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Two-Headed Man Named Top FBI Interrogator

After 20 years as a double-agent, the FBI today named Gooden Meaney, reknowned for his 'good cop/bad cop' grilling techniques, as head(s) of its criminal interrogation unit.

written by Gary A Cain, Ph.D., 15 April 2009
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Obama - DC Debut

On his debut for DC United which saw him red carded on five minutes play for constant hand ball Obama said "I kept looking for a ten foot high hoop to net a slam dunk!"

Source - D.C. Sports Bog

written by iscrivener, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Porn Actor Jailed for Sexual Harassment

Talked dirty and groped female co-star. Offered lame excuse "I thought the cameras were rolling." Now called Buffy and starring in underground prison gay sex videos.

written by Gary A Cain, Ph.D., 15 April 2009
Rating:

Zamboni Navy to Rebuild Polar Ice Cap

At last week's meeting, the G20 announced the purchase of a fleet of floating Zamboni machines to rebuild the north polar ice cap in a desperate attempt to defeat global warming.

written by Gary A Cain, Ph.D., 15 April 2009
Rating:

Roto-Rooter to Offer Colonoscopies

To expand its business, Roto-Rooter announced a 2 for 1 offer of pipe inspection and in-house colonoscopy. Prompt treatment of blockages is promised with their dual-use FireHose vacuum snake probe.

written by Gary A Cain, Ph.D., 15 April 2009
Rating:

American economy worsens!

The American economy is getting worse day by day. It is noticeable that the Native American Indians are changing their casinos back into reservations.

written by norma snockers, 15 April 2009
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Diseases Making Comeback

London suffering from shocking rise in rare 'Victorian' diseases like the plague, scurvy, rickets and bad leech infections.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
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Cats speak out

Cats accuse Obama of prejudice for not having a "first Cat".

written by disciple, 15 April 2009
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Woman Suffers Burns

Woman hospitalized with burns to her face and neck after using an infomercial advertised Home Face and Neck Burner Kit.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Headmaster Watched Porn At School

Headmaster at Boris Johnson primary watched porn in his school office. Pleads that home computer was in for repairs.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
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Potholes Natural Speed Control

A council has made the astonishing decision not to repair potholes for a year because they're the original traffic calming measure. Next: Murderers could solve overpopulation!

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Enforced Holidaymaking

Thousands of British holidaymakers may be trapped for days as French fishermen blockade Channel. "We're using the old stiff upper lip and forcing ourselves to holiday a bit more", states 1 poor soul.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

The Burger Merger

Jack-in-The-Box Restaurant is merging with Big Boy Restaurant. The new restaurant name will be Big Boy-in-The Box.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

The M & M Eating Champion

A Boise, Idaho man won the M & M Eating Contest. Ty Zook ate 4,702 M & M's in two minutes. He was later disqualified when one of the judges, (a blonde) said half of the M & M's were actually W & W's.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Mexico's Illegal Alien Problem

Mexico says that the illegal alien problem is getting out of hand. They say that putting up a fence between Mexico and Guatemala is too expensive so they have opted for installing an aligator moat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Steve-O Voted Off Of "Dancing With The Stars"

Steve-O (of Jackass fame) has been voted off of "Dancing With The Stars." He told host Tom Bergeron that dancing was the most difficult stunt of his professional career.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

NASA's Next Space Station

NASA has decided to name the next space station after former Vice President Dick Cheney. NASA is looking for a January 2010 date for the inaguration of The Arrogant Dick Space Station.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Where's Macauley Culkin?

Police raided Michael Jackson's home. They reportedly found 10,000 Home Alone coloring books.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Fat Guy Nearly Smothers Richard Simmons

A really fat guy in New York City has seriously injured Richard Simmons after recognizing him on the street and tackling him before he could get away.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Flower Power

England have named ex-Zimbabwe captain Andy Flower as the man to oversee their bid to regain the Ashes. Flower: I'll whip these pansies into shape!

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Horrid Man Bites Playful Python

A Kenyan man bit a python who wrapped him in its coils and dragged him up a tree during a fierce three-hour struggle, police have told the BBC. PETA is already there and on the job.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Bad Phorm, Here! Here!

