Spoof news snippets from Friday 27 February 2009
Obama vs Kramer #2
"Pass them on the streets and sneer in their direction. "Call them 'White boys,' 'Crackers,' 'Honkeys,' 'Whiteys,' 'Cavemen'...And that's OK by me!"
Tussauds Obama model "110% lifelike"
Hoards of excited women descended on Madame Tussauds in London today to see the unveiling of their new Barak Obama waxwork. The President is shown dressed for the beach, and is "110% accurate".
Ryanair to test charging for using toilets!
Michael O'Leary, boss of Ryanair budget airline is to 'test the waters' by charging up to £1 for those wanting to use the toilet. He is first going to try the 'Buy One Get One Free' or BOGOF offer!
Cop with megaphone in New Jersey warned by Captain never to sing Winchester Cathedral again, even if it does make him sound like Rudy Vallee.
Suicide Hotline Busy
National Suicide Hotline gets calls from as many as 2000 U.S. vets, over 3,000 Leonard Cohen listeners a day.
Drilling Approved In South
In a new poll of the southern United States, nearly 90 percent support "Awe-Shore" drilling.
Yuk Yuk Yuk
Local teen nearly blinded in "Pick Two" Stooge Jackass filming stunt last night. Yuk Yuk Yuk
Mud Wrestler Loser Comforted
Nearly every man in the audience sought to comfort the loser in last night mud wrestling championship at The Dirty Dork last night.
Police suspect that suicide beach-buggy bomber was once a 98-pound weakling, always getting sand kicked in his face.
Many who study State of the Union speeches to the nation say Barack Obama's was the best ever for a half-Kenyan president of the United States.
'Radioactive' man escapes charges
Police armed with Geiger Counters and lead sheilds are hunting a "dangerously radioactive" London college principal who skipped bail shortly before facing trial on child pornography charges.
Chinese to boycott Venice Film Festival
China is ANGRY because Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee is to head the jury at this year's Venice Film Festival.
Why, He's So Dumb...
He thinks post nasal drip is a breakfast cereal!
Murder suspect Amanda Cox denies turning cartwheels at the police station.
She says she was bending over backwards to help with the investigation.
Democratic Party to Change Name
The political party will now be known as "The American Moslem Socialist Union" after their leader, Comrade Barack (a.k.a. Shiek Obama).
Dalai Lama Makes A Deal
The Dalai Lame has reached a deal with General Electric to enlighten all of mankind.
Ford: Keep Your Bailout Money!
After a two-week visit to the United Arab Imirates, The Ford Automobile Company has told the bailout committee to keep their money and stuff it up their ass.
Test Tube Tits A Hit!
Scientists in South Korea announced that they have created the first set of huge test-tube hooters in their lab there in Seoul, and that they already have ten million orders.
They're Still At It!
An illegal Dwarf Bowler in London told to ease the dwarf to the ground gently and walk away with hands in the air.
Jackalope Season Already
Remember, March 1st is the first day of Jackalope season. Remember to purchase your permit to stay legal.
Dyslexic Israeli Climbs Downward
The Jerusalem Times reports that a dyslexic Israeli has managed to climb to the lowest point in the Dead Sea.
Jaws Of Life Pull Detective From Kiddie Car
In an attempt to catch a thief in Florida, an amusement park detective had been on a stakeout in a bumper car for the past three nights. Then, he couldn't get out to catch thief whom he spotted.
Apple TV launch delayed
Apple were to launch a new TV they call iTV, with internet access and multiple media formats supported. However they have copyright issues with ITV in Britain. Apple are expected to buy them.
Time Time Capsule
Time Magazine announced that they will place two hundred Time Magazines in a Time Capsule and bury them under a giant Time Piece under a courthouse tower as soon as they have time.
Parents Kid Has Two Heads OK
Family with two-headed son say thy are not disappointed because he's got a good set of heads on his shoulders and is a great conversation piece.
King Thong Panties
Fruit of the Loom in partnership with Victoria's Secret say their first "King Thong" Plus Size panties will be out and in come May 1st this year.
Holocaust-Denying Bishop Apologises
But denies to deny denying
US Octuplets Mother Names Father
She says she was impregnated by Turk E. Baisteur