Order by:
Rating:

Missus Miller Poorly

Old lady Miller, who lives down on Elm Street and knows everybody's business in Boogertown, says she knows she's done got that there Swine Flu sure as shootin'. "I been eatin' like a hawg all week."

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

What's It Say Again?

The United Reformed Four Square Triple Baptizing, Flag Saluting, Evangelical Brothers Of Peace Church, causes planned Muslim terrorist attackers to shit and go blind!

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Michael Gets Big Sendoff

Michael Jackson's family, fans said farewell to the pop superstar at an emotional memorial service. "Michael never received any peace in his life, so why should we give it to him now?" was the theme.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

My next best seller

"I Am The Only Person In The World Who Never Knew Or Cared About Michael Jackson, A Personal Confession."

written by tlmedia, 07 July 2009
Rating:

McCain Peed Off

John McCain sends visiting new UN Ambassador from Japan running after Ambassador presents him with big bottle of Viagra, after hearing from other Japanese Ambassador that McCain had lost erection.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Some Thought Martians Had Landed

Crooked stage magician changes whole audience into thinking the are chickens and refuses to change them back until paid $1,000 each by families. That was that noise you heard this morning at daybreak.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Obama's Great Grandfather "Town Drunk"

US President barack Obama has discovered that his great grandfather on his mother's side was the "Town Drunk" and that he lived in Chicago.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Kentucky Think Tank

Bear Wallow, Kentucky Think Tank writes that when you link up certain letters, they become words. However, when you link up words, they become letters. Now gone back in to study this tremendous find.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Gaga Gore Bore

Al Gore announces that setting clocks forward helps cause global warming. "You ever notice how much warmer it gets in April than when it's set back one hour in the fall?"

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Billy Joel At Funeral, Drunk

Billy Joel embarrasses everyone by showing up at Michael Jackson funeral drunk, and proceeds to piano and sings, "I Love You Just The Way You Are".

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

News Aquatic Study

A new aquatic study reveals that 99 percent of male octopus are "leg" men.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Mandelson Admits to Being the PM's 'Willie'

Lord Mandelson, when questioned, admitted to being the PM's 'Willie', and to prove it, he would extend that metaphor. Meanwhile, Gordon Brown would not admit to being Tony Blair's Willie.

written by IN SEINE, 07 July 2009
Rating:

French Going Nuts

Lance Armstrong my be pulled from the Tour De France after artificial second ball found to contain an unknown substance.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Obama: China Next!

President Barack Obama says his family may visit China after Russia, to get their slant on the worldwide economy.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Cheap Wine Not The Fuel Answer

Prince Charles says running his car on cheap wine not really saving much after having to slow for winos following him everywhere and trying to syphon tank.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Chainsaw Company Cuts Workers

The Texas Chainsaw Company say they plan to cut over 200 more workers during the next two months.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Didn't Know It Was Behind My Big Ass!

Critics say the rise in obesity rates are alarming. Advise sweaty fat people not to stand near anymore fire alarms.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Hot Off The Press: Globe Is Warming!

New study finds that hot dogs, hotcakes add to global warming. Advise public to switch to Vienna sausage, gruel.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Dinosaurs were couch potatoes

Leading zoologist, Dr Brian McNab claims that dinosaurs were the couch potatoes in their time. Doesn't he know that there were no couches in those days? However, there might have been potatoes.

written by IN SEINE, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Helmsley's Grave Always Wet

Cemetery caretaker says that he keeps finding Leona Helmsley's grave, grave stone wet so he hid last night and watched over 100 cats, three relatives piss on the owner of $8M dog.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

One For History Detectives

Big mystery as archeologists, after unearthing George Washington's boyhood home last year, dig up young George Washington's skeleton.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

People Fuel More Important

Study reveals that using corn for biofuels has raised the global food prices by nealy 90 percent. Many countries, like Mexico, are learning how to change biofuels back to corn for tacos, tamales.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Palin toasted at Kremlin

A Kremlin fly overheard Obama and Putin make the following rather curious toasts over Stolichnaya:
Obama: May Comrade Stalin leave thee in peace.
Putin: May Gov. Palin likewise leave thee in peace.

written by Ghatotkacha, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Franken/Palin Ticket?

