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Avian Coprolite Study

Scientists in New Zealand have been studing the fossilized faeces of the now extinct Giant Moa. They have found them to be hard and could kill someone. However, the good news is they don't smell!

written by IN SEINE, 13 January 2009
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Mandel Doing Fine

Howie Mandel, who was hospitalized for a heart flutter, is reported as doing fine and left the hospital yesterday after making a deal with his doctor.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Two Reporters Fired

Two employees,a newsman and a cameraman, at a Phoenix, Arizona newspaper were fired yesterday for refusing to cover a nude protest at a local nursing home.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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"SOS, Broomstick To Tower"

Police in a small New England town say that the woman found hoisted on her own broomstick after an emergency call to a nearby airport was thought to be a witch.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Life On Mars?

NASA reveals that recent analysis of soil samples from Mars indicate that the red planet once had pigeons.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Cheney, Palin Coughs Up

Vice President Cheney and VP candidate Sarah Palin apparently paid a Wisconsin dairy farmer $2000 each after a recent hunting trip turned him into a beef farmer.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Weiner Dog Explained

Rumor: It turns out that that weird elongated weiner character everyone was trying to figure out in the Macy's Parade was probably a highly decorated giant condom placed by there by NYU students.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Bush/Clinton Differences

The major differences between the George Bush and Bill Clinton's overseas speeches? One gets panties thrown at him, the other gets shoes.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Sporting Same Breasts

One commentator on the Golden Globes Monday night stated that you could tell the nation was in a depression by the fact that a number of actresses were sporting the same breasts they wore last year.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Two Leading Job Prospects

A Harris Poll released yesterday afternoon indicated that the
health field and working at the nation's unemployment offices were the two leading fields for securing a job in the next five years.

written by Bureau, 13 January 2009
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Sooty to be banned!

Sooty, the children's favourite puppet has now been banned thanks to Prince Charles' 'racist' remarks. Sweep and Sue are not happy and are going to protest in front of Clarence House.

written by IN SEINE, 13 January 2009
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Boris Johnson, Shark Repellant?

Following 3 shark attacks in Australia in less than 24 hours, has left scientists puzzled. Meanwhile, London's Mayor, Boris Johnson, has been swimming in Sydney Harbour and NO sharks have attaked him.

written by IN SEINE, 13 January 2009
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Length of finger clue to earnings

The length of a man's fingers may predict his success in the City, research findings suggest. However, E.T. earned far more,but then again he's not a man!

written by IN SEINE, 13 January 2009
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The $3.7 Million Dollar "Working" Girl

A 22-year-old California student is auctioning off her virginity to pay for a master's degree. The top bid so far is $3.7 million. The student reportedly said, "Great, now I'm working on my Ph.D."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2009
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The President Can Do Whatever He Feels Like Doin'

President Bush has advised President-Elect Barack Obama to "Do what you think is right...and if the people don't think that it's right, that's just too bad cause you are the president."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2009
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Le French Carmaker Yes

France's largest automaker, Peugeot Citroen reports a 4.9 percent drop in sales. Hmmmm. Maybe it's because no one has ever heard of Peugeot Citroen.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2009
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Sweden's Sweet Solution

Sweden reports that inflation fell sharply in December. The National Swedish Agency says, "No problem. We'll just double our smorgasbords."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2009
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President George W. Bush The Invader

President Bush will give his farewell address to the nation Thursday night. An insider says that he will say that he sure wishes that he could have invaded at least four or five more countries.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 January 2009
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BD/SM Sales Boom

Retailer Land of Leather, facing slumping sales from its crap furniture products, has announced it will now concentrate on the highly lucrative BD/SM fetish wear and bondage accessories market.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Google ur Carbon Footprint

Two Google searches on a PC produce 14g of CO2, the equivalent of boiling an electric kettle. Solution: Drive down to the library and search through an acre of rainforest pulped into textbook pages?

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
Rating:

Two Jags beats WHAT ?

Labour fat cat John Prescott was photographed today coming out of a Kingston-on-Pork High Street hot meat pies shop sporting a gravy-splattered "I've Beaten Anorexia" t-shirt.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Corkscrew burial

A South African appeals court has decided that ANC leader Jacob Zuma is so corrupt and bent that if he dropped down dead he could be buried by winding him into the ground like a corkscrew.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Daz joins Royal racist whingers

Porcine Labour MP Keith Daz says Prince Harry's remarks about a fellow officer were 'unacceptable and wounding' and he was fed up with taunts against people, like himself, with perma-glow suntans.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Three-strong strike cripples mail

A strike picket by three redundancy-threatened Royal Mail employees outside a wooden shed that serves as the post office in the village of Woolavington has disrupted scheduled deliveries nationwide.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Political back-stabbing ?

Gordon Brown says he believes the British public will forgive and forget Prince Harry's latest racist faux pas, much as they forgave Tony Bliar for all his downright lies and public deceptions.

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Royal Publication

Prince Harry and grandfather Prince Phillip are to publish a encyclopaedic compendium of their joint gaffes and public apologies, titled "Whoops: Me and my Big Mouth."

written by Rusty, 13 January 2009
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Robin Leach to Cover Obama Inauguration

Star of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" will be in Washington D.C. for the event, with the scoop on $25,000 a night establishments like Motel 8, Super 6, Holiday, Quality and Worst Western Inns.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 January 2009
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Extra Protection for Barack Obama

With politicians that possess integrity having recently been added to the "endangered species" list, President-elect Obama will be afforded the highest level security of any President in U.S. history.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 January 2009
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George Bush will start writing his book

He will name the book about his time in the "White House" "Reign of Terror", How I almost destroyed Western Civilization!

written by disciple, 13 January 2009
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NASA Considers "Mars Rover Robot War"

As they have been exploring the same desert for 5 years now, NASA ponders having the rovers battle it out on Mars. Ratings would be huge, generating massive amounts of revenue for the strapped agency.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 January 2009
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Burris says he's honored to be seated in the Senate

"I just wanted my monies worth that's all"

written by disciple, 13 January 2009
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Fish to be called Sea Kittens

Changing the name of fish to Sea Kittens is a great idea as it will increase the number of men who eat fish. What man could resist ordering and eating Stripped Pussy, Rock Pussy or Pussy and Chips?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 January 2009
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