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Rating:

Spoof writer gets it up the ass from US Bank

The bank recently made sure December was fucked for one spoof writer. The Bank makes a habit of ramming fees up poor peoples asses. They told the writer they only help people who don't need help.

written by OIF2Sniper, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Honest Russian/English dictionary published

Amongst other honest entries, "nyet" means "I need a bribe" and "da" means "probably not". "Nekulturny" still means "you".

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Stolen sign found

The Auschwitz sign, "Work will make you free" was found. A prankster had erected it outside his cubicle at an office complex in Krakow. Said the twenty year corporate drone, "I know how they felt."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Su madre es muy caliente...

It's true. She's not visited Mexico before.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Border Vigilante Group ambushed

A group of self-appointed border guards, suspiciously resembling a clan of inbred rednecks, was ambushed by a group of Native Americans. They said they agreed with the white guys, so pushed them out.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Conservatives claim Amnesty is a ruse

They say that Obama only wants to grant amnesty to illegals to create a permanant class of voters dependant on democrats. Reached for comment, Obama said, "Well...duh."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Top Two Professions

Americas biggest job group as of July 1, 2009 was workers in fast food restaurant businesses. #2 was occupying a prison or jail somewhere.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

No Face On Mars

New shot form Hubble Telescope shows that that is not a face on Mars, but a group of condominiums in shape of face.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

The Results Are In!

Recent research confirms that nude women cause sexual stimulation in some men.

written by Gordo Plenty, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Many Believe That

Study: Most clones believe that there in someone on this earth there is a double for themselves.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Nice & Quite

Representative from Massachusetts Barney Frank has married himself in a private ceremony on Martha's Vineyard.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Mossad steals Auschwitz sign

"With all the atrocities that we commit against the Palestinians we need a distraction, and with the 65th anniversary of the camp liberation coming up, we figured it was a win-win.", said Saul Ruben.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Woman With Worlds Largest Vagina Has Tiger Story!!

The woman who has the worlds largest vagina recently came out with a secret Tiger story of her own. Apparently Tiger Woods has met with her numerous times to body surf on her enormous Labia Majoris.

written by OIF2Sniper, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Talking Sexy Klingon

Police in San Diego, California say that recently arrested "Deniece The Debaucherer" apparently lured innocent nerds over the internet.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Acted Like He Didn't Care

Man Naked at home guilty of Indecent Exposure, as neighbors look in his windows and watch him watching TV.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Seante Passes Bill

Democratic leaders secure the support of Sen. Ben Nelson to provide the 60th and deciding vote for sweeping health care legislation in the Senate after promising him Tiger Woods leftovers.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Snowblowers On The Field

Snow storm slams East Coast, knocks out power as two football teams missing. Fans dig their way back to car lot, each side saying they won.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Spoof Writer Creates Virus

A spoof writer has created his very own virus. If you are unfortunate enough to encounter SKOOBFACE, then you will know that it came from the writer known as SKOOB1999

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Bionics dream dead

Near forty years after Steve Austin and Jamie Summers wowed us all with their bionic limbs, eyes and ears, the blind can't see, the deaf can't hear, and the lame can't walk. Let alone fight crime.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Oprah donates 1.5 to inner city school

When asked whether that meant $1.5 million or 1.5 hours of her time, she said, "Same difference."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger's mom says she's "disappointed"

"Frankly, I'm heartbroken.", she said. "But on the upside, at least he's not a fag."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Seemed Like A Good Idea

The reintroduction of grizzly bears has been halted in Montana and South Dakota as they are disturbing both the bison and the snowmobile drivers.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

OB/GYN bitterly regrets choice

"I thought seeing vaginas all day would be great", said Dr. Finklestein. "Boy, was I wrong. Not when it's some 250 pound lady with a yeast infection, or a 98 pound meth head with oozing pustules."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Advisory to teen males

You can avoid the dangers of hairy palms and vision problems by hiring a masturbatrix for all your masturbatory needs.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Star Wars fan just realized...

...that in "The Empire Strikes Back", there is a friendly rivalry between Luke and Han for Leia's affections, with Luke actually getting a romantic kiss from her at one point. But...she's his sister!

