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Aussies Boast On Earth Day

Aussies celebrated Earth Day this week by pointing out that all the kangaroos, Wallabies and rats were free-range kangaroos, wallabies and rats.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Obama on Michelle #3

"…and you know I like your strap on up my tight black ass!"

Source - US White House - Snoop Bug Transmitter 5

written by iscrivener, 23 April 2009
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Obama - "UK Has It's Own Area 51!"

If you're looking for the latest in hush-hush experimental intergalactic space flights, look no further than the new "UK's Area 51".

Source Area 51 Nellis-NTTR and Spoof News' Articles

written by iscrivener, 23 April 2009
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The Moon Protests Earth Day...

...claims rest of Solar System discriminated against.

written by Jack Van Gump, 23 April 2009
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Earth Day Pollution

After 24-hours of Earth Day yesterday, most people were apparently celebrating the worldwide festival by getting polluted.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Cran & Lobster Fans

Rocky Bluff, Maine to have it's own festival in July, called "The Bluff", Probably Known For it's Crabs & Lobsters!. "Tell tourists: Bring an appetite & some long handled drawers, July can be cold."

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Heart Really Broken

Big drunk redneck still at local bar's karaoke night singing 123rd version of "Achy Breaky Heart", long after the lights were turned off, door locked.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Jets Scramble Over DC

Military jets scramble over Washington DC as several people floating over in lawn chairs, to get a better view, causes major panic in congress.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Larry King's "Old-People's Smell" Cologne A Hit!

Surprisingly enough, Larry King's newly released cologne "King's Old-People's Smell" is being bought up by students who wear it, along with make-up, while picking up alcohol at package stores.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Clinton Doesn't Believe Cheney

"It won't surprise you that I don't consider former V.P. Cheney a particularly reliable source of information," stated Sec. of St. Hillary Clinton at a hearing yesterday. "Unlike my Bill", she added.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Michael Jackson In Collision?

Michael Jackson may have been involved in a bizarre hit and run collision with an ambulance in Beverly Hills, a medic said Wednesday. "We'll know for sure after DNA tests of nose found at the scene."

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Obama To Walk To Cuba

United States President Obama says that to convince the Cuban people that he is serious about a new relationship, he will walk all the way from Miami to the island.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Good Times Coming!

BUDGET 2009: Darling savaged over 'fantasy' Budget but STILL insists good times are just round the coroner.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Widow Wins Rights To Peace & Quiet

Widow wins right to peace and quiet in landmark court ruling as noisy shipyard next to her home is shut down and 200 employees told to go home.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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380 Pupils Sent Home

Headteacher sends home 380 pupils for breaking minor rules... like having the wrong school jumper in your bag, not wearing condoms.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Jailed Britons Given Alternative Sentences

Serial criminals in Briton given lessons in angling, how to play polo and croquet as an alternative to jail time.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Certain Brits "Don't Exist"

Nick Griffin defends BNP leaflet that says black and Asian Britons 'do not exist'. Jury still out on Alpha Centaurian Britons in UFO's.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Google Street View Fine, Says Watchdog.

Google Street View does not invade personal privacy, rules UK watchdog. Cameras will remain outside resident's bedroom windows.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Too Loud During Sex

Sue Cartwright, who was given an Asbo banning her from making too much noise during sex, was arrested by police for a second time, yesterday. "It's because I yells the Queen's name", states Sue.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Break-ins Up, Bribes Down

House break-ins jump by 4% as recession crime-wave washes across Britain. However, bribes to political leaders and police are down by almost 50%.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Two Arrests In Jigsaw Murder

'Jigsaw' murder police make two arrests as detectives finally identify body parts victim, say a third may be sought from "Parts Unknown".

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Earth Day Tribute Scorched

West Virginia man who claimed he was making a statement for Earth Day by his tribute to what mankind is doing to Mother Earth, arrested for burning old tires anyway.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Bob Geldoff expecting another child

Bob Geldoff and girlfriend Jane Smith are expecting another child later this year. The couple plan to call the child Cartwheel Candy Floss Ferris Wheel. Don't laugh - they probably will.

written by Bluebella, 23 April 2009
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Earth Day Hippies "Score With Gore!"

Earth Day hippies announced that they have achieved zero carbon footprints by never washing or flushing valuable water supplies or using soap while planting 1,000,000 new marijuana plants!

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Earth Day In DC

Yesterday was Earth Day when hundreds of thousands of Americans drive hundreds of thousands of cars to Washington, DC to celebrate Mother Earth and to protest Global Warming, further drilling for oil.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Iranian Announcement

Iran has announced that for the first time in it's long history, it now has more mustaches than people.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Another Mideast Dispute?

