Order by:
Rating:

Atomic The Clown

Clown in Pittsburgh accused of wedging kids at birthday as commanded by the birthday party boy, receiving lots of tips.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

VP Holding Grudge

President Obama says he's getting a little fed up with Dick Cheney doing jack-rabbit starts and wasting gas every time he thought Obama was looking.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

If You Wondered

In South Africa today, the Hottentots told visiting tourists that they were generally hot-to-trot!

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Priviliged Pansies!

New York, California threaten to cut off supply of stars if rest of the US doesn't help them with financial problems. 48 answer: Please do.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Nuther Strike

Another writer's strike possible in Hollywood as writers say they can't come up with enough crap fast enough.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

US Kids Ahead

US kids way ahead of those in other countries in game and movie rentals. Tenth grade viewing at 12th grade levels.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Obama Makes A Bad Move

President Obama fires the White House chief gardener after staff left a rake under the snow and he stepped on it. Secret Service men carry him, still bent, inside.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Jonathan Ross Recommends Number One Single

TV presenter, Jonathan Ross, has allegedly said; "I thwowelly wecommend Wage to be number one this Christmas." It is not clear whether he was talking about a pop group or his salary.

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Sacked Teacher Says; "There Is a God after All!"

The teacher who was sacked for praying for a sick pupil has admitted that there is a God after all and she thanks him "for getting her out of the chaos that is called OFSTED!"

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Better Cushion Cool Seat

In an effort to cut down on electricity over the summer months, California Governor Schwarzenegger says that between May 31 and September 1st, clothing will be optional.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Eurostar to Move Most Vulnerable First!

It has been announced that 25 British MPs trapped in the Channel Tunnel, will be moved to France first. A French political spokesman said; "We don't want them over here - and as for expenses NON!"

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Blacks prefer committing crimes on Blacks

Sociologists say that statistics show that blacks prefer committing crimes against each other with the perceived notion that society doesn't care.

written by howy, 20 December 2009
Rating:

They're Back

The Supreme Court ruled Friday to Uphold the Franklin Decision, 7-4 with the Salahis, who had slipped in uninvited, split on the ruling.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Males are warned not to hang out with other males

By genetic nature most males are aggressive and competitive towards each other; it's advised that men only hang out with women to prevent other men from taking away their reproductive opportunities.

written by howy, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Lesbians vs. Real Women

Some lesbian brains are partially male in the hypothalamus unlike real women whose brains are 100% female and completely compatible with men for successful reproduction.

written by howy, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Lesbians vs. Lesbians

Some lesbians have a masculine hypothalamus while other lesbians don't but it's agreed the behavior is attributed to the entire brain, men should not reproduce with them to prevent lesbian daughters.

written by howy, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Wins One!

This week, Associated Press named Tiger Woods the "Athlete of the Decade." Tiger finished just ahead of President Obama for his opening day pitch for Major League Baseball.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Easy To Do

Bristol Ryan, a Las Vegas hooker now says that it may have been Ron Wood instead of Tiger Woods she's been seeing. "They do look alike", states Ryan.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Eye On Newt

A witch in Wales says she has her eye on Newt Gingrich to run in 2012 presidential election.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Kept To Himself

A really well-hung Phoenix, Arizona man found guilty of raping five men and sent to prison bringing loud complaints from guy in next cell.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Burial Space Needed

Britain is out of space in the cemeteries with government stocking bodies, according to officials Friday. Although Ireland has offered to help, many Brits say they wouldn't be caught dead in Ireland.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Censorship in The World Today

This article has been censored by the Department of Redundancy Department and the Department of Censorship

written by Gordo Plenty, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Polanski Finishing Up

Friend: Polanski finishing film under house arrest. "He's got a trio of 13-year-olds in there helping."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Snake Eat Rat World

Big Boa Constrictor dead say NYC police after finding remains of snake that had eaten two big rats before the rest of the pack got it.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Dollar Weaker

A much weaker dollar has caused Chinese lead-coated junk to double in price, say economists.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Here You Are Buddy

The economy has become so bad that yesterday, people in Washington Square Park in NYC, say they saw a pigeon return a piece of popcorn to a homeless guy on bench.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Just A Collection

Part of John Kennedy's brain found upstairs at home of Ted Kennedy, his brother. Also, Lyndon Johnson's balls.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

No Fear, Says Hillary

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says that she is not worried that other countries will try to build missile shields. "Probably wouldn't work any better than our."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Mitch Speaks Out!

