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Rating:

Hounddog, a movie about the rape of a 12 year old girl, finally comes to theaters after almost two years

"I don't understand all of the controversy about how exposing me to this type of scene should turn me off to sex," said young star Dakota Fanning from her maternity ward bedroom.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Richard Gere spotted buying mouse traps at local hardware store

No word if he has a rodent infestation in his home, or if he's just trying to catch escaping gerbils.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Katie Holmes, wife of Tom Cruise, makes Broadway debut

Said one reviewer, "The special effects in this performance were so good you almost couldn't see her leash."

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Heather Mills Donates $1 Million Dollars in Vegan food to New York Homeless

Gift from Paul McCartney's Ex rejected as they prefer dumpster diving, sewer rats, and soup kitchens to eating Soy Burgers.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Second Space Shuttle readied in case rescue mission needed

What happens if something goes wrong with that one too?

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Texas recovers from Ike hitting Galveston

Tina Turner says "Now you know what I used to feel like when he beat me up!"

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Obama, who said U.S. has 57 states, is asked to identify the extra 7

"Well, when I watch college sports, I see Boise State, East Carolina, Wichita State, Western Michigan, Weber State, Northern Arizona, and South Florida. You can't tell me they don't exist!"

written by Jalapenoman, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Age Is Just A Number

"My rich lovely wife Cindy is so darn good-looking she doesn't look a day over 57." -John McCain
(Actually, Cindy is 54)

written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 September 2008
Rating:

New Saudi Law

Saudi Arabia has passed a new law prohibing women from wearing too tight headware around her face and blatantly showing off her dimples.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Joe Biden Getting Pushy

Joe Biden tapped a reporter on the chest, Saturday saying "You need to work on your pecs". The reporter responded by pecking several hair implants off Biden's head.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Medication Recalled

The U.S. Food And Drug Administration has announced that the new Couch-Potato Syndrome medication from Bayer is mostly caffeine and is being recalled.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Huge Studio Fire

The filming of the Jerry Springer Special with Jeremiah Wright, Michael Richards and David Duke has been canceled after the Mother-of-all-Studio fires!

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Obama Shocked

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama received a shock yesterday when a Mormon researcher told him that John McCain's Aunt Clara was Obama's great, great, great, great great grandmother.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Surprise naming

Dennis Hopper has named his latest child Space.

written by Ben Macnair, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Space Hoppers

Astronauts have taken a load of Space Hoppers into the furthest reaches of space. Due to the lack of gravity, they do not actually work.

written by Ben Macnair, 20 September 2008
Rating:

What's up Doc?

A cartoon Character died today, after having his parachute replaced by an Anvil. The Police have arrested a somewhat sarcastic rabbit.

written by Ben Macnair, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Wrecks Near Channel

There was a major pile-up near the Channel Tunnel this morning as some idiot coyote had painted a fake entrance in a near-by hill. Beep! Beep!

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Palin Explains Sons Odd Behavior

Sarah Palin has admitted that her son is a cannibal. "You know how kids are in those difficult teenage years", Palin told George Stephanopoulas on ABC Evening News Saturday.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Tin Tin

Boy Detective Tin Tin has revealed that he was christened in a very echoey cave, and his name is actually just Tin.

written by Ben Macnair, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Good Life

Tom and Barbara Good, real-life inspiration for the chuckle fest The Good Life are set to sue for the BBC for the way in which they were portrayed.

written by Ben Macnair, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Housing Problem Hitting Wealthy Hardest

Poor housing investments are hitting the wealthy the hardest, reveals the New York Times. "Some are having to live out of their stretch limousines", stated the article.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Gore's New Movie

A new Al Gore movie is in the works that will show global warming's effects on witches tits, welldigger's ass and brass monkey balls.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Ron Paul Announcement

Presidential candidate Ron Paul announced this morning that he may run as an Independent on the "Party" Party ticket in November.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

More budget airline changes forecast

The UK 'No Frills' airline 'GO' is to be renamed 'GONE'.

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Vehicle Hi-Jacked

Police in New Jersey say that a vehicle bringing a new version of "Grand Theft Auto" has disappeared and believed to have been hi-jacked.

written by Bureau, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Scentific discovery

Scientists have discovered seven days without sleep make one weak.

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Cher to be cloned

Scientists are to clone singer/actress Cher. To tell them apart, they are to be called 'Cher and Cher alike'.

written by IN SEINE, 20 September 2008
Rating:

Il not ill?

A North Korean official said that Kim Jong Il isn't ill. He said "The comments were Il-l-timed, Il-l-considered, and were meant to do damage to our Il-l-ustrious & Il-l-uminating Leader."

written by PP Rega, 20 September 2008
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