Israeli, Palestinian ambassadors in another heated argument during Live TV hook-up with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This time the dispute's over the borders of the Mediterranean Sea.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Wild Animals Disappearing

Wild grazing animals in Kenya's Masai Mara National Reserve are steadily disappearing, a new study from poachers has found.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Pollution Prevents Global Warming

Air pollution may be helping the fight against global warming by enhancing the ability of plants to absorb carbon dioxide, scientists say as Al Gore shits, goes blind.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Netanyahu To Visit Egypt

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been invited to visit Egypt, after recent huge frog, lice, locust invasions, Israeli officials say.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Turkey, Armenia Normalize Relations

Turkey and Armenia have announced they have agreed on a "framework" to normalize their bilateral ties, putting decades of strained relations, mounds of hot steaming bullshit behind them.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Japan To Hit Pirates

The lower house of Japan's parliament has approved a bill to allow the country's naval ships with small one-man kamikaze pilots aboard to take a bigger role in fighting pirates off Somalia.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Fossil of Seal, Horn Puzzzles Scientists

It may look like a cross between a seal and an otter; but an Arctic fossil could, scientists say, hold the secret of seal evolution in its feet. Also, type of mysterious honking horn dug up with seal.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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G8 Summit To Meet In Earthquake Town

Italy's cabinet has backed plans by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to move this summer's G8 summit to the earthquake-struck town of L'Aquila but admit it could get off to a shaky start.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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The Smoking Fire in Seattle

News reports have just come in that The Smoking May Be Hazardous To Your Health Department Building in Seattle has just burned down.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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The Surprising Waterloo, Iowa

A resort scam has been discovered in Waterloo, Iowa. Apparently a con artist was selling time shares to Iowa's first nude beachfront hotel.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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The Buxom But Waxy Dolly Parton

The Country Music Wax Museum located in Waxahachie, Texas, has reported that the wax figure of Dolly Parton has been stolen. The thieves have issued a ransom demand of $4424.38, (44-24-38).

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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The Geography Masters

A group of high school students were asked how they thought the 9/11 terrorists entered the U.S. Their answers and percent: Canada - 20%, Mexico - 10%, France - 15%, Iceland - 30%, the door - 25%.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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The New U.S. Pentagon Building

In a move to address governmental budget constraints, the United States Pentagon Building is being downsized to The United States Square Building.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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Tremendous Explosion Hits Baghdad

Tremendous suicide bomb hits Baghdad, although only trace of the suicide bomber that can be found is right eyebrow.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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India's Friday The 13th

Due to the unlucky conotations, India has decided to change Friday the 13th to Friday the Black Cat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
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Waterboarding Approval Earlier Than Thought

The CIA's use of waterboarding to interrogate terrorism suspects was approved by Condoleezza Rice as early as 2002, a senate report reveals. Monica Lewinsky's by Hillary as early as 1999.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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China Displays Warships

China is staging a military parade to celebrate its navy's 60th anniversary - and show the world its latest warships, minus the three presently in the hands of the Samoli pirates.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Molecule Proven To Exist

A molecule that until now existed only in theory has finally been made. The important sounding announcement came this morning from Egghead University.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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"Dead Horse" Polo Matches Continue

US Open Polo play resumes after Florida horse deaths. Teams on dead horses both declared winners as "There's no use beating a dead horse".

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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American Idol Trims List Of Finalists

American Idol finalists Lil Rounds, Anoop Desai are now out. Also Zeus, Apollo, Isis and Aphrodite.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Beach Area Burns

South Carolina wildfire burns homes near popular beach area, apparently not enough water around beach to put the fire out.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Screwed Americans Ease Access To Morning-After Pill

FDA eases access to morning-after pill after most Americans getting screwed over economy during most nights.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Severe Global Slump Causing Globe To Wobble

Countries trying to cope with severe global slump say worldwide deflation could cause Earth to wobble off course.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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U.S. Troops On The Move

US troops still in Iraq are on their way to Afghanistan, maybe Pakistan, Syria a little later on. Cuba also nice this time of year.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Americans High On Obama

AP Poll: Americans high on Obama, direction of US as a huge nationwide party breaks forth aboard the Titanic!

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Sir Fred Goodwin is not laughing.

The Scottish banker, Sir Fred Goodwin is said to be very distressed this morning after Alistair Darling took away half of his pension in yesterdays budget. "I knew they get me - bastards!" he said

written by IN SEINE, 23 April 2009
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Appendectomy Performed Twice

A Minnesota surgeon performed an appendectomy on the same patient twice after he mistakenly removed a piece of fatty tissue instead the first time. "Thank goodness I still have my balls", says victim.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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Dateline: 1959 Iraq

On this date in 1959 in Baghdad, Iraq, the first suicide hanging took place and got little publicity. After that, they switched to setting self on fire and finally, blowing up others with themselves.

written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
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