Order by:
Rating:

And I Was REALLY Bad

ten thousand self-flagellation kits recalled after consumers complain that they're more like a wet noodle.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Nothing To Do With Each Other

Lights in the sky, crop circles, cattle mutations, alien kidnappings, Spaceship landing near the White House unrelated, say experts.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Auschwitz sign stolen

The "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign hanging over the death camp was stolen. In unrelated news, a new sign is due to be installed at Gitmo, one promising hope to the detainees still held without trial.

written by Alexandria177, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Appeals Court Denial?

US Appeals Court could deny the possible breakup of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Signing Bills Like Crazy

Diplomatic frenzy at final day of UN climate talks having a snowball effect.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Dogs Cheering Vets

Two-legged dog gives hope to disabled Army vets. Three-legged dog on Viagra produces even more enthusiasm.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

You Have To Look

Huge airlines price discounts available..to those willing to stand, clean bathroom or rock crying babies.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

We'll Soon Know Who Looked!

In Brooklyn, New York Bikers plan topless ride to protest lane removal. Residents plan not to look in order not to get sick.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Can't Take That!

Your mind continues after brain dies as new study suggests
we could hear Yanni for several minutes. Suicide planners put off actions.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Palin On Slogans

Sarah Palin mulls over 2012 Presidential slogan.."Not The One On Saturday Night Live!"

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

We Were Right!

Dispute among FBI and CIA members leads to huge fight over official terrorist warnings, over 100 agents injured.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Ask Sports Teams To Limit

Greenpeace: Sheer numbers of thrown away bobble-head dolls threaten barrier reefs.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Cheney Accuses Obama

Dick Cheney accuses President Obama of personal vendetta as no new health care proposals contained the paying for heart pacemakers.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Proctor and Gamble Release New Product

In an effort to remain on top during the holiday season, Proctor and Gamble have released a new version of their popular laundry detergent, Cheer. The new version will be called Christmas Cheer.

written by Gordo Plenty, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Russian Triangle Explained

Flying "Triangle" over the Kremlin explained. It was a small rocket containing a baby "with powers far beyond those of mere mortal men" say Kentowitvh family from rural area nearby.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Got More Power

Indonesian Democratic Party's Chailwoman Megawati Soekarnoputri is ready to lead the party again if re-elected during a national congress next year. " She better than cousin, Kilowati! say officials."

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Auschwitz "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign is stolen, Israel declare war against Poland!!!

"How could they let this happen" screamed the Israeli PM and declared war on Poland. "Imbeciles, Untermenschen, Idiots," he screamed as B52's were targeted towards Warsaw. Obama just smiled!

written by Jaggedone, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Falls In Polls

Tiger Woods has officially went from the top ten cool guys to the top ten "Least Jiggy" list in one month.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Hits At #2 Behind Palin Book

New book out by Osama Bin Laden, "Where Would I Look If I Were Looking For Bin Laden?"

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Hasselhoff Blames Show Cancelation

David Hasselhoff: I never had any drinking problems as long as I was out there in the water with all those babes!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

New Reports Out

Latest findings: Burritos linked to halitosis at both ends. Footlong sausages linked to happy marriages.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Another Santa Busted

Still another Mall Santa Claus busted after being caught with small children in his lap. "They put on a wig and whiskers and they think they can get by with anything", says Sheriff in Knoblick, Tn.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Losing Several Doctors

President Obama says that he's sad to hear that a lot of chiropractors. "They're the backbone of our economy."

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Republicans Holding Up Health Care

Democrats in Washington accuse Republicans of holding up health care bill. "Especially Larry Craig", says Pelosi. "We know for sure that he's stalling.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Did Lamb Swallow Peach Seed?

Scientists now predicting time travel in "three shakes of a lamb's tail", but having explained terms.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Stall Is Working

President Obama: Our economy has improved to the point that most are not noticing that we are still headed for a depression.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Mount Assboil Erupts!

