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Rating:

Two Circuses To Merge

The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus has announced that it will be merging with The Media Circus. The new name will be The Clowns 'R' Us Circus.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 September 2008
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Ahadinejad on Larry King Interview: "OK, you can live!"

Reacting favorably to the chat show host's suckup interview, the Iranian Terrorist said he would amend the Fatua against Jews and leave him out. Relieved, King made plans to replace his 10th wife.

written by Morse, 25 September 2008
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Tennessee Women's Basketball Coach in Surgery after Coon attacks Lab

Team spokesman says, "it wasn't her dog, it was a classroom at the school...it also wasn't a raccoon, it was one of the Nappy Headed Ho's from Rutgers."

written by Jalapenoman, 25 September 2008
Rating:

Obama Proves He Can Multi Task/Accomplishes 3 Things at Once!

Plays with himself, jerks off the American public, and pats self on back simultaneously! NBC signs him to new Realty Show tentatively entitled "Monkey Business" with adoring host Chris Mathews.

written by Morse, 25 September 2008
Rating:

JAMA Report On ED

After months of experiments on volunteers, a group of sexologists report in JAMA that the latest herbal cure for erectile dysfunction is one big flop.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Dick Clark Confesses

After Clay Aiken came out of the closet early this week, Dick Clark has decided to come out of his coffin, just after sundown.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Legionaires Disease Claims Two More

The New York Post reported today that there has been two more victims of Legionaires Disease. This time it's Bouncing Boy and Phantom Girl.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Actor Robert Wagner admits in new autobiography he once considered killing Warren Beatty over Wood

"It had nothing to do with Natalie, it was just because he could get a bigger, longer, stronger Woody than me and the girls all liked his erections."

written by Jalapenoman, 25 September 2008
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Hawking Confession

Leading scientist and bestselling author Stephen Hawking admitted on Oprah yesterday afternoon that he is actually a Muppet.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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McCain Rushes Back To DC

John McCain has canceled Friday night's debate with Obama to rush back to Washington over the financial & housing crisis. "Remember, I got thirteen houses to protect", McCain told reporters.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Soho Petition

A group of New York City restaurants have petitioned the city to designate a section of Soho as a No-Fry Zone.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Gang Trouble Not Serious

Police in London say no one was seriously injured last night during a gang territorial dispute between the notorious Fabulous Fairy Godmothers and the nearly psychotic, Glamorous Gay Ghandis.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Iraq Completely Different

Before returning to Washington, John McCain told an audience Tuesday that things have completely changed in Iraq. "It looks completely different than my last visit, during the Ottoman Empire."

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Iran Ready For Anything

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad warned today that Iran is ready for anything, including an all-out nuclear attack. "We've got our virgins all lined up", stated the President.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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NBC Accused

NBC was accused today of making up outlandish headlines to draw more viewers, due to low Evening News ratings. The accusation came from FOX senior reporter, Geraldo Rivera.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Clay Aiken caught slipping Lindsay Lohan the sausage while she shows him her muffin

The pair breakfasted together at IHOP while waiting for interviews regarding their "coming out" announcements.

written by Jalapenoman, 25 September 2008
Rating:

NYC Street Arrests

Bootlegged CD's sold on New York City streets have turned out to be small flasks of homemade whiskey.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Borden's Employee Fired

Lonely employee who placed his own photograph on the back of milk cartons with his telephone number and e-mail address fired by Bordens.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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U.S. Business Schools Make DVD Required Viewing

"The China Syndrome" explains the current financial crisis better than Keynesian Theory.

written by Jill The Shill, 25 September 2008
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Gambling Seniors

Study finds senior citizens who gamble are healthier, happier, less worried about keeping home spotless, which they no longer own.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Texas Pollution Worsens

Air pollution over Texas is getting worse as 820,000 Texans, still without power, are holding two-week-long outdoor barbecues.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Politics For Dummies

Joe Biden was accused yesterday of running from the enemy and pissing his pants in World War II by the Not-So-Swift Boat Veterans.

written by Bureau, 25 September 2008
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Bush Adresses Nation on State of The Economy

Advises consumers to panic now and avoid the rush.

written by Kilroy, 25 September 2008
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M56 Motorway Closed due Road Sinkage.

Motorway is closed in both directions after a huge deep hole has appeared during the night. Cheshire traffic police are currently looking into it.

written by Rusty, 25 September 2008
Rating:

Unexpected Presidency Candidate

Obama will be competing with yet another candidate- capuchin monkey who goes by the name of 'Jack'. The primate has had several mutual nominations in the last week.

written by wellwitted, 25 September 2008
Rating:

Bush Confesses

Bush told the American people and the world that he wishes his parents had contrecepted more effectively!

written by Pointer, 25 September 2008
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