Senator Mitch McConnell says that Republicans are not against trying to save the earth from real global warming. "After all, we own more of it than the democrats."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Just Say No To Donuts!

President Obama threatens to close all doughnut shops as US police getting too fat to catch anyone.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Forget It!

Catfish with legs has evolutionists excited until they find he hails from Chernobyl.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Right Back At You

Hubble Telescope goes so far into distant star that it spots an alien Hubble type telescope.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Lagasse In USSR

Emeril Lagasse admits that he helped spy on the old Soviet Union. "Julia Child convinced me it would help my cooking."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

BBC Caught Cheating in Viewing Figures Calculation

A chain of well-known electrical retailers have been caught setting all their TVs to BBC1 in a bid to boost the ratings for Strictly Come Dancing. BBC viewers = 11 million Actual viewers = 2 million

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

New Camouflage for British Army

The British Army are to be issued with new camouflage that includes a 'red & white tea towel'. "This is to confuse the Taliban!" Said General Sir Rupert Bear who is currently in Helmand province.

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Not A Breakthrough

East Kentuckian, Amos Plumbob, invents the first automobile that runs on lignite coal.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Take A Number

Las Vegas first artist colony having little trouble finding nude models.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Mormon Family Lets Fly!

Mormon family of 37 admit that they are sick to death of each other!

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Up & Downs

Yo-Yo Ma finally calms down after being told that "Yo MaMa" jokes not about him.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Not In A Monologue

David Letterman denies that he started the big penis rumor about himself.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Weather Pretty Humdrum

Texas hit with some of its most boring weather ever. "Storms just mosey through every once in awhile", says weatherman.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Loud Fart Agrees

Cherokee Chief Punctured Condom says that he is all for abandoning some Indian customs. "Especially one about being named for event at birth."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Peace Move?

Palestinians, for the first time, say they will blow up and dispose of huge rock arsenal.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

More Roving Blackouts

Governor Schwarzenegger says that California could have to return to roving blackouts next summer. Business people and burglars ask for schedules should this happen.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Glowing Report

President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, gives his people a glowing report on the new nuclear plans.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

CEO's Pay Scale

President Obama: Company CEO's make 500 times the wages of workers? And Politicians? "No records kept."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Chimps Used Tools

Report: Chimps used simple tools Six Million Years Ago! Mostly used them to play with, produce baby chimps.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Or Republicans On Elephants

Former President Jimmy Carter scattering peanuts all around his home in case terrorists conduct a Hannibal-like attack.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

ADD In Adults,,Chickens

Percentage of adults with ADD even higher than kids with whatever I just said. Who's dog is that?

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

CIA Hiring

The CIA says that they are still hiring. "Our employment of spies is up 15%. At least 98% still on our side."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

We Can 'Spin' Too

US factories claim that their smokestacks produce clouds, help blot out the sun and decrease global warming!

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Bush Not Responsible

In new book, George W. Bush claims that he is not responsible for starting the war in Iraq. "Don't look at me, I lost in 2000! It was that Supreme Court!"

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Title Change

In order to attract a bigger audience, "Miss World Contest" title to be changed to "Miss 'The Big Bang'!"

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Old Technology Best?

