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Rating:

Dyslexic Times "Tiger's 18 hoes"

Tiger goes 18 hoes with 2 hoes in one screams local paper, what the "l" says his manager, he loves his birdies.

written by jeremy griffiths, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Giant iceberg heading for Australia

a decent head butt should put it into touch

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Gordon Brown agrees to spend £1.5 billion of your money for 'climate action'

as if things are not hot enough already

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

'The Royle Family'

It takes at least two to have a Royle Family flutter

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Lessons from a 'model farmer'

'Get out while you still can'

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Ministers doubt Brown poll strategy

- what! Only now they doubt him!

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

An Invitation to Meet Gordon Brown

- 'between land and loch' at the junction between 'high and low water' at 'full moon' in 'deepest darkest winter'.

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Remember How Big Those Were?

It was only 42 years ago this December that the Fantastic Fatass Burgers changed their name to McDonalds, even though McDonald hat a big fat ass.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

'It could happen to you' or Darling

Brown denies rift with Darling after blocking VAT rise

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Woods 'did not pay for sex'

- but he sure had a hell of a lot of it

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Another "Tiger Girl" emerges

- 'from the woodwork'.

written by Tcoah, 11 December 2009
Rating:

One Bad Apple

China has stated that only one person was involved in the electronic spy network which researchers say infiltrated computers in government offices around the world. Announce that "He is now no more."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Better Clean Keyboard

Physicians report that a hacking cough is a sure indicator that you have a computer virus.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

"Let Me Hear An Offer!"

Report: Many car dealers are recruiting former high school, college cheerleaders as sales representatives.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Year Of The Gun!

It's been the year of the gun in Tennessee. In a flurry of legislative action, handgun owners won the right to take weapons onto sports fields & playgrounds but not to jail. "Are you nuts?', asks one.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Little Extra Makes All The Difference

The Obama administration's pay czar is limiting the cash compensation for executives at companies that received the largest taxpayer bailouts to $500,000, 2010 Calendar with Obama on it.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Heather Mills: "My Best Decade"

When Heather Mills lost her leg, she thought it was the end of the world. Yet a decade later she claims that it has been her very best decade. "You win some, you lose some." She said, with a smile.

written by IN SEINE, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Australia get infected by Brit disease "Binge Drinking"

Australia is in the midst of an epidemic called the "Brit Binge Drinking Virus" and are calling in riot squads to deal with it! 1 draconian puinshment is deportation back to the UK, SHOCK, HORROR!

written by Jaggedone, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Darling on Boiler Scrappage

Labour Party treasurer, Alistair Darling, reputedly said that he got the idea about boiler scrappage from watching his mother-in-law.

written by IN SEINE, 11 December 2009
Rating:

EU to Donate €7 Billion toward Climate Change

The European Union will generously donate €7 billion to help developing countries combat climate change, the EU president announced today. Naturally, Great Britain will be paying the greater share!

written by IN SEINE, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Rottweiler Bites MP and Survives!

A Rottweiler allegedly bit an MP and survived. "My dog Jake will have to wear a muzzle for the rest of his life, but the vet said he had a lucky escape and should pull through okay." His owner said

written by IN SEINE, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Still A Few Bugs!

The Hadron Collider is down again after another moth got in and go zapped!

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
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Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy confirm that Susan Boyle has talent!

US UGLY supertars, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy back UGLY Susan Boyle to conquer the US and Beyonce, Fergie, Lady Ga GA, Gwen Stefani have cancelled all appointments with their Plastic Surgeons!

written by Jaggedone, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Pole Quits Team

Polish athlete who was getting ready for the next Summer Olympics has quit, saying he's tired of people jumping over him.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
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Good? Why It's Favrefegnugen!

People from state of Minnesota are beginning to use the word, "Favrefegnugen" in their vocabulary an awful lot.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Nader Wins One

Ralph Nader reveals a different side of himself as he wins New York Klingon Scrabble contest.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Fantom of Opera Strikes Again

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

written by JP Johnston, 11 December 2009
Rating:

US Closing Prisons?

