Order by:
Rating:

Wisecracks Not Appreciated

Those calling the public about sperm donations at sperm bank in Milwaukee say that, if they hear, 'I gave at the office' one more time they will go to that person's house & beat the sperm out of them.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Two Glasses Of Wine

Physicians say a couple of glasses of red wine a day good for you. "Most will live to a ripe old vintage."

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

CB's Gone Goofy

Police were astounded this morning when someone slowed down a video of last year's Macy's Parade and someone who looks like an old C B Cooper was throwing kisses from the Goofy Blimp.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Another Breakthrough

Scientists today announced that they have discovered that one's own stem cells can cure hams.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Thanks Gramps

Ever since a new $5 bill, with a much larger, easy to read five on it, kids have gotten that for a birthday. Except the smart ones. They slip a hundred out of gramp's billfold & make a big 5 on it.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Still No Gays In Iran

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may be invited back to the UN for a speech. The last time here, he stated there were no gays in Iran. Most people who have visited Tehran & seen it's decor, say he might be right.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Beer drinking binging females have stronger bones!

Spanish scientists discovered that boozing females don't have brittle bones, perfect when falling over when pissed out of their minds!

written by Jaggedone, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Famous Amos Eats The Big One

Famous Amos Cookies may be the next one on the list of US bankruptcies. "We're just about out of dough", stated a spokesman yesterday.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Knock! Knock! "Twitter Tweets?"

United States Law Enforcement Officers warn general population not to get tired and angry at all the "Twitter Tweet" jokes this Halloween. "Kid just could have speech impediment."

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Rather Have Squirrel

World Renowned Nutritionist says learning to roast and eat rats could be the answer to world hunger. Osama Bin Laden: "Tell me about it!"

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Julia Child Master Spy

Newly released book shows that Julia Child was a master spy for US during World War II. Even used false "Mr. Moose on Captain Kangaroo" voice to deceive enemies.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Tiger Farting Around Again!

Tiger Woods keeps farting around until Y. E. Yang wins PGA Tournament!

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

So That's What That Was

New French study say whores there are losing their strong perfume smell due to factory pollution.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Teachers In Control

Schools in Texas to allow everyone to have a gun but only teachers are allowed grenades.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Discovered At Last

Illegal aliens captured in Nagales, Arizona claim they are from Alpha Centauri. Here to benefit US by picking fruit.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Americans Getting Older

Advanced 2010 US Census group say that Americans are getting older on average. Number one problem in US today: "Dang kids on the lawn!"

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Can't Sit Still For Long

Leaders in Russia say newly organized splinter group a major pain in the ass.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Falling For Scare Tactics

President Obama warns Americans not to fall victim to scare tactics like death lists, lesser service for older people, twin towers being knocked down.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Escort Service Guilty

Escort service accused of illegal back-dating of many old farts and fannies on their client lists.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Olympic Judges Angry

Olympic officials angered as Michael Phelps drug test OK but DNA turns up five percent dolphin.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Bush Was Misunderstood

Former president Bush states that he did not say that he was looking into Putin's soul a few years back, but sole, as they were having fish meal together. "He has no soul to look into."

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Cheney's New Book

According to new book by Cheney, Russia having ships off US coast, UN running war games near Russia has tickled him till he almost had another heart attack.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Rough Out Here

In newly released video, Osama Bin Laden says he's looking for a new driver. Must have moon buggy license.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Minnesota Politics

Sasquatch being interviewed on Minnesota TV, who plans to run for the Senate, admits he's no comedian, wrestler.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Obama To Vacation

Obama says he's finally ready for a vacation. Where's he going? "Anywhere she ain't" pointing to Michelle's mother.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Killers Coming

NASA: Not enough money to track Killer Asteroids! Assa: Not enough money to tackle Killer Hemorrhoids either.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

The Three B's

Britain set to bask in 29C temperatures so it's time to break out the barbecue, beach gear, binoculars.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

51 To 49%

More senior girls passing pregnancy tests tests these days than finals, say instructors.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Headless Lady Mystery

Mystery of headless woman found 35 years ago could be solved after CSI experts test drinking water in body to trace final movements. "Finally getting ahead on this case", say officers.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Faked It All

Back-from-the-dead canoe fraudster's night of passion with wife before faking own death. "Never shot my wad there either", says insurance collector.


written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Swine Flu Resistant

Government 'ignored warning swine flu may become resistant to Tamiflu, horseshoe hung over door, rabbits foot, copper bracelets, special oinkments.'

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

"Do We Hear Thirteen?"

Woman 'pregnant with record-breaking TWELVE babies' after having IVF hoping for 11 boys as she loves American football.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Self Heating Pie Claim Ridiculed

Scorn poured on nuclear physicist's self-heating pie claims. Transpires that the foil tray is too insubstantial to support nuclear fusion.

written by Skoob1999, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Lionel Richie Hit With Baseball Bat

Irate resident returned home to find Motown star dancing on his ceiling. Took a bat to him. Nobody hurt all that badly.

written by Skoob1999, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Missing Bob Marley Papers Suggest Guilt

Personal papers retrieved from the estate of the late Bob Marley reveal an admission that he shot the Sheriff, but denied any involvement in the shooting of the deputy.

written by Skoob1999, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Vote Him Out!

