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Rating:

Paris Hilton and Britney Spear to Sue Susan Boyle

Paris Hilton and Britney Spear got drunk yesterday night because the media is ignoring her. They blamed Susan Boyle for the trauma. Paris and Britney are going to sue Susan Boyle.

written by Lostinrandomworld, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Should Be Back In Service Soon

Kentucky Airport in Cub Run closes temporarily as guy on grain silo drops his bullhorn. Planes urged on to Bear Wallow Field.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Same As Drunken Sailor

Nation's Navies ask: What do you do with a captured pirate, Earl aye in the morning?

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

EPA Breakthrough

U.S. Environmental Protection Agency finds greenhouse gases pose a danger to human health, Pope is Catholic.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Obama Backs Mexican War On Drugs

US President Barack Obama has said the US is a "full partner" with Mexico in its fight against the drug cartels. Will send in 20,000 advisors.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Electro-pop Star Sued

Calvin Harris is being sued for the lyrics to his song 'The Girls' by a legendary 80's film star. As everyone knows, Chuck Norris gets all the girls.

written by Scorch_G, 17 April 2009
Rating:

General Motors Recall

The possibility of engine fires has prompted General Motors to recall nearly 1.5 million passenger sedans. One good thing, at least half of the recalled cars haven't been sold yet.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Yankee Stadium Opens

The new Yankee Stadium has opened. It's got luxury suites, gourmet restaurants and a gold tablet with the Top Twenty Yogi Berra sayings.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

"Octo-Mom" Now Copyrighted

Nadya Suleman has copyrighted the name "Octo-Mom. She also says that she has been give a lifetime subscription to Breeder's World Magazine.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Mafia Strategy

A report that the reason there are so many pirate hijackings is that the shipping companies have decided it is cheaper to pay them than change their shipping routes. This is called the Mafia Strategy.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Baskin-Robbins Robber

A robber held up a Baskin-Robbins in Boston and he escaped with two banana splits, a hot fudge sundae, and $700 in cold cash.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Venice Water Ho's

Due to the extreme drop in tourism, The Venice (Italy) Hooker's Association has had to lay-off 18 streetwalkers, or more accurately streetswimmers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

You Are Now Flying Southwest Airlines

Southwest Airlines reports a substantial loss in revenue. It vows to get out of the red by purchasing a much cheaper grade of jet fuel.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Afghanistan Close-Out Sale

A White House insider reveals that the reason that we are still in Afghanistan is not because of the Taliban presence, but because of the Afghan Rug shortage in the United States.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Ford's New "Hot Air" Car

The Ford Motor Company says that they have built a small compact car that runs strictly on hot air. Unfortunately that would limit it to the area around the U.S. Senate.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

California's Largest Mall To Fall

The Glendale Galleria Mall, one of California's biggest, states they'll file Chapter 11 protection from creditors. Teenage girls could be heard screaming and crying all the way up to Oakland.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Profit Makers - Google and Yahoo

Google and Yahoo both post profits for the first quarter. So it appears that the secret to being a successful company is to have two "O's" in your name. Are you listening Foord and General Mootors?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Little New York Times

The New York Times announces that in an effort to try and save money, they will shortly begin printing the daily newspaper on a single 3 by 5 index card.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

The Flow of American Guns Into Mexico

President Obama speaking in Mexico has promised that he will curve the flow of illegal guns from the U.S. to Mexico. He reveals a plan to divert the guns to Cuba.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

$1 Billion To Pakistan

The U.S. has pledged $1 billion to Pakistan to help battle extreme violence. Meanwhile citizens of Detroit wonder out loud collectively, well how about us?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Michelle's Map Tattoo

Mrs Obama confirmed she has a World map tattoo on her backside. "Barack uses it to bum up his geography, he likes the area where it says 'Here there be monsters'! Bo Wo Wo did not bite off Australia."

written by Exislanda, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Proof Positive

Rookie mugger in New York City fingers the lady he mugged from his line-up position. "That's her, officer, I'd recognize her anywhere!"

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

US Envoy Busy

US envoy to hold talks with Abbas, Hamas, Hezbollah, Kurds, Shiites, Sunnis, Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Palestinian Liberation Organization....

