Spoof news snippets from June 2009
There were 1,867 spoof news snippets published in June 2009. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Michael Jackson Dead
NAMBLA observes moment of silence
Michael Jackson Dies of Heart Attack
In other news, NAMBLA is searching for a new spokesman
Jackson's Death Rocks Business World
Lojack© Corporation says it will discontinue its Lojack For Kids© program
Jackson's Death: Oh Ye of Little Faith
Estimates show that as many as 23% of atheists now report a belief in a higher power
King of Pop Dead
Children all over Iran heard to be chanting "Allah Akbar"
Authorities Discover Incomplete, "Disturbing" Jackson Family Photobook
Police decline to comment on the pictures of Jackson with his children, except to say that the working title was "Hop on Pop"
Michael Jackson Busted!
Pays ultimate price in a cosmic episode of "To Catch a Predator"
Michael Jackson's Death Leaves Aftershocks
CEO of Fox Broadcasting Company announces they will be canceling their newest reality program, "Touched by a Jackson"
Psychologists Say Jackson Misunderstood Golden Rule
Jesus did not mean that he should do to little boys what he would like them to do to him.
Grim Reaper Tries To Make Ammends
His press secretary says to make up for the death of Farrah Fawcett, he decided to take out two scourges on society:Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays.
April Fools!! Well, sort of...
China says press release stating support for recent North Korea activity "just a gag," Chinese equivalent of April Fools joke. Meaning lost on Americans completely unfamiliar with Chinese calender.
A Hell of a Story
Superstitious spoof writer bids TheSpoof.com farewell when published article mysteriously stalls out at 666 views.
What happens in Vegas will no longer stay in Vegas
With city's unemployment rate at 10.4%, Vegas betting everything on same sex unions, hoping to hit jackpot as quick-marriage capital of world rakes in tourist dollars from visiting newlyweds.
No wonder they look so good!
Homeless man seen pretending to water fake plants outside hotel, hoping to collect tips from passers by for his diligence.
Americans Deny Changes
Claim they haven't squandered their freedom, are still taking care of everything in due order so the government won't have to, so why would we even need Obama's "socialist" programs?
Not fit for human consumption
Watch out for warning labels: Lyle Huffer of Cleveland, OH sues biodiesel maker AgroGo. His lawyer claims he drank their product believing it to be "brain fuel."
English: One million words and counting
At 5:22 a.m. Wednesday. Vagiphallomania - the obsessive need to read articles about the man with the world's largest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina.
Cat Killer "Just Practicing"
Tyler Weinman, accused of serial cat murder, claims best friend's older brother offered him job at nearby slaughterhouse. Weinman also called non-vegetarian cat owners "hypocrites."
Copycat crashes BART train in San Francisco
Virtual replay of recent D.C. Metro collision. Experts say media coverage of crimes/tragedies may lead some people to emulate what they see... On second thought, forget you even saw this snippet.
Severe weather really makes an Impression
Monet's "Water Lilies" seen floating through streets of Budapest after worst flooding in 40 years hits Hungary, turning roads to waterways.
Ever heard of Pearl Harbor?
North Korea apparently never heard about the transformation that occurs in lazy, undisciplined Americans when you launch an attack on Hawaiian Islands.
China refuses N. Korean fireworks sale
Dear Leader Kim Jong-il seeks to buy 100 million bottle rockets from neighboring China for $6.5 million, reportedly to launch a warhead at Hawaii this July 4th.
Burgers don't actually build better bodies
Upstart burger chain Karl's Junior pushes unreality envelope, using endless string of unbelievably hot girls to sell food that will eventually turn them into fat, undesirable cows.
Fancy footwork, for a phantom...
Michael Jackson's ghost seen Moon-walking up and down Hollywood Boulevard.
What the hell's going on around here?
Spoof writer wonders why Jackson stories rack up thousands of views per hour while Farrah Fawcett stories sit idly by, almost completely unread. Notes Fawcett's 1976 poster still #1 pinup of all time.
Another conservative deals blow to sanctity of marriage
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford becomes most recent Republican exposed to have participated in Grand Old Tradition of cheating on your spouse.
Farrah Fawcett's Phantom
Rash of "Charlie's Angel" sightings in Los Angeles, San Diego areas. Ghostly glamour girl recognized by locks of feathered hair, gleaming-white smile, and two large nubs under flowing white robes.
Michael Jackson Fakes Death!
King of Pop follows example of The King, going into hiding to escape media attention, says anonymous source close to Jackson.