Al Franken has announced that he will run on a mixed ticket for president with Sarah Palin in 2012, under the third party "The Jokers Party".

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Franken Makes Impression

"Not funny" says Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning from his hospital bed after sitting on model of Washington Monument placed as gift by Senator Franken. "Just trying to make a good impression!" says Al.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

I'm Not Going To Tell!

Woman with big hooters who stole 11-year-old's identity returned to school last year. So far, neither students or male teacher questioning "Danny Jones" credentials, just boobs.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Anthony Gormley's Next Project

After his 'Living Statues' exhibition, Antony Gormley is to cast a Big Bronze 'Buffoon' in a toga in the likeness of Boris Johnson. "This man inspires me!" He said.

written by IN SEINE, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Mother Of Three Charged With Neglect

A mother of three kids in Sacramento, California has been charged with neglect by her husband, who claims she's been neglecting his "six & a half".

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Healthier Meat Lovers

Scientists have good news for all the steak lovers. They have came up with turnips that taste like steak. "Not only that", says spokesman, "but we've also created a potato that tastes like chicken."

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Nurses Using Maggots

Nurses use maggots and honey to fend off hospital superbugs after leeches prove ineffective.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

380 In Ship Shake

Around 380 passengers and crew on the Marco Polo, which is berthed in Invergordon, Easter Ross, have shown symptoms of the norovirus, commonly known as winter vomiting or ice-cold heebee jeebees flu.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

What Was In That?

Energy drink hurled over former minister Stephen Byers in wake of expenses scandal. Breaks world record in 100 yard dash down the street.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

West Meets East

Far-Right extremists 'are plotting spectacular terrorist attack against known Muslim terrorists in UK', police warn.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Iran's Unrest Continues

The focus of the Iran crisis has shifted from the street to the seminary to the cemetery, according to the Al Jazeera News.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Leader Breaks Release Terms

Radical Muslim preacher Abu Izzadeen has been returned to prison after breaching the terms of his release by cutting off an informer's head, BBC News understands.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

No Evidence Whatsoever

There is no evidence that new arrivals in the UK are able to jump council housing queues, an Equality and Human Rights Informe de la ComisiĆ³n says.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Mispainted Sign Seals Fate

A former PE teacher has been jailed for nine months after pleading guilty to running a brothel from his Kent home, "The Kent House of Whorers".

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Coffee Republic Disaster

The coffee chain Coffee Republic has gone into administration, becoming the latest victim of the economic downturn as Juan Valdez kills himself, then his donkey.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Watchdog's Observations

A watchdog has said the Metropolitan Police's planning for the London G20 protests in April was inadequate. Next time, 200 hungry watchdogs to be turned loose.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

New Chapter To Begin?

The Obama/Medevdev meeting a new chapter in US - Russian relations? Yes, the one that begins "And the earth became empty and void"

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

US, Russia Seeking Common Ground

President Barack Obama seeking "common ground" with Russian counterpart Medevdev, share using special binoculars to peek into Sarah Palin's bathroom window.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Sarah Palin to pose for Playboy

"Yup, I'm a Playboy kind of girl," said the ex-governor. But Palin won't be totally nude. "I'll be coverin' up my private parts with fish, Alaskan fish of course," she stressed. "Fresh fish."

written by tlmedia, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Tokyo Most Expensive

Tokyo has knocked Moscow off the top spot as the most expensive city for expatriates, a survey suggests. Former Patriot, Drew Bledsoe heads back to New England to purchase home there.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Saddam Hussein Visits Banned

The Iraqi government has banned all organized visits to the to former leader Saddam Hussein. "You'll be burned to a crisp", warn officials.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Chicago Police Advise LA Cops

Police in Chicago advise Los Angeles polic force on handling large crowds during Michael Jackson Memorial after facing their large mob last year during the Bozo Memorial.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Worst Of Recession Over?

The worst of the UK's recession is over, according to the British Chambers of Commerce (BCC) business group, but talk of a recovery within the next twenty years is premature.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Indian Water Shortage

Mumbai, India faces a cute water shortage. I'm sorry, Mumbai faces acute water shortages.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Pope Makes Generous Offer

The Pope has called for reform of the United Nations and financial bodies, giving them the "real teeth" needed to tackle economic and social injustice. Offers Vatical to manage world's monies.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Social Security State

Iranian opposition leaders have criticized the "security state" imposed in the country after their controversial June elections. Meanwhile the "Social Security State" still being imposed on the US.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

CONFIRMED! Miley Cyrus Contracts Swine Flu!

