Order by:
Rating:

Swedish terrorism?

So some Swedish Nazis want to commit acts of terror in Sweden...uh...what for? I mean, really, this is a nation in which everyone basically lives for free with all provided. What's to change?

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Swedish Nazi Terror group steals sign?

The Auschwitz sign theft was allegedly to help fund Swedish Nazis commit terror acts. Uh...Swedish terrorists? Isn't that kind of like Irish brain surgeons or German chefs?

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

El Paso, Texas is very safe and peaceful

"We keep our crime rates staggeringly low.", says their Mayor. "We do this by outsourcing our crime to Ciudad Juarez next door. Mexicans can sell drugs, hits and underage girls cheaper than we can."

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Terrorist tries to blow up plane

A guy too incompetent to light flammable powder on a plane, was bright enough to evade all the rigorous airline security we all suffer through. Security was busy having women take off their shoes.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Jane Fonda wants to visit Afghanistan

"I want to see that guy the Taliban captured.", she said. "So I can assure the world he's fine, and that the Taliban are a great bunch of guys."

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Salvation Army Major shot

The Major was killed in a robbery. A spokesman for the SA promises that their response will be "swift and brutal". The Major was unarmed at the time, in spite of being a veteran bell ringer.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Priest's Collars Altered

Pope Benedict XVI orders all priest collars to have shock device should they get too close to kids.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Dogs Recalled

Over 500,000 Chihuahua dogs recalled by Mexico as they are a threat to roll over.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Republicans Appeal Votes?

Republicans threaten to take legality of House, Senate vote on health care bill to the Supreme Court, even judges on American Idol, because of vote-buying.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Attention WWII Vets!

The History Channel may close soon as almost all old Hitler films shown nearly 100 times.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Bonds Answers Questions

Barry Bonds, cornered by baseball enthusiasts demanding to know about steroid use, turns green, tosses them around like scarecrow on Oz.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Could Buy Cuba?

George Steinbrenner accused of making deal with Somali pirates to help Cuban baseball players reach the US.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Higher Ground More Costly

Warning by Al Gore that sea levels could rise ten feet causes penthouse prices in Miami to shy-rocket.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Pakistan permits third sex ID

Now instead of choosing "male" or "female", transvestites and hermaphrodites can choose a third sex on their IDs. Says the government, "This will make it easier to find and stone them later."

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"Swift Boats Afloat", A Poem

Kerry floats plan to visit Tehran, once the rain in Spain has fallen mainly on the plain.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

New Stallone Movie?

Sylvester Stallone agents dealing for a new movie with producers off to a rocky start.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Saddam Got Asylum

Revised Report: Saddam Hussein paid Libya $3 billion for asylum. "He got it", say Gaddafi, "He's in a hole back there behind the tent with a 24-hour guard.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

ID Theft Ring Broken

Huge Identity Theft Ring broken! Officers say that if they hadn't been wearing those 'Identity Thief' rings, they would have never been able to identify them.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Hate Crimes

Those that hate 'hate crimes' for new group promoting hate for 'hate crimes' but several say they hate the whole idea.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Vote On Hold

Several politicians may miss final vote on health care bill after Senator Byrd's lit birthday candles sets off cold sprinkler system.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

No More Prescriptions

One paragraph in the new health care bill overlooked by many is that politicians can be bought over the counter.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Bishop Asks People to Live out Their Dreams

The Bishop of somewhere has challenged people to live out their dreams for Christmas 2009 and beyond. Many politicians have men doing this for years - with the help of the few taxpayers!

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

They're At It Again

Pope said to be doing fine and Cardinal rushed to the hospital apparently OK as woman in red runs over both and then crashes into Tareq and Michaele Salahi before being caught.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Shit In Lincoln's Lap In DC

Wrestler Hulk Hogan out doing outlandish things in order to become controversial.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"What Is All This Stuff?"

Local Man with metal detector digs up town's time capsule that they buried last year.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Toughest In The World

Strength of US Army downgraded after looking at tough schedule. Have to play Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and possibly, North Korea while on the road.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

US Military Drops Pregnancy Ban

Recruiting for Maternity Ward personnel goes through roof.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Billy Had His Fun

In new book, Jimmy Carter writes that, in cleaning out his late brother Billy's estate, they found over one hundred copies of a self-published "Ventriloquism For Dummies".