Jacko's premature death blamed on anti-aging equipment
Manufacturer of EZ-Rest Hyperbaric Chambers facing suit by MacCauley Culkin after valve in device triggers Jackson's cardiac arrest.
Ciara Is A Big Fat Liar!
The confession Ciara made in the BET Awards about Michael Jackson calling her turned out to be a big lie the songstress tried to make up in order to increase the sales of her new album Fantasy Ride.
Selena Gomez says Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift intentionally look for media attention
"Certain behaviors are unforgivable. The pressure of the showbiz is not an excuse to this reprehensible drift. These girls always try to attract the attention", Gomez said.
Aaron Carter Is Still Not Over Hilary Duff
Nick carter's brother, Aaron Carter, is planning a comeback to the music scene and the first single off of his forthcoming album, "Let Go", is about Hilary Duff, his girlfriend... Seven years ago!
Billy Ray Cyrus Speaks Out
Billy Ray Cyrus is convinced that his daughter, Disney doll Miley Cyrus, has the best voice he has ever heard and that she got that from him.
50 Cent believes Michael Jackson
was ripping off some of his big early hits and so he considers himself as a part of MJ's success
95 Percent of All Lion Bites
The African Council on Animal Bites has noted that 95 percent of all lion bites in Kenya involve Kenyan men. The council concluded that Kenyan women are just much faster runners.
French Football Team Wear Braille on Kits for Nigerian Friendly
France's national football team proudly wore their names written in Braille on their kits for a friendly match against Nigeria. This gesture was to help the referee who was allegedly blind.
The Country Formerly Known As Wales
The governing body of Wales has voted to change the country's spelling to Whales in honor of the much misunderstood Sperm Whales.
Milton Keynes Voyeur Caught!
The police arrested an Asian man in Milton Keynes today, for looking into people's windows. He was a Peking Tom.
The IHOP's Are YoHOP's In Latin America
Research scientists are reporting that they believe they have traced the origins of the Swine Flu to bacon strips that were found in the kitchen of a YoHOP Restauant in Puerto Escondido, Mexico.
BNP Leader Gets Opposition Support
Newly elected BNP leader, Nick Griffin is being egged on by anti-Nazi protesters. Now that's what I call IRONY! (Only yolking!)
Value for Money?
Fraudster, Bernie Madoff, inventor of the credit crunch, was given 150 years in prison at a cost of $1.5 billion. This represents good value for money.
Very Important Traveler's Advisories
The U.S. Department of Travel is advising travelers to stay away from Honduras because of the political turmoil and instability. They also warn to stay away from Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, and Detroit.
Gay Penguins Rear Adopted Chick
The BBC News reports on their website, that a couple of 'gay penguins' are rearing an adopted baby chick. This is an is an unfortunate turn of phrase - unless of course they are starting young!
Be Careful What You Say In A Cornfield - It Does Have Ears
The Nebraska Center For The Unusual But True Data has discovered that ears of corn can in actuality hear. They cannot hear sounds in the high pitch range, but they can definitely hear.
Aspiring Politician Denied Office
Aspiring politician and sports fan Eddie Grunt was rejected as a political candidate because he usually spoke the truth. "All politicians are liars," he said.
Teenager to Become World's Smallest Man
Khagendra Thapa Magar, 17 3/4, who is 18 in October, is just two feet tall. When asked; "What he wants to be when he grows up?" His reply was; "I want to be the world's smallest man!"
A hermit began a 40 day stint of isolation in a tower at Manchester Museum. "I plan to contemplate on things "lost" It's so easy to lie back and think of England" he said. No challenge there then!
All Of The Jupiterian 3000 iPhones Are Being Recalled
The Jupiterian iPhone Company is recalling all 2.3 million of its brand new Jupiterian 3000 iPhones. It seems that they are prone to suddenly exploding when they detect a series of curse words.
Jacqui Smith Stepped down Today
Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith stepped down today. After working hard all morning cleaning the upstairs windows of her sisters flat (her second home), Ms Smith had to get off the ladder sometime.
Nice Girls More Likely to Get Good Grades at School, Researchers Say
Researchers say that most girls are more likely to get good grades because they are 'nicer'. Of course, this is only theory as a nice girl is yet to be found!
The Biggest Change In The History of Microsoft
In a move aimed at getting rid of their "Soft" image Microsoft will be changing their name to to Microhard.
UK Government to study 'White Van Man'
The government are getting very creative in the way they waste taxpayers money. The latest is that they've ordered a study of 'White Van Man'. How much this is going to cost? BIGGEST QUESTION: WHY?