Mount Assboil has erupted in the Virgin Islands with pus driving thousands from their homes!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Can't Tell Pie From Joan

Joan River's oft redone face round as a pie pan after pie thrown in her face was piping hot.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Beano Is Bearish

The stock prices of the makers of Beano blow through the roof as more and more people go to basic foods due to the economy.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Another Riot

Christian Scientists riot for the third straight day after the cartoon drawings of Mary Baker Eddy.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Feminist vs. Real Women

Feminist are genetic mutations with masculine brains unlike real women whose brains are 100% female and completely compatible with men.

written by howy, 18 December 2009
Rating:

8 Yr Old Gives Birth

An unnamed 8 year old girl gave birth to a 14 year old boy this morning. Both were last seen happily watching iCarly and drinking Mt. Dew.

written by Gordo Plenty, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Shemale vs. Women

Shemales are dangerous because they have male brains unlike real women whose brains are attracted to men.

written by howy, 18 December 2009
Rating:

The feminist keep snooping

Feminist keep bothering women in the Middle East to stop them from having men. Middle Eastern women return the deadly favor.

written by howy, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Feminist inadvertently cause lesbianism

Feminist cause lesbianism by creating war between men and women but this helps evolution eliminate genetic inadequacies.

written by howy, 18 December 2009
Rating:

45 year old woman wants to get married

Old lady unable to have children wants marriage but men are smart and don't want to pay alimony for a wasted, old pussy- she opts for living together to prevent loneliness.

written by howy, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Prince Charles Injured

Word from Great Britain this morning is that Prince Charles has been injured in riding accident. Apparently suddenly bucked off by Camilla.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Here We Go Again

Scientist group in Florida say that the earth has only warmed slightly over past 50 years. Al Gore demands recount!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

I Got Me Mine

The FDA has announced something or other about the Prozac drug finally going generic over the counter and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Heart Transplant Going Well

Patient in US hospital doing well using baboon heart but ass has turned red as a beet.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Knew They Were On Something!

Extacy criminal gang rounded up after they were spotted outside a building in lower Manhattan dancing, singing, lighting farts and hugging each other.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Burgers Being Recalled

McDonald's restaurants recall over 1,000,000 burgers as meat may have contained 'small foreign objects'. Signs taken down to lower the number of those served.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Health Care Bill Not Shot Yet!

Democrats say health care bill is still being worked on but privately in smoke-filled rooms.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Constantly On The Move

Lost city of Atlantis discovered once again. This time from grainy images showing city-like formations at the bottom of the Caribbean.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Lawyers Getting The Money

Lawyers who get TEN times more than victims in NHS blunder cases accused of sending employees into hospitals to switch charts, names, diseases.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Obama Finally Makes It!

Obama finally arrives at climate change summit by dogsled as world leaders make last-ditch bid to reach deal on global warming.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Hard Times Reach The Palace

Your (commuter) carriage awaits! Thrifty Queen catches ordinary passenger train on her journey to Sandringham to hock jewelry for Christmas.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Weird Happenings In Russia

Russian internet sensation: Giant triangular 'UFO' filmed hovering above Kremlin, statue of Lenin does the Macarena.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Left In Lockbox

Solicitor-General Vera Baird embroiled in row after 'failing to pick up her dog's mess at railway station'. "Never should have stored it for her as the package smelled", says clerk.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Britain's Big Freeze

Big freeze hits Christmas getaway as eight inches of snow falls on Britain, and there's more to come as global warming speeds up!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Brit Airways Announcement Causes Panic

British Airways wins court order barring strike, as huge misunderstanding of statement causes panic after hearing "bar strikes".

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

90% Effective

Kids' Swine flu shots recalled; not strong enough, as several wind up well, except for uncloven hoofs.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Colder States Most Unhappy?

Turns out, sunshine states really are happiest according to new survey, although former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin says it's all a ball of shit!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Robot Warnings

Robot records deepest erupting undersea volcano, danger to Will Robinson!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Schools Praticing Eugenics!