The US has stopped running its global network of secret prisons, says one warden's statement made from who knows where, according to somebody.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Student Guilty

Student who hurled hamster at wall 'like a snowball' guilty of animal cruelty, off the wall behavior.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Gay Soldier Tells His Story

Gay soldier serving in Afghanistan reveals moment he 'came out of the tank' to his Army comrades.


written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

The Brown, Balls Report

Darling's plan to halt spending in Pre-Budget Report 'overruled by both Brown and Balls'.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Driver, Passengers Given The Boot

Winter blunder-land: Britons on trip to Christmas spectacular end up at Belgian 'car boot sale' as coach driver gets lost, then given two other kind of boot by boss, several angry passengers.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Birthday Candle Flames Freeze

Temperatures to plummet to -3C as Britain faces a weekend of freezing fog, ice, wild Skoob birthday parties.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Bat Masterson Gone

Actor Gene Barry, dapper TV western hero, stage star, dies of Gabby Hayes Disease.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Sawyer Leaving GMA

Diane Sawyer exits from 'Good Morning America'! Her first story: "That Idiot Over At CBS!"

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

O'Brien Turned Down

Notre Dame picks Kelly to revive football. Many surprised over The Fighting Irish picking of Kelly.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Many Making Their Own

Price of gold up another 10%. The price of lead for bullets, up 50%, because of shortage. New Bullet factories planned.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Peace Prize Speech Approved

President Obama's speech, "It Takes A Beer Conference" goes well in Norway.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

NBC News Ratings Up!

NBC News is actually up a bit in the ratings after their only covering Tiger Woods for a week, having Adam Lambert shows daily.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

T. Rex Display In Oregon

Bones of T. Rex to make museum debut in Oregon. "Believe it or not, these guys were a pretty fair British band."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Let's Start Again With This

New fossils shed light on evolution of dinosaurs. Huge lizards apparently evolved from obese Neanderthals as each bred the other for their meat.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

"The CD Peddler" Killed

Police kill CD peddler in Times Square shootout. "Some of those CD's promoted the killing of people over trivialities", say police chief.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Flynt Carries On Proud Tradition

When it comes to peddling porn, Larry Flynt wants you to know his videos of people having sex are a cut above other smut on the rack. "Our work carries certain moral responsibilities."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Free The Copenhagen 40!

40 detained at climate protests in Copenhagen can't tell what they were protesting. "Just say a way to have a bit of fun."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Illiterate Farmers To Police

US Marines train illiterate farmers to be police, don't know what to do with all the plowshares.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Loophole Black Hole Swallowing Health Bill

Health care loophole would allow coverage limits. "Anything over $10,000 to be paid by those covered."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Mission Still Critical

Defense secretary tells US troops Iraq mission critical. "We've only another ten years and we're outa here."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Al-Qaida After Somali Pirates?

Filipino abductors who freed 10 more hostages, still holding 47, taken hostage by Somali pirates.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Whole World Thankful For Peace At Last

Nobel award in hand, President Obama deserves "acting" award also!

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Own A Piece Of History

Grave robbers have dug up the coffin of former Cyprus President Tassos Papadopoulos and stolen his corpse, police said Friday. Also, strangely phrased 'for sale" item on eBay.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

We'll Get It Right

Russia's new nuclear-capable missile suffered another failed test launch, the defence ministry said Thursday, solving the mystery of another blue light UFO, disappearance of Russian town.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

More Good Stuff Revealed?

Privacy advocates slammed revamped Facebook privacy controls on Thursday, saying the change masks a move to get members to expose more information, other good stuff, online.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Climate Takes Toll

European Union nations commit $3.6 billion to climate fraud. Sorry, that should have read "fund".

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Save the cheerleader...

...and you will save the world. Sadly, it will still take you and a dozen others 23 episodes to do this in, and the audience will see that she will have had nothing to do with the saving of NYC.

written by Alexandria177, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Coke and Costco kissed and made up

After several marriage therapy sessions, Coca Cola has agreed to move back in with Costco, after Costco promised to try and understand and respect Coke more. Coke also promised more blowjobs.

written by Alexandria177, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Mass graves needed?

The CDC reported that nearly 10,000 people have died of Swine Flu. Given that there are no vaccines, just government shots to put the mark of the beast on you, things are looking bad.

written by Alexandria177, 11 December 2009
Rating:

McDonalds Heats Up Breakfast Wars with 99 Cent Items

Change back when you vomit.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

US Officials Say Top al-Quaida Cheif Killed

Would that be top al-Qaida Chief # 998 or top al-Quaida Chief # 999?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Baghdad Bombs Kill More Than 100 Today

Yep, this nation building exercise is complete and ready for tourists. Which airlines fly there?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Pro Golfers Deny Bashing Tiger Woods

What kind of an idiot would admit to having anal sex with Woods anyway???????

