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Rating:

The Walking Tattoo Catalog

Shanna Moakler and Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker have split up again. A close friend of Moaklers said that Shanna told her that Travis just has to many ugly-looking tattoos.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Jacqui Smith's marriage is strong, she claimed.

Jacqui Smith claims that her marriage is strong. But hey ... she's a politician! So in politicalspeak that would be a no then!

written by IN SEINE, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Left Blinker On Again

At local AARP meeting, older drivers admit to reporters that leaving their left turn signal on all the time is their version of "flipping the bird".

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Environmentally Friendly Sex Toy

Greenlife Uninhibited Unlimited announces the creation of the first environmentally friendly sex toy.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

New Smokestack Filters

OSHA Inspectors report that the new hemp filters placed over factory smokestacks appear..."Groovy!"

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Bush On Segway Seen

Little Sasha Obama cries after grinning spook of George W. Bush goes roaring through the White House hall on a segway, running her tricycle into a wall.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The Hybrid Bug

Scientists use tiny organisms to create fuel as viruses show promising results to create longlasting batteries. Volkswagen to reintroduce The Hybrid Bug!

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Happy Hour Disappearing

Most sea ice in the Arctic could be gone in 30 years, sooner than most thought, study says. So drink those mixed drinks while you can.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Joker Cancels Bats

A mysterious fungus is killing off thousands of bats around the country. Scientists are calling it The Joker Syndrome, because of the distinctive white smile on the mouths of infected bats.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Obama on Michelle#1

"…and did you shave your tits this morning!"

Source - US White House - Snoop Bug Transmitter 2

written by iscrivener, 04 April 2009
Rating:

PETA, Greenpeace Announcement

Monday morning both Greenpeace and PETA say they will announce that they have placed Republicans on the endangered species list.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Remains Of The Day

The remains of two elderly Eskimos, three polar bears discovered on ice floe drifting off the coast of Maine.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

House No Bargain

Purchasers of bargain discounted house say real estate agency salesperson knew it was on fire when she sold it to them.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Cuba Releases Castro Info

Cuba says that Fidel Castro health is continuing to improve and that his beard shows a strong growth in the first quarter.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Jensen Button Claims Pole in Malaysia.

Geography experts disagree.

written by Roy Turse, 04 April 2009
Rating:

MP Hazel Blears has said that Jonathan Ross should pay the BBC's £150,000 fine.

He says he will, as soon as MP's repay their unwarranted expenses.

written by Roy Turse, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Obama Announces 51st State While Appearing Wobbly

Obama plans to ease Cuban restrictions further! Proclaims Cuba as 51st US state and that both countries will begin a bridge from each side & meet in the middle. Then proclaims his wine tastes funny.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Obama's Speaks At NATO

US President Obama at the NATO conference stated that threats to our security and economy are worldwide, plus anyone can hack into just about any rubber duck that got shit for brains.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

All Americans At Risk

Highly decorated former NYC Police Commissioner Kerik said today that failure to renew the Patriot Act would place Americans at risk of an attack that would kill everybody. Then again, maybe not.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

De Niro's Very Unhappy Nanny

Robert De Niro's nanny says the actor owes her $40,000 in overtime pay. He refuses to pay it. It sure does look like it has all of the earmarks of a tell-all book, No Dinero From De Niro.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Jennifer Aniston - The Male Repeller

Jennifer Aniston says that she has had extremely bad luck in all of her recent relationships with men. she drops a hint that she may become a "Lebanese."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The Score: Malawi 1, Madonna 0

Madonna has stated that if Malawi does not allow her to adopt 3-year-old Chifundo, she will simply buy the damn country and adopt as many Malawian kids as she damn well pleases.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

That Lance Bass Fella

Singer Lance Bass has denied the rumor that he is planning on dropping the B from his last name.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Rihanna's Gun Tattoo

Rihanna, who is still recuperating from that horrible fall she took reveals her latest tattoo of a handgun. Wow, what's next? A tattoo of a machete, or maybe an AK-47, or why not a hydrogen bomb?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The Parking Lot Formerly Known As North Korea

North Korea announces that their satellite rocket launch is coming soon. Hey launch the son-of-bitch already so that Japan can blow your friggin' country all to kingdom come!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Paula Abdul Denies Simon Cowell Rumors

American Idol judge Paula Abdul denies rumors that her and fellow judge Simon Cowell are having an affair. Ms. Abdul said, "I like Simon, but we're both opposites, I'm a girl, and he's a guy."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Lohan & Ronson Are Still A Happy Couple

Lindsay Lohan wants everyone to know that her and her "Boyfriend" Samantha Ronson are still a couple. Lohan says that she can hardly wait to marry Ronson and be invitro fertilized.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The Boo-Hooing Non-Mrs. Justin Gaston, (aka Miley Cyrus)

Miley Cyrus crys and crys and crys that she is not getting married to Justin Gaston. Okay, great, now we can get on with trying to fix all of the damn economic problems.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The Former Iowa Cornhuskers?

