Order by:
Rating:

Santa Claus complains: 'I have only three hos. Ho, ho, and ho.'

'But Tiger Woods has 14 hos you know about, and he has 134 others you never heard of.'

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Previous Owner: Let 'Em Burn!

Park rangers in California say that a new fire there could destroy hundreds of abandoned million dollar homes.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Village Idiot Hope To March Back Home

Village Idiots march on London to protest something they forgot on the way, show up in Manchester.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Keeping Us Posted

President Obama on his news report speech tonight stated that he farted three times in a row last night in bed.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Rush: No More Hunting Trips.

Doctors now say that Rush Limbaugh may have had a heart attack. "After all, he had just been shot in the face by Dick Cheney."

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Biden Wants New Caddy

Joe Biden says he's getting rid of his golf caddy. "Unlike me he's bald, and he keeps picking up divots and placing them on his head and saying, "Space, the final frontier."

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Hopeful partyer worries about Green Kool-Aid

'I heard about the Jim Jones cult', he says. 'Talk about dead drunks. Should I?'

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Desperate plea for advice: 'Should I snog my boss at the party?'

'If you want a raise, make sure the snog is on camera', says Orpha Finwrey.

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Expert: 'Don't let Tiger near the punch bowl.'

Tiger Woods is known for indiscriminate relocations of bodily fluids.

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Reeling and puking set to dominate New Year's celebrations

Police and despondent crowds plan on 'mass public comas' to usher in pointless New Year.

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Economy Claims Another One

Big Al Kayta's Fireworks & Legal Explosives goes out of business.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

New Years Special

Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga said to be looking for something really wild to wear New Year's night.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Playboy Sales Off

This month in Playboy: "Women who Were Once Men!" not selling well.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Wile E. Coyote Sick

Wile E. Coyote comes down with a severe case of chicken flu from overheating himself during chase scene.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Admits Mistake

In an official statement today, the heads of Blackwater apologize for past, future mistakes.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Obama Rerun Tonight

Prime Time Obama speech rerun on television tonight just in case you missed it last week.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

AT&T Drops Tiger Woods as Sponsor

A definite sign things are improving for the Golf Great!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Traverlers: Will they Trade Shyness for Security?

Will TSA Security Personnel and Baggage Handlers stop stealing from passengers?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

No Heart Attack

Latest: Rush Limbaugh did not have a heart attack. Physicians say they could find no heart at all.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Not Reading His E-Mails

New commission formed to try to find out "Why Johnny's penis is so short?"

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Tough Old Buggers

Chinese snakehead fish fight fishermen until he reels him in and then fight him again in the boat.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Russia To Launch Missile?

Russia may send spacecraft to hit asteroid with slim chance of hitting Earth. Obama: "You weren't supposed to tell that to the public at large."

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Gore: Keep A Lookout

Al Gore says that you should turn in your neighbor for wasting our natural resources, polluting our waterways according to all the usual police state standards.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Underwear On Fire Punishment Enough?

President Obama says terrorist who tried to blow up plane Christmas day will be sent to Saudi Arabia to be 'taught a lesson'.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Won't Pay Off All Debts

Apparently bankrupt Chicago Cubs will auction off their players on eBay!

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Nation Too Sports Minded?

New York Times study shows that 75% of Monday morning quarterbacks are on steroids.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Why We're Fat?

New poll reveals that most Americans are fed up with both democrats, republicans, television shows, neighbors, polls.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Quite A Show

Rumor: Live coverage of first trials of Guantanamo prison detainees in the US already sold to The History Channel, Comedy Central.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

No Virgins For You!

Heavy rains credited with causing suicide bomber vehicle crash, explosion.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Where's Cheney?

Obama's friends say that Cheney never reported staying anywhere near Washington DC, while criticizing President. Believe he still has a secret bunker.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Too Far Away From Counter

McDonalds employees beginning to get carpal tunnel problems after having to toss products to obese customers.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Dallas/Washington Game Interesting

Tony Romo throws football through Redskin defender. Prompts more calls for drug testing.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Cooking The Books

Local bookkeeper arrested after police officers, looking for a runaway, catch him with company's records boiling in a big pot.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Soused Pilots Arrested

Two more commercial pilots busted for drinking in New York. "Try to excuse behavior by showing officers that they weren't flying for the next 3 days", says arresting cop.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Military soldiers are jealous

Foreign military soldiers are jealous of Saudi Arabians because Saudi's are allowed to be married to 4 beautiful, young women while foreign soldiers have to fudge pack their asses in male barracks.

written by howy, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Drinkers Swindled?

Nine out of ten pints are sold short, trading standards officers discover. Bartenders say that tenth of pint is in the head.


written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Mother Popping Them Out

Christmas must go on! Wonder mother pops out kid and then pops turkey out of oven two hours later.


written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Recycling Champs

Meet the ultimate green family who recycle so much they only filled one rubbish bin in 2009. "With the right tenderizer & marinade, even old leather shoes can be eaten."

