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Snow On Mars

In an unprecedented discovery, NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander has not only found snow falling from the clouds there, but has also built a "snowman" that looks just like the Phoenix Lander.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
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Revenge In NYC

Nerds at Columbia University are being questioned about a football player, with a diagram of flying by use of water balloons, were found on his flattened body in front of the Empire State Building.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Zimbabwe Winning

Robert Mugabe is very happy at the moment because his country are the current world-leaders in rising inflation. However this could all change next week.

written by IN SEINE, 30 September 2008
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Bernanke Begs Pelosi

Bernanke has begged Pelosi for 700 billion bailout while on his knees saying "Please!" according to one report, and also adding "and punish me for it hard and wear the spiked high heels."

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Debates May Get Personal

So far the race issue hasn't appeared during the McCain/Obama debates but reporters on the front row say they have heard whispers of "Oreo Cookie" and "Liver Spot!" while both candidates seated.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Virgin Galactic to offer skiing holidays

Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic tour company is going to offer skiing holidays on Mars. The news comes within hours of snow being discovered by the Phoenix Lander, currently on the Red Planet.

written by IN SEINE, 30 September 2008
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Liverpool Explosion

Police on the scene in Liverpool say that the large explosion there was not the work of terrorists but was caused by attempted cremation of a meth addict.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
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Baghdad Bomber

Suicide car bomber in Baghdad believed to be that of man who lost all but two of his virgins in a card game during the previous night.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Hart's Heart stops Art

83 year-old UK TV artist Tony Hart has had to give up his art because of his heart. "I've got a dicky ticker and you have to draw the line sometime." he said pensively.

written by IN SEINE, 30 September 2008
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Mars Money

The Phoenix spacecraft on its Mars mission has just found limestone, chalk, and silicate. It sure would be nice if it could find about $700 billion!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 September 2008
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Barney Frank, (D) Mass. in a snit over new accusations!

Pounding the speakers podium Barney Frank, chairman of the Finance Committee, screamed at the the Republican group before him. "Are you also saying I had intimate relations with Freddie Mac"?!

written by Leslie Mintz , 30 September 2008
Rating:

Obama Strategy

Barack Obama says he will once again try to get McCain to lose his temper during the next debate, although last Friday's "Your face looks like a fried monkey" came close.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Kentucky Man Loses Family Jewels

A Kentucky man claims surgeons removed his genitals without his consent. "Just cause I can't read not write doesn't mean I'd put my X on that there permit. I thought it was sumpin about unpluging me."

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Bush Speaks Plainly

President Bush finally gave a quick speech yesterday that everyone could understand: "We need an agreement and soon or the shit hits the fan at warp speed!"

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Obama/McCain Agree

Insiders say McCain lost points in Friday night's debate by agreeing with Obama that something has to be done about Larry Craig's toe-tapping in the Senate bathroom.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Coalition Offer

A new coalition of Mormans and the Vatican has offered Wall Street a couple of trillion dollars for free hunting rights to women and alter boys.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Brave Congress Continues Work Despite Distractions

The U.S. Congress plans to keep going over the finer points of the bailout today as New York City, Tokyo, London and Paris streets pile up with jumpers.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Letterman Keeps Up His Whining Ways

David Letterman keeps crying over John McCain canceling his appearance on his show. "What's more important here", stated Letterman last night, "the downfall of the world's economy or my ratings?"

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

No Bailout!

After the U.S. Congress voted against the bailout yesterday, a very angry House Leader, Nancy Pelosi yelled, "We need this bailout!" as police were leading members out in handcuffs.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Oldest crack rock found in Africa

Said to be 2.5 millions years old, it has a street value 5 do do eggs.

written by disciple, 30 September 2008
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Martian Mission

NASA's Phoenix spacecraft discovered bars made of chocolate. The treats were gathered up and labeled as...Mars Chocolate Bars.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Dow Plummets 777

"Leave It To Beaver" star Tony Dow was out mountain climbing when he fell 777 feet, but he's fine...not even a scratch.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 September 2008
Rating:

Gore On Wall Street

Al Gore told reporters in Nashville yesterday that the meltdown of Wall Street simply illustrates once more how far along we are in global warming.

written by Bureau, 30 September 2008
Rating:

John Birch Society Merges with Council on Foreign Relations

After years of antagonism, the Birchers bought the CFR for $87. The deal includes $9.8 billion in mortgages, plus a treasure trove of secret documents showing how the CFR has dominated the world.

written by Warren Redlich, 30 September 2008
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