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Home delivery

Fast food giant, "Hooter's" is to open a new division. The new operation will sell the same food, but for home delivery. They plan on calling the new operation "Knockers".

written by IN SEINE, 18 July 2009
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Cannibal Policeman Caught

The Thames Valley cannibal policeman was caught today, when he was about to grill a suspect.

written by IN SEINE, 18 July 2009
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Donkeys Are Killers!

A news release today stated that in the world, donkeys kill more yearly than plane crashes or shark attacks. So watch your ass.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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California To Close For Three Months

California closes due to economy crisis. Will open back up in October of this year under Chapter 11 protection.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Bank Is Borg

The Fifth Third Bank confessed today that yes, we are owned by the Borg! We are Borg!

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Oprah In Office Over Obama

Millions of Americans are giving weekend parties tonight because Oprah Winfrey has agreed to pay off the Federal deficit AND the home mortgages of every American & even Wise Latino Women working here.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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A Tasty House Warming Treat

Wrap cat turds in coconut. It's a munchie the new homeowners will never forget

written by tlmedia, 18 July 2009
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Dr. Kavorkian Wets Himself

President Obama's Social security bailout plan offer new incentives for those who top themselves early.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Knock On The Door

Two gals at the door with the bad stockings not looking for jobs around the house and yard but represent a splinter group of the Ladder Day Saints.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Needed Better Lawyer

Cheyenne, Wyoming man who agreed during divorce hearings to share their friends 50/50, didn't realize that former wife got them on the weekends while he had their tired sorry asses during the week.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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"Raiders" At It Again

Wild man Ralph Nader and his buddies, already planning their strategy on his 2012 presidential run, tear up another Des Moines motel room with another all-nighter!

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Michael Jackson Still, Still....And Still...Not Buried

Prior to his death, Michael Jackson had promised to dig his own grave but has reneged on that agreement. Lawyers are contemplating action.

written by Wire Piddle, 18 July 2009
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Swine Flu Attacks Only Young and Healthy...

...the elderly and sick rejoice.

written by Wire Piddle, 18 July 2009
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British Airways to start Lottery to raise 600 million

British Airways have started their own lottery in order to raise 600 million pounds they need as they struggle to survive. You need all six correct numbers to win £10. Another great offer from BA.

written by SPECTRUM, 18 July 2009
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Mideast Crisis Worsens

Israeli man who mooned Palestinians from Gaza window suffers broken window, cut and bruised ass from thrown rocks.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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New Study Released

Study shows that as the economic crisis gets worse around the world, FONT SIZES IN NEWS SOURCES GET LARGER!

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Tiger missed the cut

Tiger Woods was knocked out of the British open yesterday. He cut himself shaving and as he was being interviewed he realised his face was bleeding. He said I appear to have missed the cut.

written by SPECTRUM, 18 July 2009
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UN Asked For Help

Health officials and families in Tahiti ask UN for help after many of their people with Dyslexia keep showing up in Haiti.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Footprints In Stone

Ancient footprints found last year in rocks in Mexico show that Mexicans 10,000 years ago carried others piggyback across the US border, or else were nine feet tall.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Gore Mentions Global Warming

Al Gore still at it with the ocean's waters rising. He's investing heavily into high heel, elevator shoes industries.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Not Much To Look Forward To

Study reveals that many con-artists like Bernie Madoff live a lot better lives than poor people. However, poor people live much better lives through eternity.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Roberts: We Can Work With Sotomayor

Supreme Court Justice Roberts says he thinks they can work with candidate Sotomayor. Apologizes for carelessly leaving banana peel on floor causing her to attend committee hearings while on crutches.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Bernie Doing OK

Bernie Madoff is being treated well in Georgia federal prison according to 200 of previous presidential administration's people who live there.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Nation Split 50/0

Poll shows that 50% of US citizens strongly defend 1st Amendment Law to carry firearms. Other 50% say they refuse to talk about it.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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New Show Cancelled

Protests from West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee and Arkansas force FOX Network to cancel proposed new TV reality show, "Incest Mountain".

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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You Want Fries With That?

Statistics show that many former "movers & shakers" in US workplaces are now "shakers and fryers".

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Mafia Hitting Hard Times

Mafia in New York, New Jersey and Miami forced to lay off, lay out over 300 employees. Suffer further loses in 300 funeral bills.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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We'll Talk About It

Republicans in Senate, Congress promise to spend twice the time in the future debating global warming, which doesn't exist.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Upturn Signs In Housing Market

British leaders see 'Upturn signs' in housing market. Ask the police to go and straighten the signs back up. Blame young hooligans!

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Iran Leader Disappears

Former Iranian President Rafsanjani has reopened the debate about country's disputed presidential election. How much of a challenge is this to the supreme leader? Not much, as Rafsanjani disappears.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Buzzard Attacks Jogger!

A tourist suffered slash wounds to his head when he was attacked by a buzzard while jogging in Cornwall. Blames "condition" of running shoes.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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"Let's See Our Bounty, Mates!"

Somali pirate's numbers down as they mistakenly hijack British ship returning hazardous waste from Brazil.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Old Man Dies

Henry Allingham, the world's oldest man and one of the last surviving World War I servicemen, has died at the age of 113, his care home has said. Last words: "Yeah, I remember that little Snoppy Dog."

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Key Fugitive Behind Blasts

Indonesian officials say there are "strong indications" a key wanted fugitive was behind Friday's deadly attacks on two hotels in Jakarta, as he was spotted in smoking ragged clothes, hand missing.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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UN Drops Swine Flu Count

UN health agency gives up on counting swine flu! Stopped at 10,328,742! "We'll just call it 'a whole bunch' from now on."

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Apollo Astronauts Relive Experiences

Apollo astronauts relive experiences at ceremony held at old movie set where they once pretending they were actually on the moon.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Obama A Busy Man

Obama defends call for broad health care. Obama: Cronkite was reporter who never let us down! Obama: Don't lose heart on health care. Mother-In-Law: Obama, Sit down and shut up for a few minutes.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Pope Copes With Help From Dope

Vatican: Pope learning to cope with cast with hope after the dope gives relief and telling himself "Nope, I won't mope!"

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Maine Town Fights Back

Maine town fights proposed phase-out of curbside mailbox deliveries, curb crawling.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Marijuana A Big Help

Lawmakers: 'Huge progress' made in Calif. budget. "If legalized marijuana not helping economy, at least it allows us to ignore it."

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Ousted Leader Still Talking!

Ousted Honduras leader gives talks until midnight. Wife says he's been at it for three weeks now. She's moved into another bedroom.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Clinton In India

Secretary of State Clinton visits India, recalls the month she helped Mother Teresa tends to the lepers at the colony.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Is Leg-Pulling Next?

Treatment for hair-pulling shows success, much to the relief to those that are victims of the hair-pullers.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Weinermobile Crashes While Driver Hot-Dogging It

Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashes into Wisconsin home. "I thought I'd done been weinered to death", says old maid. "No such luck!"

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Obama Broad Health Overhaul

President Obama defends call for broad health care overhaul. "Especially you older broads who need the overhaul the worse."

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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Walter Cronkite Remembered

Walter Cronkite remembered as 'honorable' and 'an icon' and 'thought he died several years ago'.

written by Bureau, 18 July 2009
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