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

US in Red for 14th Straight Month

Better raise the white flag before we all turn blue and freeze to death.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

McCartney: Marrying Mills a Mistake

Noooo, Really Paul?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Cap and Bankruptcy

California liberals instituted "Cap and Trade" and have a $54 billion deficit. President Obama wants to hold all Americans to a higher bankruptcy standard by invoking "Cap and Trade" nationally!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

EPA to Regulate Gas Emissions

Environmentalist's claim the longer time spent sitting on the potty, the more noxious gases are emitted. President Obama has asked the EPA to regulate the time people can spend sitting on the potty.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Which Country?

One goes to Sweden for a sex change operation and to Denmark for a climate change conference or visa versa? How many delegates got it wrong?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Bridge for Sale

Some US Senators say "Cap and Trade" legislation would only cost Americans 50 cents more per day. If you believe this, I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Tiger Woods Arrested

Tiger Woods was arrested by the FBI, but not for adultery. Tiger violated an EPA rule that only allows golfers to have three mistresses, not four at any given time.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
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Gas Passing

Danish EPA declares SMOG alert in Copenhagen based on 15,000 delegates passing harmful gases during the climate change conference.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Eons Ago

CAVEMAN 1: "@$#%^&!" (Snow's melting, must be due to global warming.) CAVEMAN 2: "$*@!!&^%" (Knock it off Gore, the fire is melting the snow!)

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Iranian Scientists Baffled

The Pinocchio effect, when someone lies their nose gets longer, doesn't work in Iran. UN observers notice that whenever Iranian President Ahmadinejad lies, another body part gets bigger.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Astronomy 101

Naderites are not meteorites, although both are as dumb as a box of rocks!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Doing More with Less

Ideological Republicans want to do "more with less!" For example, the Republican Party may prove itself mindless by selecting Sarah Palin for president in 2012. Didn't the Democrats just do the same?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Out of this World

A bordello was discovered on a distant planet in another galaxy. Alien women have twice the number of assets as Earth women and there is always a "two-for" sale happening! Don't ask about alien men!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Environmental Cleanup in NYC

NYC declares United Nations (UN) buildings situated on the East River a hazardous waste dump. An anonymous city official stated that "the UN has been producing a lot of Crap in the last few years."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Lawyers Turning Green

300 million Americans have decided to ignore EPA rulings about greenhouse gases being harmful. The federal government will go bankrupt trying to hire enough lawyers to sue everyone!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Romo Volunteers to hold balls again for kicks

and Jessica Simpson is sitll volunteering to hold Romos's balls for kicks.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

At Least Every 100 Sneezes

The Food & Drug Administration warns all Americans who suffer constantly from colds, to change handkerchiefs often.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Worse Every Day

In a new poll out today, it shows that more and more of American children are suffering from reader's block.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Judge Holds Pentagon In Contempt

Gates orders Judge to be detained via special rendition.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Bush Library Ready To Open

George W. Bush Library has began placing items inside as jump suit, segway and big box of Archie comics arrive by UPS truck.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

No Longer Sweating It!

one hundred year woman at nursing home says she feels a lot of relief. "Check your newspaper obits. You almost never see anyone dying over a hundred years old."

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Concerts A Success

Willie Nelson, Neil Young & John Mellencamp to get special Grammy for Farm Aid as only 5% of farmers now get aids.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

One Year Pill

Pharmcy Company invents new once a year vitamin pill, but it's so large you have to break it into 300-400 pieces in order to swallow it.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Do You Know Mr. Shit?

Man legally changes his name to Jack Shit so that he no longer has to fear anyone trying to steal his identity.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

No Longer Important

Now that she is a supreme court judge, Judge Sotomayor admits she killed, skinned and ate three Republicans.

written by Bureau, 11 December 2009
Rating:

Mullen: 16,000 Troops Ordered to Die in Afghan War

Democrats forward Bill to provide for 32,000 Afghan Muslims to be relocated to USA.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 11 December 2009
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