Ass recognition scheduled for security at all airports as copiers and butt-sniffing dogs brought in.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

'Gang' Feud

Robert Blake now being connected to the disappearance of Buckwheat back in 1959.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Lions Getting Desperate

Detroit Lions desperate as they sign two more armchair quarterbacks this morning.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Sorry, It Got Misplaced

CIA Emergency Bulletin about possible US attack on NYC buildings finally reaches Bush in Crawford, Texas.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Amazing Belt Buckle

The amazing belt buckle that expands with your waistline as you enjoy that Christmas blowout. Plus two free adult diapers so that you won't have to get up from the table.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Guilty As Charged

Men ARE better than women at parking: Feminist scientists proves what sexist motorists have known all along. "Well, who suggests 'parking' in the first place?"

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Parents Misled

Parents being 'misled' into thinking that children's fat-laden junk food is healthy. "It was what their mom and I ate and she lived to be 42! They say 39 is the average."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Blair On Tear

Tony Blair: It's only in Britain that people don't like me. In Sugar Ridge, Missouri, I'm like a god.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Joyeux Noel!

President Sarkozy has given his hot wife, Carla Bruni, a vibrator for Christmas. "You know.... for when I am away," said Mr. Sarkozy. "Oui, thank you.... who are you, again?" responded Mrs. Sarkozy.

written by Geneva Slim, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Little Known Law

Moat MP Douglas Hogg won't repay thousands - because of the Norman law of 'bung hole'.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Grease Coming Through The Floor

"Since Tony was here so much of his time", Cherie Blair's new HQ is above McDonald's.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

A Christmas Merger

The Grinch and Scrooge have merged. Look for the collected tales of "The Grinooge" at a bookseller near you.

written by Geneva Slim, 20 December 2009
Rating:

The Odd Couple

David Irving is the 71-yr-old Right-wing historian who was jailed for 'glorifying' Hitler's Nazi Party. She is a young statuesque blonde who works as personal assistant. Both nutty as fruitcakes.


written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Jesus Agrees - Christmas is Overrated

HEAVEN - Jesus Christ has announced that he's sickened by all the fol-de-rol surrounding Christmas. "Jesus Christ, it's just a birthday. Get a grip, people!"

written by Geneva Slim, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Fury Over Channel Breakdown

Fury at model Claudia Schiffer being freed before the others in channel breakdown. "She was the first one to draw my attention", says rescuer.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

More Signs Of GW

More travel chaos as heavy snow forces airports to cancel flights as global warming takes its toll.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Mother Teresa A Big Bully?

Christian teacher lost her job after being told praying for sick girl 'was bullying'. "That Mother Teresa was the world's worst", says school board.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Climate Talks End

Climate talks end with eye on next year, the sky. "Looks like we could be having some weather soon", observes one rep on the way out.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Ready To Blow?

Major volcanic eruption is feared in the Philippines Mount Showoff!

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Climate Change Effects

AP Poll: Most see climate change as serious. "We're certainly seeing a lot more bikinis in the summer", says Duluth Old-Timer. "That's a serious matter to me."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

One Rough Neighborhood

Prison population to have first drop since 1972 as Obama frees 10,000 from gangs in his old Chicago neighborhood.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Boy Scouts: 100-Years Old

At 100, Boy Scouts say they're still 'essential'. "But at our age, we hardly go camping anymore, unless it's on the john."

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

China Positive About Whatever

China: Climate talks yielded 'positive' results for sometimes in the far future, we guess.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Iranian Dissident Dies

Iranian dissident cleric Montazeri, rest of his family, die a natural death.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

The Cow Jumps over Sun in X Factor Bid

A 6-year-old Friesian cow from Cornwall, who would like to be a celebrity, jumped over the Sun newspaper in order to Simon Cowell.

