Order by:
Rating:

Obama's Smoking Problems

Michelle Obama concerned with her husbands smoking problems as she says he's up to twelve packs of nicotine gum a day.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Obama Headed For Russia.

President Barack Obama made his latest incompetent cabinet appointee just before leaving for trip to Russia. Joe Biden already wanting Iran bombed.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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"Fat, Fat The Water Rat!"

One in six children clinically obese when they start primary school. "Extra wide desks having to be built costing schools millions", say school Principals.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Coffee Reverses Alzheimers

Drinking five cups of coffee a day could reverse memory problems seen in Alzheimer's disease, US scientists say. "Ten will get you on Jeopardy if you can stand still long enough."

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Michael Jackson Rocks Google!

The site reports that since his death, web searches for "dead pedophile" have gone up over 130,000%.

written by Daniel Williams, 05 July 2009
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Nicknamed: The Ground Shakers

Australian dinosaur that lived 98 million years ago found. Archaeologists there are referring to it as "a sort of wild hopping tyrannosaurus rex."

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Biden Drops Hint

VP Biden: "Israel free to set own course on Iran, even if it's a bomber right over their nuclear facilities. I said, even if it's a bomber right over their nuclear facilities."

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Former Mayor In Trouble Again

Former D.C. Mayor Barry charged with stalking claims that he was "too stoned to stalk anybody".

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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Six Out Of Seven

Disney report: Six out of Seven Dwarfs say they prefer living at Disney World than in the woods plus Grumpy wasn't happy there either.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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Swaziland has world's highest AIDS rate at 33%.of the population

The other two-thirds are just too ugly to get laid.

written by Jalapenoman, 05 July 2009
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Federer breaks Sampras Record

Roger Federer, who beat Andy Roddick today admitted to breaking Pete Sampras' record. Apparently, he borrowed the BeeGees "Stayin' Alive" which got broken at the airport. He did say "Sorry Pete!"

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Man is Seriously Injured in Carrying His Wife

A man was critically injured today in the World Wife-carrying Championships held in Finland. The man simply lost his wallet. His injuries are said to be non life-threatening.

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Confused Roddick Misquote

After putting up a brave fight, American tennis player, Andy Roddick, lost the Wimbledon final to Roger Federer. Roddick allegedly said; "Oh my God, It's just not cricket!"

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Monkey Woods Led Great Escape

Spoofwriter, Monkey Woods led a mass breakout of chimpanzees and Chester zoo today. Police are watching all major airports. It is believed that he may be heading for Thailand.

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Finnish Wife Carrying Championships to Finish!

The World Wife-carrying Championships, held annually in Finland are to finish this year through lack of support. It has become too difficult to find a wife who is actually married to carrier.

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Not So New

Doctors in Hampshire to test a new siren that causes cars to vibrate when approached by emergency vehicles. This is not so new because British Leyland got their cars to vibrate many years ago!

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Body Mass Index to Be Increased

The BMI, that registers if someone is obese, fat, overweight or normal is to be increased ahead of a scheme that is to pay fat people to lose weight at the rate of a pound for a pound.

written by IN SEINE, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Palin Quits Again!

After volunteering at a kissing booth to raise money for her daughter's charity, Sarah Palin quits in disgust after only ten asses.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Marple Solves Another One

On "Miss Marple" tonight on PBS, Miss Marple infiltrates a nudist colony and the culprit confesses right away after going blind from coming across Marple in the lobby, with only her knitting needles.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Old Joe Blown Away, But...

Locals say that even though Old Joe died from a shotgun blast from the bartender when he came in shooting the place up, most of the regular customers remember him for his usual easy-going manner.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

First Look: A Bloody Mess

Newman's Own Tomato Pasta Sauce Plant blows up overnight in Toledo, Ohio, but injuries not nearly as extensive as first appearance.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Probably Laughed A Lot

Archaeologists find proof that both prehistoric men and women walked around with their hoo-haws hanging out.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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George W. Bush Library

The George W. Bush Texas Library opening up with arrivals ov bicycle, segway, jump suit and complete collection of Teen Titans Comic books.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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Advice From 100-Year-Old

100-year-old at nursing home claims she has reached one hundred years by no missing a single episode of "The Young And The Restless".

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

New Vita-Max!

New "Once a month" total vitamin and mineral pill so big it has to be broken down into 30 pieces.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Only two die in fatal monorail accident at Disney World

Workers sing "It's A Small Crash After All."

written by Jalapenoman, 05 July 2009
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Tesco Trolleys Stolen

132 trolleys were stolen from Macclesfield Tesco this morning, believed to be taken by local travellers for scrap metal.

written by Elfinmyst, 05 July 2009
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MPs to be made redundant

The UK parliament announced today that 350 MP jobs must go This is across all parties, due to financial difficulties.

written by Elfinmyst, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Garden Hose Licensing

The EU announced today that all users of domestic garden hoses would require a licence. Two forms are available.. evening and weekend and anytime use.

written by Elfinmyst, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Punctuation counts!