Amazon has said it will not allow online advertising system Phorm to scan its web pages to produce targeted ads, except for the genuine penis stretching ones.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Swiss Bank Changes

Switzerland's biggest bank, UBS, has said it will seek to cut costs by shedding 8,700 jobs, nationalizing all foreign accounts by next year.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Saudi Marriage Proposals

Saudi Arabia says it plans to start regulating the marriage of young girls, amid controversy over a union between a 60-year-old man and a girl of eight. "The male should be 55 or younger!"

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Iran With Another Proposal

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Iran has prepared new proposals aimed at resolving his country's nuclear dispute with the West. "But you must keep us in the news headlines in some other way."

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

French Blockade

Ferry operator P&O has cancelled all it's Dover to Calais crossings due to a blockade by French fishing boats using giant water-omelets.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Pirates Now Using Grenades

Pirates have used rocket-propelled grenades and automatic weapons to attack another US merchant ship off the coast of Somalia. Will Obama respond like Carter or Kennedy? Stay tuned.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Following Their Leaders

As a deep recession strips Americans of jobs, homes and investments, the 2009 U.S. tax season promises to see a large uptick in first-time delinquent taxpayers, esp. with half of DC not paying up.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

13-Year-Old Bank Robber

A 13-year-old boy who police say was caught red-handed a block away was accused on Tuesday of robbing a bank in Peoria of $100 and a whole box of free lollipops.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

South Finally On The Rise?

Don't Mess With Texas: Governor declares state sovereignty. Washington told to keep it's ass in Washington, DC. Other southern state leaders gathering in Richmond, Va.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Red Mercury for Sale - $60 per Kilogram

1998 Mystique in Toreador Red curb weight 1284Kg, hence $77040. Buyer collects.

written by Roy Turse, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Tom Watson MP in Libel Case

MP Tom Watson has hired solicitors Carter Ruck to defend him after allegations made during the 'Smeargate' controversy. Watson is to sue over the 'base slur' that he's a competent, hardworking MP.

written by Dungeekin, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Lesbian ants inhabit Amazon

Scientists have discovered a species of ant that inhabits the Amazon. It does not have the sex to reproduce but relies on cloning the Queen. Isn't life strange?

written by norma snockers, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Vanessa and Ashley's close friendship

Although the two are seen as best friends this relationship has always been seen as a little too close. Both girls exchange a lengthy kiss Tuesday at the "17 Again" premier in Hollywood.

written by VanessaBabyS, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Zanessa Fight

Zac Efron and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens spoke quite loudly over the phone claiming that they were tired of the paparazzi and their baby rumors, although sources close to them say, they're expecting.

written by VanessaBabyS, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Baby Shower for the Zanessa Clan

Zac Efron and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens are expecting baby number one, and while they are going out of their way to hide it from the world a baby shower is in fact in place for July 20th.

written by VanessaBabyS, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron are trying to hide the brunette's baby bump

Vanessa Hudgens and boyfriend Zac Efron are doing whatever it takes to hide the brunette's baby bump, clmaing their not expecting while the star is in fact two months along.

written by VanessaBabyS, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Nadine Dorries: PM Apology 'Not Good Enough'

Tory MP Nadine Dorries has rejected Gordon Brown's apology as 'unsatisfactory', pointing out it's written in felt-tip. Sources at No 10 said that Mr Brown isn't allowed sharp things.

written by Dungeekin, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Alien Arrested For Public Disturbance

Man in Vermont bookstore escorted out by police officer after knocking books from Sci-Fi section and yelling, "Those people wouldn't know an alien if I dangled my petals in front of their faces!"

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Woody Warned Again

Woody Allen told once again that it's "Take You Daughter To Work Day", not "Take Your Daughter To Bed Day".

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
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A Star Is Brung Up

Whole town of Boonesville, West Virginia turns out to welcome hometown star after her appearance on nationwide television infomercial audience.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Prez May Take A Rest

Barack & Michelle Obama plan vacation soon where they can relax and spend a few days just enjoying thinking up new ways of taxing and spending.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Saving Arctic Ice

Study: Massive emissions cuts can save Arctic ice. Old Farts told to stay indoors as much as possible as gas tends to go into their ceilings.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Demjanjuk Released

Feds release accused Nazi prison guard Demjanjuk after the old guy's leg falls off while they're carrying him from his house.

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
Rating:

Obama: Pitfalls Before Recovery

President Obama says 'pitfalls' ahead before economy recovers. "Oh there will be days when the streets will run red with blood & famine & disease epidemics, but by 2012, it will settle down."

written by Bureau, 15 April 2009
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