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The 3AM Call

Sarah Palin, in her first interview with Diane Sawyer, stated that if she got the 3AM call at the White House, it would probably just be Larry Flynt again.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Piggin' Out

Scientists now think that most people get Swine Flu after eating like pigs. Warn of big rush to hospitals after holidays.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Big Bird

High-flying buzzard shits..I'm sorry, that should be Holiday blizzard hits much of Midwest

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"Just Takes A Minute To Answer"

According to a new survey, 20% of all auto accidents are caused by people answering surveys on cellphone while driving.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

There is a man sadder than you

Rather than read snippets on X-mas, he's watching a marathon of Brady Bunch shows, including "A Very Brady Christmas". But if you now go and check to see if there is such a thing, than you're sadder.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in Gitmo

Obama's election has come and gone, as has this year now come and gone. And just like all the other years, you will remain with no trial, no respite from torture, and no hope. Merry Christmas.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

SMU Rolls in First Bowl Game Since 1984

NCAA launches investigation as to whether boosters recruited more than 40 semi-pro players to play for the team.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas tip!

So you need to call your mistress and wish her a Merry Christmas - at least you do, if you want to have more merriment with her in 2010! So tell the wife you have to go to the store for more egg nog!

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Relax

Soon Christmas will be over, your kids will be back in school, and you'll be at work, away from your nagging wife.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

PGA Tour to Rewrite Personal Code of Ethics

Fearing backlash from Tiger exploits, the PGA Tour is having John Daly and Boris Becker re-write the Tour's Code of Ethics and Standards of Personal Decorum.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Your instincts will be right

Later on today, your Uncle will seem to hug your wife for too long. You're right, he is, and for the sleazy reasons you think. Worse yet, your wife doesn't actually mind.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Hillary, Barbara Walters, etc., "Women of the Decade"

Yawn. Naming those ones is like saying "Moscow" and "Petersburg" when asked to name your favorite Russian cities. It doesn't count when you're just naming the only ones you know.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Good news for users!

The "surge" is expected to drop heroin prices, as there'll be more soldiers to guard the poppy fields of our warlord "allies"! Obama sacrifices soldier's lives, and passes the savings on to YOU!

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The "Poncyious Pope" in his Chrissy speech promise the world will be HETRO free by 2035

The Pope delivered the sensational news that in 2035 the world will be virtually HETRO free. Thank GOD he prayed as global Gays and Lesbians fell to their knees and sucked and blowed!

written by Jaggedone, 25 December 2009
Rating:

BNN News Suggests Jesus was Personally Wealthy

He probably had a substantial investment portfolio with Goldman Sachs and when he found out what the account management fees were, he tossed their tables. That turned out to be a very bad move.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Did you know...?

That the health plan to be rammed down our throats next year will be as disastrous as the kooks claim? But in keeping with tradition, we'll all wait ten years before admitting it.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The World wonders...

Will 2010 be the year the Americans realize they are as much a has-been as Britain? Two nations with a billion plus people each, and weapons and technology greater than America's, wonder too.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in space

"Sure I'm away from my family!", says a NASA astronaut. "But that's not half as sad as launching from Russia, and riding with a Japanese guy, as our space program sucks so hard!"

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas at the White House

There is no Christmas there. As a communist Kenyan, Obama only celebrates Labor Day and Kwanzaa.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas at YOUR house

Are you still reading these? Dude, it's Christmas! If this is how you entertain yourself, maybe you should go start your car and sit in it with the garage door shut.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"Looks In Window At Night"

Eighty-year-old Alabama woman gets a restraining order from judge as she claims she's being stalked by Elvis.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

U.S. General causes irony overload

The U.S. has criticized the Taliban for their treatment of a captured GI, making him appear on a website. Apparently we would be happier if they waterboarded him, like civilized nations do.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Late Night Not Working

Placing alcohol ads, showing certain shows only after 10PM not helping youth, according to study. "It's the parents who go to bed at 10PM."