Andy Murray complains!
Following last night's almost 4-hour epic at Wimbledon, Andy Murray complained that the match was so long that he needed a break to have a shave because the almost tripped over his beard!
Hulk Hogan To Appear On Dancing With The Stars
Hulk Hogan rehearsing for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars got carried away and body slammed Cheryl Burke. Miss Burke says from her hospital room that she does not want a rematch.
Keeping Women Happy
Researchers have discovered that many women are only happy with a man's company when she owns it.
Turkish shopkeeper told he must speak English to sell alcohol
A Turkish shopkeeper in Brighton, has been banned from selling alcohol until he learns to speak English well enough to ask customers their age. Only one problem; all of his customers are Turkish!
Michael Jackson to Go for Recycling
Parts of Michael Jackson that are not biodegradable (that's most of him) will go for recycling.
Dozens of California C-5A Transport Planes Bound For a "Secret" Mission
It has been leaked that Governor Schwarzenegger has approved a plan to take the 53,000 illegal aliens incarcerated in California prisons and secretly release them in an isolated area of Montana.
New Mexico Woman Has 334 Rabbits in Her Garden
A New Mexico woman woke up this morning to find no less than 334 in her garden. She said; "There were only two of them there last week, I do wonder how many will be there tomorrow?"
London Mint Office Attempts to Stimulate the Economy
The London Mint have made the mistake of striking 20p coins with no date. Collectors are offering £50 per coin for anyone who finds one of 200,000 in circulation. Slot machine proprietors are happy.
Oprah Winfrey Wants To Buy Mount Rushmore
Oprah Winfrey has decided to buy Mount Rushmore. She plans on replacing Theodore Roosevelt with her boyfriend Stedman Graham.
In Davis, CA, a man who used to perform autopsies has been arrested for taking home 157 pounds of human body parts. His bail cost him an arm and a leg.
Blame it on the Google...
Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, blame it on the Google! As reports of Michael Jackson's death came in, Google had a cardiac arrest too as they went into meltdown!
Chinese Copy of Search Engine
The Chinese have invented their own new search engine. It is allegedly called 'Noodle'. There is also an off-shoot (forgive the pun) for drug users called 'Pot Noodle'.
Wynonna Judd Says "No Way Jose!"
The pleasantly ample Wynonna Judd has turned down an offer by the Tournament of Roses Committee Chairman Jose San Jose to appear in the 2010 Rose Bowl Parade as one of the floats.
Is It Paraguay or Uruguay?
The South American countries of Paraguay and Uruguay are clashing over which country gets to keep using the 'guay' in their name.
Obama Promises Zimbabwe Aid
US President Barak Obama has pledged $73 million in aid to Zimbabwe. Let's see... that's $73 million or £43 million or 25 Zimbabwean dollars.
BNP Attempt to Show No Hard Feelings
In an attempt to show that there are no hard feelings, BNP leader, Nick Griffin, is inviting protesters to a breakfast of bacon sandwiches. "NO, I'm not trying to offend Muslims." He allegedly said
Statue of Dickie Bird Causes Stir!
A statue of cricket umpire, Dickie Bird, was unveiled today in Barnesly. The figure is seen 'flippin-the-bird'. However, a flock of pigeons did not find it funny and decided dump on it!
The Great State of Arkansas' New Driving Law
Arkansas passes an "Anti-Texting While Driving" Law. The first offense will result in a $500 fine. The second offense will result in being put in jail and beaten with a computer keyboard.
Mexico: Se Habla English?
The Mexican Senate has just approved, by a vote of 31 to 23, to make Spanish Mexico's official language.
The Return of Paul Revere & The Raiders
The 1960s band Paul Revere & The Raiders was going to go on a reunion tour but the members have forgotten all of the lyrics and music.
Amy "Bow-Wow" Winehouse
A swanky resort in Santa Lucia has banned Amy Winehouse's dogs because the last time she stayed there, they left the suite infested with fleas. Winehouse stated she did not have any dogs...Oops!
Tears for Blears?
The ex-communities Secretary, Hazel Blears is to form a pop group called 'Tears for Blears' and her hits will include a cover of the Stranglers hit 'Gordon Brown' and will be broadcast on YouTube.
Council 'Green' with Envy at Retired Florist
A Council has threatened a retired florist with court action if she does not remove flowers she has planted in a car park. "They're only jealous - it's a better job than they could do!" she said.