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Global warming disproved

Once again, it's winter and it's cold, proving that global warming is a just an eco-fascist myth.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Lesbian Union makes new rule

Most women pretend lesbianism till their senior year, then realizing that daddy won't support them forever, they get engaged to a man. Now it's required they pretend till halfway through senior year.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Can't Make Up His Mind

President Obama says he is rethinking those stimulus bills, the troop assignment and that maybe, he picked the wrong dog for the White House. "I'm just looking at the polls", he states.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Not Working For Him Either

Still another lady comes forward to ask Tiger Woods for "bailout money".

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Study suggest degrees for women a waste of money

A new study reveals that fathers can save money by simply insisting that their daughters find their husbands in the first two years of college, saving tens of thousands in useless tuition.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

All Still Crooks

Brain gym for pupils is pointless, admits Balls. "Political groups have studied it and it hasn't helped one bit, according to their records."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

A typical jewelry add for the truly "special"

"Brilliant diamond chips with one carat of total weight are set in a beautiful ring electroplated with genuine 10 karat gold. Show that special lady just how special you think she is. Only $149.99."

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Must Not Offend

Tinsel Taliban strikes as Court Service ban staff from decorations to avoid offence, say they are wearing mistletoe in underpants.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Just A Nice Fantasy

Gynaecologist's three-year ordeal ends as 'fantasist with excessive libido' drops her case, vibrator, in courtroom.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Most Burn Rubber On Way Out

Climate change summit accepts 'toothless' US-backed agreement - but deal is not legally binding, as Obama's last minute "Keep all tires aired up/ No jack-rabbit starts" speech accomplishes little.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Joker In Chunnel Arrested

More than 2,000 passengers trapped in Channel Tunnel after four Eurostar trains break down. Many panic after joker yells, "It's Leaking! It's Leaking!"

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Champagne Con Exposed

The champagne 'con': Half-price deals are a cheat, says wine expert. "Here's the deal...the bottle are only half size."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

"Get Your Free Ferret!"

It's panic Saturday: High Street giants slash prices, give away ferrets and stay open till midnight in bid to lure Christmas bargain hunters.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Woods Changes First Name To Embattled

Embattled Woods wins PGA Tour player, porker of the year award!

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Amusement Parks Sold

Amusement park sale throws industry for a double loop the loop! "I feel like we're on one big merry-go-round", says one present owner.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Just Lies There Among Puppets

Mississippi art museum announces Jim Henson exhibit, and no, he does not move.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Worse Than Muhammed Cartoons

Prosecutors investigating Clintons were prepared to seek indictments for their roles in Whitewater & Lewinsky affairs, an explosive new book about Bill's scandals charges, as Dems riot in the street.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

New subprime credit card

It's interest rate is 79.9% prompting an outcry from loansharks who feel that this is unfair competition.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Man throws tomatoes at Palin, misses

But at least he did spatter two cops, so it wasn't a total loss.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tweeter Away!

Twitter briefly blocked by hackers but hackers soon become blocked!

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Innocent man in prison for 35 years

Sent to prison at 19 and just now released at 54, he says he's not angry. After all, he gets a $1.75 million retirement package. That and the free food and shelter he had in prison. And free sex.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Nothing Accomplished Once Again

Obama's last minute climate deal with no promises now bogged down in UN swamp!

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Drunk man pays $72 for taco at Taco Bell

The manager and police agree that he must have been drunk. Not for paying $72, but for going to Taco Bell at all.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tropical Forests Get Axed

A plan to protect the world's biologically rich tropical forests got the axe early Saturday after world leaders failed to agree on a binding deal to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Al-Qaida Leader Escapes

Suspected al-Qaida leader in Yemen escapes raid as fast car driven by Osama Bin Laden whisks him away at the last moment.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

More School Cutbacks

Some schools are dropping driver's education, polo to cut costs.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Keur Drops Woods

Tag Heuer to drop Tiger Woods from US campaigns. He will be replaced by David Hasselhoff.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Karzai's Varies New Cabinet

Karzai presents new Afghan Cabinet list. "I have tried to include relatives from ALL parts of the country."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

LeAnn Rimes In Divorce

LeAnn Rimes' husband files for divorce. LeAnn says she will probably file also if he's going to be such a shit.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Health Care For Five!

What's in health care proposals for 5 Americans? McConnell: "You mean we've been through all this for 5 people. Give them an insurance policy and let's go home."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Less Than Normal

Eurostar train service between Britain and France was suspended Saturday morning after more than 2,000 passengers were stranded for hours after only 4 passenger trains broke down in Channel Tunnel.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Beauty Beheld Elsewhere

Beauty not so much in the eye of the beholder as in the measurements between the eyes, mouth & ears of a woman being observed, US & Canadian researchers have found after study of 100 nude volunteers.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

East Coast A Mess!