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Cuba Open To Talks With U.S.

Cuban President Raul Castro has said he is willing to talk to Washington about everything, including human rights, press freedom and political prisoners, Ricky and Lucy.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Pig Study Completed

Many of us eat bacon for breakfast without a thought for the animals that provide it, but what are pigs like? Richard da Costa, after study says "They mostly lie about, eat, burp & watch football."

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Bone Voyage

A new airline scheduled to take off in the US fully expects its passengers to behave like animals as "Bone Voyage" to specialize in carrying dogs, mile-high customers.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Champagne Bottles Could Get Radical Top

A leading champagne producer plans to phase out the traditional cork in its bottles and replace it with a "revolutionary" metallic cap, similar to that cola people have been using for past 100 years.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Botswana Cuts Diamonds

The world's largest diamond mine producer, Botswana, is to cut output by more than half this year, because of falling demand for gems. "Maybe begin raising more sellable poppy."

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Aussie PM Pissed

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has described people-smugglers as "scum" who should "rot in hell". "Otherwise, we must try to get along."

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

CIA Agents Not Prosecuted

CIA agents who used harsh interrogation techniques on terrorism suspects during the Bush era will not be prosecuted, US President Barack Obama has said. Instead, NYC ticker-tape parade planned.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Senator Lightens Load

Minnesota's senator lightens her load with humor, lots of fiber, sometimes laxatives.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

US Nuclear Experts Depart NKorea

US nuclear experts depart North Korea. Leader complains, "First Iraq, then Iran, now this. I feel like someone's thrown a shoe at me."

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Lichen Named After Obama

A newly discovered species of lichen - a plant-like growth that looks like moss or a dry leaf - has been named after President Obama. President says, "It's a start."

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Hero Ship Captain Coming Home

The Captain of ship seized by pirates to come home. May form new political party with Joe The Plumber, star in movie with Julia Roberts, compete on Dancing With The Stars.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Hitler Paintings Auctioned

Adolf Hitler's paintings 'go under the hammer' in Germany. Also, under the stomping foot and under the piss.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Shooter Laughed A Lot

Co-workers describe shooter as a joking family man. If fact, he was often heard laughing hysterically at finance reports.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Citigroup Reassures Shockholders

Citigroup posts better-than-expected results as it lost less than a billion dollars in the first quarter, reassuring all it's Shockholders.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Breakthrough

Philosophers at Oxford University researching 'The Meaning of Life', have revealed that indeed, the Hokey Cokey, is what it's all about.

written by Sweaty sock, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Queen Visits Auschwitz

The Queen will today visit Auschwitz Concentration Camp in Poland to honour those who died there. Her own cousin lost his life in the camp when he slipped and fell out of his guard tower.

written by Sweaty sock, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Wrestler Cures Cancer

Rico Rodriquez, Mexico's top masked wrestler has claimed to have developed a move to cure cancer. The Supremo-suplex is claimed to send vibrations through the body which destroy cancer cells. Arbiba!

written by Sonny Spitfire, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Watch out William!

Coronation Street's Ken Barlow, played by William Roache is due to face the wrath of God after saying that "Christianity is a brainwashing activity of the Church." Looks like you are on your own Ken!

written by IN SEINE, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Scottish police have Jedi

Strathclyde police are using no less than eight Jedi warriors in their fight against crime. "We were told to use the force!" They said.

written by IN SEINE, 17 April 2009
Rating:

Sounds A Little Fishy

WeBeCare Insurance Company, whose HQ's is in Turkey Trot, Arkansas, is being questioned by the FDA after their yearly breast exams were done at Hooters & why it's endorsed by a former U.S. President.

written by Bureau, 17 April 2009
« Mar 2009 April 2009 May 2009 »
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52
2nd
63
3rd
57
4th
49
5th
48
6th
54
7th
62
8th
47
9th
47
10th
46
11th
31
12th
35
13th
31
14th
44
15th
45
16th
50
17th
43
18th
40
19th
19
20th
35
21st
40
22nd
57
23rd
54
24th
47
25th
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26th
44
27th
56
28th
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29th
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30th
59
 

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