Gordon Brown in Trouble with Social Workers
Prime Minister, Gordon Brown is facing the wrath of social workers today as he stands accused of making MPs the second-homeless.
No Foul Play in Jackson Death
Because Michael Jackson did not keep chickens, the coroner has practically ruled out "fowl play".
Clarkson buys Dinky toy van for Richard Hammond
In a rare act of altruism, BBC top gear's Jeremy Clarkson bought a rare Dinky van for £6,400. He bought it for his friend Richard Hammond to drive around. "At least he can reach the pedals!" he said.
The Identity of the Stig Has Been Revealed!
The Stig from BBC's Top Gear is now known to be 2 very old, and grumpy, dyslexic Midgets. Formerly known as the 'GITS', a comedy circus act, they came out of retirement and signed up for the show.
BNP Leader in Salmonella Scare
Nick Griffin, the BNP leader is to be forced to carry a label that says " WARNING: this product may contain traces of salmonella."
Jungle News Today
The jungle drums in the in DR Congo reported that a cannibal passed his friend in the jungle this morning.
Queen to Pay Tribute to Michael Jackson
UK supergroup, Queen, are due to re-release their No.1 hit record, "Another one bites the dust!" as a tribute to the King of pop Michael Jackson according to a bloke in a pub in Cirencester.
Air Canada Permits Pets As Hand Luggage
Air Canada has announced that it will allow pets on board as hand luggage. Good news for elephants and their keepers flying from Mumbai to Toronto. This gives a new meaning to the word Jumbo Jet!
Doctors Successfully Sued
Two doctors from New York whose office was in a suburban shopping center were successfully sued for mall practice, today.
The Missile Is Now Leaving For Hawaii
An rich elderly couple living in Honolulu heard that North Korea is planning on firing a missile towards Hawaii. They quickly go on eBay and purchase an anti-missile.
Eating Nuts Can Reduce Risk of Heart Disease in Diabetic Women
Research suggests that eating nuts can reduce the risk of heart disease in women with type 2 diabetes. However, there is no mention of bolts.
US Pensioners 10 Per Cent Younger Than Their British Counterparts
N.B. this study by scientists EXCLUDES George W. Bush.
The World's Most Phenomenal Computer
HP Computers has just manufactured a new computer that has so many gigabytes that it can hold up to 17 million MP3 songs, (or) 300 photos of Wynonna Judd, Kirstie Alley, and Oprah Winfrey.
The National Gumball Survey Results Are In
The Products Survey Commission found the most popular color of gumballs in San Francisco is pink. The most popular color in Cody, Wyoming is white, and the most popular color in Harlem is black.
Rupert Grint Has a Strange Experience Kissing Emma Watson
Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films was told that he would turn to stone if he ever kissed a girl. Today he had to kiss Emma Watson and could feel that happening!
One Hump Leads to Another Two!
A 3-year-old Bactrian Camel called Douglas must have 'humped' one of the ladies, as she has given birth. The camel is endangered because it has been born in Liverpool and they will nick anything.
The Frito Bandito Has Been Arrested
Nuevo Laredo's Chief of Police has told CBS News that the famous Frito Bandito has been arrested. It seems that he had gotten involved with northern Mexico's infamos Pinata Drug Cartel.
Here Comes The Miley Cyrus and Amy Winehouse Musical Tour
Miley Cyrus and Amy Winehouse have signed to go on a 47-city North American Tour. The tour is being hailed as "The Bubbly & Ugly Tour."
Economy Hits Fishermen Badly
The economy is so bad that fishermen can no longer live off their net income.
Expensive Animal Creation
A genetic engineer was cloning goats. When asked if the process was expensive, he said, "They don't come sheep."
California May Have To Close All Of Its Schools
The California budget crisis could destroy the state's public education system. Gov. Schwarzenegger says the state could end up having to bus all its school kids to Nevada, Arizona, and Tijuana.
Research Deemed Sexist
Researchers have found that eating nuts will considerably reduce the possibility of a heart attack in diabetic women. Why only women? Could it be that men already have their own nuts?
The Presidential Duck-Quacking Ring-Tone Interruption
President Obama's press conference was interrupted by a duck quacking ring-tone. The guilty party, a reporter for Fox News, was immediately arrested and led away to jail.
Kissing Ban in School
A Somerset school headmaster has threatened all 1,200 pupils with detention if they are caught snogging. Teachers are now having detention classes of 1,000 plus pupils.
Spanish Bar Invites Insults from Customers
A Spanish bar invites frazzled customers to insult their waiters. It has been reported that Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are being invited to promote the bar's offer.
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