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Words Over Actions Again

Obama raced clock, chaos, comedy for climate deal which no one promised to uphold.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Violence Grows

Fear of violence grows in mountaintop mining fight as brawl spills over onto mountain side.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

No More Sqeezing In Backdoors

Evangelical church opens doors fully to gays, especially closet doors.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Pangolins Rescued

Malaysian wildlife authorities said they have rescued 130 pangolins and arrested two men attempting to smuggle the protected species, destined to be sold to restaurants, perverts and medicine shops.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Quick Freeze

Storm continues to wallop East Coast, heads north. People found with tongues stuck to "Stop Global Warming" signs.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Global Warming a fact, half of Europa is buried in snow!!

The perpetrators behind the global warming theory have been proven correct, half of Europe and the world is buried by icy SNOW, save the Polar Bears!

written by Jaggedone, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Who said "you can not teach an old dog new tricks!"

Faith, a 7-year-old dog born with no front legs has learned to walk on his hind legs - a feat in itself. It is indeed an astonishing sight; yet Faith has a new trick - he has learnt to cock his leg!

written by IN SEINE, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Esther Rantzen In World Record Bid

Esther Rantzen failed to win the world record for eating Brussels sprouts. She is still in the running for world's most flatulent woman.

written by JP Johnston, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Crash survivors spend six months in Hawaii

17 plane crash losers spent six months huddled on an obscure beach, unable to even make a fire, living off of coconuts. After six months, a Hawaii State Trooper found them four miles from town.

written by Alexandria177, 20 December 2009
Rating:

The Real Reason

A presidential memo indicates detainees at GITMO are being moved to allow real dangerous people to be held there. These are rabid environmentalists, animal rights crazies & bio-diversity fanatics.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Heath Care Reform Snow Job



Will Senate Majority Leader Reid get his Quorum on Saturday? One inch of snow paralyzes Washington DC area traffic, let alone a predicted 20 inches. There is a pajama party planned at the Capitol.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Spin Control

Thank the NTSB for the installed seat belts in your car. While driving and listening to the spin put on the results of the Copenhagen summit, loss of vehicle control will be prevented.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Iranian Provocation

Iranian forces went into Iraq & seized an oil well. Iran's President Ahmadinejad went on TV, defending the action saying "it is the only olive oil well in the Middle East & the Iraqi's won't share!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Major League Politics

What if President Obama played for the New York Yankees, with such a low batting average as his first year political accomplishments? He would be sent to the Yankees Toledo Turkey's farm club.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

History May Repeat Itself

What do Benito Mussolini and Hugo Chavez have in common? Nothing, except they may both be remembered for being hung upside down by their heels!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Global Whimsy

Up to 20 or more inches of snow are likely along the US East Coast! All the hot air was left in Copenhagen, such that global warming produces global cooling. Ain't junk science wonderful?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Copenhagen Summit Ends in Turmoil

US environmental groups flew home on private jets, polluting the air. They cried all the way home submerging many small islands. Once home a big stink will be made about results not being good enough!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

New Health Care Reform Supporters

Senate Majority Leader Reid wants environmentalists to support the Senate health care reform bill. He says "the bill has provisions to put green power back into the US electric transmission grid."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Double Trouble

Sarah Palin says that if she does become the first female President of the United States, she has a very important place in her cabinet for Tina Fay.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Subtitle

The next Twilight movie, "Twilight: The Eclipse" will be subtitled "The Vampire Strikes Back".

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Big China Discovery

200 Million Year-Old small mammal discovered in China. Doing fine except for a little arthritis in it's knees.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

"Squeal Piggy Squeal"

"The Muppets Do Deliverance" the next movie for the Sesame Street crew as Miss Pigy will play the part played by Ned Beatty.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Ali Family Guests Of The Foremans

Mohammed Ali's daughter knocks out George Foreman's son in fight over who got the first burger off the George Foreman grill. "It's that rope-a-dope all over again", states Foreman.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
Rating:

Putin & Rasputin

Vladimir Putin said today that he did not have anything to do with the poisoning of the writer last year, although he is related to Rasputin on his mother's side.

written by Bureau, 20 December 2009
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