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Don't Get Sick Tonight

Tories to hit drinkers with £500 fine if they end up in hospital. Non-drinkers, only £200.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Prices Up On Non-Selling Houses

House prices rose by 5.9% in 2009 as property market fights back from credit crunch gloom. May rise another 6% this year. However, still no sales.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Manufacturers Moving back

1 in 7 British manufacturers move production back to the UK amid concerns over poor child labor quality and high transportation costs


written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Bin Men Attacks

Fury over rubbish collections sees three assaults a week on binmen, new figures show. Bullet proof vests, bulldog proof pants issued.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Going Home

It's back home to Mother: Year of recession forces half a million adults aged 35 to 44 to return to live with parents. That's 5% more than any previous year.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Sheen Reconciliation

Lawyers: Sheens want to reconcile despite arrest after Charlie promises not to overdo beating next time.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Freddie's Fanny Too Big

Fannie, Freddie proving too big to shrink as Preparation F (for funding) didn't work so well in 2009.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Currency Crackdown

North Korea bans foreign currencies in market clampdown as several nations ban North Korean currency.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

New Scanners Thorough

Airline attack could lead to more new scanners at airports. "Bend over and spread your cheeks, please."

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Macho Men Coming Out Of Cakes!

NH gay couples to start New Year with wedding vows, bachelor parties, shivarees.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Optimistic!

AP-GfK Poll: Americans seek more silver linings, silk purses in 2010.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Collections Up

Kettle fundraising goals surpassed for The Salvation Army. "We'll be able to afford twice as many kettles next year", says officer.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

More Appropiate

The phrase "shovel ready," incessantly invoked by the Obama administration this year as a way to sell its $787 billion federal stimulus bill, died Thursday & replaced by "Shovel the shit!"

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Appliance Rebates Coming

Smart Spending: Federal appliance rebates launch. Consumers could get up to $20 rebate on their Curvy Kitten Vibrators, Magic Fingers.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Limbaugh Having Chest Pains

Millions of Ditto Heads concerned as Limbaugh Rushed to the hospital with chest pains.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Night To Howl!

Rare New Year's Eve 'blue moon' to ring in 2010 with many werewolves doing Howling Wolf's old blues favorites at bars, night clubs celebrations.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Famous Tavern Closes

NYC's Tavern on the Green restaurant bites the dust. Families must now take picnic into Central Park after clearing of snow.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Don't Muff It!

Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid, or it could change course toward the earth.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

The Games Afoot

President Obama to receive preliminary report on airline attack. See burnt underwear up close. Wear deerstalker, use magnifying glass.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Al-Qaida Takes Credit

Al-Qaida takes credit of El Nina effects of 2009, say they will launch another in 2010.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

"Zombie Attack!"

4 out of 10 people who see hacked Hi-way signs warning about Zombies attacking, believe them. The other six are zombies already!

written by Adam Click, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Poll: Surely Next Year Will be Better

Indeed. We could get a great start by having O'Bama quit and take all of his appointees with him.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Rush Limbaugh Hospitalized!

Get well gifts so far range from "Die Baby, Die" cards to tea bags laced with arsenic.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian did call and ask if he needed a visit however.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Chertoff Says Underwear Bomber Created "Complex Device Subject to Failure"



Hmmm, seems more like a super simple device prepared by an incompetent Rufus with little or no training. Had a fart been required for detonation, that would have been a complex device.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

New $ 3.8 Billion Dollar Bailout for GMAC!

'Tis the Season to be Jolly, Fa la la la laaa la la la laaa.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

They're The Enemy! Its Al-Quaida, They are Trying to Get Us!!

I fully expect to see Yemeni missiles flying overhead to Washington D.C. any moment now. err.. US missiles flying over head to Yemen any time now?

Was that Dick Cheney holding the puppet strings?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Dick Cheney: "O'Bama Trying to Pretend"

Actually the rest of us are trying to forget -

forget that Dick Cheney was ever allowed to sink the US into multi-trillion dollars wars that can't be won and profit people like.........Dick Cheney

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Pacqiao Sues Mayweather Over Insinuaitons

Manny firmly denies he is a rump ranger.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 31 December 2009
Rating:

"Hmmm, I Heard It!"

President Obama says Christmas terrorist threat a complete surprise to him. However, his mother-in-law, Marion Robinson says she overheard two towelheads discussing it at White House party.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Balances Out

Barack Obama gets an 'F' for protecting Americans, but an 'A' for blaming his security people.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Not Even Friends

Hollywood's hottest couple say they are not really serious, just good at having sex.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Credibility Also

Most recent find by archaeologists push the big bang theory back at least ten years.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Biden Happy Already

New Year Celebration early? Biden says the terrorist got on the plane because the long arm of the law was stopped by an invisible hand from somewhere. Told to go to bed by Obama.

written by Bureau, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Lesbian sex

When lesbians have sex they exchange sexual favors to get cheap orgasms but sometimes they engage in violent fights when one lesbian feels she gave more than what she got.

written by howy, 31 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Woods: 'I should have used a full-body condom'

'A condom like that', he says, 'would have ensured that nobody saw me coming.'

written by Helen Tarnation, 31 December 2009
« Nov 2009 December 2009 Jan 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
88
2nd
89
3rd
84
4th
58
5th
59
6th
78
7th
74
8th
115
9th
106
10th
95
11th
86
12th
137
13th
90
14th
82
15th
97
16th
99
17th
65
18th
80
19th
84
20th
102
21st
60
22nd
69
23rd
67
24th
84
25th
104
26th
99
27th
99
28th
115
29th
66
30th
77
31st
73
 

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