Local east Kentucky congressman criticized after marrying a 15-year-old. Apparently, she wasn't even his first cousin.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Obama Sounding Desperate

President Obama beginning to sound desperate on the national healthcare bill. Yesterday he stated, "If we don't pass this bill, the terrorists will have won."

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Dog To Leave Millions To Vet

Word out of New York is that Leona Helmsley's dog, which she left $million when she died, has made his will out to the vet who refused to neuter him.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Cops Chasing Speeding Drunk

Police in Los Angeles finally stopped a motroist last night who was drunk, speeding & racial ranting when they caught him. They have charged him with 4 counts including impersonating Mel Gibson.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Bib Laden's Beard Mystery.

News people have finally discovered why Osama Bin Laden's beard sometimes looks black and sometimes looks gray in Videos. Apparently it' according to the number of fleas he's carrying in there.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Secret Service Misplaces Obama.

The Secret Service had a little scare yesterday. For a couple of hours they could not find President Obama. Also, they wouldn't credit the news that he was seen fly-fishing.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Edwards Baby Alright

The mistress of John Edwards told reporters that skew knew her baby son was that of the Senator because as soon as it was born he tried to straighten his doctor's hair.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Obama In Guinness Book Of Records

President Obama was has entered the Guinness Book of World Records after becoming the first black to go fly-fishing.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Woods Blows Another one

Tiger Woods blows fart at Buick Open, Blows lead in PGA Championship!

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

600 UFO Visits

Close encounters... UFOs made 600 visits to the UK in a single year, according to MoD 'X-Files' Government says they never have the correct visitor's papers filled out properly.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Afghans Learn Lessons

Afghan husbands allowed to starve their wives if she refuses sex under new law, but cancel after hungry wives bite & eat first meat offered.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

New Drug-Driving Launched

Drug-driving campaign is launched. Hundreds of drivers on big tracks get shots, try to find way to cars as starting gun goes off. Three finish first, second and third as third runs across finish line.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Two Jailed Over Fire

Australia blames two week fire on drunks that placed a road flare up a wallaby's ass.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Chinese Storm Plant

China villagers storm lead plant. Kill lead monster, Doctor Flankenchangchang.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Woodstock Lives On?

Forty years later, what part of Woodstock lives on? Well, there's that little bird in the Peanuts cartoons.
Then there's a couple hundred who got so messed up they think they're still there.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Yang Yanks Yank

After beating Woods, life about to change for Yang. "Studied his fart strategy for two weeks", says PGA winner.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Air Controller Agree To Contract

US air traffic controllers agree on new contract as new Starbucks open at all airports near their control towers.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Star Downplays Incident

Bollywood star downplays incident at US airport. Says he will only sue for million or two, pocket change.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

NYC Schools Prepared For Swine Flu

NYC schools prepare for 2nd outbreak of swine flu. Special isolation pens were built out back all during the summer months.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

May Be Spreading

A grease fire in a McDonalds Restauran in Cleveland rages into it's second week.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Discovered Fire, Water Protection

Ancient toolmakers discovered fire treatment. Keep bucket of water close in case they needed to put out person on fire.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

NKorea Resumes Tous, Reunions

North Korea agrees to resume tours, family reunions. Cheap rates for that family get-together before the summer's over.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Obama Opens Talks About Wars

President Obama to come out in the open and hold talks about conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan, mother-in-law at White House.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Oil Jitters Back

Oil hits lowest this month on recovery jitters. Oil addiction would have been lowered with national healthcare plan passage says President.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Cow Threat Removed

Officials: Rail strike averted, 'trains will run' as cows are being herded off the tracks where they were tied.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Sometimes You Can't Win

Evacuation lifted from town threatened by fire, Now they're threatened by chemicals that put the fire out.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Kiss Releases New Record

Kiss to release new album at Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, national flea markets, street vendors in New York, family picnics.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

New Cheesecake Record

1,224-pound cupcake sets record as world's largest. Finished off in half an hour by US family of six.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Obama Backs Away

Obama backs away from public health insurance plan and gets stuck in the ass by national debt problem.

written by Bureau, 17 August 2009
Rating:

North Korean Threat

A NK high placed official military souse said "should the U.S. imperialists and their South Korean lackeys threaten NK with nukes the people's army retaliation will be to puke on them."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Gridlock is Good for America

Americans need to work towards restoring a political balance in the Congress via the 2010 elections. Gridlock is good, should be scrawled everywhere to remind us that one party rule is Un-American!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Lack of Political Couth

Posing this question to your congressman will demonstrate a lack of political couth. "Were you born an idiot, took idiot pills, went to idiot's school or did you read "How to be an Idiot for Dummies?"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 August 2009
Rating:

Speaker Pelosi Gets a New Title

Pelosi is sick of being called a far left wing loon! American taxpayers agree and will refer to her as a far left wing leech, sucking the life out of our grandchildren's future to pay for "pork."

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 August 2009
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