Order by:
Rating:

Oil Prices Jumping Again

Oil prices begin to go up again as many Americans may soon not be able to afford to drive to the gas station.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

"Dining With Dementia" Restaurants To Open

It's a simple concept. The demented customers are seated at a table and served dirty dishes. A few minutes later their waitperson asks, "would you like a second helping, desert, coffee or the check?"

written by tlmedia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Just in time for Christmas

Living online has never been more fun. Sony today announced its new Brainbeam PS-6 gaming console with Biomedicom Chambers for extended play.

written by Skews Me, 22 August 2009
Rating:

It's On The Move

"To Grill A Mockingbird" climbs to #1,000 on the top cookbook list, passing up "Best Recipes For Sidewalk Fried Eggs".

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

States In Quite A State

California votes to allow those serving ten years or less to leave prison due to cost. Other states angry. Texas, Kentucky legalize vigilantism.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
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New Orleans Apprehensive

Citizens of New Orleans are apprehensive after the sudden appearance of gondoliers on the streets.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Miss NY Sent Home

Miss New York sent packing from Miss America contest for using performance-enhancing jugs.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Those Little ***** Insects!

California forestry workers worried about mild winter allowing for increase in seven-year firebugs.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Buzzards Talking It Over

Ecology teacher at Seatle college wills that her body be naturally "buzzardized" after death.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Madden Claims #10

Tenth person dies of heart attack who had recently been a guest of one of John Madden's tailgate party.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Greek Fire Rages

Greek forest fire rages near Athens as three villages are cut off by flames. Most blame recent visit of Hephaestus.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Won't Slow Me Down A Bit

Lord Mandelson praises NHS after 'successful' prostate surgery, extra set of balls.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Last Of Old Lightbulbs

Ten days left to buy traditional lightbulbs: EU ban means only low-energy ones will be on sale over Gumby objections. "We's jest lurned to screw d'other ones."

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

She Got Out A Word Or Two

It 'aint over til the fat lady... falls into the orchestra pit. Opera singer hurt after embarrassing accident at Glyndebourne as whole stage, set, building falls before 500-pound star.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Lockerbie Bomber A Hero?

Gaddafi embraces Lockerbie bomber and thanks his 'courageous friend' Gordon Brown for releasing him as Brown seen openly weeping.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Brett Favre Exceeds Expectations in Vikings Debut

He was only 1 out of 4 for 4 yards, but he threw no interceptions!

written by Jalapenoman, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Dallas Cowboys Open New Stadium In Traditional Fashion

Their first play, an 85 yeard kickoff return, was wiped out by a penalty and their first series was a "three and out."

written by Jalapenoman, 22 August 2009
Rating:

New FOX Michael J TV Show

Tryouts are being scheduled to chose someone play the role of Michael Jackson in new FOX series, "Touched By A Wacko Jacko".

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

PITA Announces "Poop For Prada" Campaign

"The protest is simple." said a spokesman, "Just carry a bag of your poop at all times, and when you see someone wearing Prada, smear them with poop. "Vomit for Vuitton" is our next big push."

written by tlmedia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

No One's Done It Yet

Acrobat gets charley horse in his leg and falls to his death while attempting to walk wire stretched across Sioux Falls.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

No Disposals Needed

"Green" California man says dropping garbage through a hole in the floor to basement rat more earth friendly than garbage disposal.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Not Filibuster Proof

Republicans say Senate not filibuster-proof as long as John McCain can spin tales about his days at the Hanoi Hilton as a POW could last a couple of years.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Cats Hard To Train

The nation's first "Cat Training School" in the US opened in May, changes it's name to "Cat Alternative-Training School".

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Man Found Beaten To Death With Toilet Plunger

Exposed nail in woman's bathroom rips off Houston man's invisibility cloak. He would have been 47 in October.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Need Family Nurse

In AARP Magazine interview, Regis' Dad says he hates to see Regis' Mom stagger around and falling, especially when carrying him to bed.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Where Babies Come From

Man arrested in part in San Antonia, Texas claims that he was just showing the young types where babies came from. "They receive a lot of misinformation, you know?"

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Freak Accident At Circus

In a freak accident, a Barnum & Baily, Ringling Brothers circus act claims two a human cannonballs hit head on while flying through the air.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

He's Still Trying

Desperate for work, 45-year-old who was the middle kid on the Brady Bunch does solo acts in front of security cameras across the US.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Pee Wee Joins Club

Pee Wee Herman arrested at Kennedy Airport yesterday after his plane landed, claims he was trying to join the Mile High Solo Club.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

NYC Worker Honored

Man at the same office in NYC for 30 years receives a Lunchtime Achievement Award from the staff.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Totals Coming In

In an early report, the Census Bureau of 2010 says that between 10,000 and 15,000 people will be working for the 2010 Census.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Terrorists Investigations

Handguns, electric drills and mock executions were used by CIA agents to elicit information from terror suspects, US media have reported. But no loss of fingers, heads.

written by Bureau, 22 August 2009
Rating:

When Hades Freezes Over

Democrat 89 year old Bill Hades had his family put him into cryogenic stasis, to be awakened prior to Election Day 2010. He said "I want to be here so I can vote for every Republican on the ballot."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Liberal Talk Radio a Bummer

Senator Al Franken of Minnesota admitted today he had to find another job in 2008. Liberal talk radio was a bummer, putting people to sleep faster than sleeping tablets, hot milk or Harry Reid.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Loon to run for the Presidency in 2012

David Loon an Independent, announced as a candidate for the US presidency in 2012. He said "with all the Democratic loons and the Republican loons who will run, I felt an Independent loon was needed."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

GITMO to Remain Open

President Obama has issued an Executive Order keeping GITMO open. ACLU lawyers involved in releasing any CIA photographs will be sent here. Former VP Dick Cheney has been appointed warden.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

President Obama Hires a Special Assistant

A Special Assistant to President Obama has been hired to straighten out the white house staff and stop falling approval numbers. Karl Rove will be leaving FOX News Network and get his old job back.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Alaskan Carry Law Pushed by Democrats

Alaska Democrats want a state bill requiring all Republicans to carry a picture of Governor Palin. They hope Republican's will shoot themselves in the foot by running Palin for president in 2012.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
Rating:

Public Sex Therapy Option

Speaker Pelosi indicated that a public sex therapy option will be in any House bill. The plan cannot be scaled down with respect to this option, as it is the means of raising all needed revenue.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 August 2009
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