Iranian CEO finds out too late that there's a big difference between, "I am loosing my right hand man!" and "I am loosing my right hand, man!".

written by Adam Click, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Miley Cyrus Sues Sound Alike

Miley Cyrus is suing an 83 year old,N.J.deli owner for plagiarizing her name. Ciley Myrus said he'd never heard of Cyrus, but said, "She's welcome to a blintz anytime." "What's a blintz?,"asked Cyrus.

written by tlmedia, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Georgia Teen Has No Interest In Miley Cyrus

15 year old Paul Benjamin says that he has no sexual interest in Miley Cyrus. "I'm 15 and my hormones are raging. But if she shows up in my bed I'll kick her out", he said.

written by NickFun, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Beatle Manager Allen Klein Dies At 77

'The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still'
- Paul McCartney

written by Wire Piddle, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Willie Nelson Gets Grammy

Willie Nelson nominated for a special Grammy for Farm Aid concerts as Aids among farmers down nearly 50%.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Balls Bans Bullying

Balls bans children's 'gay' jibes as government cracks down on sexual bullying the little faggots.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

US VP In Baghdad

The US vice-president has marked American Independence Day in Baghdad, urging Iraqi leaders to do more to encourage political reconciliation. "Each side did great, so let's shake hands, go back home."

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

For Those Who Remember

Music entrepreneur Allen Klein, blamed by many for the demise of The Beatles, has died in New York at 77...Allen Klein dead..worked with Beatles, Stones. Guy who never managed Michael Jackson, Dead!!

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

US/Russia Meet

As Barack Obama heads to Moscow in an attempt to bury the legacy of the Cold War, Rupert Wingfied-Hayes tries to judge the mood of Russia's leaders behind the Kremlin's walls, by use of a dowsing rod.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Beer Festival Bust

A Herefordshire beer festival has been stopped early after it was "drunk completely dry", said organisers. However one, still sober, stated there was plenty in cellar, just too drunk to go down there.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Hikers Rescued

Six students have had to be rescued from the bottom of a cliff in County Antrim, the Coastguard has said. "Climbing down was fairly easy", stated one hiker.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

The Knocked Up Party

Labour must reinvent itself for the 21st Century, Foreign Secretary David Miliband has told the BBC. "I personally favor "Knocked-Up".

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Police capture potential suicide bomber in Los Angeles

A.C.L.U. sues L.A.P.D. because the man was denied the civil right to fulfill his occupation.

written by Jalapenoman, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Public Sector Pay Frozen?

Public sector pay should be frozen or at least subject to "severe" restraint to help rebalance public finances, says the head of a spending watchdog. "Someone must pay for all this political theft."

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Astronomers Discover Possible Earth Like Planet in Galaxy

Even if we sent a rocket there today, when it got there on 50,000 years the media would still be glued to Obama's ass.

written by Jalapenoman, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Cricket Rougher Than Football?

A cricket umpire has died after being hit on the head by a ball in a weekend match, by Jiminy

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

New Hot Dog Record

The world record for competitive hot dog eating has been broken in the US when a contestant ate 68. Next target: those 50 boiled eggs by Paul Newman in "Cool Hand Luke".

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

MI6 Removed From Facebook

Personal details of the next head of MI6, Sir John Sawers, have been removed from social networking site Facebook amid security concerns. "I didn't like the "Thunderbutt" alias anyway." stated Sawers.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Disagreement In Iran

A group of clerics in Iran has called Iran's presidential vote invalid, contradicting official results. "So what do those towel-heads know?", asked President Ahmadinejad.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Meet John Doe

Tired of dealing with identity thefts, North Carolina man changes his name to John Doe so no one will believe the next thief when he tries to use false name.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

State Demand Honduras Leader Return

The Org. of American States has suspended Honduras in protest at the ousting of President Manuel Zelaya. Demand new leader to write "I will never take over as President" on blackboard 1,000 times.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Jackson Memorial Tickets Scalped

Jackson memorial gets 1.6 million ticket requests, also to attend funeral. Apparently millions want to see Michael Jackson dead.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

"Cops & Donuts"

"Cops & Doughnuts" is more than a punchline. It's now a bakery in Michigan - owned by nine full-time employees of the Clare Police Department. May Start second store, "Porkers".

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

NYC All Lit Up

In NYC, biggest fireworks show in US lights up sky, record 352 winos flamed up from alcohol put out by fire departments.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Palin Looking To Web

Sarah Palin takes to Web for hints of political future, latest jokes on seeing Russia from her house.

written by Bureau, 05 July 2009
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Tina Fey to take over as Alaskan Governor and finish Sarah Palin's term

"According to the president, it's an easier job than being a community organizer."

written by Jalapenoman, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Jackson burial no-brainer!

His death may have been 'mindless' but the singer's balls have been missing for decades.

written by queen mudder, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Totally True!

Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan will both be posing on the cover of US Weekly's annual swimsuit number! Hot!

written by Mig93, 05 July 2009
Rating:

ANDY MURRAY WINS WIMBLEDON!

Some names in this headline have been changed for sensationalist tabloid effect.

written by Ron Smith, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Less Deadly Independence Day

Reports indicate fireworks-related deaths down slightly this year, attributed largely to Americans having less money to spend on fireworks in this year's "dud" of an economy.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 July 2009
Rating:

Not his lover?

Billie Jean was NOT his lover. So why is this harlet seeking custody of the kids?

written by Shabba Stoney, 05 July 2009
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