School administration defends it's decision to hand out free condoms to students saying, "People this dumb shouldn't be allowed to breed."

written by Adam Click, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Senator Out Stumping

AP Interview: SC senator stumps for climate change after losing legs to frostbite.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Wrap Up Bill Passes As Bill Wraps Up

Wrap-up bill clears Senate hurdle. "It's pretty cold out there so everyone should wrap up good", states Senator Lieberman.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

At Least Do Something

Obama: Imperfect climate deal better than none as the Copenhagen meeting using jets to get there set us back six months.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

"These Aren't The Droids You're Looking For."

After further investigation The Secret Service now admits that the couple who crashed a White House state dinner used Jedi mind-fogging techniques to gain entry.

written by Adam Click, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Space Heaters Warning

Officials urge caution in use of space heaters. Running them outdoors could add to global warming.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Happens Every Four Years

It's now Democrat versus Democrat on national health care, primary elections!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

State Of Happiness

Happiest States Revealed by New Research, mostly headed up by those with legalized marijuana.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Privacy On Facebook

Want privacy on Facebook? Here is how to get some: Tell all your friends that you want privacy and then delete them all.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Drones Hacked

Adm. Mullen says hacked drones caused no damage. "For awhile they chased Obama, instead of Osama but that's been corrected."

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

1949 Screen Classic 'Queen of Spades' Reopens to Raves!

The film will be featured during "Wednesday Night Movies at the White House" hosted by Michelle Obama. Invitation only, but plenty of seats available for
'walk ins'.

written by Morse, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Definite Goals

President Barack Obama says that the world's will to address climate change "hangs in the balance" and insists any deal must include transparency among nations with no more secrets or whatever.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Russians Caught out

The KGB denies that Russia is in to 'pyramid selling' especially in the region of the Kremlin and Red Square.

written by IN SEINE, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Vermont court to rule on...

...how much a dog's love is worth. They are consulting with the small Korean American community that lives there.

written by Alexandria177, 18 December 2009
Rating:

After ten years worth of your tax dollars...

...the U.S. government has managed to stop less then one percent of the 24 billion dollars in drug money pouring out of our nation. However, fancy car ownership amongst border guards is up.

written by Alexandria177, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Defies Logic

Pakistan government is upset over missiles killing three Taliban terrorists. Pakistan government is not upset over Taliban Homicide bombers killing 120 of their innocent citizens in a market place.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Copenhagen Agreement

Copenhagen conference communiqué says global warming is the cause of third world dictators, homicide bombers, athlete's foot, Gonorrhea and pregnancy.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Raising Revenue

Baltimore's "Block" is home to strip clubs, pornography shops & other adult entertainments. Expansion, will allow the city to collect additional sin taxes to make up a $52 million budget shortfall.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Department of Agriculture Agreement Expansion

DOA & Dairy farmers agree to reduce emissions 25% by 2020! Use of "manure digesters," to produce methane from the decaying waste will generate electricity. A similar agreement with Congress is needed.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Environmentalists Upset Over Solar Plant Construction

Environmental groups are upset that an under construction solar power plant, to produce "green energy," is being build with Diesel powered bulldozers and other heavy equipment.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Food Safety Regulations

A group of fast food restaurant chains has agreed to help the government. They have written a number of food safety regulations to mandate cleanliness in government run school lunch kitchens.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Lowering Of Standards?

Rumor: New Moon couple have a falling out over just who is wearing the pants here!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Doubling Up

In a ploy to increase more visitors, Stonehenge combines tour there with free ticket to Mount Rushmore's Stoneheads, and vice versa.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Pluto Still Angry

Pluto runs amuck among astronomy convention held at Disney World yesterday, biting several & pissing on others.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

Chinese Plan Working

Chinese population control experts say they've got it down to only one sucker born every minute.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
Rating:

"That's Pushed Me Over The Edge!"

Bill Gates the big winner! Gates proudly shows off his $20 Million Dollar check from Publisher's Clearing House!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2009
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