That's why her "Hannah Montana" concert tour has been CANCELLED!!! Fans are mourning, they don't want Miley's death to be shadowed by Michael Jackson's funeral. Ouh!

written by Mig93, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Jackson Funeral Countdown

Fans have begun to gather outside the Staples Center in Los Angeles for Michael Jackson's memorial concert, amid strong police presence as Dick Clark begins the Countdown!

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Obama Talks, Tasters Croak

US President Barack Obama has urged Russia to turn from the past, emphasizing the common goals the US shares with its former Cold War rival. Meanwhile, three tasters dead of Polumium-210 poisoning.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Plain Still On Alert

Sarah Palin: I may have resigned as Governor but I will still keep an eye on those Russians, especially with Conrade Obama over there.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

The Worst of the UK recession is Over!

Yeah Right! That's according to the British Chambers of Commerce - even though there will be 3.2 million unemployed in 2010. Who are these people?

written by IN SEINE, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Al Franken Eyes Roll In Senate

Senator Al Franken eyes (roll?) role as 'the people's clown proxy' in most hearings, speeches. Although that role could be filled by Sarah Palin if she runs for Senate seat.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Funny Boner

Study reveals that couples who have a lot of fun with having sex tend to have a male member with a larger than normal funnybone.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

So Don't Read This, I Don't Care

People with a family history of depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug dependence are not only likely to develop these conditions, but tend to pass them on to offspring says Institute of the Obvious.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Microsoft Warns Of Possible Hacking, Hockers

Microsoft warns of serious computer security hacket, old Buddy Hackett! Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Kiss my ass everyone out there..

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Pope Proposes "Ethics"

Pope Benedict XVI proposes new financial order guided by something called "ethics". Wants world leaders to study this new idea. "Then we'll deal with this priest/child thingy."

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Sun Spots Finally Out

The Sun has spots, finally. Just took some build-up of heat. Now that they're out, pox should clear up soon.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Could Be Dangerous

Social Security number code cracked, study claims. Also, those who spend their lives studying this type of silly information. Avoid them if you can.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Great Flying Blood Clots, Batman!

Travel more than doubles risk of blood clots according to new study. "That's why you seldom see vampires on airplanes."

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

The Final Good-Bye!

Los Angeles braces for Michael Jackson's final act as world famous photographer takes photo of Jackson's children standing, saluting Neverland Boy-Drawn Casket.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Not What Was Predicted

Obama: US, Russia not destined to be adversaries. Not according to Mrs Ballinger, the palm reader on Jefferson Street in Washington.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Getting From Worse To Worse

China's restive west, after two weeks on non-stop beatings between Muslim and other groups, suddenly descends into mob violence.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Michael Jackson's Brain To Be Shot Into Space

Which is appropriate. It's been circling Uranus for the last 25 years.

written by Wire Piddle, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Thousands flee Los Angeles in Jackson anger

They thought Michael Jackson was giving a rare concert. "A memorial service,?" said one outraged fan. "He's DEAD, like man, really DEAD? What a scam and rip off. He can stay dead without my help."

written by tlmedia, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Oprah's cure for swine flu - go to India!

CNN breaking news: Oprah Winfrey says she'll travel to India - but only if she gets swine flu. "I'll go to get cured; those traditional Indian viruses will kill anything including HINI."

written by Ghatotkacha, 07 July 2009
Rating:

OMG! More Miley Antics!

Miley Cyrus has been accused of driving under influence by Los Angeles police.

written by Mig93, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Especially On The Honeymoon.

Different Strokes star Gary Coleman has remarried, this time to some one his own size. Claims that he only married last wife who was two feet taller because his big brother put him up to it.

written by Bureau, 07 July 2009
Rating:

Companies Are Going Green

Touting their products as environmentally friendly, marketers can sell the same old @#%& for a higher price. Thus, company bottom lines are getting much greener!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2009
Rating:

President Obama Meets with the Russian President

President Obama flew to Moscow to meet with Russian President Medvedev. After the meeting President Obama said "I looked him directly in the eyes and could see Prime Minister Putin."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2009
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