Iowa legalizes Gay marriages. So does that mean that the University of Iowa Cornhuskers will now become The Iowa Corn [PLEASE FILL IN YOUR OWN SIX LETTER WORD SUGGESTION HERE, THANK YOU.]

written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Cuban Family Visits Allowed

President Barack Obama plans to lift longstanding U.S. restrictions on Cuba, a senior administration official said, allowing Cuban-Americans to visit families. Getting back will be THEIR problem.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Times To Shut Down Globe?

The N.Y. Times has threatened to shut the Boston Globe unless the newspaper's unions swiftly agree to $20 million in concessions and the Red Sox throw all 18 games to the Yankees, union leaders said.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Pollen Surge

An early start to hay fever misery: Pollen surge blamed on milder winters, horny flowers, bees.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Romanian May Get More Than Bargained For

the Romanian who raped a woman so he could 'live in luxury' in a British jail gets his wish, but judge may consider exporting him to the Taliban in Afghanistan with a Star of David tattoo.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Berlusconi Acting French

First he complimented Obama's "tan", then he played hide & seek with the German leader. He has annoyed the Queen by being loud. Now Italy's Berlusconi, acting French, puts NATO on hold while on phone.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

NKorean Launch Window Closing

The first window in North Korea's five-day satellite launch plan has passed with no sign of a blast-off. Officials say wind not right, fuse too short.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Inbreeding Taking Its Toll

Inbreeding is taking its toll on Michigan wolves, West Virginia's Mountain Mama hillbillies, says report.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Kraft Apologizes For Delay

Kraft Foods, the company whose testing led to the nationwide pistachio recall, said Friday it first heard there was salmonella in its trail mix in late 2007. Issue apology for trail crap since then.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Egg March This Summer

North Dakota's Senate has rejected legislation to bestow human rights on fertilized human eggs, whether they be in the womb or in a laboratory. One million eggs plan DC march for this summer.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Working Longer Hours

Many company employees say they are keeping their jobs by working longer hours, some as long as 78 minutes.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

German Woman Can Only Take So Much

A German woman has divorced her husband because she was fed up with him cleaning all the time. Marries big-bellied slob who whizzes on commode, bathroom floor.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Job Ads Working For Some

Jobless make TV ads pitching themselves for work is having an effect as good-looking ladies hired by bars, guys as pool boys.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Wind Cancel NKorean Rocket Launch

Wind may have forced North Korea to delay rocket launch say experts. It was blowing from direction of field of buried cabbage and no one could stay long enough to send up rocket.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Dogs Look Like Owners

Dogs do look like owners, while more and more cat owners are beginning to look and act like their cats.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Next:: Honeybee, Flower Marriage Ceremonies?

Gay marriages expected to begin in Iowa April 24, only 25 years after animal marriages between family pets were first conducted.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Obama, Bush Differ

Obama welcomed the new countries of Albania, Croatia to NATO as Bush did last year, but this time they weren't called Albino and Crustacean.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

France, Germany Wimp Out

France & Germany fully endorsed President Obama's new Afghan war strategy but continued to firmly resist U.S. demands for more combat troops, Saturday. However, he was guaranteed their moral support.

written by Bureau, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Protest frenzy

A protest is being held to protest about the way in which police handled the G20 protest earlier this week. A counter-protest is also planned to protest about that protest.

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 04 April 2009
Rating:

The new Cornish 'fastie'

Eileen Bishop, 87, was found 5 miles away when her scooter whisked her away as she dosed at the controls. Police found her on the A3075 heading towards Newquay. One way to pull the birds, I suppose.

written by IN SEINE, 04 April 2009
Rating:

Cameron in Race Row

David Cameron today got into a Row with a race. Cameron and The 400 meters relay exchanged blows outside Parliament. When police arrived, the policeman passed the race his baton, and the race ran.

written by Doze, 04 April 2009
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