject Plan
Palestinians have rejected the Israeli prime minister's conditions for a two-state solution, saying he has "paralyzed" the peace process. Insist on their "One State" plan.
Berlusconi To Meet Obama
Berlusconi in Washington to meet with President Obama. Asks Hugh Hefner if they can meet at his place.
Heavyweight's Embrace Netanyahu Speech
Coalition heavyweights embrace latest Netanyahu speech in Israel, several over 300 pounds.
Iran Election Questioned
Supreme, Absolute, Chief, Foremost, Incomparable, Peerless, Perfect Leader in Iran orders probe into questions of election fraud.
Nursing Helps Grades
Study links breastfeeding to high grades, college entry, but very hard on mother's who nurse their kids till college years.
Kobe Leads Lakers
Los Angeles Lakers roll to 15th title behind Bryant. Some say it's a miracle since Kobe has only been a Laker for 13 years.
After Vice President Joe Biden Expresses Concerns...
about the results of the election in Iran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei order an investigation into the outcome, which is suprising because no one in the west ever listens to Vice President Joe Biden.
Netanyahu promises naff all - shock!
In a ground breaking speech, Israeli Prime Minister, Benyamin Netanyahu promises the equivalent of two tenths of naff all to the Palestinian people. No more to follow.
Coming Not Quite So Soon - George Bush's Autobiography
The proofreader for George Bush's autobiography says so far he has found a total of 162 mispelled words...and that's just in the table of contents.
The Chicago Christmas Carolers
A group of Christmas carolers were arrested in Chicago. CPD officers said that they were not arrested for singing Christmas songs in June but because they were throwing snowballs at the elderly.
The Man That Chastity Bono Will Look Like
Doctors say that when Chastity Bono has her sexual reassignment surgery and becomes a man, he will look exactly like Rush Limbaugh except only not quite as fat.
Dick Cheney's Texas Hunting Ranch
Dick Cheney has decided to open up his very own hunting ranch down in south Texas. He only has two rules. (1) Payment must be made in cash. (2) Only Democrats are allowed.
200MPG Car Presents Exhaust Problems
New car getting over 200 miles per stalk and runs completely on tobacco leaves Al Gore drooling, counting toes with old presentation pointer.
Swine Flu Spoof
Coverage about the Swine Flu stories on The Spoof has now been downgraded to level one.
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