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Rating:

Engineer dismantles his nose

An engineer from Bedford dismantled his nose today to discover what made it run. "Snot what I imagined!" He said from his hospital bed.

written by IN SEINE, 28 February 2009
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Midwest Hit With Snow And Ass

A sudden winter storm has hit the nation's midwest leaving a heavy supply of snow and ass while trapping most couples indoors for days.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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HIV-Infected Man Targets Obama

A man has been arrested for allegedly targeting President Obama with HIV-infected blood and taken to a dentist to have fangs removed.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Obama's Speechwriter's Cell # Released

The Washington Post has printed President Barack Obama's speechwriter's cell number....It is #114, Block C, Chicago Minimum Security Prison.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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E-mails Cancel Newspaper Convention

A newspaper convention Saturday in Cleveland was cancelled after e-mails back and forth all week concluded there's little future in the printed page.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Doing The Wall Street Slide

Wall Street slid even further Friday from still more banking bullshit was dumped all over the stock floor.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Gays Eascape Iran

A Hollywood team in Iran on a cultural exchange allows the last three gay people in Iran to escape to America.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Obama Prefers Coke!

Time Magazine investigation reveals that Obama team prefers Coca Cola to Pepsi, especially Mexican Coca Cola that still uses sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Gov. Schwarzenegger Resigning?

California Governor Schwarzenegger declares drought and states that he may resign and go back to only acting as if the world's going to hell in a handbasket.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Gordon Brown urges bank resposibility

The Prime Minister today urged banks to act morally and responsibly over director's pay. He also urged bears not to shit in the woods and clouds not to rain, and for everybody to be happy and smiling.

written by NODDY, 28 February 2009
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Dwarf Pickpocketed

In Shrewsbury today, a man who is only 3 feet tall was pickpocketed by a gang youths. West Mercia police said: "how could anyone stoop so low?"

written by IN SEINE, 28 February 2009
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Second-Hand Farts Worse

Scientists completely stumped after major study of why breathing second-hand farts much more harmful to you than those breathed first hand.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Carson Awaiting McMahan

A National Questioner Exclusive: Johnny Carson still awaiting arrival of Ed McMahan to arrive and introduce him to Saint Peter.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Lieberman Removes Stimulus Pork

Senator Joe Lieberman testified before a congressional hearing that he has led the way in removing pork from the trillion dollar Stimulus Bill.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Tobacco: Watch Global Warming

In a national board meeting, Big Tobacco companies have approved changes to prevent worsening of global warming, stating, "It will kill a lot more people than we do".

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Smoking Saves Lives

Banning smoking costs eleven people their lives as lit pilot light sets off huge methane explosion at Taco Bell. Survivors were all outside smoking.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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CPA Sugar Riots

Too much sugar to blame for near riot at worldwide Certified Public Accountant's Convention in Maggody, North Carolina.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
Rating:

FEMA All Set To Go!

F.E.M.A. reports that they have been practicing for the next major disaster by screaming and running around in circles.

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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Mexican Bottled Water Recall

The Food & Drug Administration have announced a recall of bottled water from Mexico. The water was bottled on November, 2008 under "Montezuma's Finest".

written by Bureau, 28 February 2009
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