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas at the shelter

At the homeless shelter, several church groups are going to stop by to drop off used clothes, some fruit cake and candy canes. This will make them feel less guilty for still having jobs and homes.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas at grandma's nursing home

Grandma's pretty lonely, as you all won't see her today. She's going to have processed turkey slices for lunch, and later see the staff stuck there today perform a holiday skit. Nice.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Pelosi Tells Newsweek She Doens't Care if Citizens Don't Like Her

Spoken like someone who believes she is untouchable and probably is.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in the 'burbs

Tanner, age 11, is racing through the opening of his many presents, most of which he won't remember later this afternoon. He'll focus instead on how he did not get the one thing he "really" wanted.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in Alabama

Today is a holiday, and 12 year old Amber's step daddy has an extra special treat for his little girl. He's hid it in a stocking. Enough said.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in the hood

Today is no different than usual for little Trey. He'll be sitting on the stoop while his mommy turns tricks inside to score some crack from his "uncle". He is actually unaware that it's X-mas.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"Cold Turkey" cures your hangovers and gets rid of those pesty rests!

The recipe for Chrissy hangovers is "COLD TURKEY" Amy Winehouse discovered her recipe whilst totally pissed and stoned, puked it up and offered it to the world!

written by Jaggedone, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Christmas in Obama's America

This year, thousands of kids must be satisfied with Christmas cards, instant fudge by mom, and a promise from dad that next year things will be better. Like when the factory hires him again.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Mrs. Sumner celebrates Christmas

This year, like the past 23, the eccentric old lady down the street is treating her 11 cats to actual canned cat food, instead of the dry stuff. She enjoys making X-mas special for her only friends.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Man uses new hand lotion this year

A lonely man living by himself in a one room efficiency has treated himself to a new kind of hand lotion for Christmas. He is using it right now, to give himself some solitary pleasure.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Joseph is puzzled

"Geez, Mary, that kid don't look anything like me.", said a local carpenter in the early hours today. "And what's with all these shepherds and foreigners hanging around?"

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The baby Jesus thanks 47 million of you

This year, baby Jesus can stay warm in his manger, as he received 47,348,442 "Snuggies" from his loyal followers. He likes this better than the 38,558,323 Rubik's Cubes he got in 1980.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

No Tiger Story Today?

Lawmakers in Washington ask tabloids to crank up the false reports to get people stirred up again. "They all look asleep out there", claims Senator.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

A Bad Sign

Time travelers report that anyong going into the future past 2020 never return.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Merry Christmas - your family despises you

Mainly because you are still reading silly snippets by me, instead of logging off and sharing Christmas with your family. You're a net addict. Really, reading this now makes you one.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Everyone OK

International Space Station rocked by a late season tornado!

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Rumor says Sayid to die on "Lost"

But long term viewers are unconcerned. It's been noted that everyone on the island has "died" several times, not the least in an atomic holocaust. "Guess it's just Sayid's turn again.", said a fan.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Internet Protectors Study Released

Report: Your internet protectors may be blocking information that would help you own a bigger penis, fortune in Nigerian bank.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

We're Rich!

Attorneys hired by Democrats to dig into Sarah Palin's background check find hidden booty.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Mother Of Czars

President appoints Mother-In-Law Czar to 'keep an eye on the old lady while we are on vacation. She'll serve like a companion.'

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Snowball Attack

More than 100 teenagers launch snowball attack on police patrol car. Police may make arrests from video recorded. "We have got to stop it before it has a snowball effect", says Captain.


written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Too Many Goodies

Winter storm, big Holiday guts start to spread across US Midwest.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Aid To Freddie & Family

Treasury removes aid cap for Fannie and Freddie and the rest of the Farkel Family including Simon & Garfarkel.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Not Much Bounce

Jobless claims, goods orders, under inflated basketballs signal modest rebound.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Military Saluted

Obamas salute military in their Christmas message but fail to first come to attention.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Guitarist Dies

Guitarist for Janis Joplin's Big Brother band now playing riffs on a harp.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Gene Simmons' Attack

Couple sues Gene Simmons over alleged attack. "That tongue was all over me", states the woman.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Change In US Military

Pregnant soldiers in war zone won't be punished, neither will their babies.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

No Japanese, Chinese Agreement

Japanese and Chinese scholars have failed to narrow their differences over modern history, including the 1937 Nanjing Massacre, 2008 Olympics, during a joint study that aimed to soothe strained ties.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Bunch Of Jackasses

Donkeys escape from live nativity scene in Colo. Republicans blame Democrats.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Pope Ran Over

Pope delivers Christmas blessing after fall and being ran over by a member of his flock.