Foul pre-Christmas weekend in store for East Coast unless you are buying sleds, snow-blowers, long underwear for Holidays.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Senate Closing In

Senate closing in on $626 billion spending bill. "We have it completely surrounded and ready to give in", states Harry Reid.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

John Paul II Towards Sainthood

John Paul II moves a step closer to beatification as proof confirmed that he once turned wine into water.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Denmark Conference A Waste

A divided UN conference recognizes climate deal finally agrees to "look into it" but no promises to do anything.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Woods dropped again!

On his head!

written by Lightning Conductor, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tractor Thief Released on Bail

A man tried to steal a tractor whilst high on drugs. When the farmer chased him, he fell into a slurry pit. However, he could not be held in prison because the smell was so bad.

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2009
Rating:

More Popular Than Jesus Claim Denied

A Mr Smith and Mrs Jones, who were married in 1982 were celebrating their wedding anniversary. The Smith-Jones's from Pontefract deny saying; "we are now more popular than Jesus!"

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Scientists Discover the Octopus Uses Tools . . .

. . . and loves to watch reruns of the "Home Improvement" TV show.

written by Gail Farrelly, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Woods Wins Again!

Woods was named Player Of The Year today. Also he recieved some golf award too.

written by Gordo Plenty, 19 December 2009
Rating:

It's X-mas in Obama's America!

And at the top of children's wish list this year is a larger back seat in mommy's car, so they can sleep stretched out instead of curled up. More blankies to keep warm is also a popular request.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

No World Peace!

Kicked out early, a potential Miss America contestant stated that she was not for world peace or we'd overpopulate the earth soon. Personally votes for doing away with her Miss America judges first.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Sneaking Killers Out There

Surgeon General warns cigarette companies to remove "Warning: This product will produce easily treatable cancer" on packages. Tobacco companies counter with "We didn't say treatments would work."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Synopsis of "Lost"

All the characters are good and bad, they're all related, and every bad and good thing happens to them that they deserve and do not. None of them are particularly sympathetic & all is morally gray.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Add To Golf Trophies

It was announced today that Tiger Woods will receive this years "Mobile Piece Prize".

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Roy Disney Dead

Will Roy Disney also be frozen for the future as his Uncle Walt? Will they both be re-animated at the same time? Stay tuned to, "Disney On Ice!"

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

They're Greedy People

President Obama calls in laid off CEO's from banks to question them about second and third helpings at food bank!

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Fugitive doctor found in the Alps

The ear, nose and throat doctor, wanted for fraud, still swears that it was the "one armed man" who cheated everyone.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Gay Parade Different

This year's Gay Pride Parade in San Francisco will feature a gay pride of lions for the first time. Roy Horn named Parade President.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

A 4 year old boy in Tennessee...

...was wandering around his neighborhood in a dress, drunk and drinking beer, stealing Christmas gifts, all in an attempt to go to jail to visit his daddy. Sorry, no punchline to add to that.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

I Knew It!

Recent number of mortgaged house failures, Charles Gibson leaving ABC News and your sister getting preggers blamed on the Jews.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Fauxfur coats all the rage this season

Prompting PETA to release a fauxpaint, made from imitation paint that stains just as much, and looks just as blood red.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Holiday Warnings

Police traveling the highways and byways say that all through the holidays they will be on high alert for drunks.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Peeping Toms let off the hook

A man was convicted of indecent exposure after women reported seeing him nude through the window of his own home. His attorney says that if he had looked through their windows, he'd be in trouble.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Will Stay With Top 100 From Now On

Lots of big changes in Forbes bottom one hundred of the world's richest people, as all 100 died before they could be found. Forbes called heartless.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

School field trip to Hooters

The teacher responsible for that has been suspended, though on the upside, Spring enrollment is up 132%.

written by Alexandria177, 19 December 2009
Rating:

School Disaster

Take your pet to school day wrecks havoc as Boas Constrictor swallows potbelly pig, killing them both.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
Rating:

Location, Location, Location!

Report: America's home schooled children, woefully lacking in world geography skills, can successfully name everything in the house and backyard playground.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2009
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