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Rating:

Bejing Bid to Stop Sale of Yves St Laurent's Bronzes.

China has launched a legal bid to stop the sale of two 18th Century bronze statues at a Paris auction. They claim the statues are fakes and should not be sold for the expected 10m euros.

written by IN SEINE, 21 February 2009
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Ditched Helicopter found

A Super Puma helicopter that ditched in the North Sea earlier this week, failing to kill any of its passengers or crew has been found - on ebay!

written by norma snockers, 21 February 2009
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Man Type-Casted For Life

Man starring in all those Levitra commercials says he's now type-casted for life as "Droopy Dick" Schofield.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Madonna Turning 50

Madonna, apparently out there trying to show people that she's still got it after turning 50, stomachs.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Monet, It's A Hit!

Roger Walters told reporters today that he had invested in his 12th Monet painting as an edge against the current bad economy: "Monet, it's a gas, grab that Water Lily and make a dash!"

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Help For Bigger Firms

The United States Order of Certified Public Accountants now recommend Viagra for most bigger firms.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

New Hearing Aid Blows Away Farters

A new hearing aid will be out in May that's a lot smaller & superior even to last year's models. "Still scares you to death the first time you fart", states one recent buyer.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

U.S. Not The Fattest

The United States breathes a sigh of relief as new study reveals that Laurelstan now has the most obese people on earth.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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France Honored By Prez

President Barack Hussein Obama decides to name France to most-flavored nation status.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Nuclear Explosions Ruled Accidental

2.58 billion dead, 3,500,000 develop tinnitus in both ears after last nights accidental nuclear explosions according to Drudge Report!

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Suddenly Sober In Detroit

A Detroit man who was staggering down the street at 2 AM in the morning and closely followed by a police car, says that being hit by tenth story icy water balloons, a wake-up call.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Abu Ghraib Finally Reopens

Baghdad's infamous Abu Ghraib Prison which was closed in 2006 has reopened. In an effort to be more prisoner friendly the new facility is now called, The Sands of Disneyland Prison.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Situation: Rosy!

In an effort to transfer his cool demeanor to the populace, President Obama has dictated that the terror alert charts be converted to pastels

written by Mr. Lizard, 21 February 2009
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March off

The march on Climate Change planned for London this weekend has been cancelled due to forecast bad weather.

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Union War

I had a dream that unions ran the war: we had overtime, war-profit sharing,& bargaining power. We were running 3 shifts. I clocked in at 9 am & was out promptly at 5. All in all, not a badly run war.

written by Mr. Lizard, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Losing Weight Fast, Especially Brain Cells

Scientists say that the new "Meth Diet" works faster at losing weight than the Adkins and Weight Watcher Diets combined.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Obama Going One-On-One

When asked why he had so had so many one-on-one discussions at the White House thus far, President Obama stated, "Have you ever tried to hold a conversation with Joe Biden around?"

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
Rating:

New Moderators Needed

The final ratings are all in for the Presidential & V.P. debates. Apparently they were so low that all four networks have requested that the 2012 moderators consist of Rickles, Springer & O'Donnell.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Simpson Jury Criticized

Many are beginning to criticize the California jury for sending O.J. Simpson and his friends to jail. Most say they had hoped he would have been available to rub out Bernie Madoff.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Palin McCain's Achilles Heel?

In a new poll, when questioned about McCain's losing the election, "Did you think that Sarah Palin was the Achilles heel?", most answered, "Who was looking at her heel?"

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Unemployed Look To Washington

With more and more people losing their jobs, many are looking towards congress. The government reports that so far over a million people are going to run for the 435 seats during the next election.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Hillary Realized She'd Lost

In reply to a question by a Chinese reporter yesterday, Hillary Clinton stated that the moment she first realized she had actually lost the election was during the third Obama/McCain debate.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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McCain Reveals Campaign's Turning

John McCain blames his recent presidential election lose on one sleepy answer during second debate when he stated, "I'll take Old Movies for $400 Alex!"

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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Country Music More Popular

A new poll reveals that more people are beginning to listen to country music since they've also been losing their homes, wives and trucks, or Hummers as the case my be.

written by Bureau, 21 February 2009
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GM's Saturn's Are Going Bye-Bye

GM has announced that it will cease production on a car it introduced in 2006. GM will no longer produce the Saturn. Plans are under way however to develop a new more economical car, the Uranus.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
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Malia & Sasha Dolls Selling For $3,000

The controversial Malia and Sasha Obama dolls are selling on eBay for $3,000 each. Meanwhile the George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld action figure doll set collection is selling for 7 cents.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
Rating:

"Senors and Senora's The Bullfight She Is Over!"

A bullfight in Mexicali, Mexico was abruptly cancelled when the fighting bull developed a horrible case of diarrhea. One local fan called it the shitiest bullfight he had ever attended.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
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Plaxico Who?

Sports Shops report that Plaxico Burress's #17 jersey has just become the least sought after sports item. Sales are even below those of the Roger Clemens designer jockstrap.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
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Benito Mussolini's 1937 Alfa Romeo For Sale

Benito Mussolini's personal car, a 1937 Alfa Romeo is selling on eBay for $1.2 million. Donald Rumsfeld's 2003 Ford Taurus is selling for $3.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Obama's Jackson Rant

"Jackson, where's Jackson, I want Jackson now, who's Jackson's surgeon, I want to be white like Jackson - get me Jackson now!"

Source - US White House - Snoop Bug Transmitter 6

written by iscrivener, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesperson reveals his true name

Dr. Strangedeath, erstwhile spokesperson for the FDA, revealed today that his true name is Aspartame Boy. On the NEWS, Dr. Strangedeath was promoted to head the agency.

written by Aspartame Boy, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Madonna Tests Positive For Steroids

The pop star reportedly blamed it on Alex Rodriguez's "secret sauce"

written by Daniel Williams, 21 February 2009
Rating:

Bankers wipe toxic asses clean

Bankers are wiping their toxic asses clean. However, the plumbing still seems to be clogged.

written by Aspartame Boy, 21 February 2009
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