written by Bureau, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Nick Griffin Pleased with His Christmas Present

BNP leader, Nick Griffin, is said to be 'over the moon' with his new Christmas present. A colleague gave him one of those new HP cameras which does not see black faces.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Ireland's Bishop Shortage More Serious Than Thought

The Roman Catholic denomination is facing a dearth as 2 more Bishops resign over sex allegations."If the trend carries on, the denomination will become extinct in 2010." Said a Vatican spokesman today

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

1 in 6 People Carry Faulty Gene That Increases the Risk of Heart Disease

Scientists believe that 1 in 6 people carry the faulty gene that increases the risk of heart disease. However, this gene is not found in politicians. Therefore the answer is to become a politician.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Free TV Licences for over 70s Will Bankrupt BBC

By the year 2012 there will be that many over 70s that there will be not have enough revenue to fund the BBC and it will have to close.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Smokers to Be Given Free Music to Help Them Quit

Smokers are to be given free music to help them quit smoking in the New Year. However, the very well-known classical piece of music comes from the Hamlet Cigar commercials, popular in the early 70s.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Angelina Jolie Claims That Fidelity Is Not Important to a Successful Relationship

Angeline Jolie claims that fidelity is not important for a successful relationship. "So, Tiger Woods got it wrong!" She allegedly said.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

"Not in My Backyard!"

A neighbour of Nicole Kidman has objected to the planting of Leylandii around the perimeter of the 140 acre smallholding. He owns a modest 2500 acre station - so it's hardly going to affect him,is it?

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Pope Unbalanced

The Pope was unbalanced an 'apparently unbalanced woman' as he led midnight Mass in the Vatican. She yelled; "father forgive me!" But the Pope still had her arrested by the Vatican Guard.

written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Dizzy Madoff Treated for Hypertension

Apparently his gold neck chain weighed so much it was strangling him.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

385 Pound Kirstie Alley Hates To Drive

Kirstie Alley, who weighs 385, says that she is getting to where she hates to drive. Kirstie reveals that when she parks in her driveway and starts to get out of her car, it invariably sticks to her.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The Dance Group Formerly Know As The Radio City Rockettes

Due to the continuing downward slide of the nation's economy New York's Radio City Rockettes are having to downsize. Their new name will be The Radio City Pebblettes.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Conan O'Brien - The Man And His Horrendously Untrained Hair

Conan O'Brien does not realize it, but his hairdo is actually outlawed in three states.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Heather Mills aka "The Lean Dancing Machine"

Heather Mills has appeared on America's 'Dancing With The Stars' and will soon appear on Britain's 'Dancing on Ice.' Mills has said that after DOI, she will appear on Nepal's 'Dancing Up Mt. Everest.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2009
Rating:

The Return of The 83-Year-Old Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan who is 83, has agreed to wrestle Richard Simmons with one arm tied behind his back in a special match to benefit The Sidesaddle Riders of West Hollywood.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Who exactly is running the US?

Well, it surely isn't O'Bama

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Lawmaker Targets Loud TV ADS

Exempts Political Campaign Ads in the legislation.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

32 years after Chaplin's death...

...and after reviewing the 1,900 pages of reports that J. Edgar Hoover had on him, the FBI has come to the preliminary and tentative conclusion that perhaps he need not have been deported.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Stockton, CA Reaps Results of Gun Control Efforts

Now Cambodian gangs rule the streets of Stockton, kidnapping and whacking off fingers and ears of their victims. They send the body parts to the families of their victims to get ransom $$.


Doh!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

How great it's fall

The Pravda, on-line in English, is little more than a tabloid with the standard mix of Jew-baiting, UFO sightings and isolationist crap that abounded in American rags in the fifties.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Sad. Very sad.

The only thing sadder then you - yes, YOU - reading these silly snippets when you could be having fun with your family is the fact that I'm busy writing them. We need lives. You first.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Gates and Clinton Tell Truth for a Change!

When asked what the real problem is exactly, they both chimed in unison "there are still some that won't play our usury games."

Yep. that really does say it all.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 25 December 2009
Rating:

Media wonders - why do people think we're "left"?

Slate, the newszine, has wrote a story about the Virgin Mary not being a virgin. While that's been asked for 2,000 years, they thought two days before X-mas was a good time for bringing it up again.

written by Alexandria177, 25 December 2009
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